


A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words, But All My Pictures of You Are Torn to Shreds.

by AkariHope



Series: Memory Album [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know why this is how I decided to comfort myself after S3, I'm Bad At Tagging, Rating May Change, Redemption, Slow Burn, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2020-08-20 08:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 83,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20224906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkariHope/pseuds/AkariHope
Summary: Catra finds herself haunted by the image of a young girl and the memories of a childhood she never had with her. She's fine, until she starts to realize that something doesn't add up. She knows things she shouldn't, and doesn't know things she apparently should. Her recollection and those of everyone else don't mesh. Those memories are where everything collapses, and where Catra decides to begin searching.





	1. My Memories Are Patchwork, You're The Stitching Holding Them Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man. I have not posted anything multi-chapter since the fanfic.net days. Or much of anything since then tbh. But this show is giving me life so I guess I'm doing this. Lmk what you think.

There were a lot of things that Catra hated. She hated cloudy days. She hated green tea. She hated stupid questions, and stupid people even more. If she had to sit through a boring conversation, she’d feel like she was imploding. Giving advice was near-synonymous with death to her. Honestly, she hated anything mildly annoying or troublesome, or anything bitter tasting. But there was definitely something she hated even more than all the other things combined.

A thought that had been creeping around the recesses of her mind since she could remember anything at all had been igniting itself in her once again as of late. She’d call it a memory, but everyone always told her she was making things up. It had never happened, according to them, but Catra could recall it clear as day.

That girl. Her vivid image always invaded her brain like an unwanted visitor. She could picture every bit of her appearance in excruciating detail. The way her hair didn’t quite all fit when tied back in a ponytail, so there was always a little strand hanging out. The little gap where her newly lost tooth was, so prominent in the big smiles she loved to give. The blue of her eyes…like the clearest of summer mornings, cloudless and a little unreal. They plagued Catra’s imagination any time she let herself pause for too long. The thought of her and the times Catra had played with her as a child.

Except they didn’t.

That girl didn’t exist. There wasn’t a single trace of her: no photos, no videos, no notes. Nothing. It sure didn’t help that Catra couldn’t remember her name either. Just this visceral feeling that she was a real person she knew. Even Scorpia, her kindest friend, thought she made her all up.

_You’ve never talked about her until recently,_ she’d said back in middle school. _And you don’t seem to remember what happened to her. Maybe you just thought you met her?_

It was true, Catra didn’t know. She couldn’t even say how old they were when she knew her. It really did feel almost like an imaginary friend she’d forgotten as she grew up. It wasn’t logical to believe those memories, she _knew _that, honest. And yet, she couldn’t quite dismiss them either. It felt like abandoning an integral part of herself, like something primal in her refused to let go of the smiling brat.

And she hated it.

Why the _fuck_ should she be clinging to some weird phantom thoughts? That was _weak, _and _pathetic_, and…

The idea made her bristle with malcontent. Those weren’t feelings Catra was particularly comfortable with, and getting lost in her own head like this definitely wasn’t beneficial. God, why wouldn’t she be messed up in her head, the _one_ place she should be able to find some kind of comfort…

“Catra? Hey, are you listening?”

Catra blinked, coming back to reality. She glanced around at the warm décor of the diner she sat in, the retro 70s-style wood wall paneling and brown vinyl booth seats greeting her eyes with ease. Scorpia occupied the seat across from her, the corners of her mouth downturned in mild concern. Typical for her.

“Sorry, spaced out. What were you saying?”

“Entrapta? She has that big robotics conference coming up on the 12th? She wants us to come with her.” Scorpia eyed Catra, assessing. “You’re not like this. Is something up?”

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

“You know you can talk to me, Wildcat.”

Ugh, that nickname. 22 years of existence, and Catra would never escape a single “cat” joke. If she had known her parents, she would’ve given them a piece of her mind about their shit taste in naming.

“Let me guess,” Catra said, eyes showing annoyed acceptance. “You won’t drop it.”

“It’s not healthy to keep things bottled up. I can tell something’s bothering you. You’re doing that thing.”

Catra raised an eyebrow. “What thing?”

Scorpia poked her jaw, bringing her consciousness to the fact that she’d been clenching her teeth for probably the past 10 odd minutes.

“_That_. You always do that when you’re upset.”

“You know, if you were anyone else, it would be creepy that you notice those sorts of things.”

“You’re trying to avoid telling me.”

Tch, Scorpia definitely wasn’t dumb. Catra debated with herself for a moment more.

“It’s just that thing again.”

The frown was quick to appear on Scorpia’s face. “You’ve been thinking about her a lot again, haven’t you?”

“Look, I know it’s dumb. I know.” Catra averted her gaze, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. “I don’t need you to tell me. She’s not real, she never was, it’s all just some weird fever dream I can’t let go of. I get it.”

Silence fell over them. Catra knew all the arguments and counterpoints by now. It was easier if she just agreed.

“I was actually thinking,” Scorpia started. “Do you believe in soulmates?”

Catra glanced her way, side-eyeing with no emotion. Soulmates. Funny. Even if they were real, what would make her worthy of one?

“Not really.”

Scorpia’s face fell. “Oh. Guess that’s not really your thing…”

Shit. Why couldn’t she get through a single day without fucking something up? Catra cleared her throat.

“But the idea’s…cute,” she said.

“I was just thinking maybe…you know?” Scorpia had a gleam in her eye. Whatever was going on in her brain, it was exciting to her.

“Pretty crap luck, getting only an image of a soulmate as a little kid.” Catra checked her watch. “Look, I’ve got an early morning tomorrow and it’s already past 11:00. I’ll catch you later.”

She scrounged in her wallet for a minute before putting $20 on the table to cover her meal. She stood and made to leave, but stopped at the tug on her wrist.

“What about the conference? It’s really important for Entrapta, I know she wants you to be there.”

Catra groaned. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there. The 12th, right?”

“Yeah!” Scorpia nodded enthusiastically. “Thanks, Wildcat.”

“Yeah. See you.”

After a particularly awkward ride home with a way-too-chatty-for-midnight driver, Catra gratefully unlocked the door to her apartment, trudged in without bothering to turn on the lights, and collapsed on her beat-up loveseat. She leaned her head back and let her eyes close. The exhaustion from the day was finally catching up with her, and she could’ve slept right there…

As though to spite her chances of sleeping, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out with a grunt and squinted at the too bright screen. The lone notification came from her messaging app. She tapped the offending icon with a grimace, hoping it wasn’t anything that needed her attention.

** _Lonnie:_ ** _ hey! found some old shit u left here if u wanna grab it. 2mrw work? **(12:17 AM)**_

Huh. Lonnie? Random. They hadn’t really hung out since high school. Catra didn’t even really remember having any stuff at her house, but it wasn’t the most unbelievable thing.

** _Catra:_ ** _ what shit? **(12:18 AM)**_

_**Lonnie:** idk, didnt snoop. want me to? **(12:18 AM)**_

_**Catra:** prob nothing important, so go off **(12: 19AM)**_

_**Lonnie:** lemme grab it. wtf is up with u btw? havent talked **(12:20 AM)**_

_**Catra:** just work and stuff. boring. hbu? **(12:20 AM)**_

** _Lonnie:_ ** _ bout the same. like one semester from getting my ba in business admin **(12:21 AM)**_

_**Catra:** that’s not boring. congrats **(12:21 AM)**_

Figures Lonnie would go into something like that. She was always a go-get-‘em type. She’d kill it in a field like that.

** _Lonnie:_ ** _ ha thanks. still gaffin? **(12:21 AM)**_

_**Catra:** no one says that. i’m a gaffer **(12:22 AM)**_

_**Lonnie:** w/e, that lighting crap **(12:22 AM)**_

Catra rolled her eyes. How hard was it to remember “gaffer”? Not like she was some incredible lighting designer. She did only work at a local news station. But hey, it’s a living and a foot in the door. She decided to mess around on her phone for a bit while Lonnie dug through whatever it was. She opened up Twitter, greeted by some inane discourse as per usual. The internet rarely changes.

After scrolling for a bit, she came across a picture Entrapta posted. It was her with her typical giant grin, standing next to a guy who looked strangely familiar. Catra squinted as she tried to place where she’d seen him before.

** _Lonnie:_ ** _ notebooks, a sketchbook, and a couple shirts **(12:25 AM)**_

_**Catra:** don’t care about the notebooks. what shirts? **(12:26 AM)**_

_**Lonnie:** mcr and avatar** (12:26 AM)**_

So _that’s _where they’d gone. Catra thought they’d vanished into thin air.

** _Catra:_ ** _ i’ll come grab those **(12:27 AM)**_

_**Lonnie:** the sketchbook too? **(12:27 AM)**_

_**Catra:** what’s in it? **(12:27 AM)**_

_**Lonnie:** basic shit **(12:27 AM)**_

After a pause for thought, Lonnie followed up.

** _Lonnie:_ ** _ oh wait. that girls in here **(12:28 AM)**_

_**Catra:** what girl? **(12:28 AM)**_

_**Lonnie:** that blond kid u kept talking about. theres a lot of her here **(12:29 AM)**_

Catra stared at the screen for a good while. She had completely forgotten about that…all those art classes she took, almost exclusively for that purpose. Something like that might not be the best for her mental stability right now…but…

** _Catra:_ ** _ yeah i’ll take that too **(12: 32 AM)**_

_**Lonnie:** thought u would. what time r u off? **(12:32 AM)**_

_**Catra:** should be around 4. that work? **(12:33 AM)**_

_**Lonnie:** yup. see u 2mrw **(12:33 AM)**_

_**Catra:** see you **(12:33 AM)**_

She closed the messaging app, only to be confronted again by the picture on Entrapta’s Twitter. This was definitely a weird night. She took a second to actually read the text:

_SUPER PSYCHED for the #IASTEM conference with @bow_n_arrow!_

Curious enough for some internet stalking, Catra tapped the unfamiliar handle and perused the new profile that popped up.

“Bow?” she wondered aloud.

Bow was an interesting name for sure, but more interesting was that Catra certainly knew she recognized him now. The question was from where. She opened her messages once more and pulled up Scorpia’s contact.

** _Catra:_ ** _ hey, you up? **(12:40 AM)**_

** _Scorpia:_ ** _ Woah, I thought you had an early morning? 0_0 What are you still doing up? **(12:42 AM)**_

** _Catra:_ ** _ look it’s important. the name Bow sound familiar? **(12:42 AM)**_

** _Scorpia:_ ** _ That’s Entrapta’s old robotics club friend from high school. They’re both studying STEM together. Don’t you remember? :/ **(12:43 AM)**_

Remember…no, Catra _didn’t _remember. And yet she knew this guy. Somehow, she was convinced they had met before. But definitely not through Entrapta.

** _Catra:_ ** _ you’re sure i met him? and Entrapta introduced us? **(12:44 AM)**_

** _Scorpia:_ ** _ Wildcat, you’re SURE you’re okay??? You’ve been really weird all day and I want to be supportive but you’re kind of scaring me. **(12:46 AM)**_

** _Catra:_ ** _ i’m fine Scorpia. just forget i asked **(12:46 AM)**_

She sighed and set her phone down on the table, diverting her gaze to the ceiling. She’d wasted her night on whatever bullshit this was instead of getting some quality sleep. And she had to be up in 4 hours. Normally that would be her cue to force herself to go to bed.

But now? Oh, now she was more than awake.

She didn’t know why, but Catra was positive this Bow knew something about that girl. It was a gut feeling that she knew was completely illogical. This whole thought process was. Why she chose today to be the day that she reopened the door for it, after _years_ of forgetting, of finally living in the moment instead of in some bizarre fantasy she dreamed up…well, guess she hadn’t moved on as much as she thought.

_Vulnerable, _she thought. _I’m still vulnerable._

The ceiling didn’t give any answers or words of wisdom, despite Catra’s frustrated glare. Maybe, though. Maybe she could get some from her “old friend”.

Summoning some late night bad-decision energy, she picked up her phone once again and started to type a message to Bow.

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _hey Bow. this is Catra. we went to high school together? **(1:03 AM)**_

Catra eyed the message with intensity. Not that she was really expecting a response this late. That didn’t stop anxiety from bubbling up inside her. Much to her surprise, a response popped up.

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _Catra! Hey, what’s up? Never talked much b4 **(1:05 AM)**_

** **

She bit the inside of her cheek. How exactly was she supposed to phrase this?

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _yeah, about that. i was wondering if you knew any blonde girls? **(1:06 AM)**_

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _That’s…p random. You trying to hook up? **(1:07 AM)**_

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _what? no **(1:07 AM)**_

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _Okay? Sooooooo why are you asking? **(1:08 AM)**_

** **

Catra groaned and pressed her hands over her eyes in frustration. Of course he wasn’t gonna just tell her about every blonde girl he knew.

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _i feel like there’s a girl i used to know that i can’t remember. think you knew her too **(1:09 AM)**_

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _Uhhhh maybe you mean Perfuma? **(1:10 AM)**_

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _no, not her. she was definitely way more pale. blue eyes. hair in a ponytail all the time **(1:10 AM)**_

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _Ponytail? Oh you prob mean Adora. I didn’t know you 2 knew each other **(1:11 AM)**_

** **

“Adora…” Catra choked the name out.

The sound gave her goosebumps. The image of that peppy little kid seemed so much sharper, clearer, more vibrant. She could hear her laugh, the way she said Catra’s name. One word in particular rang out loud and clear in her mind.

_Promise._

Catra’s trance was broken by the appearance of a new message.

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _You still there? **(1:13 AM)**_

** **

She shook her head as though to clear the thoughts and quickly typed out a response.

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _yeah, i’m here. **(1:13 AM)**_

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _how do you know her? **(1:13 AM)**_

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _I only know her thru Glimmer. They grew up in the same neighborhood **(1:14 AM)**_

** **

Glimmer? No, no, that wasn’t right. Why wasn’t that right? Why was that wrong? No chance Catra knew a childhood friend of _Glimmer_. Catra could barely stand that girl, why the hell would she know someone only through her?

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _she didn’t go to high school with us? **(1:15 AM)**_

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _No? I think she’d be in our yearbook if she had **(1:16 AM)**_

** **

Catra bit the inside of her cheek and hesitantly messaged:

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _can you send me a picture of her? **(1:18 AM)**_

** **

After a few minutes of radio silence, a photo popped up on her screen.

And there she was.

She was exactly like Catra always pictured her. Ponytail neatly done up, giant smile, sparkling eyes. She stood casually with an arm slung over Glimmer’s shoulders, her free hand resting on her hip. Confident and relaxed, completely at ease. She looked natural. She looked happy.

Catra’s heart felt like it skipped a beat. It also felt like someone had just stabbed her in the chest. The most intense, cacophonous rush of emotion washed over her like a tidal wave. The urge to smile played on the corners of her mouth as tears prickled behind her eyes and threatened to spill over at the tiniest change in movement. She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed down a sob. Gripping her arms as though to hold herself together, she found herself curling up to bury her face in her knees.

What the hell was happening to her?

What the _fuck_ was happening?

Sorrow so intense it felt like she would die. Happiness so pure it felt like she could live off of it for the rest of her life. Boiling fury that felt like she was being burned alive.

_You left me._

The words rang out in her head and Catra’s eyes snapped back open. They pushed away the storm for a moment of sick clarity, only to let it swarm right back in with new torturous thoughts.

Who left her? Adora? She didn’t even _know_ Adora.

But she knew that wasn’t true.

It couldn’t be. What kind of grown woman has a full-on breakdown over someone she’s never met? Either Catra needed a serious psychiatric evaluation, or there was something more there.

She took a few shaky breaths to help quell the absolute wreck of a state she was in. With trembling hands, she brought the screen into her vision. She needed to get in contact with her. If she could just meet this Adora, surely, everything would make sense.

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _is she on Twitter? **(1:34 AM)**_

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _No, she’s not really a social media type. I’ll ask Glim if she’s got any. Prob won’t get back 2 you til morning **(1:36 AM)**_

** **

Of course, she was going to be impossible to talk to. But that didn’t matter. Catra had a _lead_; a name and association were more than enough for her to go on. She saved the picture Bow sent to her phone and quickly forwarded it to Scorpia.

** _Catra: _ ** _Adora. her name is Adora **(1:38 AM)**_


	2. My Deductive Reasoning Says You're Probably Insane, Lucky For You I'm Full of Bad Decisions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra picks Scorpia's brain. Adora comes home to an unexpected message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally never expect an update within a day ever lol. But inspiration decided to work out, so yay. Thanks for the nice comments.

Catra ended up calling in sick that day. Being up until 2 in the morning having a sobbing breakdown wasn’t exactly the best way to kick off a 5AM start to the day. It worked out; her assistant was more than happy to fill in for the day. Good, the kid deserved a chance to do something for once.

Now finally feeling more human at 9:42 AM, she waited impatiently as she sipped a cup of “coffee” (it was half creamer, but she insisted that it counted). She glanced at her phone, then at the window by her door. Back at the phone. Back to the window.

Phone. Window.

Phone. Window.

Phone.

Window.

Phone…

As if deciding she deserved some sort of relief from her agony, she was greeted by a Twitter notification. She tapped it right away…only for it to be another tweet from Entrapta. Catra swore that she wasn’t ever _not_ online. It would almost be kind of cute normally.

_SOMEONE MAKE THESE FOR ME I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER_

Beneath that was a picture of some decadent looking pancakes, but of course held aloft on a gargantuan hand. Entrapta was both predictable and extremely passionate with everything she talked about. She’d never admit it out loud, but Catra actually found it pretty endearing. Even if it did get on her nerves when Entrapta couldn’t pay attention to anything that fell outside her special interests. But even that had a certain charm.

God, would Scorpia or Bow hurry it the hell up?

Scorpia agreed to meet at Catra’s apartment to figure out a game plan. That’s all it was. She was sure Scorpia would try and turn it into a pseudo-counseling session though. It’s not like Catra sounded super mentally sound at this point, so she couldn’t _really_ blame her for pulling a move like that. But no, Catra was going to be in charge, and they were going to figure out what the hell to do about this Adora bullshit.

And Bow was going to come through with some contact info. He _would_. If she really didn’t have any social media, she’d pry her phone number out of Glimmer. She’d go to her damn house if she had to. No way was Mr. Crop Top and Ms. Sparkle gonna get in the way of her finally finding the girl that had been plaguing her all her life.

…She should call Scorpia. This waiting in silence thing clearly wasn’t working.

Catra scrolled through to find her number and dialed it as she drummed her nails on the table. Not even one full ring in, Scorpia picked up.

“Wildcat! Hey! I’m on my way up!”

“Good.” Her voice sounded hoarse. She forgot to drink any kind of water after her late-night crying fit. “You remember the gate code?”

“Yep!”

That tone…

Catra gave her wall an exasperated look as she waited for the response she knew would be coming next.

“Ah…maybe I forgot.”

Catra sighed. “2-8-1-0-1-9-0-1.”

“Got it! Geez, how do you remember a code that long?”

How _did_ she?

Catra fell silent. Since when was that the code to her apartment complex?

“I guess I’m just used to it…”

“If you say so. Alright, I’m outside.”

Catra set her mug down and opened the door. Scorpia’s face featured her usual relaxed smile. How the hell was she so at ease with all this?

“So, this ‘Adora’ girl,” Scorpia said as she walked inside, plopping herself down in the chair across the table. “She’s actually real. She’s Glimmer’s friend, but didn’t go to school with us. But _you_ don’t like Glimmer or remember meeting her. So we’re figuring out how you know her. Right?”

Catra nodded and took her seat. “Yeah, that’s about it.”

“But you don’t actually know her, you only have weird vision-things.”

“Pretty sure they’re memories, but yeah.”

Scorpia closed her eyes in contemplation.

“And we’re sure it’s not soulmates?”

“Scorpia, get serious.”

“Okay, I totally am, but you have to admit this is pretty hard to explain without some kind of…what do you call it? When stuff works out super easily?”

Catra clenched her jaw, her lip curling up a little as though she were about to growl. “There’s no ‘deus ex machina’ in real life. Serious. Suggestions. _Only._”

“Yeesh, no need for claws. Deep breaths.” Scorpia looked in her eyes. “Okay. Is there anything else you remember, other than knowing her as a kid?”

“Kind of?” Catra crossed her arms. “Nothing solid though. Just some weird things.”

“Like?”

“Just words. ‘Promise’ and ‘you left me’. Like I said, nothing solid. Doesn’t even make any sense.”

Unexpected, Scorpia’s eyes widened. Something seemed to stir in her gaze.

“Left…that sounds…” She shook her head as though to clarify her thoughts.

Catra’s shoulders tensed. “Scorpia?”

“That sounds…_really_ familiar, Catra,” she said, giving her an earnest gaze.

Catra scanned her face in disbelief. Scorpia wasn’t the type to mess with her, but what the hell would that have reminded her of?

“If this is some kind of joke…”

“I’m serious, Wildcat. I don’t know why, but that really feels like something I know.”

“…You have them too,” Catra breathed, half-relieved, half-terrified. “Memories you don’t recognize. They feel like they belong to you but you don’t have a fucking clue where they came from.”

Scorpia gripped her hair. “Is this what you’ve been going through? Oh my _god, _I am the _worst_ best friend!”

Catra couldn’t help but snort. “Of course _that’s_ what you’re worried about. God, you’re so-”

She was cut off by Scorpia rounding the table in a second and picking her up in a bear hug. Catra squirmed and pushed against her arms futilely.

“Hey! Scorpia!”

“I’m _so_ sorry! I should have believed you!” Her lip trembled as her eyes grew watery.

“I’m not even mad at you! Now will you put me down?!”

With one last squeeze for good measure, Scorpia set her fuming friend back down on her chair. Catra coughed, cleared her throat, and smoothed her clothes.

“Okay,” she began. “What exactly do you remember?”

“I’m not sure.” Scorpia took her seat. “I just feel like I know about that. Adora leaving you.”

“What?!”

Scorpia raised her eyebrows innocently. “What?”

“What you said. Adora leaving me. How do you know it was Adora?”

“How should I know?”

Catra pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. Was this going to get them anywhere?

“Think, Scorpia. Think. What happened?”

She paused, scratching her cheek in thought. “I think…something happened between you two. And she left. Which is _definitely_ being a worse best friend.”

“Best friend?”

“You guys were…” There was an odd twist of pain in Scorpia’s eyes. “Right? That’s why I didn’t like her.”

Catra leaned closer and pressed. “You ‘didn’t like her’?”

“Yeah? What’s your poi-” Scorpia cut herself off as realization dawned on her face.

“You know her.” Catra felt like she was about to explode out of her skin. “We both know her.”

“Okay, yes, _maybe_, but how is that possible?”

“I don’t know.” Catra crossed her arms, digging her nails in gently. “Bow better come through with some kind of contact.”

And like clockwork:

** **

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _Catra! Heyyyyy, so Adora’s only on Facebook, but she like never goes on it **(10:19 AM)**_

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _of course. what’s her last name? **(10:19 AM)**_

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _Grayskull **(10:20 AM)**_

** **

“Grayskull?” Scorpia laughed. “What kind of name is that?”

“How should I know?” Catra frowned at the name. Grayskull, huh?

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _thanks Bow **(10:21 AM)**_

** _@bow_n_arrow: _ ** _No prob! **(10:22 AM)**_

** **

“Scorpia, you have Facebook, right?”

“Um, yes. But I don’t remember it.”

Catra groaned and handed her phone over. “Just get us logged in somehow.”

“Can do.”

She let Scorpia figure that bit out, laying her head on the table to give her a moment to slow down and think. Okay. So, Adora Grayskull. Childhood playmate and friend abandoner with a name straight out of some fantasy novel. What a combo.

Did she remember anything? If she knew Catra’s name, saw her face, would she react the same way? Would she even respond to any attempt to contact her?

“All set, Wildcat.”

Catra eagerly snatched the phone back and searched up Adora’s profile. Sure enough, there wasn’t a single post from the past year. What was there was mainly just other people posting pictures with her, parties and whatnot. Catra stared for a good while at a picture of her with Bow, doing finger guns at each other with goofy grins.

_Dorks._

“Sooo, you gonna message her?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Catra pulled up the messaging window.

** _Scorpia: _ ** _hey. this is Catra. i’m a friend of Bow’s. this may be a weird question, but have we met before? i feel like i know you from somewhere **(10:33 AM)**_

She hesitated before closing the app. She definitely shouldn’t expect an immediate response with this one. She spared a glance at Scorpia, who was peering eagerly over her shoulder.

“Let’s figure out something to do,” Catra said. “This could take a while.”

Adora pedaled up to her house after work. An easy smile settled on her face when she saw the driveway was still empty. Hopping off her bike, she lifted the garage door and carefully hung it up on the wall rack before heading on inside. She traipsed into her bedroom, dropped her backpack on the floor, kicked off her sneakers, and plopped down at her desk. She wiggled her mouse, rearing her desktop back to life.

_Alright, _she thought. _Time to nail this paper._

She logged herself in and opened a blank document. “The Presentation of Children in Media”. Adora definitely wasn’t the most ele…elegant? Elo…gah, whatever. She definitely wasn’t the best writer ever, but she made up for it with thorough research and passion. She could always Google synonyms to make herself sound fancier.

It was then that she noticed the little pending notification. She opened it up. Facebook? Woah, she half-forgot she even had an account. Probably just some picture…

Adora blinked at the message that stared at her. The account name said “Scorpia Ash”, but the message claimed to be from a “Catra”. Hm. She didn’t really recognize either of those names. She fished around in her bag for her phone and texted Glimmer.

** _Adora: _ ** _Hey Glimmer. Do you know a Scorpia or a Catra? Got a weird message on FB **(2:26 PM)**_

Glimmer was practically glued to her phone, so Adora wasn’t surprised when she got back immediately.

** _Glimmer: _ ** _srsly? That’s why bow asked? Ughhhhhhhh **(2:26 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _What’s this about? **(2:26 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _he was asking abt ur online stuff. I didn’t know he was giving ur info to HER **(2:27 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _Who are they? **(2:27 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _idk rly, just went to hs w them. I only know bc entrapta's their friend too. Catra was rly mean, scorpia was ok **(2:28 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _The account says it’s Scorpia’s but the message is from Catra. She thinks she knows me? Have I ever met her? **(2:29 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _not that I know. I cld ask bow for a pic? **(2:29 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _Yeah that’d be great **(2:30 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _kk, I’ll shoot it ur way **(2:30 PM)**_

** **

Not really the best for focusing. Adora tapped her foot and resumed her attempt at writing. Just hop right back in, no problem.

…Okay, big problem.

Her already limited attention-span was shot for the foreseeable future. She sighed and saved her measly 3 sentence paper, deciding a snack was in order. She poked her head out the door and checked for any sign of her mother. Finding none, she strutted to the kitchen with ease and pulled a bag of microwave popcorn from the cupboard. With it in the microwave, Adora was free to think about that message some more.

“Catra…” she wondered aloud.

She guessed the name sounded like something she’d heard before. Probably from Entrapta, if they were friends. Yeah, that was probably it.

With a soft ping, her phone lit up to show off Glimmer’s newest message. She pulled up the picture she sent through.

** _Glimmer: _ ** _scorpia’s got the short white hair, catra’s the brown hair **(2:38 PM)**_

** **

Adora stared for a bit. Scorpia looked both intimidating, and like the best hugger ever. Her undercut was pretty stylish, she had to admit. She had a soft smile that was kind of infectious. The shorter girl beside her, though, looked pretty much like she’d rather be anywhere else. Fluffy brown hair framed her face, where mismatched blue and yellow eyes glared at the camera.

Now _that_ Adora would remember. Not every day someone has yellow-y eyes, let alone different colors for each. The image made her skin prickle, but she ignored the sensation.

** _Adora: _ ** _Yep, definitely don’t know her. Thanks Glimmer **(2:39 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _no prob. Tbh I’d just ignore them, prob tryin to mess w u **(2:39 PM)**_

That part she wasn’t so sure about. She didn’t know either of these girls, but somehow she didn’t think they were the type to message someone random stuff for no good reason. The microwave beeped and Adora opened it, grabbing the piping hot bag right away and promptly dropping it on the counter.

“OW, okay, that was dumb…”

She shook out her hand and gave it another moment before picking the bag up with a little more caution this time. She returned to her room and took her seat. The message stared at her, almost daring her to ignore it.

She knew she _should_ just ignore it. Responding wouldn’t do much for her. Plus, she still had a paper to work on. And yet, she found herself typing out a response.

** _Adora: _ ** _Hi to whichever of you is reading this. I don’t think we’ve met before **(2:44 PM)**_

** **

Why did she do that? She couldn’t just let it be a weird one-off thing. Ugh, why was she like this?

** _Scorpia: _ ** _hey, this is Catra again. are you sure? **(2:45 PM)**_

Adora’s brows furrowed in confusion. Maybe Catra reminded her of someone a _little_, but she was still pretty sure they’d never seen each other in real life.

** _Adora: _ ** _Yeah? What’s this about? **(2:45 PM)**_

** _Scorpia: _ ** _sorry i know it’s random. i just could’ve sworn we knew each other from somewhere **(2:46 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _You’re pretty unique-looking, I think I’d remember you. **(2:46 PM)**_

** _Scorpia: _ ** _how do you know what i look like? **(2:47 PM)**_

** **

Shoot. Crap, why did she say that? Adora gnawed on her lower lip. Was the truth too weird? Catra was the one who sought _her_ out, after all.

** _Adora: _ ** _Glimmer sent me a picture. **(2:49 PM)**_

** _Scorpia: _ ** _and you’re sure i don’t look familiar? **(2:50 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _Pretty sure **(2:50 PM)**_

** **

The typing icon hovered there for a good few minutes. Whatever she was trying to say was either way too long to read or took way too long to think of. Adora was tempted to just close the window. But something kept her there. Morbid curiosity pooled in her stomach.

She’d admit, _something _felt familiar about Catra. Not really like they’d met, but Adora didn’t have a better way of describing it. It was almost like Catra was in a dream she had but couldn’t recall. Those vibrant blue and yellow eyes were haunting, yet oh-so-intriguing. They felt cold and unfamiliar, but also warm and welcoming. It would be easy to say that it was only because Adora had never seen any like them before. But deep down, she knew that wasn’t right.

She knew those eyes from somewhere.

Finally, a quiet ding announced the arrival of the new message. Adora hesitantly turned her eyes to it.

** _Scorpia: _ ** _you promise? **(2:54 PM)**_

** **

_Promise._

The word rang through Adora’s head like a gong struck right beside her ear. Before her brain caught up, she felt a warm trail of water trailing from her left eye.

She was…crying?

Adora slowly brought the palm of her hand to her cheek, rubbing away the moisture. To her relief, her tear ducts seemed to spare her a full cry. The strangest emotion flooded her chest. There was something melancholy about it: no definitive cause, but sad and empty feeling all the same.

“Adora?” Her mother’s voice from the other room was quick to rouse her from her fit. “Are you home yet?”

“Yes, I’m in my room,” she called out as she muffled a sniffle.

“Good. We’re going to dinner with the Salineas this evening. Be ready to leave by 5.”

Adora frowned. “I have a really important paper to write, mother…”

“That was not a request, Adora.”

She winced at the familiar tone. “I’ll be ready.”

“Good.”

Adora listened to her mother’s footsteps as they came closer, then faded as she made for her own room. She sighed a little in relief. The far-too-short, far-too-emotional message dauntingly stared at her from the monitor. One hand resting on her stomach, appetite completely shot and sickness rising inside, Adora used her free hand to pluck out a slow response.

** _Adora: _ ** _Can we meet tonight? **(3:07 PM)**_

** _Scorpia: _ ** _when and where? **(3:07 PM)**_

Adora closed her eyes. This was a terrible idea. Absolutely horrible. Probably the worst decision she’d made in months. Maybe bad decision of the year.

But she needed answers, and Catra seemed to know something.

_Please, know something._


	3. The Heart Wants What It Wants, Too Bad Mine Is On Lockdown.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Scorpia go to Lonnie's place, and Lonnie offers some words of wisdom. Adora navigates dinner with her mother and the odd couple of Mermista and Jeoff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so nice??? I'm honestly really surprised. Thanks.
> 
> For transparency:  
-Jeoff is also Sea Hawk's name in the original  
-Beatrix is Shadow Weaver's

The Salineas family was more of a couple, really. Adora had never met them before, but her mother’s marketing consultations helped their company take off. In other words, they were an important pair to please. Which meant dressing up.

Adora frowned at her closet. Despite most of her wardrobe consisting of jeans, t-shirts, and workout-ready outfits, she did actually own a fair amount of nicer clothes. Things her mother had bought specifically for occasions such as this, and all way too uncomfortable for Adora. Dresses and skirts just…put her a little on edge. Partly since she was so used to pants, partly since she felt they didn’t suit her. “Girly” wasn’t really the word she’d pick to describe herself, and all her formalwear was definitely more in that vein.

_Knock, knock._

“Adora? Are you almost ready?”

Crap.

“Uh, yes! Just about!”

Without warning, her mother opened the door and waltzed right in. Adora looked down sheepishly, still in her work clothes.

“Oh, honestly, Adora,” her mother began, resting a hand on her shoulder. “I can’t ever trust you to figure things out on your own, can I?”

Adora flinched and resisted the urge to pull away from the touch. “Sorry, mother…”

The hand moved from her shoulder to her hair, still tied up in a ponytail, and ran its fingers through the length. It was gentle, almost tender. The long nails scraped delicately along her neck, an unintentional little touch.

“My dear, you need to relax.” Her mother grabbed a hanger from the closet and shoved it into Adora’s hand. “There. Get dressed and meet me in the living room in 15 minutes. I will come back if you’re not out there by then.”

“Yes, mother,” Adora responded with a miniscule smile, gaze not quite meeting hers.

Her mother finally withdrew her hand and left the room. Adora gratefully, quietly, closed the door and let out a shaky sigh, thanking whatever luck she had that it wasn’t worse. Trying not to think too hard about it, she got herself dressed and put her phone in her pocket. At least that was one good thing about this dress.

She gave herself a look in the mirror. Not as bad as she thought. She took a deep breath as her feet carried her out the door into the living room, where her mother waited. She appeared relaxed and gave Adora what she assumed was supposed to be an affectionate smile.

“There you go. Don’t you look lovely?”

“Thank you, mother.”

Her mother’s smile faltered at the stiffness in her tone. “Come, lest we be late.”

Catra rapped her knuckles against Lonnie’s front door. Scorpia stood awkwardly behind her,

“Lonnie and I never really got along super well, you know…” she said as she shuffled her feet. “I mean, we didn’t talk much, but I always got the feeling she didn’t really like me…”

“Trust me, she probably likes you more than me. And I need you for tonight.” Catra looked over her shoulder at her. “You’re the only other person I can trust with this.”

Oh _god_, that was a mistake. She could practically _hear_ the “I love you” energy radiating from Scorpia. Or maybe that was the excited squeal she tried and failed to contain.

“God, _stop_ that.”

“I didn’t say anything.” Scorpia sounded like she’d won the lottery.

Catra grimaced and knocked again, more impatient. “Lonnie, you there?”

They could hear a muffled yell in response. After a minute, Lonnie stood there with a nonchalant smile.

“Hey, Catra.” She glanced at Scorpia. “Oh, you too, Scorpia? Well, come in. Make yourselves at home and all that.”

The pair walked in and Catra’s eyes roamed the living room. Lonnie’s house always brought back a lot of memories, as one of the only people Catra had known since childhood. Wrestling around in the living room together, tackling each other in the backyard, Lonnie’s dad teaching the two of them self-defense…

Huh, lots of physical stuff. Guess that made sense for them.

“Here you go.” Lonnie offered up a small bag. “Shirts and gay pining sketches.”

Catra’s eyes narrowed. “They are not ‘gay pining’ sketches.”

“She says as there’s almost nothing but that blonde chick.”

“Adora,” Scorpia corrected.

Lonnie gave pause to spare a raised eyebrow. “Adora? You gave her a name?”

“No, that’s her real name.” Scorpia smiled. “We’re meeting her tonight.”

“Catra, what the hell’s she on about?”

Catra covered her eyes in exasperation. “It’s a long story, but she’s a real person. It doesn’t really matter, okay?”

“Like hell it doesn’t matter!” Lonnie looked almost offended, lips pressed together and nose scrunched up. She tossed the bag on a nearby chair and put her hands on her hips. “You’re gonna try and tell me that your weird imaginary friend suddenly becomes real and it doesn’t matter? What do you take me for, Catra?”

Catra dropped her hands, giving her an innocuous stare. Scorpia suddenly decided she found her jacket zipper fascinating.

“So, talk to me,” Lonnie implored. “What is going on?”

“I…I don’t know,” Catra admitted. She couldn’t quite meet her eyes. “It’s not like it makes sense to me either. I just know that she’s real.”

“So you actually knew her as a kid? She remembers you?”

“Well, not exactly…” Scorpia brought the tips of her index fingers together like she was trying to gather her thoughts. “I remember her too. But as, like, an adult. Or at least way older than Catra remembers. It’s almost like we all just forgot.”

Lonnie crossed her arms. “You _do_ realize you both sound crazy. Like, totally insane.”

“I thought so too! But I think there’s gotta be _something_ to it.”

“Like what?”

“I mean, I only remembered after Catra said ‘you left me’. It’s like…” Scorpia trailed off, seemingly searching for the right words.

Lonnie deadpanned. “Like what?”

“There’s like…a word for it…”

Lonnie side-eyed Catra. “You got any idea?”

Catra’s shoulders tensed at her flippant tone. “Just let her think.”

“Don’t know if I want to wait for-”

“Trigger words!” Scorpia beamed. “That’s it. It’s like we have words that trigger the memories. It’s like a secret agent movie!”

“Secret agents, huh?” Lonnie snorted. “Cute. But for real.”

Scorpia’s face fell. “We’re serious, Lonnie. Please, just listen.”

“You two have to know this doesn’t sound even remotely real.”

“We didn’t say it does, but it’s the truth. Lonnie-”

“Forget it.” The two turned to face Catra, surprise evident on their faces at her interjection.

“Wildcat, are you…okay?”

One look at her was enough to give Scorpia her answer. Catra’s eyes were steady, but something in them was _wrong_. Too wide, too blank, too…_unhinged_.

“Hey, she wasn’t trying to upset us,” Scorpia feebly attempted.

But that did it.

Catra snatched the bag up from the chair and clenched her jaw and fists; her nails dug into her palms. She practically snarled, lip curled up in distaste and teeth bared.

“It doesn’t fucking matter! If you want to call me crazy, just say it!”

“Catra…” Lonnie blinked, dropping her arms. “Hey, I didn’t mean-”

“Like hell you didn’t!” Catra took a predatory step toward her. “Don’t you _fucking _lie to my face! I get the fucking picture! You’ve been telling me that I’m making shit up for _years_! Like I can’t tell that you think I’m lying my ass off!”

“Catra, I’m not-”

“_Shut up_!” She slammed the side of her fist into the wall. Despite her shorter stature, Catra dwarfed Lonnie as she leaned over her. “I am so _sick_ of being seen as some fuck up! I’m not taking this shit from you! I’m not gonna let you think I’m a failure!”

“Catra!” Scorpia grabbed her from behind and held her aloft, keeping her arms pressed into her sides. Catra struggled against her grip, practically hissing.

“Let me go! I’m not going to-!”

_Slap!_

It took her a moment to register the impact of Lonnie’s hand against her cheek. Catra turned her head back toward her. Lonnie was _fuming_. She grabbed the front of Catra’s shirt and yanked her down so they were eye-to-eye.

“Look, Catra.” Her voice was calm, but the fury behind it was palpable. “I am _not_ your enemy. I am your _friend_. I’m gonna give you one more chance to explain what the fuck is happening, but I am _not _going to sit here and let you go feral on me.”

“…Whatever.”

“Uh-uh. We’re not doing ‘whatever’. I wasn’t listening before, but I’m saying I will now. I’ll take everything at face value. But. You. Have. To. Calm. _Down_.”

Catra met her furious eyes with resignation. A painful silence fell over the room. Deafening. Suffocating. Her ears rang from the freshly soundless environment, quiet enough to be barely audible, loud enough to be maddening.

She knew this was a battle she wasn’t going to win.

“Fine. I’m calm. Scorpia, put me down.”

Scorpia hesitated, but did as she said. Lonnie sighed and took a seat on the couch, crossing her legs.

“So, ‘trigger words’ for this memory stuff,” she started to reorient. “Any idea how it works?”

“Not really.” Catra plopped down on the floor and leaned back against the wall. “You know I only knew what Adora looked like. When Bow told me her name, it started to come to me.”

“So it really all comes from her?”

“I guess? Not like I’m an expert.” Catra let her eyes slip closed. “Then he sent me a picture of her. Wouldn’t say I remembered anything, just got the words ‘promise’ and ‘you left me’.”

“A picture? So it doesn’t always have to be a word?”

Catra shook her head. “How should I know?”

“Okay…” Lonnie paused and looked over at Scorpia. “You were saying you’re meeting this girl tonight?”

Scorpia nodded. “Yeah. At Razz’s.”

Lonnie pursed her lips as she considered her next words. “I don’t know if I believe all of that. Not sure I believe _any _of it. I’m not gonna try and tell you what to do. But Catra?”

Catra opened one eye to a squint. “Yeah?”

“Don’t make this into some huge thing. For your own sake.”

“Lonnie?” Scorpia’s brows furrowed. “But this _is_ a big deal. I mean, she’s finally gonna meet-”

“Someone she doesn’t really know,” Lonnie interrupted. “There’s enough about it to be strange. But ultimately, you don’t know anything about this girl. I don’t want you to make this into a ride or die thing. You’ll just end up disappointed.”

“That’s…” Catra hugged her knees into her chest. “You wouldn’t…you wouldn’t understand. Everything here, it…it’s not…”

“See? You can’t even really tell me why this is such a big deal. I know you think it’s important. But I’m just saying you should be prepared to be disappointed.”

“I didn’t ask for your advice.”

“Yeah, but as a friend you don’t get a choice.” Lonnie stood and moved in front of Catra, kneeling beside her. “Look at me, Catra.”

Slowly, she did. Lonnie’s expression was relaxed, with concern and comfort in her eyes. It was oddly affectionate for her. Catra’s face softened as she began to speak.

“I don’t want to see this ruin you. I don’t want this to make you miserable forever if it doesn’t go well. So promise me you won’t get your hopes up?”

_Promise._

“…Yeah. I promise.”

The restaurant was surprisingly toned down for her mother’s usual taste. Still ludicrously priced, but ever so slightly less so. The high ceilings and dark wood beams gave it an air of sophistication, but the minimalistic décor made it feel casual enough that it wasn’t uncomfortable. Adora trailed behind her mother, her hands balled into loose fists, up to a private booth. The high-backed seating secluded the table from view until someone was right in front of it.

The Salineas were already seated, looking…_different_ to say the least.

The woman, whose name was Mermista if she remembered right, had her elbow propped on the table, chin held in her palm. To put it as politely as she could, Adora would describe her facial expression as saying, “I would literally rather be dead than be here.”

Her companion, meanwhile, was absolutely thrilled. He gave Mermista the most adoring eyes with unbroken attention. It was hard to tell if he was just oblivious to how perturbed she was, or if there was something that Adora didn’t know.

Either way, Adora had to stifle a laugh.

The man gave her mother a giant smile. “Ah, Beatrix!”

“Oh. Hey,” Mermista greeted with a stagnant expression.

“It’s a pleasure, as always.” Beatrix gestured to Adora. “You two have met my daughter before, yes?”

“Uh. Did we?” Mermista looked her up and down. “Don’t remember.”

“Ah, yes, Adora!” The man stood and took her hand, shaking it with vigor. “Yes, hard to forget a lady quite like you!”

“Adora, right,” Mermista said through a yawn. “Adorable.”

“Oh, uh, thank you, Mermista and…um…” Adora trailed off.

_Crap_, she didn’t know his name.

She jumped as her mother’s hand found itself on her back. Adora felt herself tense, but was surprisingly relieved as she spoke.

“Careful, Jeoff. She’s a delicate one.”

Jeoff, right. Adora offered a smile with renewed confidence.

“Thank you, Jeoff.”

“Ah, but of course!” He didn’t even notice the lapse in memory. “Please, have a seat!”

Adora paused, hoping her mother would slide into the booth before her. Beatrix gave her a look out of the corner of her eye that was innocent enough. Reluctantly, Adora got herself seated on the inside. Her mother got situated beside her; Adora gripped the upholstery and gave a polite upturn of her mouth to the couple across from her.

“So, what is this about again?” Mermista asked as she took a lazy sip from her drink.

“Must we go straight into business?” Jeoff frowned. “Surely we could relax a spell first.”

Mermista rolled her eyes. “Ugh. Sure.”

“You two are as lively as ever.” Beatrix gave a smile, poised and collected. “Tell me, have we a date for the big day?”

“Oh, _yes_!” Beaming, Jeoff’s eyes sparkled. “Next September! It only made sense to have it between our birth months, symbolizing the beautiful union of our hearts into one culmination of pure love!”

“Uhhhhh. It was the only time the majority of our guests could come.” Despite the scolding, Mermista’s cheeks were certainly flushed.

“Yes, that too. But _mainly_ the pure love bit.”

“Well that’s just wonderful. Congratulations again.” Beatrix signaled over a nearby server. “We’ll all have the tasting menu. And a round of champagne, if you will.”

“Of course, ma’am. Right away.” The server gave a little bow of his head before retreating to the kitchen.

Adora attempted to slyly check the menu to see how overpriced it would all be.

Oh, great. There weren’t even any prices. This sort of lifestyle was so uncomfortable. She had no idea how anyone could just have something like this regularly.

“Excellent choice,” Jeoff approved with a nod. “What about you? How have the two of you fared?”

“Very well. Adora is about to graduate with her bachelor’s.”

“Ah, a cultured young lady.” He smiled. “What are you studying?”

Adora blinked. “Um. Sociology.”

Jeoff let out a hearty laugh. “Well, I wouldn’t say I expected that! Do you want to go into social work?”

“Yes, actually.” Adora felt her forced smile turn relaxed. “Adoption.”

“Noble indeed.”

Huh…her mother’s clients usually didn’t have any interest in her life. It was odd, but welcome. Refreshing.

“She’s always been quite the philanthropist,” Beatrix clarified.

_Philanthropist? No, what?_

“Not so much…” Adora hesitantly started. A sharp look from her mother was all it took to stop that line of conversation dead in its tracks.

Adora lowered her gaze to her lap.

_…bzzz…_

The faint vibration against her leg was only barely noticeable. Adora glanced around for a clock of some kind. It wasn’t time for them to meet yet, was it?

_…bzzz…_

Another? Maybe it wasn’t Catra?

Now she really needed to know.

“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”

Her mother gave pause before standing to let her out. Adora attempted to look casual as she made a beeline for the bathroom. She entered and locked herself in a stall, quickly fishing her phone from her pocket.

** _Bow: _ ** _Hey, can I ask something? **(5:59 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _Did you ever message Catra back? **(6:00 PM)**_

** **

Of _course_ Glimmer told him about it.

** _Adora: _ ** _Yeah **(6:02 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _What happened? **(6:02 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _I don’t want to say a lot right now, but I’m meeting up with her **(6:03 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _What? You’re MEETING her? **(6:03 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _I can’t really talk. At dinner. Promise I’ll explain later. **(6:04 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _Glimmer’s def holding you to that **(6:04 PM)**_

Adora pocketed the phone and headed back out. She really shouldn’t have expected anything else. Those two were terrible with secrets in general, but especially with each other. She wasn’t even sure if they ever actually _tried_ to keep secrets between themselves.

Adora seated herself on the inside of her mother once more as the server returned with a large tray. Four neatly poured glasses of fizzy alcohol and an overwhelming number of plates with various foods that Adora had no clue how to identify were arranged upon the table.

“Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything else,” the server reiterated as he scurried off to the next table.

Mermista finally looked somewhat engaged with food in the picture. She snapped a quick photo of the meal and started looking for a good filter.

Adora started on some sort of…well, it looked like a Swiss roll, but it had mushrooms? Whatever it was, it was savory and actually not bad. Most of the time these types of restaurants weren’t very tasty, so it was a welcome relief.

Or it _was_. Adora could feel her phone going off again, but a call this time. She knew it had to be Glimmer. She was always bad with “later”.

“Oh, look darling, seabass and squash blossoms.” Jeoff took Mermista’s hand lovingly. “Your favorite.”

Mermista didn’t meet his eyes, embarrassment evident. “I know what my favorite things are.”

The call finally stopped, but was shortly followed by the buzz of a message.

Beatrix took a languid drink, and opened her mouth to speak when her phone rang. She pulled it out and gave it an annoyed glare.

“Apologies, I must take this. I shall return.”

As soon as she couldn’t see her mother anymore, Adora grabbed her phone, frustrated.

** _Glimmer: _ ** _adora!! wth? R u actually meeting catra? I told u theyre just messing with u!!!! **(6:13 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _I already told Bow I can’t talk. I’ll explain **(6:15 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _u shouldnt b around her! She’s no good! **(6:16 PM)**_

“Adora? Is everything alright?”

Adora looked up from her screen to see Jeoff’s concerned expression.

“Yeah, just a friend being worried about me.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Adora stayed silent. Maybe an outside opinion would help her clear her head. But this was a bad place, and even worse time.

“I know we’re not exactly close,” Jeoff said, “but I’ve been told I am a very good listener.”

“That’s actually true,” Mermista agreed. “So, talk.”

Adora’s leaned her head out. Her eyes darted around for her mother. Seeing her through the window, still focused intently on her call, Adora relaxed and took a deep breath.

“It’s…kind of a weird situation,” she started. “Basically this girl, Catra, messaged me saying she thought we’d met. And I don’t think we have, but I also kind of think maybe we did, and…I sound crazy, don’t I?”

“Adora. I work with your mom,” Mermista deadpanned. “Unless you sound like her, you’re not crazy.”

“That’s…weirdly nice.”

Mermista nodded in acknowledgement. “So what’s the rest of the deal?”

“Long story short, I’m supposed to be meeting her tonight, and my friend is upset about it.”

“Ooh, how dramatic!” Jeoff cooed. “A star-crossed encounter! A jealous friend!”

“Uh, no one said it was romantic.” Mermista quirked her lips into a frown. “But it does kind of sound romantic.”

“It’s _not_.” Adora tried to keep her face neutral. “Look, can I get your honest opinion? Do you think I’m being dumb?”

The two paused for thought.

“Let me ask you something,” Jeoff said. “What does your gut say?”

Her…gut?

That wasn’t something she often listened to. Gut instinct was dangerous. It led to hasty decisions: ones that coaxed her mother into disciplining her.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly.

“Then ask it.”

Adora blinked at that, but Jeoff’s grin of encouragement was too genuine to just ignore. She closed her eyes and, for once, invited that reactionary side to speak its piece.

“…Something makes me trust her.” Her eyes slid back open.

Mermista pointed a finger at her. “Then listen to yourself. Trust in your own judgement.”

“I…thank you. Both of you. So much. Just please, don’t mention this to my mother. If she knew…”

“I know.” Mermista gave her a knowing look. “Like I said. I work with her. I know.”

“Our lips are sealed!” Jeoff winked in confirmation.

Adora gave a grateful smile just as her mother rejoined them.

“My sincerest apologies once again. So, shall we discuss our advertising campaign for next quarter?”

Adora let herself tune out as the three of them talked business. The occasional looks from Mermista and Jeoff didn’t go unnoticed by her.

It was…reassuring.

For the first time, she had someone who understood her mother in the same way. She had an ally in enemy territory.

Adora returned home with her mother a little past 7:00. They were meeting at 8:00.

_Time to get in gear,_ she thought.

She yawned, holding her hand over her mouth to muffle it.

“I’m pretty tired, mother. I think I’d like to sleep early tonight.”

“A word, first.”

“What is it?” Adora asked, already knowing.

Her mother gripped her chin tightly, tilting her head up to look in her eyes.

“Your behavior was less than adequate. Do you have no regard for our reputation?”

“I’m sorry, mother.” Adora winced at Beatrix’s nails digging into her skin. “I’ll do better.”

“That had better be a promise.”

_Promise._

“Yes, mother.”

Beatrix released her. “Good. Now go rest.”

Adora nodded and gave her best tired trudge back to her bedroom. Once safely inside, she peeled off the dress, got herself back into the comfort of jeans and a sweatshirt, and slung her backpack over her shoulders. Careful not to make a sound, she cracked the window and climbed outside.

She crept along the side of the house, sticking close to the wall so as not to trigger the security lights. Once safely out of their range, she started her trek along the sidewalk. No way she’d be able to make it into the garage, so she was stuck on foot. Lucky, the meeting point wasn’t far.

It only took about a 30-minute walk until she was staring at what looked like a building version of a time capsule.

“Razz’s Diner” was proudly displayed in neon, and the whole place looked like it was stuck in the 70s. Adora walked in the front door and was greeted by a mix of a green paintjob and wood wall panels. The floor looked like it may have actually been around 50 years old, the checker pattern faded and in desperate need of refurbishing. A jukebox sat beside the counter.

It was a _lot_. But Adora kind of loved it.

“Welcome, dearie.” A woman whose eccentricity matched and possibly overshined the diner’s waved her in from the register. “Anywhere you like!”

“Thank you,” Adora said with a polite smile.

She had her pick of the place, since she was the only one inside. Odd for a diner to ever have down time like this, she thought. She situated herself at a table near the back, one of those half-booth half-chair type seating arrangements. She slid into the booth side and checked her phone.

7:48.

Soon.

Adora closed her eyes, bracing herself for…whatever it was that was about to go down. Would it be underwhelming? Overwhelming? Would she even show? Her brain went into overdrive, thinking through every possibility. She got so consumed; she didn’t even notice by the time someone was standing right beside her.

“Ahem.”

Adora’s eyes shot open and flitted up to meet a mismatched pair.

“Hey Adora.”


	4. Some People Say Stars Can Predict The Future, But How Does That Work When I See it in Your Eyes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer is not amused that Adora is meeting her arch-nemesis. Catra and Adora discuss their strange circumstances.

“What do you _mean_ she’s meeting her?!”

Glimmer shot up from her seat on the floor, throwing her hands in the air. She plopped her hands down on her head and gripped onto her hair as she began to pace the room.

“Bow! What do we do?!”

Bow was still fixated on his screen. “Maybe it’s nothing? I mean, she _is_ Entrapta’s friend, so she can’t really be as bad as you think.”

“Of course she is!” Glimmer stopped and put her hands on her hips. “She’s so…ugh! I don’t want Adora around someone like that!”

“I never thought she was that bad…”

Bow looked up to be greeted with Glimmer’s hard gaze.

“This is serious!”

“Look, I really don’t think Catra means anything bad,” he tried to reassure her. “She’s got a few screws loose, sure, but she’s pretty cool. I _have_ actually hung out with her before.”

“Sure, but she bullied me all throughout middle school.”

“_Middle school_, Glim. People change. Middle-school-anyone is the worst version of themselves.”

“She _didn’t_,” Glimmer insisted. “Why won’t you just listen to me on this?”

“Well…you never really gave her the chance to change, either.”

Glimmer scoffed. “Whatever. Adora’s gonna have to fess up.”

She tried calling her up, tapping her foot while the phone rang obnoxiously.

“She’s at dinner with her mom,” Bow reminded. “There’s no way she’s gonna pick up.”

Predictably, it went to voicemail. Glimmer hung up and furiously typed out a text.

“Why the heck would she even want to meet her? What does Catra have going on that’s even _remotely_ interesting?”

“Do you want to hear my opinion?” Bow had all but given up on getting her to listen. Much to his surprise, Glimmer looked over expectantly. “Well, Catra told me she felt like she’d met Adora before. Maybe Adora thinks so too. Or maybe they just started talking and hit it off. I mean, weren’t _you_ the one who said she needed to find a date anyway?”

“Well, yeah, but Bow…”

“Just let it happen. We’ll be on standby in case anything goes wrong.”

Glimmer took a deep breath, held it for a beat, and released it with a huff.

“Fine. But when it does, I told you so.”

She took a seat beside him on the floor once more and covered her lap with a blanket, unpausing the movie they were watching. _The Road to El Dorado _was always a favorite, but Glimmer couldn’t focus on it at all. Pulling out her phone under the blanket, she slyly typed out a new message.

If Adora wouldn’t talk, she was going to get info however she needed.

Scorpia insisted they go back to Catra’s apartment to unwind for a bit. Catra punched in the gate code and trekked up the stairs.

“I don’t even understand what Lonnie meant,” she grumbled. “That was dumb.”

Scorpia followed her upstairs and up to the apartment door.

“I get where she was coming from…but I also get what you’re saying.”

“It’s _dumb_,” Catra repeated as she fumbled with the keys.

Getting the door open, she threw the bag from Lonnie onto the kitchen table and strolled into her bedroom. She collapsed back onto the bed, with Scorpia settling down beside her.

“What are we even supposed to do? It’s not like there’s shitloads of time.”

“Well, why don’t you tell me what you plan on saying to Adora?”

Catra blinked. “What I…plan on saying?”

“Are…are you saying you didn’t even think about it?”

Well, okay, maybe not. But what did it matter? Adora was the one who invited her out in the first place, so she figured she’d let her take charge. That was easy enough.

“_She_ wanted to meet _me_, so…”

“Wildcat,” Scorpia started, sounding more than done with her friend’s absurdity. “You can’t expect this to be some normal thing. You’ve got to have _some_ idea.”

“Since when are you the expert?” Catra crossed her arms. “Fine, why don’t _you_ tell me what I should say?”

“Well, after you introduce yourself, you should probably get to know her first.”

“Okay, I can do that…”

_Bzzz._

“Are you kidding me?” Catra complained as she sat up and pulled out her phone. “I swear if it’s Lonnie-”

She stopped short. Scorpia peered over her shoulder and blinked at the screen name.

“Isn’t that…Glimmer?”

“What the hell does Sparkles want?” Catra raised an eyebrow as she opened the message.

** _@glimglam: _ ** _wth r u meeting adora for? **(6:22 PM)**_

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _why do you care? **(6:22 PM)**_

** _@glimglam: _ ** _bc she’s my friend and I should know **(6:23 PM)**_

** **

“What is she, her mom?” Catra laughed to herself.

“Don’t be mean. Adora could see this, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _maybe i’m trying to get in her pants **(6:24 PM)**_

** _@glimglam: _ ** _catra!!! **(6:24 PM)**_

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _relax, glitter. we’re just gonna talk **(6:25 PM)**_

** _@glimglam: _ ** _abt WHAT? **(6:25 PM)**_

** _@catrapedrosa: _ ** _about how much cooler i am than you **(6:26 PM)**_

** **

“Catra.” Scorpia frowned.

She opened her mouth to say more, but Catra silenced her with a finger over her lips.

“My phone. My rules. Besides, Adora’s got a sense of humor, she’ll appreciate it.”

Scorpia gently pushed her hand aside. “You don’t know if that’s true yet, though.”

“Sure it is.”

“And why’s that?”

“Instinct.”

“Huh?”

Catra turned fully to Scorpia. “You and Lonnie both want to say I don’t know anything about her. And I’m saying I do. My instinct says so. And how often am I wrong when it comes to that?”

“Well…huh.” Scorpia looked surprised. “I actually can’t think of anything.”

“Exactly. So trust me on this, at least a little.”

Scorpia gave her a legitimately beaming smile.

“Can do, Wildcat!”

“Alright, so you’re gonna hang back and jump in if I need you.”

The two walked alongside each other toward the diner. Razz’s was an easy meetup point, being so close to Catra’s place.

“Right!” Scorpia paused. “Um. How will I know?”

Catra pointed at her phone in bemusement.

“Duh.”

“Right! Yes, that makes sense.”

Catra snorted as they rounded the corner. The familiar neon sign greeted them and she stopped in her tracks. Normally, it was comforting: a reminder of late nights spent over coffee and sleep-deprived laughter fits.

But right now?

Catra felt as though her heart had dropped into her stomach and was fighting a war with her diaphragm. In other words, she felt sick and like she couldn’t breathe.

Scorpia’s strong arm around her shoulders pulled her from her thoughts.

“You’ve got this, Catra.”

Catra took a much-needed breath as she shrugged her off.

“Of course I do.”

They continued their stride up to and through the door. Empty, per usual.

Well, almost empty.

Catra’s eyes caught on the sole customer sitting in the back. Eyes closed, head tilted down. Hard to tell if she was thinking or just tired. But the one thing Catra did know?

She was _breathtaking_.

Scorpia gave her an encouraging shove on her back, causing her to stumble forward. Catra caught herself and gave Scorpia a frown. She just grinned and pointed to a table across the diner, hastily retreating.

Catra turned back toward the blonde and took hesitant steps forward until she was standing right across from her. Her eyes were still closed, not having noticed the approaching footsteps.

“Ahem,” Catra cleared her throat.

The girl’s eyes shot open and she raised her head to look at Catra. Their eyes locked and Catra could feel her entire body freeze up. They were even more blue and beautiful in person.

“Hey Adora,” she breathed, pushing hard to get any coherent words out.

Adora offered a hesitant smile. “Hey. Catra, right?”

Catra nodded and returned the gesture, taking a seat across from her.

“Yeah. How’re you doing?”

“Okay. A little tired. What about you?”

“Alright. About the same. I’ve gotta say, I’m a little surprised you asked to meet me.”

“Me too,” Adora admitted.

_She was?_

As Catra was about to ask for more information, the woman from the counter came over with her typical ditzy smile.

“What can I do you for, dearies?”

“Oh, hey Razz,” Catra greeted. “Coffee for me.”

“Could I have hot chocolate, please?”

Wow, Adora was so polite.

Razz simply smiled before making her way back to the kitchen. Adora stared after her. Catra couldn’t blame her; Razz was quite the character.

When she finally turned back to Catra, Adora asked, “So, you a regular here?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Is it always this quiet?”

“Yep. It’s a miracle how this place stays running.”

“Well, I’m glad it is,” Adora said. “I like it here.”

“So, going back to what you were saying. Why did you wanna meet up?”

“It’s…a little weird.”

“I can almost guarantee you I won’t think that,” Catra assured her.

_I’m definitely the weird one between us right now, _she thought.

Adora fussed with the sleeves of her sweatshirt. Catra took the moment of silence to admire her; she really was so cute, even just completely casual like this. Hell, _especially_ because she was so casual. She had a natural jock-ish charm to her that exuded approachability. She seemed so easy to hang out with, so easy to like.

“So you know how you said you thought we knew each other?”

Catra nodded. Duh.

“I feel like we do too.”

Catra’s eyes widened. “Wait, really?”

“See, I told you.” Adora shifted in her seat. “It’s weird.”

“No, no. Not at all.” Catra did her best to tone back the excitement in her voice. “It’s great.”

“It is?”

“Well, _yeah_.”

That was all the confirmation Catra needed. She didn’t even have to ease into it! She wasn’t crazy, she wasn’t delusional. Or if she was, they both were, at least.

“So…can I ask why _you_ thought you knew me?” Adora asked. “I can’t really place it.”

Catra debated how much to let slip. Telling the whole truth would be kind of sketch, even for someone who seemed as open as Adora.

“For a while now, I kind of just had an image of you in my head,” Catra started. “Didn’t know your name or anything. Bow told it to me and it just sort of…clicked.”

Much to her relief, Adora seemed purely fascinated.

“Sort of a similar thing happened for me too. Glimmer sent me a pic, and…”

“Hey, c’mon. I told you my thing. You’ve gotta tell me now.”

Adora bit the inside of her cheek. “No laughing.”

“Huh?”

“No. Laughing. This is awkward enough. So you’re not allowed to laugh if I tell you.”

“Alright, alright. No laughing.”

“I didn’t think I knew you, but then I saw…” Adora sighed as a faint tinge of pink rose in her cheeks. “I saw your eyes.”

Catra swore her heart completely stopped functioning for the next 10 seconds.

_My…eyes?_

Like that, her cardiac system decided to kick into overdrive. Her poor heart felt like it would burst out of her chest. The heat in her face was almost unbearable. She hoped her reaction wasn’t as visible as it felt.

“I-I don’t…don’t…” She took a beat to clear her throat before starting over. “Why would I laugh at you for that?”

“Because it’s so _weird_.”

Catra shook her head. “I don’t think so. I think this whole situation is way weirder than something like that.”

“Maybe.”

An ill-feeling silence fell between them.

_Come on, say something cool!_

“So, this is really random, but are you an athletic type?”

_That’s not cool, you fucking moron!_

Adora blinked. “That is random. But yeah. I teach kickboxing at the Y. How’d you guess?”

Catra silently thanked whatever kept Adora from thinking she was a total idiot.

“Well, you look it. But I also had a feeling.”

“A feeling?”

“Yeah. I get these feelings about you. I don’t know how accurate any of them are.”

Adora propped her elbows on the table and leaned over.

“What else?”

“Well. Stuff like I think your favorite color is red. And you’ve got a good sense of humor. And that you listen exclusively to ‘Jock Jams’ and folksy-sounding indie stuff.”

“Psh.” Adora tried to scoff it off. “That’s not- I mean, what- that’s not _all_ I listen to.”

Catra’s face settled into a grin. “So I’m right.”

Was it her imagination, or was Adora totally staring at her mouth?

“I mean…look, they’ve got good BPMs for workouts. And it’s not folksy, okay?”

Catra let out a laugh. “Oh my god, I love that I’m right.”

Adora couldn’t help but laugh along with her.

“Oh yeah, then what do _you_ listen to, huh? Bet it’s total emo crap.”

“_Hey_,” Catra pointed a finger at her, still smiling. “No such thing as emo ‘crap’.”

“Were you a My Chemical Romance or Fall Out Boy kid?” Adora teased.

“What kind of- okay, _first_ of all, Fall Out Boy doesn’t even qualify as emo with their new stuff.”

Adora wrapped her arms around her stomach and laughed heartily. Catra gazed at her with warm eyes, smile growing as Adora laughed so hard she started to tear up. It was the cutest thing.

Dammit, she needed to be better than this. This was _not_ the point of them meeting.

Adora eventually settled back down, giggling softly as she wiped her eyes.

“Oh, man. I like you, Catra. I don’t know why Glimmer was so weird about us meeting up.”

“I know it. Sparkles even bothered me about it,” she said, ignoring the fluttery feeling rising up inside her.

“She did? Geez, I’m sorry about that…”

Catra waved her off. “Don’t be. She just hates me.”

“Can I ask why?”

“I’ll admit, I _may_ have been a bitch to her in middle school.” Catra shrugged. “But I grew some semblance of a brain and stopped. I don’t even mind her. But she didn’t want to try and be okay with me. So whatever.”

“That’s not going to work out very well if we’re going to be friends.”

“Friends?”

“Well, we _are_ going to be friends, right?”

“Here you are, dearies!”

Catra nearly jumped out of her seat. How the hell was Razz always so quiet? She mumbled a thanks as she clinked their mugs down on the table with a little bowl of creamer cups.

“Thank you, ma’am.” Adora gave her a grateful smile as Razz once again retreated behind the counter.

Catra quickly emptied half the creamer cups into her coffee, gaining a bewildered look from Adora.

“Um…that’s a lot,” she pointed out.

“Duh.”

“Is it even worth calling it coffee at that point?”

“Caffeine’s the point, not the taste,” Catra insisted.

“I mean, I guess?”

Catra took a sip. Ah, the coffee was always so shitty here. But it was always satisfying, nonetheless.

“So. Friends,” she reiterated.

Adora nodded with a friendly smile. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Not to shoot myself in the foot, but we _did_ just meet. Most people would probably be a little more skeptical.”

“Well, let me put it this way.” Adora took a long drink before continuing. “I’m not someone who believes in things like fate or destiny. But it’s pretty hard to say that it doesn’t feel like that’s what’s going on here. It’s almost like we’re…cosmically connected. Basically, I think someone is trying to tell us _something_, and we should listen.”

“So fancy. ‘Cosmically connected’, huh? You make it sound so romantic.” Catra chuckled to hide her embarrassment.

“I mean, it sort of is.”

Catra reached over and poked her forehead. “You’re so weird, Adora.”

Adora’s eyes flicked up to the finger pressed into her head, then back to Catra’s face. They were wide, almost scarily so. Catra awkwardly retracted her hand.

“Uh…sorry?”

“That was…you do that to me all the time.” Adora’s voice was matter-of-fact.

“We’ve never…wait.” Catra had to stop herself from bouncing up and down in excitement. “You remember something.”

“You’ve done that since we were kids,” Adora explained, half to Catra and half to herself. “But…how does that work?”

“You think we grew up together too, don’t you?”

“Wait, you have memories like this?” Adora brought a hand to her head as if to brace it. “Is that what they are? Memories?”

“I don’t know,” Catra answered honestly. “I…I’m so glad I’m not crazy.”

“You sure we aren’t both crazy?” Adora’s eyes had a little twinkle in them. “I guess we’re really in it now. Let’s figure this out together. That’s okay, right?”

Catra gave her the gentlest smile she could ever recall.

“Well, we’re friends, aren’t we?”


	5. Friendship is Hard; Contemplating the Reality You Occupy is Harder.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer is not okay; Adora tries to patch things over. Bow and Entrapta make some discoveries together.

The walk home felt like it took an eternity. But honestly, Adora wasn’t mad about it. It gave her time to process her emotions. Did she ever need it.

It was the strangest rush of feelings. There was happiness, definitely: happiness that Catra believed her, that she thought the same. A healthy dose of fear for what all of this meant, for what would happen now. The lingering melancholy from their initial online conversation didn’t go away, but it was joined with excitement over making a new friend.

There was something else, too. Subtle, but also shockingly overwhelming. Enjoyable, but also sort of felt like the emotional equivalent of stumbling off a 10-story building. It was a weird one, and Adora really couldn’t place it.

But she figured that was okay. She had Catra to help her work through all this now.

Catra was so _cool_. It was effortless, too. She was totally the type of person Adora would want to be friends with but be too scared to approach. Under any normal circumstances, there was no way her straight-and-narrow self would ever be interesting enough to attract someone like her.

Catra exuded confidence. She had that “screw you, I’ll do what I want” kind of attitude. Adora normally couldn’t stand people like that, but Catra made it seem appealing. It was kind of cute from her. Especially with those little freckles on her cheeks.

_Ah…I’m crushing, _Adora admitted to herself. _Bad._

All too soon, she found herself in front of her house. She quietly slipped around back and into her room through the window. She listened for a moment.

Silence.

With a smile of relief, Adora sat herself back down at her desk. The time on her desktop monitor told her it was 10:33. Not the worst.

Time to bang out that paper. 10 pages, double-spaced. Easy.

She got to writing, her brain more functional than she expected. She thanked her past self for already getting all her research together (_cited_ even).

About halfway through, her phone went off. She glanced at the screen.

Glimmer.

Adora sighed. She would have to deal with this sooner or later. She picked up and held the phone up to her ear.

“Hey Glimmer.”

“Don’t ‘hey’ me! You’d better talk!”

Glimmer sounded _pissed_.

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know, okay?” Adora tried to appease her. “Just hold on a second, I’m writing a paper. Let me get headphones.”

“Fine,” Glimmer huffed.

Adora pulled some old beat-up earbuds and shoved them in her ears. She plugged them in and set the phone on the desk.

“Alright, ask away.”

“First of all, did you actually meet Catra?”

Adora started typing once more. “Yeah. We met at Razz’s Diner.”

“Ew. That place is so weird. Figures she’d like some dump like that.”

“They have good hot chocolate, and the owner is really nice.”

“Whatever,” Glimmer dismissed. “Why did you even go? What did she ask you?”

“_I _asked _her_.”

“_Why_ would you do that?!”

The truth would be a lot right now. Better to not get Glimmer even more riled up.

“I wanted to. She seemed interesting.”

Glimmer muttered something under her breath.

“What did you say?” Adora asked.

“What was so interesting?”

That was definitely not what she said, but Adora decided to drop it.

“She seemed fun. We really connected.”

“So you just meet up with anyone who seems _fun_?”

Adora frowned and stopped writing. “Glimmer, what’s the big deal? Catra told me about you two in middle school, but that was so long ago now. She even said she doesn’t have a problem with you. I think you two could be really good friends if you’d give her another chance.”

“Excuse me? ‘Friends’? What the heck? Are you telling me you’re _friends_ now?”

“Yes?” Adora furrowed her brows. “I thought that was obvious?”

“Oh, sure, you’re friends with someone after knowing her for a grand total of less than a day! What on earth has gotten _into _you? She’s _bad_, Adora.” Glimmer sounded exasperated. “Why am I the only one who sees that…?”

“Glimmer, I get that you’re worried-”

“Do you, Adora? Do you _really_?”

Adora paused before saying, “Glimmer, just tell me what you’re getting at.”

“She tormented me for three years. _Three years_,” she stressed. “And I’m just supposed to move on and forgive her? With no effort on her part? That’s a fricking _joke_. I’m worth an actual apology, at least.”

“Would you ever accept an apology from her?”

“I…what?”

“Would you actually accept an apology if she gave you one?”

“She wouldn’t though.”

“Glimmer. That’s not what I’m asking you.”

“Hmph. Whatever.”

“It has to go both ways, Glimmer.” Adora kept her voice gentle. “You have to both bury the hatchet. And I don’t think you can do that if you can’t even start to imagine saying ‘sorry’ and moving forward. When was the last time you talked to her?”

“I had to text her today, because _someone _wouldn’t talk to me!”

“I meant in person. Like a _real_ conversation.”

Glimmer went quiet at that.

“So never,” Adora said, filling in the gap.

“That’s…” Glimmer struggled to find her words. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Glimmer, I think you should give her a second chance. A real chance. I want _all of us_ to be friends. I think Catra would be willing to move on as long as you were.”

“…Whatever, Adora.”

Adora blinked. “What do you mean ‘whatever’?”

“You meet a new person and suddenly my word isn’t worth anything. That’s some total bull.”

“You _know_ that’s not what I meant.”

“No, I _don’t_ know that. But I do know that I’m done with this conversation. Have fun when she shows you how she really is.”

The line went silent. Adora was left to stare at her phone in the quiet. With newfound guilt rising up in her stomach, she sent Glimmer a single message before she returned to her sadly incomplete paper.

** _Adora: _ ** _I’m really sorry. I should have talked to you. Can we meet tomorrow after class? **(11:02 PM)**_

** **

Working with Entrapta was always an interesting experience. It was never dull. Her office, which doubled as her workshop was cluttered, lined from floor to ceiling with reference material, parts, and tools. But no way could anyone ever call it messy. Everything had a specific place, and there was a concrete system to Entrapta’s organization method. Although, Bow could never figure out exactly _what_ that system was.

Bow rang the doorbell panel, unsurprised when Entrapta’s voice came out from the speaker right away.

“Hi Bow! It’s unlocked, you can come in!”

He gave a little wave and a smile. “Thanks.”

He opened the door, greeted by the familiar sight that was Entrapta’s favorite little gadget: a little robot vacuum, affectionately dubbed “Emily”. Emily was hard at work, ramming herself into an armchair, not quite able to reorient. Bow chuckled to himself and carefully set the vacuum back on the right track. Emily trucked right back along, and Bow was free to make for the office.

The door was already open to reveal Entrapta hard at work. She kneeled over her current project, which seemed to be a repair on a bot Bow had never seen before. It was sort of “retro-futuristic”, like someone from the 50s dreamed it up, with that classic humanoid silhouette. It didn’t look familiar, but maybe he had seen it? All those robots sort of started to blend together after a while.

“Hey Entrapta,” he greeted. “What’s that one do?”

“Hand me that screwdriver over there?”

Entrapta pointed over to her computer desk. Luckily for Bow’s sanity, there was only a singular screwdriver beside the keyboard. He handed it over, earning a satisfied hum from Entrapta. She took another minute before standing back up with the little bot in hand and turned to Bow with a triumphant smile.

“This is Rodney!” she introduced with a wave of her free hand.

“What’s Rodney do?”

“Ah, he’s just a Bluetooth speaker. But he dances!” Entrapta laughed. “His left leg wasn’t working. It should be all fixed now though!”

She set the little guy on her “worktable” (even though she worked on the floor just as much if not more) and pulled out her phone. After a few seconds, a soft electronic beat came out of Rodney as he started to wiggle back and forth. Entrapta clapped her hands and bounced up and down on her toes.

“Good to have you back, buddy!”

“Glad you got him fixed up.” Bow closed his eyes as tried to place the song. “Porter Robinson?”

“Mhm!” She looked at Bow fully. “So why are you here again?”

“The conference? You know, IASTEM?”

“Right! Yes, right!”

“Did they ever get back to you?”

“They’re running the paper through the basic checks right now. They’re supposed to let me know by tomorrow if it’s all cleared.”

“It will be,” Bow assured. “You’ve worked so hard for this, and you’re so talented. I can’t imagine a single reality where they won’t love your work.”

“Aw. Thanks, Bow.” Entrapta’s expression was surprisingly delicate, a tender smile adorning her mouth. “I do have confidence in my submission, but it’s nice to hear that you believe in me too.”

“Of course I do. You’re amazing.”

“So are you!”

“Yeah, but I’m also not the one who had a _professor_ recommend I submit research to something this big.”

“Nonsense! You’ve got a lot more important things going for you.”

“Like?”

“Did you forget, Mr. Already-Got-A-Job-Offer?”

…Bow _had_ actually forgotten for a moment. He’d heard yesterday from a potential employer that they were interested in him come graduation.

“A lot happened yesterday,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “Guess it slipped my mind.”

“What happened yesterday?”

“It felt like a lot for how little actually went down. Catra texted me like _super_ early in the morning about Adora.”

“Adora?”

Bow cocked an eyebrow. “Uh. Yeah. Adora. You’ve hung out with her a few times before.”

Entrapta had an indecipherable look in her eyes.

“Huh…the name doesn’t sound entirely unfamiliar, but…I don’t think I know this ‘Adora’.”

“Are you okay, Entrapta? I mean, you’ve literally been in pictures together.”

“We have?”

Bow nodded and pulled up a picture. Sure enough, there sat a group of five in Glimmer’s living room: Bow, Glimmer, and Perfuma squished together on the loveseat, with Entrapta and Adora on the floor. Adora’s arm hung over her shoulders as Entrapta flashed an exuberant peace sign at the camera.

“This was Glim’s 18th birthday party. Her mom made those mini heart cookies? And Glim forced us all to have mango soda because ‘it’s the literal best, I don’t make the rules’?”

Entrapta scanned the photo several times before working out a response.

“I…don’t remember that at all.”

“Really? Nothing?”

“Not a thing. This is…”

“Do you need to talk about-”

“This is _FASCINATING_!” Entrapta gripped onto her hair, absolutely giddy. “To think, I have some type of selective memory loss! Tell me, was I subject to hypnosis at any point?”

Bow blinked. “Not that I know of…”

“Oh, this is _great_.”

“Okay, Entrapta? Back up. Explain. How is this great?”

“Don’t you see, Bow? I have no recollection of an event and a relationship I am supposed to. This explains so much!”

“Explains _what_?”

“Ah, I never did mention that. Here, look at this.”

Entrapta leapt over to her computer and slid into the chair. She tapped around and pulled up a document. Several tables imbedded within seemed to detail computer folders and their contents, with a vague “positive” or “negative” marking.

“What am I looking at?” Bow wondered aloud.

“I noticed a few days ago,” Entrapta started. “Something seemed wrong when I was going through some old files. That is to say, files I was certain I had are nowhere to be found.”

“Maybe you accidentally deleted them?”

“That was my initial hypothesis as well. But then there was the even _stranger_ phenomenon. There are files that I have absolutely _no_ idea where they came from. They look like I made them, but I have no memory of creating them. And it’s a vast array of types, too. Papers, documents, programs, you name it. About half of the files on my computer are clearly made by me, but I didn’t make them.”

Bow frowned. “Entrapta, I don’t understand. How could you have not made them?”

“That’s the part I don’t know!” Entrapta grinned. “But _now_, I have my first connection!”

“I’m not really seeing the correlation…”

“Bow. I have zero memories of an entire relationship. But clearly, I _should_. There’s photographic evidence. A quick look in my contacts shows I even have this Adora’s phone number. All the data points to some lapse in my memory, some type of selective amnesia. The cause is still a complete mystery, though…”

“Entrapta, I love your theories, but this seems…”

“Completely insane. Mhm, yep. But that’s what makes it so much fun!”

Bow let out a sharp breath through his nose in frustration. It’s not like he could just completely dismiss what she was saying. If it was anyone else, he might have. But Entrapta had an elephant’s memory, after all; she remembered the tiniest details from years ago. If she said she didn’t remember, it had never happened.

“Okay. Humor me.” Bow gave her an earnest look. “Do you have a working theory?”

“A few, actually. My references are limited, so they’re all conjecture. Provided it’s just my own memory, it’s a few cases of sporadic selective amnesia. That has its own connotations, but it’s the least interesting possibility.”

“What else?”

“The second is that my memory is intact, and that you and perhaps others are experiencing a collective false recollection. Fun, but that’s not very plausible.”

“Is there a third?”

Entrapta gave him a toothy grin that hinged on freakish. “Oh you bet there is. And it’s _fascinating_.”

“Okay, lay it on me.”

“Well, you recall things that I don’t. I don’t believe I’ve forgotten, but there’s evidence to suggest otherwise. But I also have extraneous memories that don’t mesh with the reality of the situation. Provided that we are not unique examples of both of these phenomena, this can only mean one thing.”

Bow felt a strange bubble of anxiety well up inside as he forced out his next question.

“Which is…?”

“_Reality is distorted_.”

Glimmer didn’t text back until the morning. It was only a begrudging agreement to meet at her house once Adora was done with class. Adora clutched her can of overly-sweetened peach tea as she knocked on the front door with a yawn. It took only a moment before Glimmer’s dad opened up, greeting her with a warm smile.

“Adora! Good to see you!”

“Hi Mr. Mallari.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? Just call me Micah.”

Adora gave a smile. “I’ll get it down eventually.”

Micah stepped aside to let her in. “Glimmer’s in her room. Do you want anything? Water, snack?”

“I’m alright. Thank you.”

“Let me know if you change your mind.”

Adora nodded and walked up to Glimmer’s cracked bedroom door, still painted pink despite her mother’s half-serious complaints about it clashing with the rest of the house. She pushed the door open slowly.

“Hey, Glimmer,” Adora called out in greeting.

“Hey.”

Yikes. Okay, still the cold shoulder. Adora closed the door behind her and made her way to Glimmer, who sat cross-legged on her bed, leaned over her phone. Adora hesitantly took a seat beside her.

“What’re you up to?”

“Doesn’t matter. What do you want?”

“Uh…to make up…?”

“For?”

Glimmer and her _moods_. Adora loved her to death, but Glimmer could be even more stubborn than herself sometimes. She wasn’t about to make this easy; then again, neither was Adora.

“For not telling you or listening to your concerns.”

“I accept your apology.”

No. Glimmer, you’ve got some things to make up for too.”

“What do _I_ have to make up for?”

“I am _allowed_ to make friends with new people. I know you two have a sketchy history, and I accept that moving on might not ever be possible for you. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have a decent friendship with Catra.”

“She’s just going to hurt you.” Glimmer finally put her phone down and shifted to face Adora. Her eyes were puffy, like she’d cried for a good bit just an hour before. “She can’t be trusted. She doesn’t care about people.”

“Glimmer…”

Adora gently reached out to play with the ends of Glimmer’s hair. Glimmer jerked away at first. Adora started to withdraw her hand, the quirk of her mouth betraying her hurt.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

Glimmer hesitated before shaking her head.

“It’s okay. I think…I think I need that.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Adora began to run her fingers through the pastel-toned locks. Glimmer’s eyes closed at that and she took a deep breath. Then tension she’d been holding started to dissipate as she let herself lean into Adora’s touch.

“You haven’t done this in a long time,” Glimmer said quietly.

“You haven’t needed it.” Adora used her free hand to hold onto hers, giving it a little squeeze. “You’ve gotten a lot stronger. I think I take it for granted sometimes.”

“…I think I do too.”

Adora paused to think through her next words.

“I don’t want us to fight.”

“You think I do?”

“Not at all. Can we agree that we both could have handled this better?”

“Mm. Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Good.” Adora slowly withdrew the hand from her hair, keeping a soft hold on Glimmer’s hand in her own.

Glimmer opened her eyes to meet Adora’s. “So…you two are friends.”

“Yeah. It’s a little weird to talk about, but we really connected. I get a good feeling from her. I don’t think she’s a bad person. I think she’s made mistakes, but we all have.”

Glimmer stayed silent at that.

“Glimmer, you don’t need to be friends with her. I won’t ask that. But Catra said she at least tolerates you. I think mutual tolerance is the most I can expect right now.”

“…Even that’s a lot.”

“Can you try? For me?”

Glimmer gave a reluctant smile. “Sure. For you.”

Adora pulled her into a tight hug; she reciprocated without hesitation.

“I love you, Glimmer.”

“I love you too, Adora.”

“We’re all good?”

Glimmer laughed. “Yes, we’re all good.”

_BRRRRRRRRRING!!!!!_

Adora nearly jumped out of her skin at the loud ring of Glimmer’s cell.

“What the- why do you have your ringer on so _loud_?”

“I miss calls if I don’t have it up.” Glimmer shrugged and picked up, putting it on speaker. “Hey Bow, what’s up?”

“Hey, can you guys come over to Entrapta’s? She’s got something she wants to run by the two of you?”

“Uh. Aren’t _you_ the most qualified for that?” Adora asked. “We’re not really science types…”

“Not about that, it’s-”

“Hiiiii Glimmer! That other voice is you, right, Adora?” Entrapta’s voice came through the speaker.

“Hey Entrapta.” Adora frowned as the wording dawned on her. “Wait, what do you mean ‘that other voice’?”

“This is the first time I’m hearing it after all!”

“Entrapta, you know Adora,” Glimmer said, confusion tinging her voice. “What’s going on?”

“Selective amnesia, false memories, distorted realities. Easier to explain in person! Come over please!”

“Bow? Did she say ‘distorted realities’?” Glimmer’s voice went up about three octaves.

“Uh…this is why it’s better if you just come over…I promise she’ll explain it. Or try to.”

“I promise!” Entrapta chimed in.

_Promise._

Adora felt a shiver work its way through her spine.

“Okay,” she agreed. “We’ll be right over.”

“Great!” Entrapta sounded pleased. “Meet you soon!”


	6. Conspiracy or Theory: Fucking Up My Love Life and Other Fun Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entrapta shares her ideas with the class. Catra can't focus on work to save her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo I didn't really mean for this chapter to be 4k? But it happened? Get ready for the bullshit my mind put onto the page.

A strange swarm of feelings washed over Adora as Entrapta’s home came into view. Curiosity. Confusion. But namely, unfamiliarity.

She’d been there before. She knew she had. There were photos and videos of them there, watching Bow and Entrapta do all their science-y stuff. But her brain didn’t lie; she didn’t recognize it much at all now that she actually saw the house in person.

“Adora? You okay?” Glimmer frowned. “You’re kinda spacing out.”

“Yeah! I’m fine!”

Glimmer looked unconvinced. Adora avoided her gaze.

“…I think I am…”

“What they said is weirding me out too,” Glimmer admitted.

Adora let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding in.

“Oh thank god. This is so weird.”

“I don’t know what’s going on. I’m just going to trust them to explain. Hopefully explain that it’s just some prank…”

As much as she hoped it was, Adora knew better. Entrapta knew something about these memories. If she trusted anyone to figure out what was happening, it was definitely their resident theory-crafter.

As Glimmer was about to ring the doorbell, the door swung open to reveal an exhilarated Entrapta.

“_Hi_! Hello! Come in!”

Before either Glimmer or Adora could comprehend what was happening, Entrapta shot behind them and pushed them through the entryway to her office. Bow leaned against the one bit of wall that didn’t have anything on it. He offered them a wave and an awkward smile.

“Hey guys.”

“Uh. Hi,” Glimmer greeted as she caught up with her shift in surroundings.

Entrapta closed the door and climbed up onto the worktable. She plopped down, cross-legged, leaned her elbows on her knees and clasped her hands together, resting her chin on them. Her eyes twinkled.

“Thanks for coming so quick! Oh, and it’s nice to meet you, Adora!”

“We’ve…met.” Even as the words left her mouth, Adora could tell something was off. “…Right?”

“Well, possibly! That is what this reality seems to imply!”

“What the heck are you saying?” Glimmer crossed her arms. “You said something about that on the phone too! What do you mean ‘this reality’?”

“It’s all just a theory right now, so I don’t have concrete answers. Are you like Bow? Don’t worry, he can’t sense any sort of distortion either!”

Glimmer’s eyes narrowed and her hands started to ball into fists.

“Glim, settle down.” Bow rested a hand on the small of her back. “Just breathe. She’ll explain. It’s just a lot, so we have to be patient.”

Glimmer inhaled sharply through her nose, held it for a moment, and slowly let it out through her mouth. Bow gave her an encouraging smile.

“There. Better?”

Glimmer nodded. “Better.”

He was always so good with her. All it took was a little gesture from Bow, and Glimmer would always settle right back down. Adora was almost jealous of how easily they could communicate with one another.

“So,” Glimmer started. “What’s going on?”

“Right! So, like I was telling Bow earlier, there’s a disconnect between my cognition and the facts of the matter.” Entrapta paused. “Oh, it’s probably better if you sit down. We’ve got a lot to cover!”

Adora and Glimmer both glanced at the only chair in the room before looking at each other.

“You can take it,” Adora said. “I’m good with the floor.”

Glimmer smiled and slid into it without argument. Adora took a seat on the floor, hugging one knee into her chest.

“So, Bow and I were talking when he mentioned you, Adora,” Entrapta continued. “And despite his clear recollection and evidence to support it, I simply did _not_ recall ever knowing you. Which. Is. _Incredible_.”

Adora furrowed her brows. “Um. You’ll need to explain how.”

“Prior to this, I _also_ had no memory about half my files on my computer. They were completely unfamiliar. In addition, files I believed to possess are nowhere to be found. Unusual, but no clear reasoning behind either case.”

“You’re sure you didn’t just remember wrong?” Glimmer asked.

“Glim, this is Entrapta we’re talking about,” Bow said. “Do you really think she forgot something like that?”

“You…have a point.”

“You see then why this Adora situation is so _fascinating_.” Entrapta grinned. “It means these aren’t just isolated incidents! Files on a computer are one thing, but no memory of an entire friendship? And seemingly only the one at that. _Clearly_ something is not correct.”

“And you think it has something to do with ‘reality’?” Glimmer frowned. “That seems pretty far out there, not gonna lie. I feel like there’s an easier explanation.”

“You’d think so! But if you really look at it, a simpler solution doesn’t account for all the facts.”

“Remember when Catra was talking to me?” Bow chimed in. “She had a weird feeling she knew Adora, but they’d never met. Adora even told you that, Glimmer. Doesn’t that kind of sound like Entrapta remembering files that didn’t exist?”

“This is all baseless! People remember stuff wrong! _Déjà vu _is a thing!”

“I don’t know about that. I realized something else when Entrapta was explaining it to me. I don’t really remember you and Catra having a problem. But you _definitely_ do. I thought the same thing yesterday when you were upset.”

“How the heck can you not remember that?!” Glimmer looked like she was about to pounce out of her chair, legs tucked up and a white-knuckle grip on the arms.

“That’s what I’m saying. It’s not a _great_ explanation, but there’s too many weird things with our memories to have it be nothing.”

Entrapta nodded. “It’s conjecture, yes, which is not the best for scientific credibility. But the inconsistencies are too many to ignore.”

Quiet fell over the room as the group attempted to process. Adora stared at her lap, taking in everything. She definitely did _not_ understand everything they were getting at. But she knew that Entrapta had to be right about this.

“I…I think you’re right,” she finally offered. “I’ve been having these weird memories…Catra too.”

Entrapta squealed. “You have memories?! _Adora_¸ why didn’t you say so sooner?! This is _amazing_!”

“You didn’t say anything to me…” Glimmer sounded a little hurt.

“I mean, what was I supposed to say? ‘I remember things that never happened and couldn’t have happened’?”

Entrapta hopped off the table and kneeled in front of Adora, face far too close for comfort.

“What are they like?” she asked, excitement shining in her eyes.

Adora leaned back a little and blinked. “Uh. Well, things like I remember growing up with Catra. But obviously that didn’t happen. I only just met her yesterday.”

“OOOOOOOOOH! I _love_ this!” Entrapta leapt back to her feet and gripped onto her pigtails, tugging them. “This means…oh _boy_, this really means…!”

Adora could practically see the cogs turning in her head. Bow cleared his throat.

“Care to share, Entrapta?”

“Yes! Oh _yes_!”

Entrapta went over to her whiteboard, which was covered in all sorts of notes that Adora could only begin to guess the contents of, and quickly erased the whole thing. She leaned up on her toes to write two words across the top in all capitals: “MULTIVERSE THEORY”. Entrapta turned back to the trio with a giant grin.

“_Multiverse_!” she proclaimed proudly.

“Uh. What the heck is that?” Glimmer asked.

“It’s a really insane theoretical physics concept.” Bow seemed hesitant. “But no one really takes it seriously, since there’s no way to experiment or observe it, so you can’t really do ‘real science’ with it.”

“It’s generally dismissed, yes.” Entrapta pointed to the writing on the board. “But if we assume it is true, it starts to explain _everything_. We have several accounts of inconsistent memory, all in different ways. Whether lack or excess, the recollections are disconnected from reality. But let’s say the multiverse exists. Alternate universes where different versions of ourselves exist. Versions of ourselves that lead similar but different lives, or even completely unfamiliar ones, with unique memories and existences. Normally under multiverse, we’d be completely unaware of these realities. _But_! Let’s take it a step further!”

Underneath the words, she wrote a new phrase: “MANDELA EFFECT”.

“Not to rain on your parade, but that’s a completely unfounded conspiracy theory. An outdated one, too.” Bow scratched the back of his head. “You had me for a while, but that’s _really_ not science.”

“Yes, but it _is_ an easy way to explain my next point. This is the idea that people can have completely different memories from one another about the same event or object. For example, remembering brand logos or movie quotes as different than they actually are.”

“Oh, like Star Wars.” That was the _one_ thing Adora could understand so far.

“Exactly! The reason this remains in the realm of unfounded conspiracy is due to the nature of the topics people experience the effect with. It’s easy to misremember a word or two, or think a picture looked a tiny bit different than it really does. But it _does_ play on an interesting idea: universes collapsing into one another.”

“Now you’ve really lost it,” Glimmer deadpanned.

“Just imagine it,” Entrapta insisted. “Two versions of ourselves existing in separate realities. Some event caused those realities to combine. Suddenly, two entities occupy the space of one. Two histories must somehow meld into a singular version of existence.”

Adora’s eyes widened, the meaning of her words finally clicking in her brain.

“So…you’re saying these memories are real. From a different life. They’re really ours, but another ‘us’.”

Entrapta clapped her hands. “_Exactly_! Wow, good job, Adora. And it explains why we all only started noticing within the past few days. The two universes must have collapsed very recently.”

Bow closed his eyes. “It sounds insane, but it also explains so much…”

“Well how come I don’t remember anything different, then?” Glimmer frowned. “This honestly feels like you’re all playing some big joke on me.”

“I think something kind of has to trigger it,” Adora said. “Like when you sent me that picture of Catra. That’s when things started to feel different.”

“Right!” Entrapta sounded pleased. “We just have to find whatever it is for you. Oh this is _so _much fun!”

“Let’s see…” Bow mused. “Adora’s was a picture of Catra. Entrapta’s was a picture of Adora. Mine was your issues with Catra…huh, they all seem to revolve around Adora and Catra.”

Did they really? Adora supposed it definitely did _seem _that way.

“Why would that be the case?” she asked. “I mean, it seems pretty random.”

“I would need to do some more research before I could take a guess,” Entrapta admitted. “But if it proves to be consistent, I highly doubt it means nothing.”

Adora shifted to sit with her legs crossed. “Maybe? But why us?”

“Like I said, I need to do some more digging. Don’t worry about it right now!”

“Easier said than done…” Adora hesitated as a thought came to her. “Hey, Entrapta? Maybe I could get your opinion on something else?”

“Sure! What is it?”

“There’s…a word that’s been bugging me. Every time someone says it, I get this weird feeling. Really overwhelming. I actually cried one time.”

“Crying from a word?” Glimmer’s face twisted in concern. “Are you okay, Adora?”

“I don’t know…” Adora averted her eyes as her cheeks heated up.

_Why did I mention it? I’m so stupid._

“Well, what’s the word?” Entrapta asked.

“It’s…” Adora swallowed as she worked it out. “‘Promise’.”

“Promise…” Glimmer repeated. “Why does that…that feels like it means something.”

Entrapta gasped. “Do tell! What are you feeling? What are you thinking?”

“I don’t…” Glimmer trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut and grabbing her head. “I don’t…”

Bow rushed over, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Breathe, Glim.”

Glimmer drew in a slow breath. “My head…_really_ hurts…I think I need to lay down…”

“You can use my bed,” Entrapta offered. “It’s nice and dark in my room.”

Glimmer gave a strained smile. “Thanks.”

Bow offered his hand and helped her stand. He braced her with an arm behind her back and guided her out of the office. Adora rose to her feet and followed behind.

“I’m sorry…I feel like this is all my fault.”

Glimmer let out a yell and fell forward onto her knees. Her hands fisted themselves in her hair and she clenched her teeth. Bow was beside her in an instant, Adora shortly after. Together, they hoisted her up and carried her into the bedroom. Glimmer collapsed onto the bed, curling into herself. Her breathing was erratic as she struggled to hold back grunts and groans. Beads of sweat began forming on her forehead. She was three shades too pale.

“I’m gonna go get some pain meds,” Bow said, quickly running out of the room.

Adora stood awkwardly beside the bed. “Can I…do anything?”

“It’s…it’s okay…I’m f…fine,” Glimmer managed to stammer out.

She slowly removed one hand from her hair and held it out toward Adora. Adora took it without question, running her thumb along her knuckles.

“I’m so sorry, Glimmer…”

“Quit…blaming yourself.”

Bow came back soon with two little pills and a glass of water.

“Think you can sit up?” he asked.

Glimmer gave a grunt of affirmation and propped herself up on one elbow. She downed the medicine with relative ease before slumping back down on the mattress. Bow sat beside her and held her other hand. She gave a pained smile.

Adora closed her eyes as she held her hand, praying for the pain to dampen sooner than later. It felt oddly familiar: a feeling not entirely odd to Adora as of late, but still just as peculiar to contemplate. Just a vague notion that something had happened before.

Something about it all _did_ appeal to Adora. Like all those books she loved as a kid, she had something beyond the normal. She supposed it wasn’t as cool as any of them, though; weird memories weren’t really the same as magic or being chosen for some great destiny. The destiny part was debatable, but she sort of wished it came with fun powers instead of horrible pain for her friend.

“This…this is like that other time.” Glimmer finally said.

“Other time?” Adora quirked her mouth in confusion.

“I got…really sick. And you guys worked so hard to make sure…make sure I was okay.”

“I don’t remember that.”

Bow settled into a gentle smile. “Right. And you tried to keep it from your mom. Which didn’t really work out. And Adora had to go figure out how to cure you.”

“Mhm.” Glimmer closed her eyes as her breathing began to slow. “I think I might believe Entrapta now.”

“Huh? Oh…oh!” Adora’s face lit up. “You mean this is a memory from the other you. The other us?”

_Everyone else gets these real memories. I’m stuck with weird “feelings”._

“I think so. Guess crying over a word isn’t so weird…” Glimmer hummed in amusement. “Considering I felt like I was dying for a second there. Suddenly I’m the queen of dramatics.”

“Suddenly?” Bow couldn’t help but tease.

“Shut up.”

Adora stifled a laugh. “You sound like you’re feeling a little better.”

“My head doesn’t feel like it’s imploding anymore, so yeah.” Glimmer opened her eyes slowly, looking up at Adora. “Is this what it was like for you?”

“No crazy migraine, but yeah. It was really overwhelming.”

Entrapta poked her head in. “_Hey_, how are we doing?”

“Better.” Glimmer managed to sit up and lean back against the headboard. Her color was coming back, much to Adora’s relief. “Thanks for letting me lay down.”

“Don’t mention it!” Entrapta covered her mouth and looked a little sheepish. “Sorry, too loud?”

“It’s okay,” Glimmer said with a smile. “You’ve got pretty fast-acting medicine.”

Entrapta made her way in and kneeled at the foot of the bed, leaning her arms onto the mattress and resting her chin over them.

“Yep. I get migraines a lot. You might feel a little nauseous if you haven’t eaten in a while, just so you know.”

“I’ll take that over that other business.”

“So, I couldn’t help but overhear,” Entrapta started. “But you’re remembering things? Would you tell me about it? What are you remembering? Was it just the word ‘promise’ that triggered it?”

“No. I was okay, but then Adora said it was ‘all her fault’.” Glimmer paused and winced. “Yeah, okay, definitely that.”

“Fascinating,” Entrapta breathed dreamily. “Perhaps the particular circumstances for each individual is relative to something that was important to them in their other memory bank.”

“How is that important to me?”

“Let’s take Adora, since she’s an easy example. Hers was initiated by seeing Catra, and she started remembering a childhood with her. The two of them must have been extremely important to each other. My files were enough for me to feel like something was atypical, and of course those are important to me.”

“Mine doesn’t really make sense in that context, though.” Bow’s mouth turned downward.

“I think it does. Consider, yours was Glimmer’s relation to Catra. Let’s assume the base of that is Glimmer. Seeing as you already knew her, it took a significant detail about her for the memories to be triggered, making Glimmer your ‘something important’.”

“I…guess that makes sense.”

Entrapta nodded. “I presume something similar is the case with Glimmer. Adora blaming herself must have been significant enough to the other Glimmer’s memories to trigger it.”

“This is so _weird_,” Glimmer sighed. “My brain was not built for this.”

“We couldn’t have just been half-bloods or something?” Bow joked.

Adora laughed. “Think we’re past the age range for that one.”

“We could at least get cool swords?”

“Mm. A sword would be cool.”

“You guys know you could just buy one?” Entrapta glanced between the two of them.

Bow chuckled. “Yeah, but if it’s not magical, then what’s the point?”

“You two are such little kids.” Glimmer couldn’t help but smile. “So, Entrapta, what happens now?”

“Now I get to do what I do best!” Entrapta grinned. “I’ll let you guys know the second my research turns anything up!”

“Awesome.” Adora beamed at her. “You’re the best, Entrapta. If anyone can figure this out, I know you can.”

“Of course! You can count on me!”

It was useless; Catra could _not _concentrate on a single thing that she was supposed to be doing. Her world felt as though it moved in slow motion and fast forward all at once. The people around her blurred together. Each time she glanced at the little digital clock on the monitor, expecting to see a half hour gone by, she was lucky if it had even been a full minute. The drone of the news anchors felt like it went on for eons, but she couldn’t seem to catch a single word that came out of their mouths.

Her brain just couldn’t focus on anything but _her_.

It had been a full day since her meeting with Adora. The entirety of her day yesterday was spent in pretty much the same stupor. Catra couldn’t have even told you whether or not she went to work; she deadass could not remember. She was too consumed with her intrusive daydreams. They would have been welcome if she had no responsibilities, but they came whether or not she wanted them.

She couldn’t stop thinking about it: Adora’s smile, the sound of her laugh, her eyes. Catra couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her face as she imagined sitting across from her back at the diner. It felt like living to the most and dying at the same time. If Catra got to choose a way to go, being killed by that beautiful woman’s laughter would definitely be a good choice. And what a _heavenly_ way to die it would be.

_Adora…_

“Catra?”

Catra’s eyes worked on registering her surroundings.

_Right. _Work. She was at work. The hell was wrong with her?

She settled her gaze up on the face of the one speaking. The meteorologist. What was her name, again?

“Hey…”

“Am I bothering you?”

“No, no, but we _are_ still on the air.”

The woman blinked. “We…ended. About 20 minutes ago.”

“Huh? We did?” Catra looked back at her monitor. Sure enough, there was no video feed. A glance over the top of it revealed that, indeed, the anchors were not on set.

_Where the hell is my head?_

“You seem distracted. You were like this yesterday too.”

“So I _did _go to work yesterday,” Catra thought aloud.

“Um…are you quite sure you’re alright? Are you perhaps hungover? Do you need some coffee?”

Hungover? She may as well have been for how coherent she felt. The feeling was certainly comparable. But somehow, she didn’t think even caffeine could solve this problem.

“I’m fine. Not hungover. Just got a lot on my mind.”

“I know we’re not very close, but do you want to talk about it?” The meteorologist grabbed a nearby chair and pulled it over, taking a seat. “You’ve got me rather worried, if I’m being honest.”

“Don’t know what there is to talk about.”

“Well, what’s on your mind? Boy problems?”

Catra scoffed. “That’s cute. ‘Boy problems’.”

“Oh, right. Girl problems?” she rephrased.

“…Maybe.”

“What sort of girl problems?”

“There’s…there’s this girl I met the other day.” Catra averted her eyes. “I’m just thinking about her a lot.”

“You finally met a girl?”

“What do you mean ‘finally’?” Catra frowned.

“Well, you always did have trouble finding someone you liked…”

“What…oh my _god_, I am the biggest fucking moron. I literally forgot we went to school together for a minute.”

Fucking _duh_. She literally forgot about Perfuma. She stared right at her, even registered that she was the meteorologist. They had been working together for _over a year now_. Hell, they went to _high school _together. Catra didn’t have a single excuse for whatever bullshit she was on.

Perfuma’s eyes could not have been any wider.

“Oh…oh, you have it _bad_.”

“I’m just in a weird mood, okay? Dissociating or whatever.”

“Catra, sweetheart, that isn’t just a weird mood. You are so sick.”

“What are you talking about? I’m fine.”

“Oh dear, you don’t even recognize it, either.” Perfuma looked legitimately concerned. “It’s even worse than I thought.”

“Recognize _what_?”

“Catra. You’ve been thinking about this girl so much that you didn’t even know we finished the news for the morning. You didn’t remember coming to work yesterday at all. You forgot my _name_.”

“Okay, yeah, I’m an idiot. What’s your point?”

“You’re acting like you’re in love.”

Catra paled.

…_Love?_

Oh no. No, no. No way. That was not it. She did not do _love_.

Yeah, she felt a connection with Adora, and she was definitely cute. _Really_ cute. But no fucking way. Uh-uh.

“Perfuma, you sure you’re not losing it? This is _me_ we’re talking about.”

“I’m aware.”

“Then what the hell makes you think this is…_that_?”

Perfuma brought a hand to her cheek. “Oh my. You can’t even say it. You really are in love.”

Catra gritted her teeth. As much as she wanted to tell Perfuma to shove it, she couldn’t deny that she was acting like a lovesick teenager.

But there was no way.

“I guess you’re still scared…” Perfuma sounded almost disappointed. “I was hoping you’d finally moved on…”

“Yeah, well it doesn’t work that way.” Catra stood and grabbed her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Without waiting for a response, Catra stormed out of the studio. Who did she think she was? Some sort of expert? It wasn’t something anyone could understand. Even Scorpia…

Catra pulled out her phone and called an Uber. The nearest one was 15 minutes away.

“Fucking really?” she grumbled to herself.

She tapped her foot impatiently. She just wanted to get home and go to bed. Nothing sounded better than checking out and turning her overactive brain the fuck off, especially since it seemed so keen on chugging its stupid thoughts right on ahead.

…Why _did_ it still bother her so much? It had been _years_ at this point.

Catra closed her eyes in thought. She knew it was okay to still be upset. Her friends all told her it was okay. There was no reason to be ashamed of feeling, and she knew that. Her rational side knew that; healing was a long process and it looks different for everyone, as the school counselor once told her.

Yet, here she was. Something as simple as a damn word could send her spiraling back to that time. Eyes filled with pure vitriol: the image in her head was still clear as the day it happened. Love was...no. Catra wasn’t ready for that. She wasn’t sure if she ever would be again.

_I really haven’t changed, _she thought. _I’m pathetic._


	7. When Troye Sivan Said, "I'm Afraid of the Life That I've Made," I Felt That. If Only I Could Feel at Ease.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra struggles with her emotions. She and Adora meet up to clear their heads.

The illumination from the streetlights filtered in through the half-drawn curtains, providing the only source of light for the otherwise pitch-dark room. Catra lay sprawled out across her sheets, the comforter abandoned and crumpled on the floor, pillows strewn about the length of the bed. She stared with disinterest up at her ceiling. Her eyes begged to close, her brain pleaded for some rest. But as usual, her mind would _not_ let go. Thoughts of Adora filled her head and seemed unwilling to leave her alone: about their nonexistent “childhood”, about their meeting, about what any of it meant.

The night at Razz’s kept replaying itself, stuck on a loop. Everything about Adora was just _easy. _There was no formality with her. Just a straightforward connection. She still couldn’t get over the rush she felt when Adora said her eyes made her remember, that she felt a “cosmic connection”…and the way her eyes lit up when Catra confirmed that they were, in fact, friends.

Other memories began to come back since that night. Catra recalled the vague image of the place she assumed they had called home, although it was far from homey. The scenery resembled a military base far more than a home. Metal pipes covered most every wall, which were also metal. That seemed to be the major theme. Catra wasn’t an interior designer or anything, but even she could tell the place needed some work.

The peculiar part, though, was the feelings that place evoked. Despite the cold, downright scary images of the whirring machinery and murky sky…Catra felt warm. Yeah, there was discomfort, and unease, maybe even a sense of legitimate fear. But it still gave her the distinct sense of belonging. That was where she met Adora, after all. Any place that could give her a gift like that couldn’t be all bad, she figured.

_Adora…_

Perfuma was right, and she hated it.

Catra had fucked up a lot, sure. _A lot_. But she really didn’t feel like she deserved this sort of emotional turmoil. She’d paid her dues, a hundred times over. Surely, _surely_, the universe could cut her a break, just this one time. But even something so fortunate for anyone else had to come in the guise of a knife to an old scar.

Her relationship with the idea of intimacy was complicated. She’d blame it on growing up in foster care, but that would be a lie. She was lucky enough to actually have decent guardians; combined with Scorpia staying by her side throughout most all of her life, Catra truly couldn’t blame her circumstances. She _did_ have a support system. She _did_ have people who cared.

But she refused to address the real reason. She deserved to forget and move on. She deserved to live the rest of her life as though it never happened. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was childish., but Catra would rather live in a world where she didn’t have to remember every time someone mentioned _her_. She was doing a decent job of it, too. She hadn’t lost her cool over it even once.

At least she hadn’t until _someone_ decided to dredge it up again.

Fucking Perfuma…

Catra dragged in a deep breath and held it. One, two, three, four…she released it, mildly surprised when her chest felt more open and her shoulders felt a little more relaxed. Okay, so breathing exercises weren’t total bullshit after all. She allowed her eyes to close.

“…I’m okay,” she whispered to herself. “I am strong. I am enough as I am.”

Catra felt the tiniest part of her mind release, giving her just enough of a cathartic cleanse. She didn’t need to think about it right now. She would…eventually. But for now, it was better to focus on trying to sleep.

_…bzzz…_

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me?”

Catra rolled onto her side and glared at the offending device. The screen shone far too bright in the darkness of the room. She squinted at the notification, feeling her heart rate pick up as she saw the name staring back at her.

** _Adora: _ ** _Hey. Are you still up? **(1:24 AM)**_

** **

What the hell? Adora sure didn’t strike her as the night owl type.

** _Catra: _ ** _YOU’RE up? what the hell? **(1:25 AM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _I can’t sleep **(1:25 AM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _and you figured i was unstable enough to still be up? **(1:26 AM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _More hoping you were. I wanted to talk to you **(1:27 AM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _what’s up? **(1:27 AM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _Did Entrapta happen to talk to you today? **(1:28 AM)**_

Catra raised a brow. Entrapta? Random.

** _Catra: _ ** _no. why? **(1:29 AM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _A lot of stuff happened today. I’m kind of having a tough time coming to terms with it all **(1:30 AM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _what the hell happened? **(1:30 AM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _Easier to talk about in person. Would it be too hard to meet up? I could come over to your place? Or maybe the diner again? **(1:31 AM)**_

** **

Catra glanced around. Yeah, no, not this mess of a place.

** _Catra: _ ** _Razz’s works **(1:32 AM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _Awesome. I’ll see you in a bit **(1:32 AM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _see you there **(1:32 AM)**_

** **

** **

** **

Adora felt a smile creep its way onto her face as she walked into the diner. It was empty, again. Well, almost. This time, Catra sat waiting for her, same table as before, two mugs placed on the surface before her. Was she wearing a leather jacket? That was…really cool.

Probably would’ve been cooler if it wasn’t paired with sweatpants that looked like they had seen war and a shirt that was four sizes too big. But even that “just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-don’t-care-what-you-think” look suited Catra somehow.

Adora slid into the seat across from her.

“Hi,” she greeted.

Catra flashed her a grin. She definitely looked like she could use some sleep; dark circles that weren’t there a few days ago adorned the area beneath her eyes. But she didn’t seem particularly bothered by the situation, easing Adora’s conscience a bit.

“Hey Adora.”

“Thanks again for coming out so late.”

“It’s no big deal. Wouldn’t have pegged you as a midnight rendezvous kind of girl, though.”

“I’m usually not. Maybe you’re a bad influence.”

“Mm, I think I’d be okay with that.” Catra gestured to the mug in front of Adora. “Hope the same thing as last time is okay. You’re not really a coffee type, right?”

Adora nodded. “That’s perfect. Thanks.”

“No problem.” She took a sip of her coffee, as filled with cream as always. “So, you met up with Entrapta?”

“Yeah. It was…a lot.”

“She usually is. What was she on about this time?”

“About the memory thing.”

Catra straightened up in her seat. “Come again?”

“Entrapta has a theory about the memories we’ve been having. And it’s not just us. It’s her, and Bow, and Glimmer, and who knows who else.”

“Well what’d she say?”

“She thinks it has something to do with a ‘multiverse’. I don’t really understand it all myself, but I guess we can kind of think of it like past lives. So our memories are real, just from another ‘us’.”

Catra stared for a minute before laughing under her breath.

“Sure sounds like Entrapta. Guess it works for now.”

Adora blinked at the flippant response. “That sure was easy. You believe that?”

“I trust Entrapta. She’s the smartest person I know, and she gets all that science shit. If she says it’s some crazy-ass thing, I’m not about to argue. She’s never been wrong before.”

“I guess that’s fair.” Adora smiled a tad. “I didn’t realize you two were so close.”

“What? Where’d you get that from?”

“You _just_ said you trust her.”

“So?”

“Uh…usually you don’t trust people unless you’re good friends?”

Catra shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t like putting labels on things.”

“You said we’re ‘friends’ though.”

“Well that’s…different.”

“How? Haven’t you known her for years?”

“It just is, okay?”

“Okay.” Adora couldn’t help but frown. “I won’t pry. But you can talk to me, you know.”

Catra closed her eyes. “…I know. I appreciate it.”

Adora found herself staring at her face. Her bangs were brushed back tonight, giving her a clear view. Adora idly wondered if she styled it like that to sleep. Her hairline was actually a little uneven, with a small widow’s peak making itself present just slightly off-center of the middle of her forehead. Her eyes upturned at the outer corners, accentuated by her almost unreal eyelashes, giving her a sort of natural cat-eye appearance.

Just as Adora was admiring them, those eyes settled themselves on hers.

Catra smirked. “Can I help you?”

“Just…your eyelashes.” Adora felt heat flood into her cheeks as she tried her best to look anywhere but at Catra. “I’m jealous.”

“What?” Catra laughed. “You’re _jealous_?”

Well, she was in it now.

“Yeah. They’re so long. They’re pretty.”

“…Thanks. But I think yours are too.”

“Well thanks.”

Was this…was this flirting? Or was this just friendly? God, girls were so hard to figure out…

Wait, that wasn’t even the _point_ of her being here. Adora took a long drink from her mug and chastised herself.

_Stop trying to read into things! _she thought. _You’re not here to get a girlfriend!_

Catra cleared her throat.

“So, they’re real memories,” she started. “They really happened. Or at least that’s what we’re going with.”

Adora nodded. “Yeah. So I guess we really grew up together before.”

“Have you remembered anything else about it?”

“Not really. Just little things. Like I think we shared a bunk bed. What about you?”

“A bit. About where we grew up.”

Adora’s jaw dropped. “Get out! That’s huge!”

“It’s not like I remember _everything_ about it,” Catra chuckled. “But I do remember how it looked. Not the homiest place. Metal everything, covered in smog, lots of really loud machines.”

“Ew. We grew up there? That doesn’t sound very nice at all. Sounds army-like.”

“No, it definitely does.”

Catra’s tone didn’t sound so certain. Almost…nostalgic? Adora offered a playful albeit confused smile.

“That doesn’t sound bad to you?”

Catra leaned back in her chair. “Well…I don’t know.”

“Wait, really?”

“I mean, could it have been so terrible?” Catra gave her an intense look. Her eyes glistened with some unidentifiable emotion. “We don’t have any bad memories of it. Can’t be too bad, right?”

Adora hesitated to answer. Her natural inclination was to disagree, but something in the way Catra looked at her told her this wasn’t some simple question to her. For some reason, this mattered to her. A lot, by the looks of it.

“Well,” Adora said, “when you put it that way…you have a point. Still sounds scary.”

Catra’s face softened and the corners of her mouth turned upward, much to Adora’s relief.

_Good answer?_

“Definitely scary.”

_Good answer._

Adora felt a tension she didn’t know she was holding in her chest release itself. Her breathing came easier, felt lighter.

“I wonder what kind of place it really was,” she said. “Why would we be there as kids?”

“Maybe we were part of a secret government operation to raise the perfect soldiers from birth.” Catra grinned. “We were abducted from our homes as infants and trained to be ruthless killing machines.”

“_That’s_ your first instinct?”

“Or it was an experiment to see the effects of psychological torment on children, seeing how we handled traumatic events and living in such a dangerous environment.”

Adora laughed. “What are you _on_ about?”

“_Or_,” Catra proposed, “we were raised by a cult.”

“What is this, ‘Children of the Corn’?”

“I was thinking more ‘Indiana Jones’, but you know.”

“Wait, that’s what those movies are about?”

“You’ve…never seen ‘Indiana Jones’?” Catra blinked in bewilderment. “Like any of them?”

“My mother thought they were too violent.”

“And yet you know Stephen King.”

“The books. I wasn’t allowed to watch the movies.”

“I will never understand the double standards parents have…” Catra shook her head. “Oh yeah, violence is fine in books, but not in movies. _That’s_ what’ll fuck the kids up.”

“I didn’t say it made sense to me, either.” Adora held up a hand, as though to say “who knows”. “She didn’t like me reading books like that either, but she never actively tried to stop me.”

“Surprised you’re so mellow. If that was me, I would’ve been the shittiest teenager just to spite her.”

Adora fought the urge to grimace. “I didn’t mind it. I kind of like having a regimen. Rules and a schedule help keep my brain focused.”

“Hm. Fair enough.”

“I wonder if I was like that back then too.” Adora closed her eyes in thought.

“You mean the other you?”

Adora nodded. “Do you think things like that would carry over here?”

“It really did look like some kind of military base, so maybe. You probably liked it then, too.”

“Don’t know about that. I can’t imagine me ever doing well in that sort of environment. That’s probably a little too strict. I think I’d be anxious all the time.”

Catra paused. She stirred her spoon in her coffee, expression hard to read.

“…I don’t think so,” she finally said.

Adora tilted her head slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I think you’re good under pressure. Maybe you even thrive like that. I dunno. Just a feeling I get.” Catra stared at her hands clasped around her mug. “Not like that means anything.”

Adora reached out and placed a hand around hers. Catra’s eyes flicked up to Adora’s, then back down to where their hands touched, fixated and unblinking.

“Your other feelings have been right, Catra. You’ve got a good sense for that kind of stuff.”

“You, uh…you think so?”

Catra sounded so _uncertain_. For someone who seemed so naturally confident and nonchalant, she looked so fragile, like the gentlest breeze might blow away the tender expression. It tugged on Adora’s heart, new and familiar, but most certainly painful. She squeezed Catra’s hand.

“I know so. You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for.”

Catra laughed quietly, but it lacked any humor. “Don’t know about that…”

“I do.”

Catra met her eyes. “How are you so sure?”

“I don’t know.” Adora offered her a warm smile. “Just a feeling I get.”

“That so?” The teasing tone thankfully returned to Catra’s voice. “Alright, know-it-all.”

Adora grinned. “It’s okay, I know you like it.”

“I do _not_.”

“Riiiiiiiight.”

Catra shook her head despite the smile that made its way onto her face. She moved her hand away from Adora’s and the mug. Just as Adora was about to complain, Catra grasped onto her hand in a proper hold.

“If we’re gonna hold hands, let’s _actually_ hold hands,” she said.

Ignoring her speeding pulse, Adora felt a welcome sense of ease as her fingers tightened around Catra’s knuckles. The backs of her hands were so _smooth_, but her palm and fingers were oddly calloused. Adora ran the side of her pinky along her index finger, mapping the rough texture.

“Why are they like this?” she asked.

…

…

…Catra was silent. She gazed at their clasped hands.

“Catra?”

Catra reoriented her vision on Adora. “Huh?”

“Your hands are all rough. Why is that?”

“Oh, right. I never told you what I do for work. I’m a gaffer. I do lighting for the Channel 7 News. Lots of tightening fixtures and ripping tape. I know, my hands are pretty fucked.”

“Lighting? For the news? Really?”

“Yeah, I know. Not my dream job or anything.”

“What is?”

The question seemed to catch her off-guard. “Uh. Well, I’d like to go into film production. Be a DOP, eventually. Need to go back to school for that, though.”

“That’s so cool!”

“I, uh.” Catra scratched her cheek with her free hand. “Yeah. I think so, anyway.”

“I didn’t realize you were such a creative type.”

“Creative? No, not really. I just like that technical stuff.”

“But it’s artistic too, isn’t it? I mean, unless you’re just doing documentaries or something. But that’s artistic, too.” Adora squeezed her hand. “You’ve got to have a creative spirit to be in a field like that.”

Catra chuckled. “You should be a motivational speaker or something. But thanks. I feel a little better.”

“Me too.” Adora punctuated her sentence with a yawn. “And that’s my sign that I _really_ need to get to bed.”

“Just promise me next time you want couples’ therapy that it _won’t_ be at 3 AM, okay?”

Adora smiled, drowsiness drowning out the unease.

“I promise.”

The next thing Catra registered was waking up her bedroom. She groggily raised her head and felt around for her phone. Her hand found it on her nightstand and gripped it tightly, bringing it up to her face. She squinted at the display as she read the time.

12:53 PM. Good thing she didn’t work today. Saturdays were a godsend.

She was about to set the device back down when she noticed an unopened text. She propped herself up on an elbow and tapped the notification.

** _Adora: _ ** _Hey, sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. Had to get home before my mother woke up. You looked comfy. Didn’t want to wake you. Thanks for letting me nap at your place! Let’s make some real plans soon! **(5:02 AM)**_

Adora…stayed over?

Holy shit, how tired _was_ Catra last night? How did she not remember that _at all_? Where the hell did she sleep?

Catra sighed and fussed with her bangs.

So Adora saw her wreck of an apartment. _Great_. And she was too nice to say anything about it, Catra was sure.

_Okay, we don’t do going out past midnight anymore,_ she decided. _I’m way too much of a disaster for that to bring anything good._

Reluctantly, she shoved her phone in her sweatpants pocket, scooted to the edge of the bed, found her footing, and traipsed out to the living room. The couch, which had been covered in unfolded laundry, was cleared off. Its previous contents had been shoved onto the floor beside it. The only things remaining on top were a pillow from Catra’s bed and a neatly folded blanket. A little sticky note that read ‘Thank you!’ in a messy script rested atop the pillow.

That was odd. Catra sure didn’t own any office-supply-type items. No way was she ever organized enough to bother with anything like that. Which meant…

Did Adora carry around sticky notes?

The thought was enough to bring a smile to Catra’s face. The idea of Adora having a pack of those miniature ones in her pocket at all times was pretty damn cute. Catra pulled out her phone once more and typed out a response.

** _Catra: _ ** _just woke up. no prob. hope you made it home safe. we should do something while the sun’s out **(12:59 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _Wow, good afternoon, sleepyhead. **(1:00 PM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _you’re the one who got me out of bed at 2 in the morning **(1:00 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _Haha, that’s true. Thanks again **(1:01 PM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _no prob **(1:01 PM)**_

** **

She thought for a moment before adding on.

** _Catra: _ ** _btw i like the sticky notes **(1:02 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or not **(1:02 PM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _maybe **(1:03 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _What does that mean? **(1:03 PM)**_

Catra laughed to herself. Oh, Adora was _fun_ to mess with.

** _Catra: _ ** _don’t worry about it. but yeah, let’s do something. like maybe tomorrow? **(1:04 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _Tomorrow would work. But I am most definitely worrying about it. **(1:05 PM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _oh Adora, you’re adorable. **(1:05 PM)**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to get sappy or whatever, but I really do just want to take a quick second to say a huge thank you. 
> 
> I mentioned this on my tumblr, but I've been struggling to write anything for the past few years. I went to an arts high school, and my major was creative writing. I loved writing because it gave me an outlet to work through my mental health issues (I'm autistic and have ADHD, and have been suffering from depression since middle school). Unfortunately, the teacher I got stuck with was pretty awful. She tore me down a lot and never provided any concrete way for me to improve. It wasn't constructive in any way; she would just say things like, "this doesn't make sense," or, "you need to expand," without any additional notes.
> 
> I know now that she shouldn't have been teaching adolescents, who are at pretty serious developmental states in their lives, but as a young teen it REALLY hurt to have an adult figure who I truly wanted the approval of make me feel terrible about something I loved. Where I used to imagine writing a complete novel and being a published author, one of my biggest passions became devoid of any joy. It sapped my energy. I stopped posting any of my work in 9th grade, and honestly gave up on writing entirely after 11th grade. My mental health and overall happiness greatly diminished.
> 
> It wouldn't be an exaggeration for me to say that She-Ra really has saved my life. I've never been so quickly and so deeply enamored by anything before. The day I watched the first 2 seasons, I was up until 3 in the morning. I surprised MYSELF when I opened the notes on my phone and a story started coming out! I was WRITING. The last thing I can think of that made me feel that way was the first time I played Kingdom Hearts back when I was 5. For the first time in YEARS, I felt truly inspired again.
> 
> It was really nerve-wracking for me to post this story (and took a LOT of convincing from my friend). I was worried about getting the old criticism I used to hear from my teacher. I was worried I might spiral back to that time in my life. I was terrified of being perceived as stupid. So please know that all the positive feedback truly does mean the world to me. I really struggle with socialization, so responding to comments is hard for me, but I do read and love every single one of them! They make me smile, and it feels so, SO healing to be in an environment where people are so kind.
> 
> TLDR; thank you for all your support, and I'm so happy to be writing again.


	8. My Flirting Wasn't Supposed to Culminate in PTSD, But Here We Are.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer and Bow meet up to discuss their memories. Adora and Catra spend some time together, in which Catra encounters Adora's mother.

Glimmer groaned as her bedroom door squeaked open. She turned onto her stomach and pulled her blanket over her head to block out the morning light filtering through her window. The pressure of someone sitting on the bed beside her and the feel of something hard and vaguely cool pressing against her arm through the comforter was enough to earn a hesitant peek out from the inside of her cave.

Bow’s smiling face greeted her. The cooling sensation left as he held it up, revealing a tall can of peach tea just beginning to form condensation on the aluminum.

“Morning. I brought your favorite.”

Glimmer pushed her body up and back, stretching out her back in a pseudo child’s pose with a loud yawn. She sat up and let the blanket drape around her shoulders like a cape.

“Close the blinds?” she asked as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

Bow quickly obliged and Glimmer breathed a sigh of relief. Her face un-scrunched itself from squinting and settled on a tired smile.

“Thanks, Bow.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He pressed the can into her hands. Glimmer gripped it eagerly, cracked it open, and chugged down a good quarter of the can. Standard for her, at this point.

“Better?” Bow asked.

“Better.”

“Good. So, you wanted to talk?”

Right! That was why Bow was here. Glimmer was so used to him coming over pretty much any time that she totally spaced on the fact that there was a real reason this time.

“Yes, right. About the stuff the day before yesterday.”

“How’s your head? Have you had any pain since?”

Glimmer shook her head. “Nope. It’s settled down.”

“Good.” Bow paused. “You’re sure you didn’t want Adora here too? I mean, if we’re gonna talk about Entrapta’s theories, shouldn’t we have her here?”

“Yeah, but she said she was busy today. I can’t wait any longer.”

“Woah, why so eager?”

“Because I’m remembering stuff! You are too, right?”

“I think so. I’m pretty sure you never lived in a palace in this lifetime, sooooo.”

“A _palace_?!” Glimmer’s face lit up. “I lived in a _palace_?”

“That’s the only word I’d use for it.” Bow made a broad gesture with his hands. “It was _huge_. High ceilings, columns. I even think there were murals in the halls.”

“Oh my _god_.” Glimmer squealed and bounced up and down. “That. Is. So. _Cool._”

“That’s about all I remember though.”

“A _palace_…a _palace_!”

“Okay, we’re definitely into it,” Bow laughed.

“Duh! I mean, was I a princess or something?”

“I don’t know. Probably not crazy to assume something along those lines.”

“Ah, this is just! So cool!”

Bow nudged her arm with his own. “So, what about you? You’ve got memories too, right?”

“You bet I do.”

Glimmer shoved the can into Bow’s hand, reached under her bed and pulled out an old journal. She’d had that thing for _years_, and it was so beat-up. She’d patched up the spine with colorful duct tape more times than she could count, and ran out of pages on more than one occasion. No way was she ever getting rid of it though! She just added more pages whenever it was in need of a new coat of tape.

It was a monster masquerading as a composition notebook.

She flipped open to a page near the back, dated October 19th, the day at Entrapta’s. Bow leaned over as Glimmer tilted it so he could read.

“‘I remember Adora and I lived together’,” he read aloud, “‘and Bow was around so much he may as well have lived with us too. Not really different from now, except there was magic. My mom had wings, and my dad was a sorcerer.’ Wait, Glim, for real?”

Glimmer grinned. “For real! Keep going!”

“‘I could teleport-’ okay, now _that_ is cool.”

“Quit stopping in the middle, keep reading!”

“Okay, okay! Let’s see....‘I could teleport and use some kind of sparkly power that was bright like light. Bow was a master archer. He had all sorts of trick arrows that he liked to make.’” Bow paused. “Wait, hold on. Your powers sparkled, and I was an archer? And our names are…”

“Yeah, I know, okay?”

Bow failed to hold back a snort. “Oh man. Okay, the universe has a sense of humor.”

“There’s still more!”

Bow refocused on the page. “‘Adora had a glowing sword that turned her into a tall warrior princess.’ Glimmer, this sounds like a video game.”

“_That’s_ the part you’re getting hung up on? Bow. What?”

“I didn’t say the rest of it sounded normal either.” He glanced at the page, seeing no more. “That all?”

“Well, I remembered something else too…”

“But?”

“It’s about _her_.”

“You mean Catra?”

Glimmer stayed quiet. A few days ago, she would’ve jumped at the bit to spill everything. But now…she wasn’t so certain. Adora was so insistent on being Catra’s friend. Seeing her sad was the last thing Glimmer wanted.

But she was _bad_. Her newfound memories just cemented what Glimmer already knew; Catra was disgusting, and she’d _always_ been that way.

If it would keep Adora from getting hurt by her, maybe it was worth it.

“Glimmer?”

“…Yeah, it’s her.”

“What about her?”

Glimmer hesitated but turned the page. This entry was dated October 20th, just yesterday. Bow stared at the page as if he couldn’t quite process what he was reading.

“What _is_ this, Glimmer? I don’t understand…”

“There’s nothing to understand. This is what I remember.”

“But that can’t be right. I can’t really believe that Catra would…”

“I can. She’s evil, Bow.”

Catra stared at the house before her, if it could really be considered a house. The whole neighborhood _reeked_ of upper-middle class suburbia. Comfortable living, but at the cost of any soul. Excessive, but not enough to complain. Just enough for Catra to feel vaguely out of place. Not that she was some advocate for living in bohemia; it just rubbed her the wrong way.

Hell, the house had a double door and a three-car garage. That was _definitely_ not something she was used to seeing on the regular.

She climbed the two steps onto the front porch and rang the doorbell. The soft chime reverberated pleasantly. Even that was nicer here, huh?

Within a few seconds, Adora swung the door open. Her face lit up upon seeing Catra, and Catra felt herself returning the gesture.

“Hey Adora.”

“Hey!” She stepped to the side. “Come on in.”

Catra stepped through the threshold and was immediately overwhelmed. The whole front room was coated varying shades of white and red. It would have been kind of cool and modern-looking, if not for the utter lack of any sort of reminders that this was in fact a _home_. There were no portraits, no signs that this was a place people were meant to live and be comfortable in.

Adora looked at Catra’s face and laughed a little.

“Yeah, I know. My mother is all about keeping the place professional.”

“Okay, but you _live_ here.”

“Not really. This may as well be a second office, as far as she’s concerned.”

“That’s really gross.”

“Yeah…come on, let’s go to my room.”

Adora lead the way down the hall, which was once again barren of any life, through one of the identical doors on the left-hand side.

The gentle cream of the walls and soft pink of the bedding immediately greeted Catra’s eyes. What looked like a real-wood desk sat in the corner, with a small shelving unit filled with textbooks and other things she presumed were for school. Catra read the titles curiously.

“Sociology, huh?”

“Ah, yeah.”

“Figures you’d be into something like that.” Catra smiled. “What’re you thinking after school?”

“I’m predictable. Just social work. Adoption.”

“Hey, it’s not ‘just’ social work. They could use more people like you.”

“You think?”

“I _know_. I would’ve killed to have someone like you handle my case.”

Adora stared for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“I grew up in foster care.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yep. I’ll just take it as another weird sign that we’re meant to be friends.”

Adora looked absolutely delighted. “Looks like it.”

She was _so_ damn cute.

“Mind if I sit?”

“Oh, yeah! Go for it.” Adora sat on the edge of her bed. “You’re sure you just wanna hang out here? We could go somewhere else.”

“No, this is perfect,” Catra said, opting for the desk chair.

“If you say so.”

“I do. Besides, I think it’s only fair. You got to see my mess; I deserve to see your place.”

“It wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“Don’t even _try_ to lie to me, Adora. I know full-well how much of a disaster it is.”

“…Your couch was comfy?”

Catra laughed. “Seriously, stop.”

“Okay. So, anything you want to do? Do you want something to drink?”

“Nah, I’m fine. It’s your house, so you get to pick.”

“But _you’re_ the guest.”

“You want me to decide because you have no idea, don’t you?”

“That is…_part_ of it.”

“Just tell me what you really want, Adora.”

“Honestly, I just want to talk. I feel like you’d get bored talking to me, though.”

“What? Why would I?”

“I’m not _really_ interesting. I mean, weird cosmic stuff aside, I don’t have a lot going on. I’m just…kind of here.”

Catra looked her over as Adora’s gaze fixated on her lap. Her face was neutral enough, but Catra knew better.

“Alright, we’re playing a game.”

Adora looked up, confusion playing on her face. “A game?”

“Yep. Two truths and a lie. You know how to play?”

Adora’s smile returned as she gave a firm nod.

Catra grinned and brought a foot onto the seat, resting her chin on her knee. “Great. I’ll go first then.” She held up a finger for each as she spoke. “One: I know how to play the guitar. Two: I own the entirety of ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’ on DVD. Three: I don’t have a driver’s license.”

Adora crossed her arms and tilted her head in thought. “I’ve never seen you drive…”

“True.”

“Your nails…there’s no way you play guitar. That one’s the lie.”

“Ooh, incorrect.” Catra winked. “I’m real rusty, but I do know how. I also have a driver’s license.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Cars are just fucking expensive and I’m a broke-ass bitch.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

“Alright, your turn, blondie.”

“Okay. Let’s see…I wanted to be a singer when I was a kid. I can do the splits. I speak Spanish.”

“Oh?” Catra grinned. “¿De veras? ¿La gringa habla Español?”

Adora gave a mischievous smile. “Quizás. Tal vez pueda, tal vez no pueda. ¿Quién sabe?”

“Ay, que atrevida de tu,” Catra said with a laugh. “Alright, I believe you on that. You’re fit, but flexible is a different story. And singing, huh?”

“_Maybe_.”

“Okay, that’s a lie.”

Adora let out a short laugh and crossed a leg underneath the other. “Aw, how’d you know?”

“You’re not the type. I don’t even know if you sing.”

“I actually used to take singing lessons. Never liked them.”

“I’d like to hear you sometime.”

“Ha, maybe. If you’ll play for me.”

“Only if you’re okay with me missing every other note.”

“I’m probably in the same boat, so that goes _double_ for you.”

Catra held out her pinky in offering. Adora’s face lit up in a beam as she linked her own with Catra’s.

“It’s a promise,” Catra said.

“Promise.”

The creaking of the front door caught their attention. Adora’s face filled with fear.

“_Shit!_” she whispered, jolting up from the bed and pulling Catra by the arm over to the closet. “Please just stay in here, I’ll explain later.”

Before Catra could begin to ask, Adora shoved her inside and closed the door.

_What the hell?_

A quick rap on the bedroom door was followed by a lilting, “Adora?”

Catra felt her entire body go stiff. She stumbled back, stopped only by the mass of hanging clothes behind her.

_That voice…_

“Yes, mother?”

_Mother?_

The door opened and closed quickly. “Might I ask what this is?”

“That’s…it’s not…” Adora’s voice trembled. “How did you get that?”

“It’s not what, exactly? Is this not you?”

“How did you _get _that?” she repeated.

“That is inconsequential.”

“It is _not_!”

“You should know better than to take that tone with me, my dear. It is not your place to demand such information.”

“Are you having someone _stalk _me?!”

What the_ fuck_? _This _was Adora’s mother?

Catra clenched her jaw, biting back the taste of bile that filled her mouth. God, it all hit her just so _wrong_. She wanted to burst into the room and clock that woman square in the face. She wanted to grab Adora and run.

But she _couldn’t_. Something kept Catra there like a paralysis agent. It refused to let go, demanded she stay. Self-preservation or cowardice: it didn’t matter. She was doing _nothing_, when Adora needed her.

That woman’s voice was haunting. A phantom echo of _something_ that Catra could not, for the life of her, begin to truly place.

“It matters not.”

“It _matters_! You can’t just do that! I’m an _adult_, and I don’t have to tell you everything I do!”

“You live in _my_ house. You will obey _my_ rules.”

“I _do_. I don’t have a curfew, and you don’t get to follow me around like a shadow!”

_Shadow._

Catra’s eyes shot wide open. The pieces began to shift in her mind, the dots slowly connecting themselves.

“Answer me,” her mother began again, voice brimming with a steadfast resolve. “What were you doing there, Adora?”

“Not until you answer me! Who took that?!”

Adora let out a near whimper.

_Dammit,_ _do something!_

“This sort of insolence will bring you naught. You had best give me a response.”

“No!”

A resonating _smack_ rang out, followed by the sound of the mattress groaning.

“You _will_ tell me, Adora. You will not leave this room until you do.”

The door slammed shut, followed by the sound of it locking. Catra’s limbs finally released and she bolted out of the closet, eyes landing on Adora, half-crumpled on the bed, clutching her cheek. Catra rested a knee on the bed beside her and gently gripped her shoulders, pulling her to an upright position.

“Adora…”

A mix of disbelief and sorrow fought for dominance on Adora’s face.

“She’s…never _hit_ me before…” Her voice was barely there.

Catra gritted her teeth, struggling to keep her volume down. “Dammit! Why didn’t I _do_ anything?!”

“No, no…” Adora shook her head. “It would have just been worse…I’m sorry. I didn’t think she’d be home.”

“Why the _fuck_ are you apologizing? You did nothing.”

“This is my fault…if I’d been more careful…”

“You can’t help your mother being a fucking sociopath. What did she do?”

Adora closed her eyes and lowered her head. “She had a picture of me at Razz’s. Through the window.”

“Shit…dammit, Adora, you can’t stay here. C’mon, we’re going. We can get out through the window, yeah?”

“I can’t just leave, Catra.”

Catra yanked her to her feet. “I am not letting you be around that _monster_.”

“You wouldn’t understand…”

Catra’s gaze was unfaltering. “I understand better than you know. I’m not letting her do to you what she did to me.”

Adora slowly raised her face. “What she did to you…?”

“We can talk about it _after_ we get the fuck out of here. Come on, grab what you need for a few days and let’s _go_.”

“…Okay.”

Catra punched in the gate number and lead Adora upstairs, into the mess once again. Adora was silent; Catra couldn’t blame her. Everything was still kind of a blur.

She led Adora in by the hand and over to the couch. Adora plopped down without question, backpack still firmly over both shoulders. Catra kneeled before her to get a better look at her face.

Her cheek was bright red and swollen. Without thinking, Catra reached out to touch, but Adora flinched and pulled away.

“Sorry…shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s okay…”

God, Adora wasn’t _like_ this. She was warm and kind, smiles and reassurance. She was so strong. But right now, she looked just as empty as Catra once was.

And Catra couldn’t do _shit_ to help.

“Let me, uh, get you something. I think I have some arnica…”

Catra rushed off to the bathroom and shuffled around in the drawers for the hopefully existent medicine. At _least_ let her be able to provide _something_.

“…What am I supposed to do?” Adora was barely audible. “I have to go back, eventually…”

“Don’t think about that right now. We’re going to figure this out.”

Catra felt a surge of relief as she stumbled upon the small yellow cannister. She grabbed it and walked back out. Adora hadn’t moved an inch, face downcast.

“Here, let’s at least take your bag off.”

Catra carefully removed the straps from her shoulders and slid the bag off, setting it on the floor. She sat beside Adora and unscrewed the cannister, coating the tips of her index and middle finger in the dense ointment.

“Look at me?”

Adora didn’t budge. Catra frowned.

“Adora, look at me. This’ll make it feel better.”

Slowly, painfully, Adora turned her head to look at Catra. Her eyes…Catra tried to ignore the nausea she felt. Adora’s wellbeing was more important.

She scooted closer for a better angle, one leg resting behind Adora on the couch, one dangling off the edge. Gently, she ran her fingers over her cheek, massaging the salve into the puffed skin. Adora winced but otherwise had no reaction.

“She really did a number on you…”

“What did you mean before?” Adora asked. “About her ‘doing what she did to you’?”

Catra grimaced. “She raised both of us. She was even worse before. To me, anyway. You were her favorite.”

Adora looked contemplative. “…I don’t know what to…”

“You don’t have to think anything of it right now. Focus on you. Worry about yourself.”

Catra withdrew her hand, her fingers lingering for maybe a moment too long.

“There. Now you won’t get a crazy bruise.”

“…Thanks.”

Catra tightened the cap back onto the container and set it on the already crowded coffee table.

“Do you need water or anything?”

“No, I’m okay.” Adora’s eyes slipped closed and she leaned her head back. The small of her back rested against Catra’s thigh. “What do I do now?”

“You stay here as long as you need to.”

Adora side-eyed her, uncertain. “You don’t really mean that…”

“Adora. What reason do I have to lie to you?” Catra took Adora’s closest hand in both of hers. “I’m not letting you go back to that place. We’re friends. It’s you and me against the world. It’s not much, but you have a home here. You belong here, for as long as you want or need.”

“I don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t need to say anything.” Catra ran her thumbs over the back of her hand. “I’m here for you. I know you would do the same thing for me.”

“In a heartbeat.”

“Exactly. We look out for each other. Nothing _really_ bad can happen as long as we stick together.”

“…Thank you, Catra.”


	9. Tides Are Changing, Fate is Fickle, and Liars Love It.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Scorpia meet for the first time. Beatrix calls upon Mermista.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos/comments. They make me smile! I loved reading everyone's theories about what's going to happen haha. It's so flattering that you guys are so invested!

_“Hey, Catra?”_

_“What?”_

_“Can I ask you something?”_

_“You just did. But go ahead.”_

_“Do you think we’ll always be friends?”_

_“What kind of question is _that_?”_

_“I’m serious!”_

_“Hey, don’t get so worked up.”_

_“Well, you won’t give me a straight answer.”_

_“You’re really stupid, aren’t you? Of course we’ll always be friends.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Really. You’re the only one I can stand around here, anyway, so I’m basically stuck with you.”_

_“Hey!”_

_“Haha, you should see your face!”_

_“You’re so mean to me! I take it all back!”_

_“You know you like it.”_

_“Not as much as you like me.”_

_“I do _not_ like you.”_

_“Aww. Love you too, Catra.”_

As Adora came to, only two things sprang to the forefront of her mind.

One: she felt like she’d been mowed over by a semi-truck.

Two: this was not her room.

The lumpy couch she lay on felt oddly familiar, though, she thought. She stirred and pushed herself up onto an elbow for a better view of her surroundings.

Messy. It would just be cluttered if not for the large pile of unfolded laundry, dirty dishes, and scattered papers on every available surface. Despite that, there was no obvious dirt or grime, almost as if the mess had been cleaned around but not picked up itself.

This was…Catra’s place.

_Right_.

The dappled sunlight strewn in from the window splattered across her face, pleasant despite the ache in her left cheek. The events of yesterday emerged into Adora’s consciousness; it felt painful and fresh, yet distant and numb. She could still feel the palm across her face, and Catra’s fingers easing the sting after the fact.

_Catra…_

Adora slowly managed to sit up. She pulled her hair tie out, releasing the messy ponytail and rubbing at the spot where the base sat to ease the soreness. She should know better than to sleep with it in at this point. Given the circumstances, though, she supposed she could forgive past-Adora.

A light from the coffee table captured her attention. Her phone flashed demandingly, begging to be acknowledged. Just a text, but what caught Adora’s eye was the time and date.

It was the next day! Jesus, how long did she sleep? It was only supposed to be a nap…

Not only that, but it was _way _late in the day. She’d missed _every_ class. She’d definitely owe her professors an apology email.

There were also several missed calls…from her mother.

With a sigh, and choosing to ignore that part, she checked her messages.

** _Catra: _ ** _hey. sorry for not waking you. think you deserve the rest though. i’m at work until 2 **(5:34 AM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _just checking in on you. let me know when you see this **(10:12 AM)**_

** **

Adora felt the corners of her mouth tilt upward at that. It was…really nice. Being cared about like that.

She scrolled down to the latest.

** _Catra: _ ** _hey so Scorpia is coming over. can you let her in if she gets there before i get home? **(1:27 PM)**_

** **

Right, Scorpia. Adora remembered her from the picture Glimmer sent her.

** _Adora: _ ** _Sure thing **(1:29 PM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _awesome, thanks **(1:29 PM)**_

Adora set the phone back down. She wondered who exactly Scorpia was to Catra. She knew they were friends, but was that all? Adora got the feeling there had to be more to the story than that.

She jumped at a soft set of knocks on the door. Adora stood on unsteady legs and stumbled her way to the door, opening it to reveal a smiling Scorpia.

Oh wow. She was _really_ tall. It would’ve been intimidating from anyone else, but Scorpia just exuded friendliness.

“Hi! It’s nice to meet you, Adora!”

Scorpia scooped her up into a big hug, earning a little grunt from Adora as her feet left the floor.

Okay, strong too.

“Uh, hi,” Adora managed. “It’s, erm, really nice to meet you too…”

Scorpia set her back down and Adora breathed a sigh of relief. She moved aside to let Scorpia in and closed the door behind her. Scorpia took a seat at the small dining table, which was covered in empty mugs and piles of mail, alongside a single plastic shopping bag.

How was Catra okay with just leaving that there?

“So, how are you?” Scorpia asked. “Catra said you had a rough night.”

“Oh, um. Yeah. Guess so.”

“Ooh, okay. I won’t pry.”

Adora frowned. “No, it’s not…you weren’t. I’m just in…a weird spot right now. Mentally.”

Okay, this mess was _really_ starting to bug her. She started gathering up the dirty dishes from the table, the counter, and deposited them in the already half-full sink. Adora scanned the lower cabinets. No dishwasher, huh…by hand it was.

“Oh, here, let me help.” In a second, Scorpia was there beside her. “I’ll put them away.”

Adora offered an appreciative look. “Thanks.”

She pushed her loose hair behind her ears, turned on the water, and started rinsing one of the grimier plates. They got into an easy rhythm; Adora would scrub and rinse, Scorpia would dry and return them to their proper places.

“By the way,” Scorpia started after some time, “if you _do_ want to talk, I’m here. Any friend of Catra’s is a friend of mine.”

“…Thanks. I might like that, actually. This has been a really weird few days.”

“Oh, right, all the memory stuff.”

Adora’s eyes widened and she paused. “You know?”

“Sure I do. Catra told me all about it.”

Oh. Right, of course Catra would tell her. They were like best friends. Maybe even more.

Adora couldn’t quite ignore the little pit that burrowed itself in her stomach. The thought was innocent enough, but it perturbed her nonetheless. And she was not a fan.

Why should it bother her? Catra was allowed to do whatever she wanted.

She had a whole life that Adora didn’t know about. A whole life that _wasn’t_ their memories. A whole life that didn’t involve Adora at all. It’s not like their weird memory business meant that Catra’s life suddenly had to revolve around her.

Adora couldn’t expect that, and would never expect that. It’s not like she devoted all her time to thinking about Catra.

…But that was a big fat lie.

Adora knew.

Even as she thought it, Adora _knew_.

The feelings were new, and they were terrifying with how strong they were, but Adora couldn’t deny that there was something inside desperately trying to tell her something.

She felt it.

She felt the way her heart fluttered around Catra. The way she felt looking at Catra’s eyes, when she saw the little freckles that peppered her cheeks, when Catra smiled, when she held her hand, when her fingers touched her face, when she sat so, so close last night…

“Adora? You okay?”

Adora blinked, her consciousness returning to her current situation, the hot water running idly over her hands.

Right.

Dishes.

Scorpia.

“I’m okay. Just zoned out.” She began her work again. “Hey, Scorpia? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“You and Catra. You’re best friends, right?”

“Yep!” Scorpia had a dreamy smile on her face.

Adora swallowed her pride. “Is that all?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like…are you…dating?”

Scorpia averted her gaze. “Oh, no. No, no. Just friends. Trust me, Catra is…oops. Forget I said anything.”

“Catra is _what_? You like her, right?”

Scorpia looked conflicted. “It’s not that easy. Maybe at one point, but Catra’s _happiness _is the most important thing to me now. Especially since- _geez_, I am so bad.”

Adora turned off the water and looked fully at Scorpia.

“Scorpia?”

“Sorry. I’m not trying to be weird.” Scorpia let out a long sigh. “It’s just not really my place to say, you know? She’s been through a lot, and I know she really likes you, but I don’t think she’s ready for _that_ yet…”

Adora’s brain stopped computing halfway through that last sentence.

Catra…_liked_ her?

The heat rose to Adora’s face in seconds.

Was she blowing this out of proportion? Did Scorpia mean it like that? Did Scorpia even realize how that sounded? Was _she_ the one taking it the wrong way?

_Play it cool!_

“Catra likes me?”

_WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU._

“I thought that was pretty obvious?” Scorpia looked a little surprised. “I don’t know many other people she’d leave the house past midnight for. And she’s talked about you a lot. So yeah, I’d say she likes you a lot.”

Oh. That kind of like.

“She really does tell you everything,” Adora said, more to herself than anything else.

“Yeah, but I’ve known her for years. You guys only just met, and she’s already so comfortable with you.” A smile slipped onto Scorpia’s face. “Seeing Wildcat so relaxed around you is so nice…”

“Wait, ‘Wildcat’?”

“Yep.”

Adora couldn’t help but snicker. She was definitely using that one later.

“You said you wanted to talk about you though, right?” Scorpia asked. “It’s okay if you changed your mind.”

“No, I still do.” Adora turned the water back on and finished the last few dishes. “So you already know about all the weird stuff, right?”

“Yep. Well, I have the feelings, too.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Catra said something that made me remember some stuff. I think _we_ used to know each other too. At least kind of.”

“Huh?” Adora frowned. “I don’t think I know you though.”

“Ah, well…might be a reason for that.” Scorpia looked contemplative, but not willing to say more on the matter.

“Okay…”

“But, yeah, I know all about the memory stuff. Entrapta’s been talking about it, too. She’s working really hard to figure it all out!”

Adora smiled to herself. She knew that everyone had a reason to be involved. It was all of them that were being affected, after all. But it still felt like a little support group. If they were crazy, they were all crazy. And honestly? Adora could live with that.

Scorpia took the last plate from Adora and began drying.

“You know, Catra’s been having these thoughts for so long, I’m so glad you’re _real_.”

“What do you mean?”

Scorpia stopped in her tracks, hand frozen as she finished returned the dish to its proper place, as though she hadn’t realized what came out of her mouth.

“That’s…to say…what I _meant_ was…”

“Oh, no, you can’t just let that slip and then say nothing.” Adora grabbed Scorpia by the shoulders and turned her so they were face-to-face, or as close as they could get. “What do you mean?”

Scorpia’s mouth quirked to the side in discomfort. “Catra’s…she’s had memories of you for a long time. Almost her whole life.”

Adora’s breath hitched in her throat.

“She has?”

Scorpia nodded slowly. “None of us thought it could be real…I mean, she didn’t remember your name or anything. Just what you looked like as a kid. That you were friends. We thought she made you up. But here you are…and all this weird stuff…”

Adora stared up at Scorpia’s face. Not a single trace of anything but pure sincerity lay there.

She was telling the truth.

Adora let go of her and stumbled back, shoulders finding a place to lean on the wall. Her chest felt like it was about to explode. This week was insane, across the board, but _this_? This made her head swirl with thoughts.

What did that mean? How had Catra dealt with that all alone for so long? Why didn’t _she_ have any memories of Catra before? Why couldn’t they find each other sooner?

Did “like” mean more than just “like”?

“Adora?”

Adora gazed up at Scorpia.

“Why didn’t she try and find me before?”

Scorpia blinked. “Well…I guess the same reason none of us had any memories until recently? I’m not an expert or anything.”

Scorpia must have seen the fragility in Adora’s eyes, because the next moment her hand found Adora’s shoulder and gave a comforting squeeze.

“Hey, if it means anything, finding you has made Catra the happiest she’s been in a long time.” Scorpia’s eyes filled with gentle reassurance. “I’m glad she did, too. Seeing her happy, it…it makes me happy.”

This time it was Adora’s arms wrapping around Scorpia, holding her tight. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was feeling, but happiness was a big part of it. A certain kind of joy swelled up inside of her, accentuated as Scorpia returned the hug with ease.

“Sorry,” Adora said. “I just…”

“Shhh. No need to explain.” Scorpia ran her hand in soothing circles along Adora’s shoulders. “I get it. This is a lot for all of us. We’re all a little emotional right now. No judgment.”

Alright, Adora had decided. Scorpia was a quality person.

After a long while, Adora pulled away and gave Scorpia a big smile.

“Thanks, Scorpia. I feel a lot better. You give great hugs.”

“No need to thank me.” Scorpia returned the expression with a grin of her own. “Like I said, a friend of Catra’s is a friend of mine.”

Adora suddenly became acutely aware of the hair resting on her shoulders.

Off.

It needed to get off.

Right now.

She pulled her hair up and worked it into a ponytail as she headed out of the kitchen, back to the majority of Catra’s living mass of mess. She pulled the hair tie from her wrist and secured it, breathing a little sigh of relief.

Much better.

Adora scanned the rest of the room. The papers…yep, those had to be next.

“Are you going to keep cleaning? Want help?” Scorpia asked.

Adora shook her head. “Nah, I’m alright.”

“You sure? I don’t mind.”

“I’m sure. Just hang out. I like talking to you.”

“Aw. If you say so.”

As Scorpia took a seat at the table, Adora started rounding up all the stray paper products. Flyers, loose junk mail, old magazines. It was pretty much all garbage. She got it all dumped into a big bin for recyclables, gratefully pointed out by Scorpia.

_So_ much better.

The tables were actually clear now. Well, aside from the plastic bag on the dining table.

“Hey, Scorpia, what’s in that?” Adora asked, pointing at the object in question.

“Oh, that must be the stuff she got from Lonnie. Think it’s just some shirts?”

“I’ll throw those in with the laundry, then.”

Adora grabbed the bag up, frowning at the feeling of something firm and most certainly not clothing. Curiously, she pulled out the offending item.

“Hm? Does Catra draw?”

“Ah! Um, maybe _don’t _look in that.”

Well now she _had _to know.

Adora gave a sly smile and flipped the sketchbook open. Her eyes settled on the page and the smile faded almost as quickly as it appeared. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but it wasn’t this.

“Is that…me?”

On the page was a scarily accurate portrait of a little Adora, maybe around 7 or 8. Everything about it was spot on: the missing tooth in the big grin, the little tuft of hair that never quite made it into her ponytail.

Scorpia shifted in her seat, avoiding looking anywhere even close to Adora. Adora frowned and turned to another page. A new picture of herself stared up at her, face turned downward in a pout. Another page, another drawing, this time her sitting on a bed, swinging her legs.

“Scorpia? Why is…is this really just filled with _me_?”

“…Probably, yeah.”

“But…_why_?” Adora frowned at the sketchbook.

“Put. It. Down.”

The two whipped their heads around to see Catra standing in the doorway.

How did neither of them hear the door open?

Catra’s face was neutral, but her eyes were burning with some indiscernible emotion. Adora swallowed, a little intimated by the intensity in her gaze.

“I’m sorry, Catra, I didn’t-”

“Put. It. _Down._ Adora.”

Adora quickly closed it up and set it back on the table, raising her empty hands in a surrendering gesture. Catra immediately relaxed, the pseudo-glare fading into something akin to embarrassment.

“Don’t snoop through my stuff…”

“Sorry,” Adora said. “I didn’t mean to. I was just-”

“Woah, wait, what happened?” Catra interrupted, eyes roaming around the room. “Did you…did you guys clean?”

“Um, yeah.” Adora welcomed the topic change. “Thought it might be nice for you to come home to something a little neater. That and it was driving me kind of crazy…”

Catra let out a breathy laugh. “That sounds like you. Thanks. That’s sweet of you.”

Adora felt relief flood her body, releasing muscles she didn’t realize she was tensing. There would be a time and place to address those drawings. It was not now.

“Don’t mention it, Wildcat.”

“Don’t tell me you’re about to start on that bullshit too.”

Adora laughed softly. “It’s cute.”

“I like it, Wildcat,” Scorpia said with a smile.

“_You made it up,_ Scorpia.”

“I still like it!”

Catra sighed and dropped her bag by the door, kicked off her shoes, and found a seat on the couch.

“So, Scorpia,” she started. “You wanted to talk?”

“Yes! So, about the Super Pal Trio and the Best Friend Squad coming together-”

“The what and the _what_ now?” Catra raised an eyebrow.

“Well, _we’re_ the Super Pal Trio – you, me, and Entrapta. And Adora, Bow, and Glimmer are the Best Friend Squad.”

“Those are the dumbest names I’ve ever heard in my life. Why do we need group names? We know each other.”

Scorpia jutted her lower lip out in a pout. “Names are fun though…”

Catra looked over at Adora, seemingly for solidarity. Adora smiled awkwardly.

“I think the names are fun…”

“Ugh. You two are hopeless.” Catra leaned on the armrest beside her and waved her other hand vaguely. “Whatever, go on. About the Gal Pal Brigade or whatever.”

“It’s ‘Super Pal’- you know, it’s fine.” Scorpia shook her head. “The point is, I thought we could set something up! For all of us to hang out? So we can get to know each other.”

“Don’t we know each other at this point?”

“Well, not all together,” Adora jumped in. “Besides, you and Glimmer haven’t ever made up, right? Maybe it would be easier in a group?”

Catra gritted her teeth and looked away. “I don’t…look, I know what I said, but…”

“Glimmer agreed to at least tolerate you. You can work with that, right?”

“Adora, seriously, I’m not…”

Adora walked over and sat beside her, taking her hand gently. Catra didn’t hold it back.

“Catra, please? You guys don’t even have to talk, you just have to exist around each other.”

“That’s a lot.”

“I know. But we’ll all be there. So please?”

“…I will _think_ about it.”

Mermista generally thought of herself as a pretty nonchalant person. Not much got a reaction out of her, save for Jeoff embarrassing her in public, and that was more of a PDA thing than anything else. It was one of the things she actually prided herself on. Keeping a cool public image was important not just for work, but for her self-esteem.

But at certain times, more accurately when a certain some_one _was around, that could be a hefty challenge.

And that was the situation she found herself in today.

She and Jeoff were relaxed on the couch, watching some movie that frankly Mermista had zero interest in. But it made Jeoff happy, and gave her an excuse to lay with her head in his lap, so she went with it. She’d rarely admit it out loud, but seeing him happy really did make her remember why she fell for him in the first place.

Ew, that was sappy.

Regardless, she was content.

Or she _would_ have been, if not for someone knocking at their door.

Mermista sat up with a quirked brow. “Did the gate guard let someone in? We’re not expecting anyone today, right?”

“Not that I know of, dear…”

Mermista groaned and hoisted herself onto her feet, going to the door. She leaned up to look through the peephole, only to retract as her lip curled in disgust.

_What is _she_ doing here?_

Reluctantly, Mermista opened the door just a crack.

“Beatrix. We weren’t expecting you.”

“Forgive me for calling unexpectedly.” Beatrix gave a smile faker than the woman herself. “I am having a problem, you see. I don’t suppose you might know where my daughter is?”

Her daughter? Why the hell would she know that?

“Uhhhh, no? What, she run away from home?”

The façade cracked just a smidge at that. “She simply did not return home last night. I have not heard from her.”

“Well I don’t know, so if you’d just let me get back…”

Mermista made to close the door, but was stopped by Beatrix shoving her leg in the frame. Mermista frowned and, knowing there was no point in arguing, opened the door fully to let her in.

“Look, Beatrix, I really don’t know. Did you try calling?”

“Of course. But she wouldn’t answer.”

“How old is she, again?”

“22, but she’s still my little darling. If anything were to happen to her…”

Good one. That was almost convincing. From anyone else, Mermista definitely would’ve felt inclined to help.

“She’s an adult. She doesn’t _have_ to tell you everything, you know. Just let her be, if you ask me. She’ll come back when she’s ready.”

_Or not,_ she thought. _If she can, she should stay as far away as she can._

“Please, Mermista. Surely you can figure out _something_.”

There was that tone. She knew it all-too-well. Even as immune as she was to Beatrix’s methods at this point, something about that tone still sent a shiver down her spine.

“I make zero promises.”

Beatrix smiled, but there was no joy in it. “Thank you, dear.”

“Don’t thank me.”

With a grandiose bow of faux-gratitude, Beatrix made her way out. Mermista closed and locked the door. She didn’t know what was going on, but she hoped for Adora’s sake that she would stay away.

_That girl deserves better._

“Glim, are you sure we shouldn’t tell Adora? If it’s as bad as you say…”

“No. Not yet. Not until we know enough to prove it without a doubt.”

“But if it’s dangerous for her to be around her…”

“Look, Bow, just trust me. We tell her when we have the upper hand. Catra hasn’t done anything _yet_.”

“…Okay. I trust you.”


	10. No Matter How Much You Want to Ignore Them, Some Scars Never Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two trios meet up for some quality bonding time. But Glimmer's holding onto some secrets, and Catra's stuck in the past.

October 28th. The dreaded day had arrived.

Adora had been crashing on Catra’s couch for just about a week’s time. If she was being honest, it was really nice having Adora around. She made an easy companion for just about anything: out to dinner, stay-in movie nights, running errands. She was such a positive force, Catra wasn’t sure how anyone could stay upset around her.

Adora had insisted on doing housework as rent. Catra tried to tell her that she didn’t have to, but Adora genuinely seemed to enjoy tidying up and keeping the space neat, so who was she to complain? The apartment had never looked so nice, and Catra hadn’t been taken care of like that in a long time.

Adora even made “breakfast” every morning. Really it was just toast, but it was more effort than Catra normally put in.

The two sat at the table. Catra scrolled through her phone, sipping her coffee, as Adora fixed her hair up in her ponytail.

“So you’re gonna be okay, right?” Adora asked.

Catra chuckled. “Little late to be asking that now, don’t you think?”

“I’m just making sure.”

“I should be fine.”

That was a lie. Catra had no idea how she would react, seeing _her_ again after all these years. The last time they saw each other…

It wasn’t good.

Was she really ready for this? She wasn’t sure. But she knew how much this mattered to Adora, and she was determined to make it work, somehow.

It would be fine.

…Right?

“Catra?”

Catra looked back over at Adora, who gave her an encouraging grin.

“Let’s have fun today.”

Catra smiled and poked at her forehead. “We will.”

Scorpia’s brilliant idea: the zoo.

Adora had to admit, she was _extremely _excited for it. She was worried about how things would go down between Catra and Glimmer, sure.

But on the other hand, frozen lemonade!

Elephants!

_Zebras!_

She was sure it would be alright. They’d discussed it all beforehand and laid down some ground rules: no insults, no talking about the memory thing. This was a bonding experience, and they were determined to keep it _normal_.

Adora tailed Scorpia happily, Catra following reluctantly behind. Glimmer, Bow, and Entrapta waited outside the entrance. Entrapta was going on about something, her hands gesturing animatedly, when she noticed the trio approaching. She waved excitedly.

“Scorpia! Catra! Adora! Hiiiii!”

Scorpia grinned. “Hey! How are you guys?”

“Doing pretty well,” Bow said. “What about you guys?”

“Awesome!” Adora was quick to answer, beaming from ear to ear. “Let’s do this thing! Friendship time!”

Bow gave a playful smile. “You just want to see the zebras, don’t you?”

“What? Pshhh. No.”

Bow crossed his arms, Entrapta and Scorpia both tilting their heads in disbelief.

“…Okay, _maybe_.”

The four laughed, completely forgetting about their two silent companions. Adora turned her head to look at Catra. Her smile faded.

Catra and Glimmer were deadlocked on each other, unblinking. The tension in their gaze was practically visible, like lightning bouncing between the two sets of eyes.

“Wildcat?” Scorpia tried.

Catra let out the tiniest grunt of recognition.

Scorpia cleared her throat and tried once more. “Guys?”

“…Let’s go in,” Glimmer said. “There are pandas, and I am going to see the pandas.”

Without another word, she turned and headed to the ticket kiosk. Entrapta looked after her, then back at Catra, who stayed silent.

“Is something going on?” Entrapta asked.

Adora turned to Bow and whispered, “You talked to Glimmer about it, right?”

“Yeah, of course. She said she was gonna be okay with it…”

“Catra said the same…” Adora frowned.

“Let’s just…not say anything?” Scorpia said. “If we don’t antagonize it, maybe they’ll settle down?”

Even Scorpia didn’t sound convinced as she spoke.

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.” Catra’s tone was flat. “Let’s head in. I’m fine.”

Trying to shake the awkward vibe, the group joined Glimmer to purchase their tickets. They made to pay all together, but strangely, Catra insisted on buying hers separate from them.

“What? Why?” Adora asked.

“Just let me, ‘kay?”

“If you insist…”

They waited by the entrance, Adora watching as Catra gave the kiosk worker a face that she could only describe as immensely flirtatious. Catra flashed the worker her ID card.

Huh? They didn’t have to show their IDs…

Catra smiled as she got handed a ticket, no money exchanged, and headed back over to the group.

“Alright, let’s head.”

“How did you do that?” Adora asked, eyebrow raised.

“Do what?”

“You didn’t pay.”

Catra smirked and gave her a wink. “My little secret.”

Adora swore she heard Glimmer mutter something under her breath, but said no more. They made their way inside and for a moment, Adora completely forgot about the tense atmosphere between the two.

“_Peacock_!”

Adora pointed eagerly at the bird in question, its colorful plumage contrasting heavily against the gray pavement. Entrapta squealed and gripped her pigtails.

“I wanna touch it!”

Scorpia gently put a hand on Entrapta’s arm. “Please do _not_ touch it.”

“They just…let it walk around?” Catra stared at the bird as it strutted about.

“Yep. As long as you don’t mess with them, they’re totally fine,” Bow said. “So just don’t get up in its business.”

“…It’s pretty,” Glimmer spoke after a long while.

“So no petting.” Adora couldn’t help but be a little disappointed.

Yeah, okay, she _knew_ she shouldn’t mess with wild animals. But why did they have to look so _cool_?

“If you really want, there are some that they’ll let you meet up close.” Bow opened up the info packet from the entrance. “They do it with some of the reptiles. Oh, looks like they’re having one with sloths today too.”

“Sloths?” Adora bounced back almost immediately. “When? Where? We’re going.”

“It’s not for a while. Let’s kick around and check out some of the exhibits.”

“They’ve got some _amazing_ botanical gardens!” Entrapta grinned. “One is entirely bromeliads!”

“Bromeliads?” Scorpia asked. “Those are…rainforest plants, right?”

“Yep! They’re the same family as pineapples!”

“I didn’t think you were that into organic stuff, Entrapta,” Bow said.

“Oh, I am! Machines are beautiful, but machines need to coexist harmoniously with biological lifeforms if they’re supposed to be successful!”

Adora smiled. “That’s the most you answer I’ve ever heard.”

“Oh, guys, if we stay later, they’ve got this nighttime thing for Halloween,” Bow read from his pamphlet. “But I guess we can decide on that when we get closer. So, where to first?”

“Why not that garden Entrapta mentioned? Sounds pretty cool.”

Bow looked between the group, pausing on Glimmer and Catra.

“That sounds good to everyone?”

“Sounds good to me,” Glimmer said flatly.

Catra didn’t quite meet anyone’s eyes. “…Yeah.”

Adora gently gripped Catra’s hand, giving it an affirming squeeze. She’d learned by now that Catra responded really well to little touches like that.

But it didn’t seem to work this time. Catra’s eyes stayed focused on the floor as she wormed her way out of Adora’s hold and followed along as the sextet made way to the garden.

Scorpia, Bow, and Entrapta made easy conversation as they walked, keeping from complete awkwardness, but Adora couldn’t bring herself to participate. Her eyes flickered between her two friends on opposite sides of the group. Glimmer was holding back rage behind her mask of calm, and Catra looked numb.

_Why are they being like this? I thought they moved on…_

“Catra?” Adora nudged her arm gently. “Do you need to talk?”

“No.”

“…You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

Okay, swing and a miss. Adora drifted over to Glimmer and gave her the same treatment.

“Hey, Glimmer. Wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“…Really?”

“Really.”

Two strikes. Adora frowned to herself.; this was _not_ the environment she was hoping for. As quickly as her worries came, though, they began to fade just as quickly upon entering the bromeliad garden.

Vibrant greens and reds greeted her eyes, covering the ground of the exhibit entirely, only broken up every now and then by the occasional tree trunk protruding from a cluster, or little pools of water that collected in the gaps. Little insects and frogs flitted around, pausing to take dips in the ponds or water on the plants themselves. A hummingbird or two flapped around to take sips from the blooming flowers.

“Wow…” Adora stared, taking it all in.

“Isn’t it _beautiful_?” Entrapta sighed dreamily.

Scorpia smiled. “Hummingbirds are so cute…”

“Right?! They’re so tiny and adorable!”

Adora glanced at Catra: still looking down.

Over to Glimmer: still looking pissed.

“Hey, so, the orangutans are nearby.” Bow definitely picked up on the environment. “We can walk through here to there, then head over to the tigers, then the zebras? Sound good?”

Everyone gave a nod.

Everyone…save for Catra.

She looked like she was on a different planet. Her arms hung limp at her sides, like a puppet whose strings had been cut off. Her hair fell in her eyes, obscuring them, but her mouth was pulled taught, her jaw clenched.

Adora held her hand. “Catra?”

No response.

“…Catra?” she tried again. “Come on, talk to me.”

“Typical.”

The group turned in surprise to Glimmer. Where did the sudden strength and vitriol in her voice come from? Glimmer laughed, but there was no joy in it.

“Are you seriously surprised?” she asked. “You should have _known_ she’d pull something like this. She’s _always_ the victim. That’s how she gets under your skin.”

Adora puffed up. “Glimmer, I don’t know what you’re going on about, but you need to knock it off right now.”

“_No_, Adora. I am _not_ going to knock it off.” Glimmer pointed an accusatory finger at Catra. “She’s _awful_. And nothing is going to change that.”

“…So you still hate me,” Catra rasped out.

God, what was that voice? It was _not_ Catra. It sounded so weak, so fragile.

“As if that had ever been up for debate! Don’t act like you’re little miss innocent over there!”

“Glim.” Bow placed a hand on her shoulder. “Now is not the time.”

“There’s never _going_ to be a time! This whole thing was _never_ going to work, and you know that! She’s _awful_.”

“…I’m going to the restroom.”

Without another word, Catra sped away down the trail, out of sight. Glimmer looked a little too satisfied with herself for Adora’s taste. The look on her face was almost…_evil_.

Adora pulled Bow off to the side. “Okay, what the hell? What am I missing? What happened between them?”

“I don’t know.” Bow shook his head. “Glim will _not_ tell me. I thought it was just middle school bullying, but it can’t _just_ be that…can it?”

Adora got the feeling that Bow knew more than he let on.

“I can’t really see that causing _this_. You’re sure you don’t know anything?”

“Okay, maybe, but it wouldn’t explain why _Catra’s_ acting like that.”

“Well what do you _know_?”

Bow sighed. “Look, all I know is that Catra apparently played this big prank on Glimmer and it was really mean. But any time they talked it just looked like friendly teasing to me…besides, I _knew_ Catra. We hung out. She was always cool. I really don’t know what either of them have against each other.”

That still wasn’t the full truth; Adora could tell.

“Bow, tell me _everything_.”

Bow shuffled his feet, refusing to meet Adora’s eyes.

Why wouldn’t he just talk?

“Glimmer…remembered something about her. Something bad.”

“What?”

“You sure you wanna go into that…?”

“_Bow_. We need to.”

“She…apparently she was part of some evil group. I don’t know the details, but…”

Adora’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not true. Catra’s not that kind of person.”

“I believe you, Adora.” Bow held his hands up in a surrendering motion. “I do. I don’t think she’s bad either. Or at least, I’d like to think so.”

She groaned and held a hand to her head. “_None_ of this makes sense.”

“Maybe…maybe it’s better to not be around her for now?”

“What?” Adora gave him a glare. “Bow. You _just_ said-”

“I _know_, okay? But…if Glimmer thinks she’s dangerous…”

“I can’t _believe_ you. Catra is _hurting_. Can’t you see that? She’s not _dangerous_, and she’s not _evil_. She’s my _friend_.” Adora looked him up and down. “I thought you were too.”

“How could you even say that? Look, memory stuff aside, you haven’t _really_ known Catra very long at all! How can you be sure that she’s-”

“Wildcat would never do anything to hurt anyone.”

Scorpia’s voice caught their attention. Her eyes were stern, the first Adora had seen such a cold expression from her.

“And if she did, it was never on purpose,” she continued.

“Exactly!” Adora was eager to agree. _Finally_ someone was on her side.

Bow looked unconvinced. “Adora, we _really_ can’t be sure…”

“Well _I _am. You guys do whatever you want, I’m leaving.”

Without looking back, Adora ran off after Catra. She poked her head in the first bathroom she came across.

“Catra?”

“…Adora?” rang out from a closed stall.

Adora’s chest flooded with relief at the sound. “Hey. You okay?”

“What the fuck do you think?”

The bite in her voice took Adora aback.

“I…why don’t we go home?” she offered.

Catra slammed the stall door open and stepped out. Adora couldn’t tell which emotion made itself more present on her face. There was anger, yeah, but beneath that was something much deeper.

_Catra is a good person,_ she thought. _Bad people don’t get so upset by things like this. Glimmer and Bow don’t know what they’re talking about._

Screw the other world stuff. Did it even really matter?

Only one thing mattered right now: Catra needed to get out of here.

Adora offered her hand, hoping third time would be the charm. Catra glanced at her before brushing past. Ignoring the hurt that bubbled up, she followed after her fuming friend.

_Catra’s hurting worse. I need to be there for her._

The return trip was spent in complete silence. Adora trailed behind Catra through the gate into the apartment complex, desperately grasping for something to say, uncertain footsteps padding up the stairs after her fuming companion.

_Come on, say something!_

“Do you want to talk about it…?”

“Talk about _what_, Adora?”

“You know what.”

“No, I really fucking don’t.”

Oh no. They were _not_ going to play this game.

Adora stopped at the landing and grabbed onto Catra’s bicep.

“Okay, you know, what’s going on? I thought you said you were okay with trying.”

Catra yanked her arm away and practically hissed, “Yeah, well, clearly I was _lying_.”

“_Why_?”

“Because I was trying to be nice! You like her for _some_ reason, and I didn’t want to shit all over her and make you upset! Seriously though, what in the _fuck_ do you see in her? How the hell do you put up with her?”

“Can you _please_ just explain? I don’t get it!” Adora held her hands to her temples. “You _both_ say you’re fine when you’re not, you _both_ have a fit over it, and _neither_ of you will tell anyone _anything_. Glimmer’s convinced you’re the devil, apparently, but you won’t make your case! How the hell is anyone supposed to help you? How does bottling it all up like this make either of you feel better?”

Catra growled and fumbled with the lock, shoved the door open, and made to slam it. Adora caught it with her shoulder and pushed through into the living room; a pillow promptly made contact with her chest and fell to the floor.

“I didn’t ask you to come in.” Catra’s voice was cold.

“Maybe not, but I’m here.”

“Well get out!”

“_No,_ Catra. I am not going to sit back and let you push me away! It might not be what you want, but you _need_ to talk about it. I don’t want to see you _destroy_ yourself like this!”

Catra’s eyes laid blankly on Adora from their perch on the couch. They were incomprehensible, some multitude of thoughts swimming within them, each vying to breach to the surface. Slowly, they shifted; Catra quickly closed them, but Adora already saw the pain that glistened there.

“You wouldn’t…you wouldn’t understand,” Catra said.

“Then _help me_ understand.” Adora sat beside her and placed a careful hand on her knee. “I want to be here for you, Catra. I want to understand. Even if I can’t do anything, I want to know.”

“It doesn’t _matter_…none of it _matters_.” Catra’s lip trembled as her voice quivered. “It happened and I have to move on. I can’t…I can’t keep _doing_ this. Dammit…”

Catra’s face contorted, teeth clenching and eyes squeezing shut, as though she was trying to collapse into herself. It was so unlike anything Adora had come to know from her.

Catra was rugged.

She was wild.

She was _strong_.

Adora took both of Catra’s hands in her own. They were shaking with the cries that she fought so hard to hold back. The dam didn’t hold, though; the tears broke through and slipped down her cheeks. Catra yanked their clasped hands to her face, burying her face into them. The wetness soaked into Adora’s skin.

Adora was only sure of two things. One: Catra had been tormenting herself with this for a long time. And two: there was no way Glimmer and Catra were both upset over the same thing.

This prank was only the half of it for Glimmer, but clearly there was something more to Catra.

“I-I hate this…Adora, I…I don’t want to _do_ this anymore…I thought…I thought I was _better_…”

“Catra…please talk to me. Tell me what happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh boy. We're getting into it now. Next chapter is LONG (I'm not done with it yet and it's already over 5k). We'll finally get to hear Catra's side of the story, and get closer to the heart of the matter!
> 
> As always, your support brings a smile to my face! Thank you so much!
> 
> Also, if you're on tumblr, you can find me @akari-hope


	11. If There's Such A Thing As A Star-Crossed Life, I Certainly Have One.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra confronts some old memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo. Okay. This one is long. It's also one of my favorite chapters so far. We finally get to know what Catra's hang-ups are!

_Catra never liked that girl. Something always rubbed her the wrong way. Maybe it was the way she looked. Maybe it was the sound of her voice. Maybe it was the fact that she had friends._

_Whatever, it didn’t matter._

_What mattered was Catra keeping as far away from that annoying kid as possible._

_She was just so _stupid. _Always smiling, always acting so personable and outgoing. Catra couldn’t understand for the life of her what anyone saw in that girl. She thought she made it pretty obvious that she wanted nothing to do with her._

_At least she did until the day Glimmer stood in front of her desk with a little purple envelope in hand._

_An 11-year-old Catra stared, eyes flitting between her face and the envelope, trying to comprehend what was happening. Her name was written on the back of the purple paper in a bubbly script, with doodled hearts on either side._

_“What’s that?” Catra asked._

_“An invitation to my birthday party!” Glimmer gave her a big smile._

_“Uh…why?”_

_“Huh? Why not?”_

_“I don’t know you.”_

_Glimmer frowned, dropping her outstretched hand. “We have, like, every class together.”_

_“So?”_

_“I thought we were…friends. You know.”_

_Catra scoffed. “Friends?”_

_“We…we are, right?” Her shoulders drooped and she cast her gaze downward. “Did I do something wrong? I really thought we were okay…”_

_Catra debated with herself. Yeah, she should probably be honest. No weird complications, get Glimmer off her back. But on the other hand, free cake._

_Ah, decisions…_

_Free cake won._

_“I guess I never thought of it before. But yeah.” She forced a grin, hoping it came across genuine. “Friends. Why wouldn’t we be?”_

_Glimmer’s smile returned full-force. That was too easy. It took all of Catra’s effort to not roll her eyes._

_“Awesome!” She held out the invitation once more. “It’s princess-themed! Well, I guess princess and prince, since Bow will be there. You should totally get dressed up if you can!”_

_Catra reached out and grabbed the envelope, looking it over. It was sealed with a crown sticker that had another heart drawn onto it._

_“Like a skirt or something?”_

_“Doesn’t have to be. I think you’d look good in a tie, too!”_

_Catra blinked. “A tie?”_

_“Yeah. You know, like those girl celebrities that wear suits. Like Annie Lennox?”_

_“Who?”_

_“Oh, yeah, that’s kinda old. My dad liked her a lot…oh, like Victoria Beckham! She looks, like, super sleek but also kinda edgy. Or Keira Knightley! You could totally pull something like that off!”_

_“An ‘edgy suit’, huh?”_

_“Why not? Who says a princess has to wear a dress?”_

_“Most people. Isn’t being ‘pretty’ a big part of it?”_

_“First of all, no.” Glimmer leaned her elbows on the desk so their faces were level. “Second of all, even if it _was_, you’re already pretty. Third, I think you’d look good in just about anything.”_

_A weird pressure swelled up in her chest and crept upward into the back of her mouth. Catra coughed to clear her throat of the strange feeling that found itself lodged there._

_“Uh. Thanks. I’ll think about it.”_

_“Oh, and if you need a ride, let me know! My dad’s totally down to pick up anyone who needs it. If you have a phone, you can just text me. My number’s on the invite.”_

_“Yeah, sure thing.”_

_Glimmer gave Catra one more toothy smile as the bell rang to signal the start of class. She retreated to her own seat near the front of the classroom. Catra couldn’t help but stare at the back of her head throughout the entire math class, missing most of the lesson. She never did learn how to do ratios very well._

_The bus ride home often gave Catra little to do but listen to music. Today was no exception. She plopped down in her usual seat near the back. She slouched down so she was practically laying in the seat and propped her knees up against the back of the seat in front of her._

_Terrible for her back and would likely require extensive chiropractic care in the future? Oh yeah._

_Perfect for brooding and acting like she was in a TV drama? Absolutely._

_She pulled her crappy MP3 player from the front pocket of her backpack and untangled her earbuds, shoving them in and cranking whatever the last song from the morning commute was. Hearing loss be damned. Catra didn’t believe in volume below halfway._

_She closed her eyes and let the melodramatic tones drown out the sound of the other students. Her mind slowly cleared itself of the daily drama. Normally that would have been her personal therapy. But today, new thoughts decided to burrow themselves in her brain._

_The corner of the envelope poked out from the same pocket. Catra grimaced as she grabbed it. The hearts around her name stared at her, almost daring her to leave them be. The urge to scratch them out was hard to resist. She reluctantly scratched the sticker off the flap and pulled out the actual invitation card._

_It was homemade by the looks of it. Blues, purples, and pinks coated the card as whites and yellows drew sparkles and crowns along the border. The whole thing looked like hand-done watercolor, probably painted by Glimmer herself. Gold Sharpie spelled out “Glimmer’s 12th Birthday Ball”. Beneath were all the details in simple black pen: date, time, RSVP info. A lot of love clearly went into it._

_Alright, the card got a pass. It was cute, she’d admit it. Even someone like Catra couldn’t be mad at effort like that._

_Especially when there were better reasons to be upset. Namely, the card-giver._

_The way Glimmer’s eyes gleamed as she shoved the invitation into Catra’s hands was burned into her consciousness. Something about those big brown eyes reminded Catra of _her. _They looked nothing alike, nor were their personalities similar enough to draw the comparison. And yet, the connection was forged in her head._

_Catra fumbled around in her bag one more time for her sketchbook, pulled it out, and flipped to the most recent page. Her eyes roamed over the rough drawing; she’d gotten better at capturing her likeness, but it still wasn’t quite right. The nose was too pointy, the ponytail too neat. But nevertheless, it was _her.

_Catra ran her thumb over the page._

I can remember so much, but not your name, _she thought. _Did I dream you up after all?

_She closed the book as her eyelids grew heavy. She definitely needed a nap when she got home. _

_Her usual dreams of the blonde girl were replaced with Glimmer that night._

_“What do you mean you can’t come?” Glimmer gave her the biggest pout Catra had ever seen. “Can’t you just stay home?”_

_It was the week before fall break, and Glimmer’s birthday party. Turns out Catra’s guardians decided to arrange a visit to their family out-of-state, and she was to come along for the ride. The timing was perfectly inconvenient: they wouldn’t return until December 1st, two days after the party._

_“I don’t _want_ to go on some dumb trip. But I don’t get a choice.”_

_“You can stay at my place! I can talk mom and dad into it.”_

_“My guardians will never go for that. I’m sorry, Glimmer.”_

_“Then…when you get back.”_

_Catra frowned. “What about it?”_

_“We’ll do something else! Together! Just the two of us!”_

_“Why?”_

_“Catra, I want to celebrate my birthday with you. You’re my friend. We can go see a movie after school! Monday is my _actual _birthday, anyway.”_

_Catra crossed her arms in an attempt to contain the full sensation in her chest. It was as though her lungs had been replaced with a helium balloon; not strong enough to provide any lift, but enough to press against her ribcage. It threatened to burst as she sucked in air through her teeth and twisted her face into a smile._

_“That’s nice. But we really don’t have to.”_

_“I _want_ to, Catra. Please?”_

_“…I’ll ask for permission.”_

_“Woo! Yes!” Glimmer threw her arms around her waist and squeezed. “We’re gonna have so much fun!”_

_Catra swore she died in that instant._

_Catra sat in the back of the four-door sedan with her hands clasped together in her lap. She kept her eyes trained on the headrest of the driver’s seat. It was easier than seeing the big grin that happened whenever she barely spared a glance at Glimmer sitting beside her._

_“So, did you two decide which movie you’re seeing?” Micah, Glimmer’s dad, asked from behind the wheel._

_“Well, we had it down between ‘Bolt’ and ‘Twilight’.” Glimmer was _way_ too giddy about this. “But Catra won’t help me pick.”_

_“It’s _your_ birthday.” Catra looked out the window. “You should be the one to choose.”_

_“Yeah, but I want it to be something you’ll like too.”_

_“Why don’t you two flip a coin?” her mom said. “Or play rock-paper-scissors?”_

_Angella liked to avoid disagreements, Catra noticed. She was all about conflict resolution. Not that this was a conflict. Especially if Glimmer could just _pick a movie.

_“What do you think, Catra?” Glimmer asked._

_“Works for me.” Catra grabbed her wallet out of her jeans’ pocket and scraped out a quarter. “Heads we’ll see ‘Bolt’, tails we’ll see ‘Twilight’.”_

_Glimmer nodded and Catra promptly flipped the coin, catching it on the back of her hand and stopping it with her other palm. She removed her hand from the top and checked it. Glimmer peered over and smiled._

_“Alright, ‘Bolt’ it is,” she said._

_Thank god. She didn’t have any interest in either movie, but the one about a dog seemed _much_ better than the vampire romance. _

_Vampires? Rad. _

_Romance? Less rad._

_Catra slipped the coin back in her wallet and shoved it back into her pocket. Micah drove up to the curb outside the theater and put the car in park. He turned to look back at the two of them._

_“You know where you’re going?”_

_“Yes, dad.”_

_“And you know where we’ll be?”_

_“_Yes_, dad.”_

_“And you have your cell phone with you?”_

_“_Dad. _Chill!” Glimmer grinned. “We’ll be okay. We’ll call if anything happens.”_

_“Okay, okay.” Micah laughed and reached a hand back to ruffle Glimmer’s hair. “That’s my girl.”_

_“Have fun.” Angella gave a warm smile._

_“We will!”_

_With that, Glimmer grabbed Catra by the arm and dragged her out of the car, up the concrete steps, and into the queue for tickets. Catra stared at where Glimmer’s hand curled around her bicep._

_Was tingling normal? Was the sky supposed to be spinning? Because it was certainly happening._

_Catra didn’t register what went on around her until she found herself in a theater seat beside Glimmer. Glimmer pushed up the armrest between them and set the bag of popcorn in the middle. Catra silently gave thanks for the low lighting, and a second bout when the theater went completely dark as the movie started._

_Catra couldn’t have told you the first thing about the film. Her eyes were deadlocked on the screen, but her mind was reeling from every time her hand brushed against Glimmer’s as they reached for the popcorn._

_She didn’t understand. Did she really dislike her _that_ much? Enough to have these physical reactions?_

_It made no sense._

_All too soon yet not soon enough, the lights faded in and the credits began to roll._

_“That was so cute!” Glimmer turned to Catra excitedly. “What did you think?”_

_“Yeah, it was good. I liked, uh, the cat.”_

_“Haha, you would! C’mon, let’s go meet up with my parents.”_

_Glimmer hopped to her feet and offered her hand to Catra. Catra took it hesitantly and stood. Glimmer’s face fell._

_“You okay?”_

_“Huh? Why wouldn’t I be?”_

_“You look kinda flushed. Too hot?”_

_“…I’m kind of sick to my stomach. Probably ate too much.”_

_“Ow, I’m sorry. That sucks. Let’s get outside. Fresh air will help.”_

_“Okay.”_

_The fresh air did not help._

_When Catra returned to her room that night, she was buzzing. She dropped her backpack on the floor and stood by the foot of her bed, wrapping her arms around herself as she tried to quell the storm inside her. She hated every moment of whatever the hell this feeling was. She had never felt more alive, like everything around her was filled with static electricity and she was its unwilling conductor. The floor beneath her feet jolted her, and the air around her brimmed with the tension before a shock._

_She also imagined this had to be what dying felt like._

_It was _unbearable._ Catra seriously considered whether or not being set on fire would be more painful than the burn that clung to her chest. The helium had been replaced with a hot-air balloon. Her body smoldered from the inside out, like her organs had been coated in gasoline._

_She didn’t know what it was, and she was too scared to begin putting a label on it. She knew one thing, and it was the only thing that mattered._

_Glimmer lit the match._

_Catra didn’t speak to Glimmer the rest of the school year._

_She tried to act like nothing was wrong. But Glimmer was too smart for that; her questions were too much. Catra didn’t have any answers as to why she was acting this way. She knew she was being weird. She knew it made no sense. But she truly couldn’t explain it to Glimmer. Her body wouldn’t let her get the words out._

_So, she stopped talking to her. It was easier that way. Every time she saw her, every time she engaged her, the embers flared up again. It was too much, and Catra didn’t need it in her life._

_Glimmer tried; she really did. Every morning, every lunch break, every day after school, for months._

_“Morning, Catra!”_

_“Have a good lunch!”_

_“See you tomorrow!”_

_Catra wished she would just stop. She wished even more that she could speak up. The longer Catra burned, the clearer the feelings started to become._

_And those feelings terrified her._

_It was June the next time they spoke._

_The last day of school, Catra left Glimmer a note during math in the morning: “Meet me on the field after school”. Catra stood to the side of the P.E. field, leaning against the wire fence and staring at the clumped grass beneath her feet in disdain. One would think they would try and smooth out the ground. Catra couldn’t count the number of times she almost tripped or rolled her ankle on one of those damn clumps._

_The sound of footsteps slowly made itself present. Catra lifted her head to see Glimmer. Her face was neutral. That was probably about the best that Catra could have expected._

_“Hey, Glimmer,” she greeted._

_“Hi, Catra. What is this about?”_

_Okay, tone was…doable. Again, not like she could expect her to be super happy._

_Catra stood up straight and fussed with her hair. “A few things.”_

_“Okay, well, what? My mom is waiting for me.”_

_“I, uh…I’m sorry for ignoring you.”_

_Glimmer’s mouth turned downward._

_“And I’m sorry for not telling you why,” Catra continued before she could speak. “I know you’re probably mad at me. And that’s fair. I’ve been…thinking. A lot. It was hard to be around you, but I know why now. It…took me a long time to figure it out. But I’ve found an answer that makes sense. One that…I hope makes sense to you, too.”_

_Catra paused to give her a moment to speak. Glimmer simply motioned for her to go on. _

_“I’m gonna tell you something that’s kind of big. If that’s…if that’s okay.”_

_“Just say it already.”_

_Pushing down her anxiety, Catra sucked in a deep breath. It was now or never._

_“I love you, Glimmer.”_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_“…Could you…say _something_?” Catra felt like she was about to explode._

_Glimmer’s face was unreadable._

_“You love me.” Her voice was cold._

_Catra merely nodded._

_Glimmer closed her eyes and began to shake. Catra reached out for her hand._

_“Hey, is everything okay?”_

_Glimmer held her sides as a breathy noise pushed its way through her lips. It started in her throat, but soon enough a roaring laugh was coming from Glimmer’s chest. Catra chewed on the inside of her cheek._

_“Glimmer…why are you-”_

_“_You_,” Glimmer interrupted. She was tight-lipped._ “_You think you can just ignore me for a _year_? And then come out and say it’s because you _love _me? I don’t know what kind of idiot you think I am, but I am _not_ that stupid. Congrats on the planning, but I’m too smart for your stupid prank.”_

_Catra’s blood ran cold._

_“Why would…Glimmer, I-”_

_“Save it, Catra! You know, if you didn’t want to be my friend, you could have just said so in the first place! I didn’t need some big stunt!”_

_Catra felt a familiar prickling sensation spring up behind her eyes._

_“Glimmer, I know I messed up really bad, but I-I _want _to be your friend still…even if you don’t feel…It’s not a prank, I swear…”_

_Glimmer’s expression melted from annoyed to a full glare. Her eyes bore into Catra’s, vehement and unlike anything Catra had seen before, but sickeningly familiar all the same._

_“Love doesn’t make someone treat someone else like _garbage_ for a whole year! I’m not stupid! Just admit it! You _hate_ me, Catra!”_

_The tears came unaccompanied, no sobs or sniffles to keep them from being lonely._

_“I don’t hate you, Glimmer…”_

_“You’re a coward, Catra. Have a nice summer.”_

_Glimmer stormed away. Catra stared after her._

_The moment she was finally out of sight, her legs lost all control. She fell to her knees, holding herself, forehead pressed to the ground, and sobbed into the dirt, creating her own personal lake._

_She barely registered as she choked out the words, “I love you…please don’t leave me…”_

_The balloon popped._

_The entire summer was spent holed up in her room. Catra could barely summon the energy to wake up each day. Her room was filthy, but she supposed that matched her un-showered body. Ever fashionable._

_Her guardians practically had to force her to eat and drink. Even then, she could barely get anything down, let alone keep it down. But who could blame her? Her insides were charred beyond recognition, and she had nothing to show for it. Her body revolted against her, and she couldn’t even feel anything._

_Numb was the only word for it. No happiness, no sorrow, no anger. She was empty, like a husk._

_The worst part was the one feeling she _did _have boiling away in the recesses of her emotionally shot heart: guilt._

_She never should have acted the way she did. She should have just been upfront with her feelings. She should have just _talked_ to her, for fuck’s sake…_

_She had fucked everything up._

_It was all her own fault._

_And she deserved all the hurt that came with it._

_The first day of 7th grade rolled around, and Catra found herself faced with the object of her strife once more. It was hard to lay eyes on her, and her misfortune continued as most every class they shared. Every time someone said her name, it felt like a punch in the gut._

_It was a miracle she made it to lunch without breaking down. She wasn’t lucky enough for that to continue, as her name was called over the speaker._

_“Catra Pedrosa, please report to the counseling center. Catra Pedrosa, to the counseling center.”_

_So that was why her guardians went to the office that morning._

_Catra barely registered as her feet carried her through the hall into the overly air-conditioned waiting area. A man she vaguely recognized as one of the three counselors stood outside his personal office, greeting her with a smile._

_“Catra, right?”_

_Catra just nodded._

_“Nice to meet you. I’m Mr. Evans. But you can call me George. Whichever you’re more comfortable with.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Please, come in and have a seat.”_

_Catra collapsed into the chair in front of the desk. She wasn’t expecting the gentle give of the rather comfortable cushion. She spared a brief look around. The office was surprisingly quaint. The windows were covered with semi-sheer cream curtains and half-drawn bamboo blinds, letting in some natural light but not so much that she had to squint. One of the walls contained a mural of the beach at sunset. _

_As George closed the door, Catra could see a poster on the back of it; a checklist of “Everyday Things for the Mind and Body”. It listed off basic things, like “breathe” and “drink plenty of water”, but also some things like “give yourself one compliment each day” and “allow yourself to make mistakes”._

_A few months earlier, Catra might have rolled her eyes at all the ‘feel-good’ décor. But today, it actually filled her with a small sense of ease._

_George took his seat behind the desk. “So, Catra, your guardians spoke to me this morning.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“I understand that you’re having a difficult time right now. I know it can be scary to talk about these things, and I’m not going to force you. But I wanted to establish a connection with you today.” He offered her a smile. The compassion in it almost made Catra burst into tears on the spot. “I want you to know that you can come and talk to me. Your wellbeing is important. Don’t be afraid to seek me out.”_

_Catra remained silent for a long while. Finally, her voice allowed her to rasp out some semblance of words._

_“I…I don’t really…know what to say…”_

_“You don’t have to say anything. Just know that I’m here for you, should you need me.”_

_Catra’s cheeks were drenched in seconds. She rubbed furiously at her eyes, sniffling and trying to force back her sobs. George gently pressed a few tissues into her hands, which she gratefully used to sop up the mess she was making. She blew her nose, loud enough to startle even herself. She worked to get her staggered breathing under control._

_God, she must have looked so pathetic._

_As though he could read her mind, George shut down that train of thought._

_“It’s okay to let yourself feel. Crying helps our brains comprehend what we’re thinking when we have a lot of emotions. So don’t beat yourself up for helping your brain out.”_

_“H-how…how do you know so much? How do you know what I’m thinking?”_

_“We all struggle with these sorts of things sometimes. Some of us more than others. But you’re never truly alone in your experiences.”_

_“…Even you?”_

_George gave her the gentlest look Catra had ever been on the receiving end of._

_“Even me.”_

_Catra wiped at her eyes once again. “I…yeah. I wanna talk.”_

_“You don’t need to if it’s too much right now.”_

_“No, no. I…I think I need to. It’s…a lot. By myself, I mean.”_

_“By all means, then. You need only say as much as you want.”_

_“I really…really messed up. Last year, I tried to…tried to tell this girl, Glim…”_

_God, she couldn’t even get her name out._

_“If it’s too hard to say, why not call her something else?” George offered._

_Catra blinked. “Something else?”_

_“Of course. You don’t have to use anyone’s real names.”_

_“Okay…so…Sparkles. Let’s call her Sparkles.”_

_“Alright. What happened with Sparkles?”_

_“I thought I didn’t like her. It was…a lot. And I pushed her away.”_

_George nodded. “It was overwhelming?”_

_“Yeah. I was just…feeling a lot. But I figured out that I…liked her. In…_that_ way.”_

_Catra hesitantly looked at George, expecting some sort of reaction. His face remained kind._

_“You’re not, uh…gonna judge me?”_

_“First, I would be terrible at my job if I did. Second, Mr. Evans and I are married.”_

_Catra’s eyes widened. “Huh? Mr. Evans, the librarian?”_

_“Yes.” George couldn’t help a small chuckle. “So, no, I’m not going to judge you. This is a safe space, Catra.”_

_Catra dug her nails into her chair as she continued. _

_“So…yeah. And I didn’t know how to handle it. So I pushed her away. Then, I…I tried to tell her on the last day…she…” Catra squeezed her eyes shut. “She thought I was joking. She thought it was a prank. I-I know that I messed up, but…”_

_“It was painful.”_

_Catra nodded, closing her eyes tighter to try and keep from crying _again_. She felt George place his hand on her shoulder. It was barely there, but the warmth was comforting nonetheless._

_“It’s alright,” he reassured. “You are allowed to feel.”_

_“It’s just…it’s so _hard_.”_

_“I know. Life is tough. But so are you.”_

_Catra finally looked at him. George held nothing but genuine care in his eyes. It was enough to bring the smallest of smiles to Catra’s face, the first since before the summer._

_She felt…seen. Understood, just a little. The smallest bubble of something warm began to inflate inside her. It wasn’t much, but it was enough._

_“I don’t feel very tough.”_

_“You are. You wouldn’t have told me if you weren’t. You will make it through this, Catra. You’re stronger than you think. It will take time, and it will be hard. But you’re capable of healing, and you deserve to be happy. And when you need a boost, I’m here to help. You come to me any time.”_

_“I don’t know what to say…”_

_George glanced at the clock. “Tell you what. Lunchtime is almost over. Why don’t you stay here a while? Take your time to eat. I’ll write you a note for your teacher, so don’t worry about getting marked late.”_

_Catra had decided: George was the best adult she’d ever met. She laid her hands over his, still on her shoulder, and closed her eyes. His kids were lucky to have a dad like him, she thought._

_“I…thank you…thank you.”_

_She made it a habit to visit George a few times a week. And Catra _did _feel herself returning to some semblance of where she was before. She couldn’t quite look at her, and hearing the name still hurt, but it didn’t send her spiraling. She reminded herself that it was good progress, no matter how small it may have seemed._

_In no small part thanks to George: he gave her all sorts of exercises and tips, and they actually _did_ make her feel better. He’d even make her tea sometimes. She hated the taste, but it was pleasant-feeling as it went down, and she couldn’t bring herself to refuse._

_All in all, she began to feel better. She started doing her schoolwork more often, and her grades improved. She started drawing again. She even started reading books that George had suggested, and that his husband (Lance, she learned his name was) helped her find in the library._

_She was recovering. Slowly but surely, she was moving on._

_That was put to the test about halfway through the year._

_A research project for science class found Catra paired up with none other than Glimmer. Her heart sank as the teacher called out the pairings._

_No, not now! Not when she was just starting to do so well!_

_Glimmer sat next to her reluctantly, face hard. Catra refused to look at her, but that only made Glimmer angrier._

_“Let’s just get this over with,” she said._

_Catra stayed silent for a long time._

_“What? Cat got your tongue?”_

_“I…” God, why couldn’t she just speak?_

_“Say something, Catra.”_

_“…I’m sorry.”_

_“No you’re not.”_

_Catra winced. “If I can’t even apologize, what am I supposed to say?”_

_“Figure it out.”_

_“Sparkles…”_

_Glimmer gritted her teeth. “Oh, so you won’t even say my _name_ now? What the heck is your _problem_?!”_

_Shit. She hadn’t meant for her little codename to slip out. What was she supposed to say to that?_

_“Catra! Look at me!”_

_Catra finally looked at her, expecting the worst. But to her surprise, she felt…nothing. No hurt, no rage, no need to cry. The pain burrowed itself in the back of her brain: still there, but asleep. She was empty in a brand-new way._

_“Huh…I can look at you…” she thought aloud._

_“What the- okay, you are _such_ a freak.”_

_Glimmer’s face contorted itself more and more the angrier she got. Her nose scrunched, her eyes glared, her lips curled. But Catra didn’t find herself upset at any of it._

_In fact, it was almost…humorous._

_“You look kinda dumb like that,” Catra pointed out._

_“You’re just going to insult me, then?”_

_The tiniest spark of a laugh slipped out of Catra. “Chill out, Glitter.”_

_“Fine, you want to call me names? Two can play that game!”_

_Without realizing, Catra’s face tilted into the beginnings of a smirk. If this was how she could get through this project without her stupid feelings getting in the way, then damned if she wasn’t going to take it._

_“Game on.”_

_Freshman year. Catra had made it through middle school. She’d finally, _finally_ get to move on from Glimmer. She managed her last two years, but she was ready for a new start. She was pretty sure Glimmer had even chosen some charter school, so she’d be free of her._

_New school, new her._

_She couldn’t have been more ready._

_She’d have to remember to send George some kind of “thank you” gift at some point._

_Catra made a new friend almost immediately. Well, more like the girl she sat next to in first period pretty much _decided_ they would be friends whether she liked it or not. But Catra had to admit, she liked Scorpia quite a bit. A little slow sometimes, but way smarter than anyone would expect._

_Her hugs were pretty nice, too, even if Catra would never admit it._

_Everything was going great. Teachers were okay. Students were annoying but that was to be expected._

_And then fourth period happened._

_Catra was chatting with the girl who sat next to her. Entrapta, she called herself. Turns out she and Scorpia were good friends, which made things much easier. One day in and two friends? That was a big win as far as Catra was concerned._

_“…Catra.”_

_Catra’s shoulders tensed at the sound of the all-too-familiar voice._

_Oh no. No no no._

_Not here. Not now._

_Dammit, she didn’t want to be that person anymore! Why couldn’t the past just stay dead, for _once_?_

_Slowly, Catra turned around to see a familiar set of eyes._

_“Hey, Glitter,” she greeted._

_“Ugh, you’re _really_ still gonna do that?! What is _wrong _with you?”_

_Catra plastered a grin on her face. “Oh, I’m sorry. And here I thought we were old friends.”_

_“You _wish_.”_

_She didn’t really mean it, but Catra couldn’t deny that she was right._

_“Whatever, Sparkles. Now, if you’d _excuse_ me, I’m trying to hang out with my new best friend.”_

_“Woah, we’re already best friends?” Entrapta asked. “You move quick!”_

_“She’ll get rid of you, too.” Glimmer’s voice was a snarl. “You should watch your back.”_

_Catra put an arm over Entrapta’s shoulders and feigned hurt._

_“Aww, Sparkles. You wound me. You’d really ruin my chances at love so soon? At least give me until sixth period to mess it up on my own.”_

_Glimmer growled in her throat and marched over to her desk. Catra smirked._

_Huh. Maybe she’d be able to manage this after all._

_Over the years, they developed a strong adversarial relationship. They didn’t interact often, but when they did, Catra was all in with teasing, and she grew to love it. If Glimmer wanted her to be the bad guy, then Catra figured she’d play the role well._

_Was it the healthiest of coping mechanisms? Fuck no. But it was _extremely _entertaining._

_It carried on with relative ease, and great stress-relief for Catra. Bad test score? Mess with Glimmer. Too much homework? Mess with Glimmer. She was the perfect emotional sparring partner. The hurt came and went, but it was always an afterthought._

_It was _perfect_. At least until 12th grade._

_The year-end senior prom rolled around, and Catra ended up agreeing to go with Scorpia. She wasn’t keen on the overall concept, but knowing that Glimmer would be there, she _had_ to take the opportunity to mess with her. Hell, if she was lucky, she could even ruin the whole damn event for her. Karma would certainly catch up with her then._

_She waltzed into the ballroom, arm-in-arm with Scorpia. Okay, the school got some points for venue. The place actually was pretty cool. Multicolored lights flashed over the swarms of teens, dancing and laughing to the music. The DJ actually seemed to have a sense of taste, and _wasn’t_ playing only top 40 hits._

_As if to prove her exactly wrong, the current song faded into “Sugar” by Maroon 5._

_“Wow, you really can’t go anywhere without hearing this song,” Scorpia said._

_“No kidding.” Catra glanced around the room, hoping to spy the familiar silhouette._

_“Hey, should we do pictures?” Scorpia asked. “I know we’re here as friends, but that doesn’t mean we can’t commemorate it, right?”_

_“Sure, why the hell not?” Catra gave her a smile. “It’d be a shame to not have photo evidence of how hot we both look tonight.”_

_Scorpia smiled brightly. “Wildcat…!”_

_“Oh geez, forget I said anything. C’mon.”_

_They made their way through the crowd over to the line for photos. Catra grinned as she saw who was waiting in front of them. Lady Luck was on her side tonight._

_“Hey, Sparkles.”_

_Glimmer tensed before turning and glaring. “What do _you_ want?”_

_“Ooh, touchy. Can’t I say hi?”_

_“It’s never just ‘hi’ with you.”_

_“Believe that if you want.” Catra eyed her up and down. “Cute dress. Very…_glittery._”_

_Glimmer’s eye twitched. “Nice suit. You forgot to tie your bowtie.”_

_“You don’t really get fashion, do you? Wouldn’t you say I pull it off?”_

_“Whatever.”_

_“Say, where’s Bow? Wasn’t he your date? He ditch you?”_

_Glimmer gritted her teeth. “No. He went to the restroom, if you _must_ know.”_

_“Oof, that’s rough. You know he probably won’t come back, right?”_

_“Shut up. I’m not going to get worked up over you.”_

_Catra smirked. “Little too late, don’t you think?”_

_Glimmer turned her back on her, rousing a laugh from Catra. Sure enough, Bow did in fact return. Wearing a matching suit to Glimmer’s dress, no less. They made it through the queue with relative speed and went on about their evening._

_About an hour had passed when Catra ran into Glimmer again by the bathroom. Catra grinned._

_“We meet again.”_

_Glimmer faced her fully and jabbed her index finger into Catra’s chest._

_“Let me make this perfectly clear for you, Catra. I. Do. Not. Like. You.”_

_“You act like I couldn’t figure that out. How dumb do you think I am, Sparkles?”_

_“Then leave me alone!”_

_Catra gave her a lopsided smile. “Now why would I ever do that when you’re so fun to tease?”_

_“Ugh! No wonder you don’t have any _real_ friends! Who would ever want to stick around someone like you?!”_

_“You, once upon a time.”_

_“Yeah, and then I grew a brain after your little stunt. How dumb do you think _I _am?”_

_The mirth faded from Catra’s face. She looked into Glimmer’s eyes with earnest, for the first time in years._

_“I told you this then,” she started, “and I’ll say it again now. It wasn’t a stunt. I might’ve been young, and probably didn’t even know what I was doing, but don’t even try and act like you’re any better. You made it into this. If you want to blame someone for the way we are now, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself. All of this is _your_ fault.”_

_“Right, because it’s my fault _you_ tried to mess with me.”_

_“No, it’s your fault that _you_ messed with me.” Catra took her hand, tender and almost caressing. “You took my poor little heart and stomped it into the ground. You could have just said ‘no’. You could have showed some compassion. But you didn’t even try.”_

_Catra dug her nails into her palm. Glimmer winced and tried to pull away, but Catra’s grip was firm._

_“You showed me _exactly_ what happens when you let yourself be vulnerable. All you get is a whole lot of fucking _nothing._” Catra smirked. “Honestly, maybe I should thank you. How nice of you to teach me so early. Saves me a lot of trouble. Now I can go off into adulthood and already fulfill my misery quota. Got enough saved up to last through my twenties, I’d say.”_

_“You think I’m going to believe this _shit_ from you?!” Glimmer’s jaw was taught._

_“Mm. Nope.” Catra gripped Glimmer’s chin between her index finger and thumb and leaned in close, face mere centimeters away from hers. “But I think I’m going to a big loose end for you. I _hope_ I am. I hope you’re proud of yourself. I hope I keep you up at night, and I hope I haunt your dreams like a ghost. I loved you. I really, really did. I thought we could have had something…”_

_Glimmer’s eyes widened. She stared blankly up at Catra._

_“But, whatever. Believe me if you want, or not. Doesn’t matter to me anymore. You don’t have to see me after graduation. I know I’ll be happier then, and I hope you’ll be just as miserable as you’ve made me for the past six years.” Catra let go and brushed past her, idly calling back over her shoulder, “Have a nice summer, Glimmer. See you in hell someday.”_

_Neither of them ever listened to “Love Me Like You Do” again._

The silence enveloped the room like a fog, thick and suffocating. Adora stared wide-eyed at Catra. Her lips were trembling, still reliving the memories. She hadn’t thought about them in so long. So _long_. She thought that meant she was over it.

What a fool she was.

It hurt as much as it did all those years ago. Little 12-year-old Catra still plastered herself onto the walls of her heart, rotting and festering for 10 years. Well, 11 as of today.

Sure, she was just a kid. It was only a fleeting first love. It didn’t really matter. Even if Glimmer had accepted her confession, it was probably doomed to fail. But either way, her heart ached the same.

It was easier to wear a mask. Be angry, puff up, act tough.

But of course, Adora wasn’t the type to let that sort of charade continue.

“…Does anyone else know?” Adora finally asked.

Catra opened her mouth to answer, but no words came out. They hid themselves away in her throat, like a child hiding beneath a blanket to shield themselves from the dark. Slowly, painfully slowly, Catra managed to shake her head.

“Not…not all of it.”

Her voice was hoarse. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d talked so much. Especially about such gross shit.

“I…thank you, Catra. For telling me. For trusting me.”

Catra hugged herself loosely. It was a strange sensation. Even Scorpia didn’t get to know everything like that.

But Adora…

_Adora_ of all people…

What an enigma she was.

The girl she’d known for less than half a month. But also the girl she’d known for her entire life. Someone she should be able to easily forget. But also someone she held immeasurably dear. Inconsequential. Irreplaceable.

Catra was _sick_ of how much Adora made her feel, but somehow the weight of her repressed baggage cascading down onto her brought about a sense of peace she hadn’t known in a long time.

As much anger as she felt, as much joy as she felt, as much as she cried…Catra truly did feel peace. Instead of scrambling for air in the tumultuous stormy sea, she now sat beneath the surface, staring up at it all. The storm was still there. The waves still churned. But it was almost an afterthought.

She wasn’t okay. Not by any definition. But the mask that suffocated her for so long had finally been removed, thanks to Adora.

And she was oh so gentle about it. She didn’t come in and rip it off like a bandage; she came in like the sun, and melted away the icy fort that Catra didn’t even realize she had built up around herself. There was no judgment or reprimanding, no chastising or scolding.

Adora was the warmth to relieve Catra of the perpetual winter she’d made for herself.

She still wasn’t sure what emotions Adora stirred in her. But she figured that was alright, at least for now.

Catra dragged in a deep breath and mustered the courage to meet Adora’s eyes. She didn’t expect the sight of Adora gazing at her with nothing but pure adoration. With warm hands that Catra wished would stay there forever, Adora wiped away the remnants of her tears. Catra closed her eyes and allowed herself to breathe. A sigh escaped her lips.

“You’re really brave, you know,” Adora said.

“Brave…?”

“Yeah.”

“I…don’t understand.”

Adora’s hands found their way from her cheeks to her shoulders, pausing for a moment there before her arms coiled their way around Catra’s waist. Catra couldn’t help but melt into the touch. Her arms hooked around Adora’s shoulders and hands rested themselves in between her shoulders.

“You did all of this alone. I honestly don’t know how. But here you are. You really fought through all of that _alone_. You kept going. I think that’s so brave, Catra.”

Catra bit her lip.

Adora…_really_ had to stop saying stuff like that.

“I mean it.” Adora squeezed her just a little tighter. “You keep amazing me.”

Her voice was tinged with an emotion Catra wasn’t quite ready to put a name to.

But that didn’t matter right now. She pulled Adora closer and held on tight. Nothing else mattered but her arms around Adora, and Adora’s arms around her, an embrace that said more than words ever could.

Fearing that this moment would vanish all too quickly, Catra decided that if there was ever a time to be selfish, this was her chance.

“…I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Adora hummed in recognition. “Just tell me what you need. I’m here for you.”

“You’re gonna make me cry more. But…stay with me?”

Without a word, Adora pulled away and stood up. A jolt of terror bolted through Catra, only to fade at the sight of Adora’s extended hand and tender smile. She took it with desperation and hoisted herself to her feet.

With Adora’s arm braced around her waist, Catra let herself be guided to her room and bed. Adora lay down beside her, immediately pulling Catra into another hug and cradling her head against her chest.

Catra closed her eyes. “…Thanks.”

“Why are you thanking _me_?”

“Today sucked. But you…you make everything suck less. So…thanks.”

Adora’s fingers toyed idly with the ends of Catra’s hair. “I’m glad I can be that for you.”

“…Me too.”

It definitely wasn’t the day she was expecting. Objectively, it was a total failure, and she was completely exhausted from her bullshit feelings.

But despite it all, Catra would say her birthday turned out okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time we'll get to see how Adora handles this new info with Glimmer. Also, I PROMISE there is in fact a very cute chapter coming up soon. Before it gets sad again...
> 
> Don't think I ever said it, but this WILL be happy endgame. I don't have it in my heart to give these girls anything but a good ending.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	12. What Do You Do When Your Best Friend and Potential Lover Are Mortal Enemies? Asking For A Friend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora decides to be selfish. Entrapta makes a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah. 200 kudos feels like a really big number. Thank you guys!
> 
> Soooooo you know how writers will say they don't write the story, the characters do? This chapter was supposed to go up on like Friday, but the characters and I did not agree on the way things were happening. So this one took a little longer.

_“Adora? Adora!”_

_“Hm? What?”_

_“Look, look!”_

_“What the-? Isn’t that…?”_

_“Hell yeah it is! C’mon, let’s go take it out!”_

_“Catra, you need to put that back! What if she catches you?!”_

_“So? What, I’ll get two percent more intimidation than usual? Big deal.”_

_“It _is_ a big deal!”_

_“Ugh, when did you get so boring? Look, just admit you want to give it a go too!”_

_“That isn’t the point. We’re not little kids anymore, we can’t just do stuff like that.”_

_“What’s that? Can’t hear you over how _boring _you are.”_

_“I’m serious. Go put it back.”_

_“Ha, nope! I’ll race you there!”_

_“Catra! Hey, Catra! Wait up!”_

Adora didn’t open her eyes at first. Her mind was awake, but she wasn’t ready to move from the warm embrace she was still tangled up in. Legs linked together, arms wrapped around each other, messy hair tickling her chin.

She had a feeling Catra liked cuddling.

The feeling of Catra’s skin against hers was mildly perplexing. Hadn’t she gone to bed still in her clothes? Adora opened her eyes enough to glance around the room. A small pile on the floor revealed her hoodie and shorts from yesterday, crumpled alongside Catra’s jeans and jacket. Guess she must’ve taken them off sometime in the middle of the night.

Adora rested her head again and drew in a deep breath through her nose, taking in the scent of Catra’s shampoo.

What she wouldn’t have given to simply stay like that. No worries, no responsibilities. Just existing in this moment with Catra sounded like a dream come true.

But reality demanded she get up. Also her stomach.

She started to sit up, but found herself rather firmly held down by Catra’s limbs entangled with hers. Oh well, guess she was staying until Catra woke up too. Adora closed her eyes again and let her brain wander.

Yesterday was…a lot. Adora wasn’t sure what to make of all of it. Her heart ached for Catra. And she wanted to set things right: to see her smile, to make her laugh, to bring her joy in any small way she could. She wanted nothing more than to help her find happiness again.

But she knew that she still had another side to hear.

Glimmer had her own story to tell. Adora knew that also meant listening seriously to whatever she supposedly remembered about Catra.

That was going to be…difficult. Adora couldn’t help but feel fiercely protective over Catra. She had been through so much, and there was so much between them, both in this world and whatever other one was out there. Despite how bad Glimmer’s actions sounded, she wasn’t going to just give up on her either though. They were _both_ her friends, and Adora wouldn’t be able to look herself in the mirror if she tossed either of them aside without at least trying to make amends.

She wasn’t sure if it was possible for the two of them to be okay. She wasn’t sure if either would ever _really_ be willing to try, and she wasn’t about to try and force it. But if she could just understand where they both came from, maybe she could help bridge that gap, if only a little.

A muffled groan roused her from her thoughts. Adora turned her face down toward Catra’s. Her eyes squinted groggily through her mussed bangs as she lifted her head slightly to peer at the clock.

“Hey, Catra,” Adora greeted quietly. “How are you feeling?”

“Shit.”

Not like she’d expected much better. Catra closed her eyes again and rested her head back on Adora’s chest.

“But you’re comfy. So that helps.”

Adora ran her fingers through the ends of her hair.

“I do have to get up pretty soon, Catra.”

“No.”

“Uh. Don’t really have a choice.”

“I said no.”

“Catra, I have class.”

“Who cares about your dumb class? Skip it.”

“I’ve already missed once.”

“_And_?”

“_And_ I want to graduate on time, so I really shouldn’t be missing without a good reason.”

“This is a good reason.”

“Catra…”

Catra opened her eyes and shifted so she was eye-to-eye with Adora. Her face was uncomfortably close; Adora could feel the warmth of her breath on her skin.

“Please, Adora. Just stay with me. Just for today.”

“…I…I can probably get notes from someone.”

Catra cracked the smallest of smiles and rested her head into the crook of Adora’s neck, slowly nuzzling her face against her. Adora felt her skin prickle at the feeling, and prayed Catra couldn’t hear her pulse racing.

“Thanks,” Catra mumbled. “I really mean that.”

“You’d do the same for me.”

“You know I would.”

“Just let me know when you want breakfast, okay?”

Catra’s stomach grumbled loudly. “…Now would be good.”

“You’ve gotta let go then so I can get up.”

“Absolutely not,” Catra protested as she clung on even tighter.

“Okay, no breakfast then.”

A long sigh, and Catra slowly released her grip around Adora’s waist.

“_Fine_. Food wins.”

Adora pushed herself up to a sitting position, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and stretching her arms over her head. A gentle buzz from Catra’s side of the bed caught her attention.

“Please _don’t_,” Catra grumbled at her phone.

“What’s up?”

“Scorpia wants to call me. Go, uh, go on out, I guess. I’ll be out in a bit.”

“You sure?”

“No, but the alternative is her coming _over_.”

“Okay, yeah, you should call.”

“Yeah. Gimme some privacy.”

Adora nodded and stood up. She grabbed her shorts from the floor, tugged them on, and traipsed out into the kitchen. She could hear the quiet sound of Catra’s one-sided conversation as she began figuring out how to make something more than just toast. Catra deserved something closer to an actual meal.

Adora rummaged around in the fridge. Not much. They probably needed to go grocery shopping. The only thing in there that she had the vaguest idea how to use was a carton of eggs.

Okay, that would work. She’d made eggs before.

…Once.

But how hard could it be? Surely she could figure it out. There were probably easy recipes that were impossible to mess up.

She reached into her pocket, where miraculously her phone hadn’t fallen out, and pulled it out. She was greeted with an overwhelming amount of notifications. 9 missed calls from Glimmer. 2 from Bow. 5 from Scorpia. 22 unread messages.

Frowning, she opened up her messages. 5 were from Bow.

** _Bow: _ ** _Adora, hey. I’m really sorry about today. That wasn’t cool of me **(6:34 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _I’m trying to talk Glim down. I’ll let you know how it goes **(6:34 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _Soooooo she’s pissed and I can’t get her to listen at all **(7:12 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _She really wants to talk to you alone, but I get it if you don’t want to **(7:13 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _Sorry for the spam. You can talk to me if you want. Love you **(7:13 PM)**_

** **

Bow…

He was a good guy. Always willing to put aside everything to make sure everyone was okay. How did any of them deserve a friend like him?

2 from Scorpia.

** _Scorpia: _ ** _please tell wildcat to call me **(5:46 AM)**_

** _Scorpia: _ ** _i’m worried **(5:46 AM)**_

To her surprise, she also had 3 texts from Entrapta.

** _Entrapta: _ ** _ADORA. HI. I’m looking into the situation on my end. **(4:12 PM)**_

** _Entrapta: _ ** _I’ll keep you updated! **(4:12 PM)**_

** _Entrapta: _ ** _UPDATE: I have a new theory! Needs some tweaking, will let you know when I am ready to share! **(7:22 AM)**_

** **

A _new_ theory?

…Adora decided that was for another time.

Now, the 12 messages from Glimmer…

** _Glimmer: _ ** _u can b mad all u want, but I’m just telling the truth **(4:01 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _catra’s evil **(4:01 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _not gonna say anything? **(4:33 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _adora I get that ur mad but u have to listen at some point **(4:54 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _ok fine I’ll tell u **(5:43 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _sparknotes version, catra literally tried to destroy my home and kill us all **(5:44 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _like more than once **(5:44 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _I remember at least 4 times she almost seriously killed u. I know she acts like she can’t do anything wrong but that’s how she does it, she turns it all around on u **(5:45 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _so do u see why u shouldn’t be around her? who knows when she’ll snap? **(5:45 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _I don’t want u to get hurt **(5:46 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _adora? **(10:09 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _pls talk to me **(10:10 PM)**_

** **

Catra wouldn’t. There wasn’t any way a word of that could be true. Catra wasn’t manipulative, or cruel, or evil, or _any_ of that. She would never hurt anyone, especially not Adora. They _grew up_ together. Glimmer had to be remembering wrong. There was no way.

It was going to be much, _much_ more difficult than Adora thought to listen to Glimmer.

“You know what?” she told herself. “No. Not now. Not today.”

Adora wanted a break from all of this. Maybe it was melodramatic of her, but she didn’t care. She deserved a few days, at least, to just enjoy herself.

A pair of arms snaked their way around her waist, a head of hair pressing itself between her shoulder blades.

“You get distracted?” Catra teased.

“Yeah, you could say that. How was Scorpia?”

“Worried.”

“I’d imagine. She even texted me.”

“For real?”

“Yeah. She really cares about you, you know.”

“…I know.”

“Here, let go of me and I’ll get started on breakfast.”

Catra hugged on tighter. “You have your arms.”

“You are _ridiculous_,” Adora laughed.

“Mm, should’ve gotten out while you could. You’re stuck with me now.”

“Quite literally.”

Adora pulled up the recipe she intended to in the first place and got to work, toting her backpack-Catra along with her as she whipped up what she _hoped_ would be an extremely basic frittata. Seemed easy enough. Mix the eggs and cheese, pour it in a pan, let it sit…

Surely she couldn’t mess it up that bad.

She hoped.

Catra sniffed as it began to cook.

“That actually smells really good. What the hell? I thought you didn’t cook?”

“I don’t. But I figured I could try for you.”

“Ooh, so domestic.”

“Domestic, huh? You going to marry me?”

“I just might.”

“Ha, don’t say that before you know if my cooking’s deadly or not.”

“What a good way to go though.”

“You really want that in your obituary? ‘Died from a friend’s inability to cook edible food’?”

“If you changed ‘friend’ to ‘cute girl’, then fuck yeah.”

Adora ignored the warm feeling in her chest. “You’re so weird.”

“You know it.”

After what seemed like an appropriate amount of time for cooking and cooling, Adora tentatively served the both of them.

“Sorry if it’s bad.”

“I don’t even care at this point, I’m so hungry.”

Catra dug in eagerly as Adora watched for a reaction.

“_Fuck_ yes,” Catra mumbled around a mouthful.

Adora took a bite of her own. It was okay, really. Not inedible, but nothing special. But Catra was easy to please, and she decided to take what she could get.

“Oh, by the way,” Catra said as she swallowed. “Forgot to mention. Some people I know are throwing this big beach bonfire on Sunday. For Halloween, you know. Scorpia wanted to go, and talked me into it. Was hoping maybe you’d come with.”

“Are costumes okay?”

“Uh? Yeah? Duh. _Please_ come costume shopping with me. We can laugh at the stupid ones.”

Adora smiled softly. “Sounds like a good time. Alright, I’m in.”

“Hell yes. It’ll be awesome with you there.”

After Halloween, Adora decided.

She was going to have a good time with Catra on Halloween, and _then_ she’d be an adult.

“Look, I _told_ you I don’t know. What did you really expect for me to find out?”

“You honestly cannot even find out where she’s staying?”

“_No_, and I’m sick of spending my time on this. I’m not dealing with this anymore. Later.”

Mermista hung up the phone. Beatrix was _seriously_ grinding her gears. It was getting too hard to deal with that woman’s obsessive personality.

Props to that Adora girl, though. To evade her mother for over a week took some skill. Skills she really shouldn’t have to know.

But whatever. It was out of her hands now. She wasn’t going to deal with it anymore. She had better things to devote her time to.

A knock on her slightly ajar office door caught her attention.

“Darling? Is everything alright?”

“I’m fine.”

Jeoff walked in and leaned over the back of her chair, resting his chin atop her head.

“You don’t sound fine.”

“I said I am.”

“You can always talk to me, my love.”

Mermista sighed. “That’s not what it is. I’m just sick of this topic.”

“Beatrix, still?”

“…Yeah. Had to tell her I wouldn’t play along anymore.”

“What did she say?”

“Dunno. Hung up before she could say anything.”

“Ah, brave…that woman is terrifying.”

“Tell me about it.”

Jeoff moved a hand down to grip Mermista’s, who took it and squeezed, silent but grateful.

“Say, do you remember a woman named Perfuma?” he asked.

Perfuma?

“Hm? Yeah, she did our garden.”

“Yes! That’s the one.”

“What about her?”

“She invited us to some Halloween party. A beach bonfire. I know we have our tradition, but I thought we could maybe use a celebration.”

Right, their “tradition”. It was basically just camping out on the couch, turning off all phones, and watching B-horror films with just the most over-indulgent amount of pre-popped popcorn and drugstore candy bags. A good tradition, to be sure.

But Jeoff had a point. Mermista had been _way_ stressed over this whole Beatrix ordeal. Maybe she could use a party, after all.

Plus, the beach.

“Tell you what,” she started. “We’ll spend the day doing our usual thing, _then_ we’ll party.”

“Can we wear matching costumes?”

“Ugh…yes.”

Secretly, the idea was extremely appealing to her, too.

“Log, day 11. I’ve finally gotten the instruments all working properly, and the data is consistent.

“The good news is that spacetime is completely nominal. The bad news is that…well, quite frankly, it makes absolutely no sense. By all logic, there should be _some_ observable distortion, _some_ sort of tell. A curvature, an energy reading, something. But there’s just…nothing!”

Entrapta frowned at her monitor.

“I have to be missing something. I believed there would be some sort of temporal anomaly, but perhaps the hypothesis is plain wrong. So, the distorted reality theory is out…”

She glanced over at her whiteboard, still covered in notes.

“All my measurements tell me there is no trace of a secondary worldline. But that simply _can’t_ be correct. It’s almost _odd_ how stable the readings are. Something had to happen to create this sort of phenomenon. It’s almost like…”

Entrapta trailed off as her eyes widened.

“Oh…well, that would certainly make sense. Temporal space would be fine if…yes, it must be. My previous hypothesis was that we were in a direct correlation with the secondary worldline, i.e. this world was the direct result of a spacetime interference there. But upon analysis, it seems that isn’t the case. This has already happened. We’re in the _aftermath_ of such an event.

“But a distorted reality should have been immensely unstable. It should have been on the verge of collapsing at any moment. I don’t have any data to suggest the possibility of surviving something like that…but I suppose it isn’t _entirely_ out of the realm of possibility. Too early to rule out any options.

“Okay, we run with that. The first dimension collapsed, and lead to a distorted version of _that_ reality. This world, then, is in correlation with the _distortion_, not the primary reality. Yes…I suppose that might be feasible.”

She ran her fingers through her pigtails, musing.

“So then…how did we end up here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Halloween fun times and I am VERY excited about it.
> 
> Anyway, as always, let me know what you think!


	13. Halloween is the Time for Reckless Abandon, Dancing With Girls, and Kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lonnie's Halloween party gives Adora and Catra an excuse to get intimate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, I decided to make an abridged version of my working playlist for this fic for you guys! Give it a listen if you feel. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4XiCaFM95Wdq8Sdr0v9Jpt?si=tGRPXk7dTDa5GOQJ10HQUA
> 
> This chapter was immensely difficult to write, but I'm really happy with how it turned out!

How Catra ever let Adora talk her into getting matching costumes, she’d never truly know.

Adora was _so_ excited about it, too. The way she grinned and bounced up and down at the mere prospect of it was too charming to say no to.

_“We can match! We’re going together, anyway! Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase?”_

Dammit, Catra had gone soft.

She tugged her ponytail through the baseball cap and looked at herself in the mirror. Well, she certainly looked like the pictures Adora showed her. Actually, had Adora not mentioned what it was, she’d probably just take it as a regular outfit.

“So, remind me, why am I dressed as this?” Catra called from the bathroom. “Isn’t there that main guy? Shouldn’t I be him?”

“Yeah, but you look so good as Hilda!”

“Hilda?”

“That’s her name!”

“You actually know the names of all these characters? I thought it was about the little monster things.”

“Okay, look, I was obsessed as a kid. And no, it’s not _just_ about them. The trainers are important too.”

Catra leaned in the doorframe so she could see Adora in the living room, who was figuring out how to get the little tail to stay attached in _just_ the right way. Catra couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her trying to crane her head around to get a better view.

“Sounds like you still are.”

“Okay, and what about it?”

“It’s cute.” Catra walked over and took the tail from her. “Here, I’ll do it.”

Adora turned her back to Catra and let her get to work on securing the last piece of her costume.

“You say that about everything I do, you know.”

“Because everything you do is cute.”

Adora laughed. “Wow, I can’t believe you like me that much.”

“Who said anything about liking you?”

“Uh huh, riiiiiiiiiight.”

Catra slowly removed her hands from the freshly tied knot. Finally, the tail stayed in place, looking like it was supposed to.

“There you go.” She grinned at Adora’s getup. “Alright, I admit it. It’s pretty-”

“If you say cute one more time…”

“-_adorable_.”

Adora groaned dramatically, but let out another round of giggles despite herself.

“What does the kid say? ‘I choose you’?”

“There you go.”

She’d admit, Adora really did look good. The yellow ensemble suited her oddly well. She’d never seen Adora in a dress, but Catra decided she quite liked the look on her. Paired with sneakers, it still felt authentic to the jock she knew.

Catra was certain she’d seen at least three people every year in almost that exact costume, but somehow she was positive no one could pull it off as well as Adora.

“You’re staring,” Adora pointed out.

Catra grinned to hide her embarrassment. “I’d like to think I’m _admiring_.”

“Oh?” Adora smirked and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m worth admiring?”

“Always.”

“Well, I guess you could say I look _shockingly_ good.”

“That was _terrible_. I take it all back.”

Adora gave a raucous laugh, holding her sides.

_How does someone like that like someone like _me_?_

After spilling almost every last secret she held onto and somehow still not scaring her off, Catra was positive: Adora liked her, more than just in a friendly sort of way. And that was _more_ than okay by her. Most people would dream of someone like Adora, and yet her disastrous self won over many, _many_ more deserving candidates.

“Anyway,” Adora said with one last hint of a chuckle. “We should get going.”

Catra nodded and they made their way out the door.

She’d admit…maybe she felt the same about Adora, too.

“Alright, props to Lonnie. This is actually kind of cool.”

“Only ‘kind of cool’? Harsh.”

Catra laughed. “You’ll get it when you meet her.”

The bay was always a pleasant spot, but the sheer amount of _people_ there was staggering. Way over fifty, easy; probably edging up on a hundred. Most were in costume. There were none of those stupid dirty gag costumes sprinkled in, thank god. Not like Catra expected Lonnie to invite anyone with such poor taste, but it was still good to see.

The bordering grass was home to a small canopy setup with lights in orange and purple strung around the edges. A large set of speakers sat themselves beneath, music that Catra definitely didn’t recognize but was distinctly Lonnie-esque playing. Catra eyeballed the wiring, tracing it back to a little cottage right across the way.

Oh, right. Kyle lived there, didn’t he? Could count on that kid for something after all.

Tables of candy, snacks, and drinks were laid out enticingly, with chairs clumped together in little semi-circles, littered about. Just down into the sand a way, the bonfire crackled merrily as people gathered around, some cuddled close, others dancing.

“So, this Lonnie’s good at organizing.”

Catra nodded. “Always has been.”

“Would you _look_ at this bitch?”

Catra turned to see Lonnie, clad in a black jumpsuit that, honestly, she completely rocked, smirk plastered on her face. Black Widow always was her favorite, and damn did she pull it off.

Okay, maybe Catra was remembering why she had a crush on her at one point.

Catra frowned at Adora, gesturing to Lonnie. “We couldn’t have done something like _this_? Superheroes are way cooler.”

“What’s that?” Adora cupped a hand to her ear, leaning over as though to hear her better. “Last time I checked, you thought I looked – what was the word you used? Oh, right, _adorable_.”

Lonnie laughed. “So, this is the infamous Adora. She looks just like how you-”

Catra slapped her hand over Lonnie’s mouth. “_A-ny-way_. Adora, Lonnie. Lonnie, Adora.”

She prayed that Adora had forgotten about those drawings. Either way, she did _not_ want to bring it up right now. Lonnie pushed her hand away with a chuckle.

“So, the forever single Catra comes _matching_,” she teased. “Pretty bold way to tell everyone you’re dating.”

“We are _not_ dating.”

“Don’t know, that seems pretty gay to me.” Lonnie turned over her shoulder. “Hey, Entrapta! Catra and Adora are matching!”

In a second, Entrapta popped over. A giant pair of goggles obscured her face, but the purple hair was pretty unmistakable.

“Ohhhhh, _cute_!” She grinned, lifting her goggles to get a better look. “Pikachu. Classic. I didn’t think you liked Pokémon, Catra. In fact, I’m pretty sure you described it as ‘stupid’ and ‘only for kids’.”

Catra’s face flushed with embarrassment. “I can change my mind.”

“You said that less than a month ago.”

“And? I. Changed. My. Mind.”

Adora bumped her hip into Catra’s with a huge smile. “Wow, I can’t believe you _like_ me so much.”

“She sure does have it bad.” Lonnie gave another smile. “A-ny-way. I’m gonna go be a host or something. See you two later.”

And with that, she vanished. Catra took another look at Entrapta, all decked out in some kind of cyber-looking…thing. Seemed very her, but she had no idea what it was.

“So…what are you supposed to be?”

“Futaba!”

Catra blinked. “Is that…a word?”

“From Persona!” Adora clarified. She frowned upon seeing Catra’s still confused face. “You’ve never heard of Persona?”

“Is that…another cartoon?”

“…We will educate you later.”

“Oh, I don’t mind explaining!” Entrapta clapped her hands together. “Persona is-”

“Catra!”

She’d recognize that voice anywhere. Catra glanced over as Scorpia sidled up beside her.

“Woah, Wildcat, you guys look so good!”

“_We_ do? Scorpia, you look _awesome_!” Adora gushed.

She really did. Catra knew that Scorpia would go all out for Halloween, but she really outdid herself this time. The body paint looked like it probably took a good few hours to get just right. She even got the stitching details down.

Catra smiled, small but genuine. “Good work. You make a good Sally.”

Scorpia beamed. “Wildcat…!”

“Do _not_ make it into a thing.”

“My lips are sealed!”

“Don’t you mean ‘stitched’?” Adora downright _snickered_.

“I am officially abandoning both of you.”

Adora snaked an arm around her shoulders. “Mhm, sure you are.”

Catra shrugged her off. “I’m gonna get something to drink. You want anything?”

“I’m alright. I’ll be here.”

She nodded and scooted through the crowd over to the refreshments. Pouring herself a Coke, she debated for a moment. A shot of vodka sounded pretty good…

Ah, fuck it.

She splashed it in.

“Oh, Catra! Hello!”

Perfuma stood across the table, smiling per usual.

“Hey, Perfuma.” She eyed her up and down. Yeah, okay, Rapunzel was fitting. “Costume’s cute. Flowers in the hair are good.”

“Thank you! It took an awful long time to do! I actually made most of it myself.”

“That’s…a lot of effort.”

“But worth it! Wouldn’t you say?”

“Sure thing.” Catra sipped her drink, hoping Perfuma would move on.

She didn’t _really_ want to talk to Perfuma right now.

“So, did you bring that girl with you?”

Ugh. Exactly why.

“…Yeah.”

Perfuma leaned over. “And?”

“And what?”

“Are you going to…you know?”

“It’s not _really_ your business, you know.”

“Ooh, alrighty then. I will take my cue to cease and desist then.” She offered a little wave. “Good luck if you decide to go for it! See you at work!”

Catra huffed and made her way back to Adora. Scorpia no longer anywhere to be seen, she found Adora in the company of two people she didn’t know.

They were matching, too, in pirate costumes. The man definitely looked the type to wish he was coordinated enough to be like Will Turner, but in reality was probably too clumsy for that. The woman looked like she could and _would_ actually kick your ass if she felt like it.

Catra could vibe with that.

But Adora didn’t seem so thrilled. In fact, she looked like she’d seen Death himself.

Catra tentatively rested a hand on her shoulder. “Woah, Adora. You okay?”

“I’m fine…”

_What a fucking liar._

“And you two are?” Catra asked, giving the two strangers a less-than-favorable look.

“Mermista,” the woman introduced herself.

“Jeoff!” The man gripped Catra’s free hand and shook it vigorously. “Mermista’s fiancé! How do you do?”

“You really just introduce yourself like that to everyone…” Mermista sounded annoyed, but the glance she spared him made it clear that this was business-as-usual kind of behavior. “You Adora’s girlfriend or something?”

_If you keep _saying _that then I’m definitely not going to be!_

“Catra,” she greeted, dodging the question entirely.

“Can I talk to you for a sec, Catra?”

“Uh, sure?”

Mermista stepped aside and motioned for her to follow. Once they were outside of earshot from Adora, she leaned in, voice barely audible.

“Her mom’s been trying to find her.”

“She’s…how do you know that?”

“She works for me. I know exactly how bad she is.”

_You don’t know the half of it._

“That so?”

Mermista nodded. “I don’t know what you two have going on, but she needs someone to keep her safe.”

_No fucking kidding._

If what she said was true…

“I’m not giving her anything to go on, but you should still be careful. Sorry to dump that on you at a party, but you needed to know.”

Catra grunted. “No, I appreciate it.”

“Well, I’m gonna go.”

And just like that, she sauntered away, grabbing Jeoff by the hand and leading him off.

_What kind of person shows up just to say _that_ then walk away?!_

Catra shook off her unease and walked over to Adora, still frozen in place. She gripped her hand gently.

“Hey. Adora.”

She didn’t look at her. Frowning, Catra tried again.

“Adora.”

…

“…Adora? Say something so I know you’re still in there.”

Slowly, Adora shook her head. “Catra, I…”

“I know. I know, okay?” Catra squeezed tightly. “We’ll worry about it _tomorrow_.”

“How in the _hell_ am I supposed to just relax?”

“Want a drink?”

“_No_.”

Okay, not great.

“Let’s go sit by the fire. C’mon, it’ll be cozy and all that.”

No response. Catra took that as compliance and dragged her over, pulling them both down to sit in the sand. Consequences of that be damned, they could deal with it later.

The fire really did feel amazing. The scent of smoke mixing with the sea breeze was almost otherworldly, and the warmth made Catra feel like curling up and staying forever with Adora by her side.

If only Adora would stop with the statue impersonation.

“Adora, c’mon. You gotta admit this is nice.”

Greeted with silence yet again, Catra sighed and took another swig from her cup.

This was _not_ how the evening was supposed to go. Dammit.

“Catra?” Adora finally spoke.

“Yeah?”

“I’m scared.” She gripped her knees. “…_Really_ fucking scared.”

“I’m here. Don’t freak out. It’s like you said, nothing _really_ bad can happen as long as we’re together.”

Adora side-eyed her, half of her mouth edging upward.

“We promised, didn’t we?”

_Promise._

“Exactly. So, c’mon. It’s Hallo-fucking-ween, and we are going to have _fun_. You with me?”

“…Yeah. I’m with you.”

A lilting melody, playing louder than the music had previously been, caught Catra’s attention. She glanced over at the haphazard speaker setup to see Lonnie, giving her a knowing smirk. Despite the natural eye roll she gave, a grin slipped on her face.

Oh, this was _perfect_.

“Hey, Adora. Dance with me.”

“What?”

She set her cup down and gripped Adora’s hand in hers, pulling her to her feet and in close.

“Dance with me.”

Adora darted her eyes away, trying to look anywhere but at Catra.

“I, um, I don’t really dance…”

Catra slipped a hand round her waist and tugged her in, guiding Adora’s hand to her shoulder.

“Just follow along.”

Before she could protest, Catra began to lead her in a slow sway, directing her where to step. Adora locked her gaze on the ground, as though determined to not crush Catra’s foot with her own.

_One-and-two, three-and-four._ _Quick-quick-slow, quick-quick-slow…_

Adora looked up from their feet into those mismatched eyes. “Are we…? We’re doing the salsa? You _actually_ know how to dance?”

“Course I do.” Catra smirked and pulled her in just a little more. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep it simple.”

“I am _absolutely_ going to-”

“Adora.” Catra gave her a gentle smile. “Don’t think. Just be here with me. Right here. Right now.”

Without giving Adora a chance to respond, Catra sped up their pace, going from halftime to on-tempo. Adora’s steps stuttered a bit as she struggled to keep up.

“Quick-quick-slow, quick-quick-slow,” Catra counted under her breath, just loud enough for her to hear.

Slowly, the steps came easier. Adora’s concentration face faded, brows softening, lips upturning.

Catra started humming along to the song as they danced, gradually growing to sing quietly.

“_De un café pasamos al sofá, de un botón a todo lo demás, no pusimos reglas ni reloj, aquí estamos solos tu y yo, todo lo que ves es lo que soy, no me pidas mas de lo que doy._”

Adora stared as she sang; her blue eyes glowed beautifully in the gentle light of the fire. Catra could live the rest of her life with that image alone. She smiled and continued.

“_Yo no se mañana, yo no se mañana, si estaremos juntos si se acaba el mundo, yo no se si soy para ti si serás para mi, si lleguemos amarnos o a odiarnos._”

She wondered if Adora understood. Not just the words, but their meaning. What they meant to _her_. The things Catra hoped she could convey through her smile, her eyes, the tone of her voice, the way she held onto her waist, the way her fingers felt entwined in hers…

She wanted Adora to know exactly what she meant to her.

Adora’s fingers squeezed themselves a little tighter on her shoulder as she flashed Catra a smile, eyes gleaming with something akin to…

Mm, not ready for that word just yet.

But that look told her everything she needed to know: Adora understood.

All too soon, the song ended. They stood still, hands and eyes still locked together. Neither of them made a move. Catra wasn’t sure if she was even breathing.

“…Catra?” Adora’s voice was like a gentle breeze to Catra’s budding flame.

“Adora…” Catra’s tongue darted out to wet her suddenly parched lips. “…Did I mention you’re really cute?”

Adora smiled. The redness of her cheeks did not go unnoticed.

“A few times, yeah.”

“Well. What’s a few times more?”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

“Good to know.”

Catra was so tempted to close the distance right then and there. Adora was already oh so close. It would be so easy to just…

“Oh.” Adora moved her hand from Catra’s shoulder to point behind her. “They’re, um. Staring.”

Catra whipped her head around to glare. Sure enough, Lonnie, Scorpia, Entrapta, and even Perfuma were gathered by the speaker, staring dead at them like it was some sort of goddamn attraction.

_Everyone has it out for me tonight. I’m cursed, I swear._

Adora leaned in to whisper into Catra’s ear.

“Why don’t we pick this up when we get home?”

Catra’s eyebrows shot right up into her hairline. Adora was actually…?

Okay, maybe tonight wasn’t so cursed after all.

“…I’d like that.”

The Uber ride home was spent in relative silence, but Catra was absolutely _buzzing_.

She hoped Adora really meant it.

For the first time in _years_, Catra really truly felt like she wanted to do this. She was terrified, without a doubt. Falling was never without its risk. She’d learned the hardest way she could.

…But maybe she wanted to fall again.

She wasn’t sure who looked more eager as they jogged up the stairs; Catra fought with the lock once again before shoving the door open. Adora closed it behind her, leaning her back against it. She shyly met Catra’s gaze.

“…So.”

This side of Adora was new in a _very_ enticing way. Not timid, by any means, but almost as though she were requesting something. Making a humble entreaty to be kind.

Catra couldn’t help her smile. “So.”

“We were kind of in the middle of something.”

“That we were.”

Catra stepped in close, slowly bracing a hand on the door beside her. Adora reached up and pulled Catra’s cap off.

“You know, you kept saying how cute I looked tonight,” she said, pulling off her own accessories and tossing them on the nearby chair. “But I think it’s my turn.”

“Your turn?”

“Mhm. So.” Adora trailed her fingertips over her cheekbone. Her fingers were trembling ever so slightly. “You looked beautiful tonight. Like you always do.”

_God_, how that made Catra feel.

“Adora…”

She smiled tenderly at her. “Well? Weren’t you going to do something?”

Catra slid her free hand onto Adora’s shoulder, up to her neck, resting along the spot where her jaw connected. Her thumb ran its way along her jawline, earning a shaky sigh.

She focused on Adora’s lips.

With the trepidation of a newborn fawn taking its first steps, Catra leaned in. She paused a moment when their noses brushed against each other, that feeling alone enough to fuel her for weeks. She glanced once more into Adora’s eyes, making sure that this was, in fact, just as wanted on her end.

She didn’t expect to see the mix of shock and pain that shone there.

“Adora? What’s wrong?”

“…I remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is gonna be long! We're in it now. I'm gonna do my best to get it up soon, but no promises from me. Let me know what you think!
> 
> In the meantime, feel free to come scream about season 4 with me over on tumblr @akari-hope


	14. I Swore I Loved You, But One Day I Woke Up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora remembers.

_A small figure huddled itself on the hard cot, cocooned in a blanket, soft sobbing sounds emanating from the small bundle. Almost soft enough to not notice._

_Almost._

_Adora poked her head into the barracks at the sound._

_“Catra?”_

_No response. Frowning, Adora walked over and kneeled in front of her crying friend. Her face was swaddled beneath the rough fabric. That was always Catra’s way of hiding; showing emotion was a sign of weakness, even as young as they were._

_Adora understood. But it still made her sad to see her friend like this._

_She gently pulled the blanket down, only catching a glimpse of Catra’s tear-filled eyes before they squeezed shut with a weak hiss._

_“Catra, it’s okay!” Adora reassured. “It’s just me.”_

_Catra opened her eyes but kept them fixated on the floor, wiping the wetness from the corners. Adora sat beside her on the bed._

_“It doesn’t matter what they do to us, you know?” She gestured to herself, then to Catra. “You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing _really_ bad can happen as long as we have each other.”_

_Catra met her gaze. “You promise?”_

_“I promise.”_

_Catra leaned into her a bit. Adora held her gently._

_“C’mon.” Adora smiled. “Let’s go back out.”_

_She stood and took Catra’s hand in her own. Catra’s face began to brighten just the smallest bit as Adora led her out. Being together really did make everything okay. It gave them the strength to keep going._

_It was tough, but they had each other._

_And they always would._

_“Catra! Wait up! You’re going too fast!”_

_Catra glanced over her shoulder with a big grin._

_“_You’re_ going too slow!” she teased, leaping up the metal piping with ease._

_Adora sidled her way along the edge, slowly creeping her way after her nimbler friend. It was so hard to keep up with Catra! Granted, she _was _at quite the advantage with this kind of activity._

_“Adoraaaaaaaaa. Hurry up! I’m boooored.”_

_“I’m coming!”_

_Alright, one last hop! She could do this! _

_Adora bent her knees and jumped, gripping onto the ledge and hoisting herself up. She swung her leg up and rolled herself onto the cool surface._

_“Finally.” Catra offered her hand. “Took you long enough!”_

_Adora laughed as she took it and Catra pulled her to her feet. “No fair! I can’t jump as high as you!”_

_Catra’s tail swished merrily. “Then you’ll just have to work _extra_ hard to keep up.”_

_“You’re so _mean_.”_

_“And you’re stupid.” Catra giggled. “We match.”_

_Adora shoved her friend playfully as they devolved into a mutual laughing fit._

_It was always like this. Catra was Adora’s first and best friend. They spent every bit of time together they could. Even the boring stuff was fun as long as Catra was by her side. Even cleaning up._

_…Well, okay, it was still kind of boring. But Catra could always find some way to make a game or joke out of anything._

_It was one of the things Adora liked best about her._

_“Oh, wow…”_

_Adora followed Catra’s gaze, eyes widening and mouth dropping open in wonder._

_“Wow…”_

_They’d never made it this far up before. They could see the whole Fright Zone from here! It was _way _bigger than Adora thought. It felt like it went on forever…_

_Catra sat by the edge, dangling her legs over and looking out with a smile. “I like it up here.”_

_“You say that about everywhere we climb.” Adora took a seat beside her, cross-legged._

_“Yeah, but _this_ one’s my favorite.”_

_Yeah, she was right. This one was definitely the best._

_“Maybe this can be our spot,” Catra said. “To hang out, you know?”_

_“We’d get in trouble if we ever got caught.”_

_“Don’t be lame!” Catra leaned over Adora’s lap, eyes sparkling. “We won’t get caught. It’ll be our little secret. Just for us.”_

_“Mm. It’s still a bad idea. But okay.”_

_“Ha! That was so easy!” Catra grinned and plopped her head down in Adora’s lap. “You’re such a softie.”_

_She couldn’t help it. Whenever it came to Catra, she always made decisions she probably shouldn’t. She had such a hard time saying no. Anything that made Catra smile was worth it. Even if it did lead to Shadow Weaver finding out…_

_But it wasn’t too bad. Nothing was, as long as they were together._

_“Hey, Catra?”_

_Catra turned her head to look up at Adora. “What?”_

_“Can I ask you something?”_

_“You just did. But go ahead.”_

_“Do you think we’ll always be friends?”_

_Catra laughed. “What kind of question is _that_?”_

_“I’m serious!” Adora frowned._

_This was…important._

_Catra poked her forehead._

_“Hey, don’t get so worked up.”_

_“Well you won’t give me a straight answer.”_

_Catra dropped her hand and sat up, wrapping an arm around Adora’s waist, tail curling around her in turn._

_“You’re really stupid, aren’t you? Of course we’ll always be friends.”_

_Adora’s face perked up. “Really?”_

_“Really. You’re the only one around here I can stand, anyway, so I’m basically stuck with you.”_

_“Hey!”_

_Catra flopped on her back, holding her sides. “Haha, you should see your face!”_

_“You’re so mean to me! I take it all back!” Adora laughed along with her._

_“You know you like it.”_

_“Not as much as you like me.”_

_“I do _not_ like you.”_

_Adora lay beside Catra, gripping her hand with a big smile._

_“Aww. Love you too, Catra.”_

_Adora curled up in her bed, squeezing her eyes closed. It was another one of those nights where the nightmares wouldn’t leave her alone._

_She couldn’t stop flashing back to earlier…_

_The door to the Black Garnet chamber was wide open! How were they supposed to just ignore that?_

_She should have. She knew they weren’t allowed in, but she charged anyway._

_And Catra got in trouble._

_Because of her._

_Adora gripped her pillow, folding it over her ears._

_Why? Why would Shadow Weaver punish Catra for something that was _Adora’s_ fault? It should have been her. Catra didn’t deserve it._

“Adora. You must do a better job of keeping her under control.”

_Why? Why did Catra get treated like some kind of _problem_?_

_This was all Adora’s fault. She needed to fix it. She needed to be stronger for Catra. She needed to not be so _reckless_, for Catra’s sake. She had to do better; she had to _be_ better. She needed to make it up to Catra, so it never happened again._

_She never wanted to see that scared look on her face ever again._

_“Adora?”_

_Adora gasped and shot up, turning to see Catra’s upside-down face dangling from the bunk above. Her ears twitched upon seeing Adora’s expression._

_“You’re having nightmares again.”_

_It wasn’t a question. Catra knew her; she could read her, probably better than Adora could read herself._

_Adora merely nodded, gripping her blanket tight. Catra quietly dropped down and sat beside her, cuddling up to her side._

_This always happened. One of them couldn’t sleep, and Catra would always climb into bed with Adora. Not that she minded. Having Catra nearby made her happy. Of course it did, she loved Catra after all. They were practically family._

_Adora took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly._

_“Is it about earlier?” Catra asked._

_Another nod._

_Catra sighed. “It’s okay.”_

_“No it isn’t.” Adora drew her knees into her chest and hugged onto them. “I went in first. I should’ve been smarter…”_

_“Adora…”_

_Catra pulled her down and coiled herself around her, clinging like a koala._

_“Don’t think about it. I’m here, okay?”_

_Adora wrapped her arms loosely round Catra. Guilt gnawed at her._ _This was _not_ how this was supposed to be going. Catra shouldn’t be comforting her!_

_As though she could read her mind, Catra gave her an affirming squeeze._

_“Stop that.” She nuzzled her head against Adora’s shoulder. “It helps when we share, right? You sleep better?”_

_“Yeah, but…”_

_It was selfish. Adora didn’t want to be. She wasn’t sure she really knew _how_ to be. It was too much to ask from anyone, especially someone like Catra._

_“But nothing. We made a promise.”_

_“…You’re right.”_

_“Exactly. So quit being dumb.”_

_Adora closed her eyes, letting herself breathe and feel Catra’s warmth around her._

_It wasn’t that easy to just ignore all the thoughts in her head. Overthinking was one of the things Shadow Weaver taught her how to do best, and today was a case in point of exactly why she _should_ be doing that._

_But with the gentle purr of Catra dozing beside her, Adora did manage to push it aside for long enough to sleep._

_“Hey, Adora.” Catra sidled up to her, coiling her tail round her leg with a grin._

_Adora sighed, smiling despite herself. “What is it?”_

_“Mm. Just saying hi.”_

_“Uh huh.” Adora closed her locker and gave her a sideways smirk. “That’s the one.”_

_“What, don’t believe me?”_

_“I didn’t say that.”_

_“Oh, so you don’t.” Catra grinned. “What do you think I’m up to, huh?”_

_Adora would admit: Catra had been acting _different_ lately. Ever since they’d been old enough to become cadets and start their training in earnest, Catra changed._

_They were always close, of course. Family, Adora thought of them as._

_As of late, though, she was starting to wonder if that was right._

_“I’ve got a few guesses,” she said._

_More like hopes. Wishful thinking._

_It’s not like Catra was the only one who changed._

_Adora found herself looking at Catra differently too. She’d always been pretty, sure. But now, Adora noticed little things like her eyelashes, her nose, her freckles, the way her eyes lit up, the way she smiled…_

_She didn’t have a word for it. Not a good one._

_…Or maybe she did. But that could change everything for them._

_“Well, you gonna tell me? Or you just gonna stand there and zone out all day?” Catra teased._

_“Maybe we do this someplace _other_ than the locker room?”_

_Catra’s ear twitched at her tone. “Something up?”_

_“Just…mind if we go to the usual spot?”_

_“Yeah, sure. You’re sure nothing’s up?”_

_Adora gave her a look. Wordlessly, Catra nodded, understanding: talk where it was safe._

_“So, now that we’re here,” Catra started, leaning against the railing and crossing her arms. “What’s up with you?”_

_Adora looked out at the horizon. “I don’t really know how to say it…”_

_“Okay…?” Catra frowned. “You sure you’re alright?”_

_“I think?”_

_Catra tentatively reached out for Adora’s hand. “Hey, I didn’t…did I do something?”_

_“No!” Adora gripped her hand and gave it an affirming squeeze. “No. You didn’t do anything. There’s just a lot on my mind.”_

_“It’s not about me?”_

_“I guess it sort of is.”_

_“Adora. Can you just say whatever the hell it is that’s bothering you?”_

_Adora closed her eyes and seriously contemplated: what was she supposed to say?_

I think about you all the time? I want to hug you and never let go? I want to be with you always?

_No, those were all wrong. Not a single one accurately portrayed just what she wanted._

_Was it even worth it?_

_“Etheria to Adora?”_

_Adora blinked back into reality, meeting Catra’s eyes._

_Those eyes…_

_“Do you need to, like, lay down or something?”_

_“Yeah. Maybe I do.”_

_Catra looked mildly irritated, but she simply nodded. “C’mon, then. We’ll turn in early.”_

_Back in the barracks, Adora lay on her bed. Catra nuzzled herself into Adora’s lap, quiet half-asleep purrs radiating from her. For the longest time, that sort of thing had helped Adora sleep through even the worst of nights._

_But now?_

_Now, Adora was hyperaware. Every breath Catra took, every time she shifted, every little sound, every little brush of hair or skin against Adora’s hands or arms felt like an electric current coursing through her entire body._

_She couldn’t sleep like this. There was no way._

_A shift in weight caught her attention. Catra scooted herself up to lay flush beside Adora, face mere inches from hers._

_“Okay,” Catra whispered, annoyance in her eyes. “You’re gonna tell me what’s up.”_

_“Nothing’s up.”_

_“Liar.”_

_“I’m not lying.”_

_“Li-ar.”_

_Adora frowned. “Catra, just go to bed.”_

_“No. You can’t sleep. You always sleep fine when we’re together. So, something is definitely bothering you. And you’re gonna tell me.”_

_“Shh. We’re gonna get in trouble.”_

_Catra’s eyes narrowed. “Then just tell me already.”_

_“Catra…I can’t, okay?”_

_“Why _not_?”_

_“I just can’t.”_

_“Ugh. Whatever, Adora.”_

_Without another word, Catra got up and hopped up into the bunk above. She only ever did that twice since they started sharing. Both times, it was when Catra was angry with her._

_Adora sighed and closed her eyes._

_She couldn’t tell Catra. Proper way of saying it aside, how could she possibly expect Catra to be okay with something like that?_

_They were family. Sisters. That was what Catra needed from her, and trying to change it would only be selfish._

_Adora didn’t sleep that night._

_“Adora? Adora!”_

_Adora glanced over her shoulder to see Catra grinning from ear to ear. Her hands were behind her back, hiding something._

_“Hm? What?”_

_“Look, look!” Catra excitedly held out her secret item. A small ring with a singular key dangled from her fingers._

_Adora’s eyes widened. “What the-? Isn’t that…?”_

_“Hell yeah it is!” Catra grabbed her arm with her free hand. “C’mon, let’s go take it out!”_

_Adora yanked her arm back and gave her a disapproving stare._

_“Catra, you need to put that back! What if she catches you?!”_

_“So?” Catra shrugged and rolled her eyes. “What, I’ll get two percent more intimidation than usual? Big deal.”_

_“It _is_ a big deal!”_

_Adora knew how unfair Shadow Weaver was to Catra. And it only got worse as they got older. It took almost nothing for her to lash out, and it was almost never mild._

_But for some reason, that never stopped Catra from being belligerent._

_“Ugh, when did you get so boring?” Catra bumped her hip into Adora’s, raising her eyebrows playfully. “Look, just admit you want to give it a go too!”_

_“That isn’t the point. We’re not little kids anymore, we can’t just do stuff like that.”_

You’ll get in trouble, _she wanted to say. _She’ll punish you again. I don’t want you to get hurt. What good am I if you do?

_Catra grinned. “What’s that? Can’t hear you over how _boring _you are.”_

_“I’m serious. Go put it back.” Adora wasn’t going to play this game._

_“Ha, nope! I’ll race you there!”_

_Catra sped away, faster than Adora could ever hope to be, as always. Adora let out a growl of frustration as she sprinted after her._

_“Catra! Hey, Catra! Wait up!”_

_“What’s it like being the world’s slowest person?!” Catra yelled back at her, teasing._

_Always teasing._

_Catra rounded the corner toward the skiff bay, with Adora in hot pursuit. As her eyes settled on the corridor in front of her, Adora realized it was empty._

_Catra was nowhere to be seen._

_“Catra?” she called out, scanning around for any trace of her._

_Ugh, she always had to be so reckless!_

_“Catra! Come back here!”_

_Adora only had a second to register the gleeful giggle from above before she was flat on her back. Catra straddled her lap, smirking down at her._

_“I win.”_

_“Win _what_?”_

_“Tag. Duh.”_

_“This…you just wanted to play _tag_?” Adora gave her an annoyed glare as she propped herself up on her elbows. “What the hell, Catra? Come on, this is serious! You had me worried! Now you are going to go put that key back before Shadow Weaver catches you!”_

_Catra frowned as her ears flattened. “…You really have changed.”_

_“I…what?”_

_“What happened to you, Adora? You used to love doing this sort of stuff.”_

_“Catra, we’re not kids-”_

_“You think I don’t know that?” A deep pain shone in Catra’s eyes. “I know! But I just want to have fun with you! You’re my friend. Or…at least I thought you were.”_

_Adora stared with wide eyes. “I didn’t…Catra, of _course_ we’re friends. Why would you think anything else?”_

_“How could I not? You’ve been weird for _months_ now, Adora. You keep acting like I don’t even matter to you. Call me crazy for thinking that’s what you were trying to say.”_

_In all her attempts to keep Catra on the straight and narrow, Adora messed up. Big time._

_Catra’s eyes began to glisten with the start of tears that she hoped (prayed) wouldn’t fall. Instinctively, Adora reached up, hand hovering just above her cheek, not quite making contact._

_“Catra, I…I never meant to treat you like that. I’m sorry.”_

_“That’s it? ‘Sorry’?”_

_Adora pushed herself up to a seated position, Catra resting back on her laurels to accommodate her._

_“I know that’s not enough,” Adora said. “The truth is…I’ve had something to tell you. For a while. But…”_

_“But?”_

_“It’s never been right. I never knew how to say it.”_

_“Okay, well could you _please_ just spit it out already?”_

_Adora knew she needed to. But this place was no good._

_Public._

_Prying eyes could be anywhere._

_She stood, pulling Catra up with her. As Catra opened her mouth to complain, Adora covered it with her hand._

_“I’m going to explain. Just not right here.”_

_Catra grabbed her wrist and yanked her hand away, frowning. “And why not here?”_

_“Catra, just. _Please_, okay? Just come with me.”_

_Her tail swished in annoyance. “…Fine.”_

_Adora slipped into the darkness of the storage closet, Catra snaking her way in behind her. Her ears twitched as she crossed her arms, leaning against the door._

_“Alright, Adora. You gonna tell me what’s going on now?”_

_Adora bit the inside of her cheek. Was it as easy as telling her? Would it even make sense?_

_…What if she got mad?_

That’s stupid, _Adora thought. _Catra wouldn’t get mad at you for something like that.

_Logically, she understood this to be true._

_“Adora?”_

_She glanced up to meet those mismatched eyes. Why were they _so_ difficult to look at?_

_Catra huffed. “Is it really so hard to say?”_

_“…I don’t want you to be mad.”_

_Catra’s eyes widened, arms dropping down to her sides. “Mad? Why would I get mad?”_

_“Because…I don’t know.” Adora closed her eyes. “I feel like telling you will change things. And I don’t want that to be a _bad_ change.”_

_A pair of arms wrapped themselves around her waist, a chin rested on her shoulder, and a mane of soft hair rustled against her cheek._

_“You’re being stupid.” The harsh words mingled with her gentle tone in a way that was distinctly, utterly Catra. “Nothing’s gonna change. We’re friends.”_

_Gratefully, Adora returned the gesture, burrowing her face into the wild locks and the comforting smell. Somehow, Catra always broke through whatever nonsense her brain thought up. She gave her a momentary respite. There was no need to impress anyone. No orders to follow, no superior officers to impress._

_Adora would never know how Catra did it. She’d been hardened in a very different way by life in the Horde. And yet, she still somehow held onto a side so tender. She always managed to brush away Adora’s worries, even temporarily, and replace them with nothing but thoughts of Catra._

_Just Catra, and all the love she carried with her._

Love.

_Yeah. That was definitely the word. Adora was certain now._

_And yet, the idea of saying it still felt wrong._

_That was what they said as kids. Before all these weird feelings got in the way. Before all of their communication failures._

_But…that didn’t mean she couldn’t show Catra what she meant. Maybe not in the way she wanted, but in a way that she’d understand._

_Catra delicately ran her claws along Adora’s back, light and soothing._

_As though to say, _I’m here. I see you. I know you. You’re safe.

_Their actions always spoke louder than words, anyway._

_Adora turned her head to the side, cheek pressed into the top of Catra’s head._

_“Catra?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“We’ll always be friends, right?”_

_“Course we will.” Catra gripped the fabric of Adora’s shirt. A timid cling. A small gesture. “Always.”_

Say you think the same, _it said._

_Adora took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “You’re right. Always.”_

_And she believed it._

_The feeling never went away._

_She knew Catra felt it too._

_The unspoken way their hearts beat just a little faster around each other, the way they smiled just a little more around each other; it was years of tender embraces, soft touches, looks that hit a little too strong to be just friendly. Years of trying to convey, in whatever way they could, all the things they would never say. Could never say._

You mean so much to me. I care about you more than anything else. I never want to be without you.

I adore you.

I need you.

_But neither of them dared to move beyond just notions._

_Everything beyond was a gamble._

_Dangerous._

_There was no room for that. They both knew._

_It couldn’t be. Not now._

_But one day, maybe._

_“One day the two of us will be ruling Etheria together,” Catra would say. “You and me, on top of the world. No one to tell us what to do or how to act. Doesn’t that sound great?”_

_It did._

_It really did._

_Adora couldn’t get it out of her head._

_That look…_

_Betrayal._

_Pure and simple._

_Those eyes that once held such warmth, such compassion, such unadulterated emotion…_

_Adora had destroyed that in a single moment._

_She could never go back to the Horde. She didn’t want to, either. She’d seen the atrocities they were capable of. The atrocities she had almost been a part of…_

_She closed her eyes, turning onto her back. The bed was too soft, even after she’d gotten a harder one. She missed her bed back home._

_Home._

_No, it wasn’t home anymore. The Fright Zone was nothing more than a testament to everything she now stood against. Now that she was She-Ra, she couldn’t go back even if she wanted to._

_But…some part of her still wished she could find solace there again. To go back to a simpler time. A time where she was not exactly happy, certainly not safe, but home nonetheless._

_She didn’t want to think of it that way._

_But she knew why she did._

_Adora opened her eyes, staring up at the canopy draped above her. She really didn’t understand all these decorations. They didn’t make much sense to her. They didn’t serve any kind of purpose other than to just look nice. Which, sure, was pleasant._

_…She was avoiding thinking about her._

_Who could blame her? The moment she did, the guilt crept in._

_…_

_What was Catra doing…?_

_Right now, where was she? Was she still in their bunk? Was it even still “theirs”? Maybe Catra had even replaced her as Force Captain._

_…Adora hoped not._

_She didn’t want to imagine the Catra she’d seen that day. That rage was something she’d rather forget. It’d be easiest if she could forget about Catra entirely._

_But that would never happen._

_Adora knew: she would be a gaping wound that no amount of care would ever truly heal. Her heart might recover, but it would be mangled and scarred._

_Maybe it was what she deserved. Her punishment for being complicit with the Horde’s wrongdoings for so long._

_Surely that was it._

_And yet…some small part of her wished. Hoped, even._

_Catra was a good person. Deep down, Adora was sure of that. Maybe she could change._

_Maybe she could still join the Rebellion._

_Adora let that fantasy aid her as she finally found her way to sleep._

_So much had happened in so short a time._

_And so much of it was Adora being an utter _failure_._

_She couldn’t get anything right. Not one single thing._

_It was all her fault Glimmer ended up like this. All because she was careless. She got distracted._

_The worst part was that she knew._

_She knew what Catra was doing. Toying with her, playing her. And she _let. It. Happen.

_She was pathetic. What, because Catra suddenly showed up, she lost the ability to think entirely? Is that what she was reduced to? A brainless idiot, stuck on the idea of someone who _chose_ this? Who _chose_ to do the wrong thing? Who chose a memory over reality?_

_…But that was disingenuous to the both of them._

_She may not have understood her motivations, or how she could bear to stay in a place that brought her nothing but pain._

_But she understood the important part: Catra was hurting._

“Because you left me!”

_Those words still haunted her. If she had brought Catra with her that night…would everything have been different?_

_No use dwelling on those thoughts. Adora knew that. She should be focusing on finding a way to heal Glimmer. A way to not be a total disaster. She had to prove herself. To Queen Angella, to Bright Moon. To all of Etheria._

_There was no time to be waxing sentimental over Catra._

_But she would._

_She always would._

_Did the past mean nothing to Catra?_

“You never protected me!”

_So Adora failed at that too. She couldn’t protect a single person, let alone the person she cared about more than anyone else._

“I didn’t _want_ you to come back, Adora!”

_That couldn’t be true. She didn’t mean it._

_…Did she?_

_Had Catra truly grown to hate her?_

“Every hero needs a sidekick, right?”

_That wasn’t true! Catra was worth more than that. Catra was worth everything._

_Even if she wasn’t, Adora was no hero…_

“I wonder what I could’ve been if I’d gotten rid of you sooner.”

_Was that what Adora really was? A nuisance? A setback?_

_Maybe so._

“Bye, Adora. I really am going to miss you.”

_Catra…_

_Light Hope told her she needed to let go. But how?_

_Catra was the only joy she’d known for so long. Even if things were better in the Rebellion, there wasn’t a single way for Adora to truly move on. It wasn’t like she could forget overnight about her eyes, her smile, the feeling of her warmth beside her as they slept…_

_How do you let go of someone that once meant the entire world to you?_

_She met Catra alone._

_Once._

_Another sleepless night, another midnight trip to the Whispering Woods. Still decrepit from the havoc the Horde had wrought on them._

_Under Catra’s command._

_Adora sat beneath what had become her favorite tree, leaning her head back against the cool bark. It was a good place to think. Not that those thoughts were even half as pleasant._

_She had to remind herself all the time. Catra chose evil. Nothing Adora could say or do would change her mind at this point._

_Yet she still clung to some false hope. Ridiculous and naïve, some part of her still dreamed of Catra finding the light. Running away with her._

_She dreamed they could be together._

_Adora almost wondered what might have come if she did what she wanted to all those years ago. Had said what she wanted to all those years ago._

_She’d wanted to kiss Catra._

_Time and time again._

_She wanted to tell her, no misunderstandings possible, exactly how she felt about her._

_But she never did._

_And probably would never have the chance again._

_Adora sighed and gripped a fistful of grass._

_“I’m pathetic…” she thought aloud._

_A snicker, so quiet it may have been a mere hallucination, caught her attention. A snicker all too familiar._

_Her eyes darted around as she drew herself to her feet._

_“…Catra?”_

_A silhouette slid from the brush out into the space before her._

_“Hey, Adora.”_

_Her voice lacked its usual teasing bite. But where that was replaced with vitriol these days, it sounded oddly…melancholy._

_Adora braced herself. “What are you doing here?”_

_Catra glanced at her before darting her eyes away. “Does it matter?”_

_“If you’re showing yourself, then yes. Give me a reason to not suspect you.”_

Please.

_“Listen to yourself,” Catra scoffed. “The mighty She-Ra doesn’t take risks, is that it?”_

_“You tried to destroy Bright Moon!” Adora glared. “I have a _right_ to be skeptical.”_

Please give me something.

_“Oh, right, my _sincerest _apologies. That what you want? Me to come groveling on hands and knees, begging for forgiveness?”_

_“Would you stop twisting everything up? Just tell me why you’re here, Catra.”_

Please give me a reason to trust you.

_“…I don’t know.”_

_Adora’s expression softened. “You don’t know?”_

_“What, did you not hear me the first time?” Catra finally looked at her. _Really_ looked at her. “I don’t know. I just wanted to.”_

_“I…I don’t understand.” Adora’s eyebrows knitted together. “You wanted to come to the Woods…just because?”_

_“Didn’t say that.”_

_“Are you even capable of giving me a real answer?”_

_“…Why did you do it, Adora?”_

_Adora blinked. “Do what?”_

_“You chose a group of total strangers. Over me. Over…” Catra closed her eyes, unable to get the word out._

Us.

_Adora reached out to take her hand, but stopped short. A gesture so natural, so familiar…but no longer. She swallowed the lump that seemed to permanently lodge itself in her throat._

_“Catra, that’s not how it was.”_

_“Sure is how it looked.” No anger; just hurt. “You really did take the first chance you got to leave.”_

You left me.

_Those words still carved themselves into a special corner of Adora’s heart. Every time she thought they might finally have released their hold, they reasserted themselves and dug in harder, crueler than before._

_“I never wanted to,” she choked out. The rising sting of unfallen tears had become like an old friend at this point. “I told you. I wanted you to leave _with _me.”_

_“But you didn’t think about what I wanted,” Catra spat._

_“Then what _do_ you want?”_

_That seemed to catch her off guard. Catra’s wide eyes bored into Adora’s. Some multitude of emotional turmoil stormed inside their depths._

_“What I want…”_

_Adora steeled her resolve and gripped Catra’s hand in hers, twining their fingers like they used to. It felt like no time had passed since then, calloused palm against calloused palm. She remembered so easily how it felt for them, walking to the barracks together like this. Back to _their _bed._

I miss you.

_Adora wanted to say it so badly. She had, back when they were trapped together. But it was different now._

_She wanted it to say everything she didn’t have the courage to tell Catra._

_And…she wanted Catra to say the same._

_Catra stared at their interlocked fingers. “…Adora.”_

_Adora barely dared to breathe. “…Yeah?”_

_“Let go.”_

_She felt her hopes shatter. “I-I don’t…Catra, I-”_

_“Let. Go.” No bite. Only the sound of holding back tears._

_Adora gripped tighter. “Don’t do this. Please. Come _with_ me, Catra. _Please_.”_

_Catra gritted her teeth and shoved Adora away, sending her sprawling onto her back. By the time she regained her bearings, it was too late._

_Catra had already vanished into the dark blanket of trees._

_Adora let her head fall back to the ground. She slammed a fist into the ground as she muffled a growl of frustration._

_Frustration?_

_No._

_That was wrong._

_But the truth, as always, was too hard to admit._

_In that sense, she and Catra were truly meant for each other. No matter what, they always ended up back here, in an endless cycle of cowardice and miscommunication._

_Catra didn’t deserve that. She deserved happiness. She deserved love._

_The love that Adora wanted so desperately to give her. That she _should_ have given her._

_…But that same love Adora hypocritically believed she herself was not worthy of._

_“Open the portal, and let’s end this!”_

_No! Entrapta said how dangerous it was! Catra needed to know!_

_“Forget about them! Pull the switch!”_

_She really didn’t understand! This would destroy everything!_

_That look of desperation in Catra’s eyes as the sanctum crumbled around her that faded into calm repose as she strode so confidently over to the lever…_

_“Catra, please don’t!” Adora begged._

_Catra looked her dead in the eyes, blank and relaxed._

_Then, that smirk that spoke volumes, before she activated the device that would destroy the world._

I win.

_Then everything was dark._

_Cacophonous._

_The joy she felt from waking up next to Catra._

_Ephemeral._

_The fear she felt from the world distorting around them._

_Nothing made sense. _

_Everything was wrong._

_Some part of her wanted to stay there forever. To stay with Catra._

_It was everything she’d been longing for: waking up beside her, laughing with her, being on top of the world with her…_

_But it wasn’t real._

_“Ugh, you’re not making any sense! Everything’s _fine_, okay? It’s-”_

_“Don’t say it’s perfect! I know it’s not perfect, and so do you!”_

_This time it would be different, she thought. Whatever reality this was, this was Adora’s chance to make things _right_. She wouldn’t leave Catra behind. Even if she had to force her._

_“Why can’t you just stay?! We have everything we’ve ever wanted!”_

_“It’s not _real_, Catra! As much as I wish things could be simple the way they used to be, there’s no going back.”_

_Why wouldn’t she listen?! Why was it like this every single time?!_

_No matter what Adora did, she couldn’t change things._

_She couldn’t fix it._

_It was all her fault._

_That feral, unhinged glint in Catra’s eyes as she refused _again_ was like a dagger to Adora’s already overwhelmed heart. The way she lashed out, striking with enough power to _kill_, as the world fell apart around them – it was all Adora’s fault._

_“Catra, look what’s happening! You’re going to destroy everything!”_

_“I. Don’t. _Care_! I _won’t_ let you win! I’d rather see the whole _world_ end than let that happen!”_

_Catra tried to pull her down into the abyss with her. Yet, when she fell in alone, Adora still reached out to save her._

_One last desperate plea._

Come with me.

Please.

_But one final time, Catra refused. She’d rather willingly die than let Adora have an ounce of satisfaction._

_And it broke her._

_The only thing pushing her forward now was her inner mantra: _I have to fix this.

_She couldn’t save anyone in the Fright Zone._

_She couldn’t save anyone in Bright Moon._

_She couldn’t save Entrapta, or Glimmer, or Bow._

_Not a single soul._

_Adora honestly was nothing more than a failure._

_The world was going to end._

_And all she could do was cry._

_A familiar poke on the forehead, though, broke through._

_“H̃͜ē̫͍͈̤̏̇͆y̗͉̭͑̊͘,͔ Ḁ͙̫̖̏̓͛͡d̞͕̋̋̚ͅor̜͉̄̚ǻ̪̰̻͇̄͗.̧͎̱̖̏͛̊̓.”_

_Catra’s body…her face…her _voice_…_

_“A͎̖͂̀l̢̘̥̜̏̈́̉̄l̢̪̳͌͆̕ ͍̼̋of̞̈́ ͕̯̬̭̇́͞͠t͍̊h̹̑i̧̻̭̯͂̇͠s̮̲̯̏̿̎ ̮̺͎͎͒̓̔͘͞ͅi̥̋s̢̩̜̲̉͐͒̋ ̘̠̗͎̓̈̎̊y͕̤̞̪͂̀̆͂o͕̳̓ur̛͉̬̻̦̀̔͆͢͝ ͙̿f̪a͓̚u̗̭̤̍̅́̕͢lt.͙̯̒͒”_

_No…_

_“Ỵ̗̼̎͊̎ǒ̳̥̮͔͊̀͞u̽ͅ ̡̹̊̎̾ͅb͙̿r̮̞͓̽͊̂͡ͅo̫̅k̮̯̒ȩ̳̹̄̆̚ ̡̯̱̃̊́t͚͎̏͘h̲͋e̢͓̜͐̎̒͜͡ ̠̙̺̈́͗̐wo͖̟̟̲͊͑̓͠rl̨͔̘̑̅̾͢͞d̝̻̥͇̘͋͋̈́͛͌,̨̳̹̟̻͊̀̈́͛ ̠͚̐̆͛ͅa̡̹͉͊̿̋n͓̻̗͛̑͞d̞͇̘̄͗̚̕͢ ̛͓it̢͈̫͛̃͐͢͞ ̮̝̈͐ị̇s͆͢ ̨̢̙̥̙͑̚͘̕a̫̪͕̺̻͋͌̏͋ľ̰l̝̠̼̣͋̎͒̓.̦͋ ̦̚͢͠Y̛͙o̫̟͎͌͂͠ṷ̿r̬.̢̞̜̗̏͊̏̾̚ͅ ̧̖̮̯̦̏̆̈́̕͞F̲̭̤̪̞̒͂̓͊͘a̛̟u̫͒l̖̃t̢̿.̢̜͖͐͆̑͜͡”_

_“No it’s not!”_

_For the first time, Adora believed that._

_“You made your choice. Now live with it!”_

_She…really punched her. She meant to. But at the same time, she couldn’t believe she’d actually done it._

_It was finally time, though._

_Time to let go._

_As the last bits of the world vanished around her, as the mangled mess that had become Catra disintegrated, as Adora felt her own body slipping away…_

_The last thing she remembered was the faint sound of Angella’s voice._

_Then everything was gone._

The room was deathly silent. Adora reeled, torn somewhere between needing to throw up and needing to cry. Her eyes flitted around, bracing for the distortion to show itself.

But this time was different.

Everything was normal.

Everything was…perfect.

_Why? How? What is going on? How are we still alive? I _failed_._

Catra’s hand on her cheek was scalding. Her eyes showed only concern.

“Adora? Are you okay? What did you remember?”

She…she really didn’t know.

Catra didn’t know anything about it.

Adora opened her mouth, but the words refused to come. Only a guttural sound, somewhere between choking and sobbing, managed to escape her lips. Her eyes began to water.

_Dammit! Say something!_

“Hey, it’s okay!” Catra dropped her hand down to Adora’s shoulder. “Take your time. Tell me what you need. I’m here for you.”

Adora could only stare.

She couldn’t even begin to process all the thoughts and feelings that flooded her head.

Catra’s thumb rubbed circles. They were meant to be soothing, surely. They were not.

Adora gritted her teeth, _pleading_ for the words to come.

“Adora…hey, I’m sure it can’t be that bad, right?” Met with silence still, Catra’s face morphed with worry. “It’s…not, right? Promise me it’s not.”

_Promise._

That was all their lives were ever destined to be, wasn’t it?

Empty promises, shattered at the first notion of a challenge. Pretty words that fell apart the moment they were put to the test.

That’s all it ever was.

All it would ever be.

Slowly, Adora managed to rasp out four simple words.

“…I can’t…do this…”

Catra’s eyes flashed with a brief moment of panic. “Can’t do what? What are you talking about, Adora?”

She had to leave.

She turned and pushed the door open, stepping over the threshold.

Catra caught her wrist.

“Adora, what’s going on? Please, talk to me. I’m sure whatever it is, we can fix it.”

“…I tried.”

“What?”

Adora didn’t look back. “For so long, Catra, I…I _tried_. To fix everything. But I…I couldn’t. I can’t.”

She gently pulled her arm away from Catra’s grip – a little too loose, a little too weak.

The apology she pondered died on her tongue.

No.

No more words.

She needed to leave.

As she walked down the stairs, she swore she heard a quiet plea.

“Please don’t leave me…”

Once on solid ground, Adora broke into a sprint. She pounded down the pavement, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over. She didn’t know where she was going.

She couldn’t go back to Catra’s. She couldn’t go back to _Shadow Weaver’s_.

The thought alone was enough to make her sick.

She didn’t have a home.

She had nowhere to turn.

But she ran anyway, until her legs wouldn’t carry her any more.

Out of breath, cold October air chilling her lungs, and feeling as though she might keel over at any moment, Adora collapsed into the nearest lawn. The cool grass beneath her mingled with the perspiration from her tired body, sending shivers throughout her.

Cold.

She was so cold.

And so tired.

Her eyes slipped closed; a devilish voice somewhere in the back of her brain told her to just stay. Let everything drift away. Let all those memories – those painful, _painful _memories – fade away into obscurity.

But that wasn’t who she was. She forced her eyes open again, bracing herself once more to take on the most confusing, hellish evening she’d experienced.

By some twist of fate or sheer luck, it wasn’t the stars above that greeted her sight.

“My, dearie! You must be exhausted to be napping in a place like this! Come inside, why don’t you? A warm bath is in order. Let old Razz take care of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh...reminder of happy endgame?


	15. I Want Nothing More Than to Lose Myself After Everything I've Lost on You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora spends some time in her thoughts and speaks with Razz. Glimmer gets some advice from her dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys had some THOUGHTS about last chapter, and I loved reading them, they seriously made my day.
> 
> Writer's block hit me HARD this chapter. Hence it taking longer than usual. You can thank the season 4 trailer for getting my brain back in gear haha.

Inhale. Exhale.

Breath in. Breath out.

In…out…

The temperate air of the bathroom helped to relieve the vague ache in her lungs. The heat of the water – toeing the line between too hot and just hot enough for that satisfying level of warmth – seeped into Adora’s skin, easing the fatigue her unexpected nighttime exercise wrought on her poor muscles. Mingled with the soothing sensation of the Epsom salts still dissolving into the bath, it felt like a dream. The soft glow of candles Razz insisted on lighting was enough to take the atmosphere from dreamy to downright ethereal.

Adora was surprised Razz had recognized her. She’d been into the diner a few times, sure, but Razz didn’t exactly strike her as the most attentive. But maybe she was. Or maybe Razz remembered from before…everything.

Who knew?

But she was grateful for it. Not like she had many other options.

Even if she did, being here was certainly her best one. No one aside from Scorpia and _her_ knew that Adora wasn’t living at home. And now, staying at Razz’s, she could be completely incognito.

Despite the circumstances, it had an appeal.

She let a quiet sigh slip out as she slid just a little further into her bath, letting the water envelop her up to her shoulders.

It didn’t fix the madness that was her evening. But it was a decent distraction, just for now.

Adora closed her eyes and leaned her head against the cool ceramic.

Razz’s home here was just as charmingly eclectic as the diner. She’d only caught a short glimpse before being shoved into the bathroom, but there didn’t seem to be a single bit of shelf, wall, or any other surface that wasn’t covered in _something_. It reminded Adora of the little hovel from back in Etheria.

Etheria…

It was no good. Her thoughts drifted back to it without any prompting.

A whole other lifetime had revealed itself to her. A lifetime of being a soldier, of being a princess, of being a downright mythologized figure.

A lifetime on a planet that no longer existed.

Or…she was mostly positive no longer existed.

This didn’t feel like last time. There were visible distortions before. Even the smallest hint of remembering made them visible.

But it had been over an hour.

Nothing happened.

Everything was fine.

And it made no sense.

_Someone make it make sense, _she thought._ Better, someone make it all _stop_. I don’t want to deal with this. I don’t want to think about this. I don’t want to lose her again…_

…But she already had.

She ran away.

Again.

She wasn’t even sure if she really meant to. It wasn’t like she had a ton of time to process everything. She moved purely on one thought that chanted through her mind: _you need to get out._

_It’s better. You know what she did, _a voice in the back of her head said. _She’ll remember. And she’ll be just as hateful as before. She’s fallen too far. You need to let go._

But she didn’t want to.

Despite everything, she still wanted to hold onto that small part of her heart that ached for the best friend, the crush, the first love she found and deeply yearned for again in Catra.

_Catra…_

No. Not now. That was a problem for future Adora.

Adora opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling. She reached up a hand, lifting an imaginary sword. She pictured it clear as day: the sheen of the blade, the solid feel of the hilt, the faint glow of the runestone lodged there.

“For the honor of Grayskull,” she whispered, barely audible. “What did Light Hope say? ‘You are She-Ra, Etheria’s champion’…” She frowned as she recalled another fragment from another encounter. “‘To bear the power of She-Ra is an honor. This is your destiny’…”

A real honor…one that she messed up beyond belief.

No, that was wrong. She wasn’t the one who destroyed the world.

_Stop right there. Stop thinking about it._

Adora closed her eyes and dropped arm back in the water with a soft _plop_.

“Right…”

She wasn’t sure how long she lay there. The bath grew tepid, then room temp. As a shiver worked its way down her spine, she decided it was finally time to get out.

She buried her face into the towel. It was awfully plush, a small bit of comfort. She breathed deeply, taking in the faint scent of lavender, before drying herself and slipping into the t-shirt and shorts Razz had so graciously provided.

_“You and her are just about the same size!”_ she’d said.

Who, Adora wasn’t sure. But if this Razz was anything like the other one, then…

Well, she could take a guess.

Adora carefully blew out the candles, coating the bathroom in darkness, and made to walk back out. She stopped short, hand hovering over the doorknob.

…Walking out there would mean facing the truth.

It would mean figuring out what she was going to do now.

Memories aside, the fact of the matter was Adora had nothing to her name and nowhere to go. She couldn’t burden Razz with her presence. They were merely strangers in this world.

“Dearie? How long are you going to stand there in the dark?”

Adora blinked.

_How did she know?_

But the thought vanished as quickly as it came. Of course she knew.

This was Razz, after all.

Mustering her strength, Adora turned the knob and stepped out into the gentle light of the hall. Razz stood just outside, dreamy smile on her face.

“There you are! Took your time!”

“Ah, yeah…sorry to keep you up,” Adora apologized.

“Nonsense! Come, I made us tea.”

Adora looked guilty. “You didn’t have to go to such lengths for me, Razz…”

“But it will help, yes?” Razz placed a hand on the small of her back and ushered her into the kitchen. “Come, dearie. You must learn to let others take care of you every now and then.”

Take care of her? That was _her_ job.

…Not that she was any good at it.

“You must stop blaming yourself, you know,” Razz said, giving her a knowing look. “You have a nasty habit of doing that.”

Adora’s eyes squinted in confusion. “How do you know that?”

Razz gave her a wide-eyed stare. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten old Razz.”

“Forgotten?”

“Come now, She-Ra should remember better than that.”

Adora grabbed Razz’s hands in her own. “You remember?! You honestly remember?!”

“Oh, you were only pretending?” She smiled. “Well, that is a relief. Less for me to explain. Come now, tea time.”

Razz withdrew her hands and patted Adora’s shoulder, a simultaneously off-putting and oddly maternal gesture, before resuming her gait over to the kitchen island, hopping up onto one of the stools there. Buzzing, Adora took a seat beside her. A fresh cup of what smelled like chamomile tea sat before her. She wrapped her hands around it, savoring the warmth creeping into her fingers.

“So…you know everything,” Adora began. “About Etheria. About me. About the…portal.”

“Mm, indeed.”

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“You knew, did you not?”

“What about any of that made it seem like I knew _anything_?”

“My, dearie, you _did_ forget?”

Adora groaned. She definitely forgot how frustrating Razz could be. Never a straight answer out of her.

“Look, Razz. After the portal. What happened? How did we end up here?”

“Hm. What indeed?” Razz took a long drink from her teacup. “I do not know for certain. But we are no longer of Etheria.”

“What does that mean, though?” Adora stared up at the ceiling, a feeble attempt to stop her already watering eyes. “Is this still not reality? Are we trapped? Did I really…did I really fail?”

Razz’s hand was gentle on her back as she let out a hearty laugh.

“Oh, no. You did not fail.”

“How can you say that? I didn’t make it to the sword! Everyone _died_ because of me.” Adora closed her eyes. “Well…no. I didn’t open the portal. That was…”

_Stop. Don’t go there._

“I _told_ you, you must stop blaming yourself.”

Adora hesitantly looked to Razz, her face still set in that ditzy – no, _kind_ – smile.

“How? How am I supposed to do that? Even if I didn’t open the portal, I still failed…”

“Dearie. Look around. Does anyone look dead to you?”

“Well…no…but we still-”

“You should drink your tea,” Razz interrupted. “It will get cold.”

Adora frowned. “You’re not _listening_ to me.”

“You are not listening to _yourself_.”

Adora threw her hands up in exasperation, plopping them down on top of her head with a deep sigh.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You are concerning yourself with the wrong things.” Razz tilted her head to the side. “Do you remember when you first met old Razz? You were seeking answers then, too.”

_Right. When I first left the Horde._

“I didn’t know how to use my powers.”

“Mm. And what did I tell you, dearie?”

Adora blinked. “Um. A lot of nonsense, if I’m being honest.”

Razz laughed. “Oh, I remember why I like you! You really _are_ like my Mara.”

“Mara?” Adora felt like she could barely breathe.

“Mhm. I told you the same thing then, too! Brave, loyal.”

“…But afraid,” Adora finished.

She was right. Adora was afraid. Petrified. These memories, the feelings they evoked, they were _suffocating_. She could push herself to think about the necessary ones: the Horde, the Rebellion, the sword, the portal.

Only in a generic sense.

Everything beyond that involved people.

And that’s where the guilt set in.

Razz nodded. “She was the same. Always thinking. Overthinking. The brain is well and good, but sometimes you must listen to what your heart desires, too.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Perhaps. But you must try.” Razz tapped the rim of Adora’s cup. “And you _must_ drink your tea!”

Adora smiled a little and took a big gulp of the lukewarm drink. Despite the less-than-desirable heat, the tea was undeniably soothing.

“There, isn’t that better, dearie?”

“Okay, you were right. That’s really nice.” Adora chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Say…Mara. Is she…here?”

“Oh, yes, you never got the chance to meet, did you? We can go visit in the morning, if you like.”

“She’s really here?! She’s _alive_?!”

“You ask this as though _our_ being here is nothing short of a miracle. You are a funny, funny girl.”

_Mara is here…I can meet her…_

“Does she remember?” Adora asked.

Razz looked strangely pensive. “Ah, I’m afraid not, dearie.”

Adora felt her heart drop. “What?”

“Did you not hear?”

“No, no, I _heard_ you, but…she doesn’t remember? Honestly? Have you talked to her about it?”

_She has to remember. She _has_ to. I have so many questions. I need answers._

“Many times.” Razz nodded. “Yes, many times. Her memory has not returned. I do not think it ever will.”

_Of course. I don’t get to know._

Adora laughed mirthlessly. “Nothing can ever work out for me, can it? Mara can’t help me. Glimmer was right, and I didn’t listen. Catra is…”

_Stop._

“Catra…” Adora shook her head, as though to rid herself of the thought. “I don’t know what I’m going to do about her…I don’t know what to think…”

“Remember what I said about that,” Razz reminded gently.

“…I have to listen to my heart.”

“Precisely! Tell me, what is it telling you right now?”

Adora closed her eyes and tried tuning her focus inward.

_Come on, heart. Give me something._

_Anything._

_Please._

“Glimmer?” After no response, two soft knocks on the door. “Glimmer? Sweetheart? Can I come in?”

“I don’t want to talk, dad.”

“Okay, I’ll just say it from out here then: I’m worried about you. You’ve barely done anything but go to class for the past few days. There’s nothing wrong with being studious, but you haven’t talked to Bow, or Adora, or anyone else. That’s not like you. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about whatever’s on your mind.”

Glimmer sighed and stood, opening her door just a crack. Her dad’s kind eyes and soft smile greeted her.

“There she is. It might be nicer if I could come in, though.”

“Dad, it’s not important, okay? It’s really, _really_ not.”

“It’s keeping you in your room all day.”

“I do that anyway.”

“Yes, but you’ll still talk to your friends, and play music, and I’ll hear you laughing at those videos you like to watch.”

“I’ve been busy.”

Micah’s face fell a bit, eyes shining with concern. “Glimmer, sweetheart. I won’t force you to tell me anything. But I can tell you’ve been down in the dumps, so don’t lie to me. Also, Bow’s been calling the landline asking about you.”

_Why do we even have a stupid landline?_

Glimmer hesitated before going back to sit on her bed, hugging her knees.

“You can come in, I guess.”

Micah quickly sat beside her. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“You wouldn’t get it.”

“Can we leave the misunderstood teenager act? C’mon, it’s me, Glim.”

She huffed. “Dad.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Glim.”

“Ugh.”

“Even if I don’t _get_ it, I can still be here for moral support.”

Glimmer crossed her arms. “Doubt you’d still say that after you hear what it is.”

“Only one way to find out.”

“…Do you, like. _Remember_?”

Micah blinked. “Remember…what?”

“Well…do the words ‘Bright Moon’ mean anything to you?”

“Is that a brand of something?”

“What? No.” Glimmer furrowed her brows. “You’re not messing with me, right? Um…First Ones? Mystacor? Light Spinner?”

“Sweetheart, are you sure you’re alright? This is…” Realization seemed to dawn in Micah’s eyes. “Oh. Is this from one of those new shows you’ve been telling me about? I’m sorry, sometimes I lose track.”

Glimmer let out a deep sigh. “Never mind…”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s fine, dad. It really is nothing. Just a…character I like. She’s going through a lot and I’m anxious for the next episode. Falling out with a friend. Getting serious. You know?”

Micah gave a knowing smile. “Tell me, Glim, is this ‘character’ going to reach out?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“What do you _think_ she should do? If you were her.”

Glimmer looked away. “She…should try and talk to her friend. Come to an understanding.”

“That’s my girl.” He ruffled her hair.

“_Dad_!” Glimmer laughed quietly anyway. “Okay, I’ll do it. Will you leave me alone so I can call?”

“Let me know how it goes, okay?” Micah gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. “I love you.”

“Love you too, dad.”

Glimmer smiled softly as her father walked out, only for it to fade as the door slid shut.

_Why won’t he remember?_

With a sigh, she called up Bow.

One ring…two…

“Glim! Hey!”

“Hey, Bow.” She paused. “…Sorry for ignoring you.”

“It’s okay. No hard feelings. I’m just glad you’re up to talk!”

“Yeah, me too. So, uh. Have you heard from Adora?”

Bow sighed. “No. I’ve tried to get through to her a few times, but she won’t pick up.”

“Really? What the heck? She always answers for you.”

“I mean…she’s probably still kind of upset. I can’t blame her. We weren’t exactly the best of friends…”

“We were just looking out for her!”

“Doesn’t mean we didn’t handle it poorly. We could’ve been more understanding.”

Glimmer just huffed. He was right and she knew it, but she didn’t have to like it.

“So, what are we going to do?” Bow asked.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to go to her house.”

“You know where it is? I don’t think I’ve ever actually been to her house.”

“I’ve only been a few times. It was always just Adora, though.”

“You’ve never met her mom?”

“No.”

“For real? You’ve known her since you were, what, 6? And you’ve never met her mom?”

“…That _is_ weird, huh?”

“Extremely.” She could hear the frown in his voice. “Do you think we should be worried about that? Like, maybe there’s a _reason_?”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Glimmer assured, sounding unconvinced. “She raised Adora after all! That’s gotta be a great woman.”

“I have a bad feeling, Glim.”

“Yeah…I do too.”

“We could bring back-up? Scorpia, maybe?”

“No. It’ll be fine. We’re her friends, we’re just going to check in on her. Even if her mom’s kind of weird, I’m sure she can appreciate that.”

“Yeah…okay. You’re right. Should we go today?”

“Yeah. I’ll text you the address. Meet you there.”

“Okay. Love you. See you.”

“Love you too.”

Glimmer hung up and stared at her phone.

It would be fine…totally fine.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we'll check back in with Catra...
> 
> I always forget to talk about my socials, but you can come talk to me over on tumblr @akari-hope or on Twitter @_AkariHope_
> 
> As always, let me know what you think!


	16. I've Been Abandoned Enough Times to Know Better, But I Let You in Anyway Like the Fool I Am.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra spends some time alone with her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad I got this chapter out before season 4 inevitably destroys my soul.

She left her.

Again.

How many times was this now?

How many times had Catra lay in the darkness of her room like this?

How many times had she felt this creeping loneliness slowly conquer her every thought?

The memories came flooding back. Many that were pleasant. Many that were painful.

Catra wished she could do without the latter.

_“Catra?”_

_Catra opened her eyes groggily to glance up at Adora’s face. “I thought you fell asleep.”_

_“Can’t.”_

_“Why not?”_

_Adora closed her eyes and shrugged. “Just can’t.”_

_Catra reluctantly shifted from where she lay curled up at Adora’s feet, crawling under the blanket and wrapping her arms around her. She burrowed her face into Adora’s shoulder as her still slightly damp hair brushed against her nose. Horde-issued soap somehow smelled better on her._

_“Thinking about something?” Catra asked._

_“Maybe? I don’t know.”_

_“When _do_ you ever know?”_

_“Catra…”_

_“Take it easy. I’m just messing with you.” She looked at Adora’s stoic expression. “Okay, something’s really bothering you.”_

_“I’m fine.”_

_“You’re a really bad liar.” Catra lowered her voice so it was barely audible. “Wanna sneak out and talk?”_

_Adora’s eyes widened. “We can’t do that. We’ll get in trouble.”_

_Catra rolled out of bed and offered her hand. “So? We’ll live. We always do.”_

_“That’s not the _point_. What if-”_

_“Adora, shut up and let’s go.”_

_Adora bit her lip as she took her hand and hoisted herself to her feet. “This is a terrible idea.”_

_“Only if we get caught. Shut up and we’ll be fine.”_

_She led Adora quietly through the halls, guard on high alert until they reached the outside scaffolding below their usual spot._

_“Guessing you don’t wanna climb all the way up,” Catra said, leaning against the metal railing, “so this’ll be good enough. Talk to me.”_

_“Catra, I don’t have anything I need to say. Really.”_

Bullshit,_ she thought. So many times, she’d let Adora talk her way out of saying what she was thinking, of just getting the damn words out, and it was _infuriating._ Especially because there were certain words Catra was hoping to hear._

_“Maybe. But there’s something you _want_ to say. So spit it out.”_

_Adora met her gaze. Catra flashed back to the last time they were like this, secluded in a storage closet as young teens. She couldn’t help but wonder what Adora thought back then; what was actually going on in her head? And why had she been so scared of what Catra would think?_

_Well, she had a guess. But not one she believed._

_“I’m just…” Adora mustered a smile. Fake. “Just worried about our evaluation tomorrow. You know? Could be a big deal.”_

_Catra leaned in close to Adora’s face, examining. “Hm…”_

_“Um…what?”_

_“You’re telling the truth. But it’d be cool if you told me the _whole_ truth.”_

The one thing Catra was sure of was the crushing loneliness that settled itself into her.

She hadn’t realized just how much life Adora brought with her. The silence of the bedroom was painful without Adora’s gentle breathing and occasional snores beside her. The blankets were cold without the natural warmth she radiated. The room was a little darker, drearier, without her.

It felt like it did before all of this. Before Catra met her. Before she started remembering. Before she…

_Don’t think it._

Catra wasn’t sure if she could live like this anymore. She didn’t really _want_ to live like this anymore. Not without something worth living for.

Not without Adora.

But at the same time, the memories floating back to her made it difficult to say that with certainty. _Her_ Adora was sweet, and kind, and playful, and strong, and beautiful. She supposed the other Adora was all of those things too, but with a few…additional qualities. Ones that were less favorable.

_Adora blinked. “The whole truth?”_

_“Uh, duh. Adora, c’mon. You really think I don’t know when you’re hiding something from me? What kind of best friend do you think I am?”_

_“Best friend…” Adora closed her eyes. “You’re a really good one. And I’m…”_

_That…was getting a little too real for Catra._

_“Hey, Adora, I didn’t mean to make you upset. Look, you’re right, if you want to just go back to bed, we can. Okay? We can just forget this even happened.”_

_“…Okay.”_

_“Alright. Come on, let’s go back.”_

Catra’s eyes were heavy, pressure bearing down into her skull. God, how much sleep had she gotten over this past day? And yet she was still exhausted. Had it really only been a day? It felt like an eternity.

She drifted in and out of consciousness as memory melded with dream. She couldn’t have told you exactly which was which, but one thing was certain.

They hurt.

_Catra took her hand and turned to leave, stopping at the resilient tug she felt. She glanced back over her shoulder to see Adora, eyes downcast, not moving._

_She raised an eyebrow. “Adora?”_

_There was something shining in Adora’s eyes, something that Catra had never seen before. Something she’d always _wanted _to see. Her heart felt like it was about to leap out of her chest._

_“Adora…?”_

_Adora gently pulled on Catra’s hand, guiding her closer. Her free hand moved to gently run through Catra’s hair, scratching gently along her scalp, fingers tangling into the wild locks. Catra’s eyes slipped closed at the pleasant sensation._

_“Mm, hey, Adora, what are you doing…?”_

_“Catra…”_

_The hand in her hair migrated down to Catra’s temple, slowly gripping the edge of her mask. Catra tensed._

_“Can I?” Adora asked._

_Catra knew what she was really asking: _do you trust me?

_She nodded, and Adora smiled as she pulled the mask off. Catra’s bangs fell forward in messy disarray over her forehead._

_“You never have them down anymore,” Adora mused as she brushed her bangs with her fingers, smoothing them out._

_“They get in the way.”_

_“But they’re cute.”_

_Catra’s eyes widened. “…Cute…?”_

_“I…” Adora flushed, as though she didn’t realize what she’d said until just now, and averted her gaze. “…Yeah.”_

_Catra bit her lip. “Adora…are you trying to…?”_

_“Would you be mad if I was?”_

Never. No. Gods no. Please tell me that’s what you’re saying.

_Catra just shook her head, unable to get the words out. _

_“Well in that case…”_

_And like that, Adora’s hands were on her cheeks, lips on hers – sweet and tender and everything Catra ever imagined, everything she ever dreamed of._

_Catra felt so happy she could cry._

_And then she did, at the feeling of something sharp piercing her stomach._

_Catra stared with wide eyes down at the blade lodged through her, following the length to the hilt, to the bracer-clad wrist of hand that held it, up to the face of its wielder. Cold, glowing cerulean eyes bored into hers, framed by flowing blonde hair. They remained stagnant as the princess twisted the sword._

_Catra screamed and gripped at the blade, trying desperately to still it, to pull it out. It sliced into her hands with ease and drenched the edges in a deep crimson._

_“Did you really think you could ever be happy?” The voice that came out was distinctly Adora’s, but so incredibly _wrong_. “You never deserved it, and you never will.”_

That’s not true! _Catra wanted to cry out. _I didn’t do anything wrong! None of this is my fault!

_“All of this is _your_ fault. If you had just come with me, none of this ever would’ve happened.”_

No! If you hadn’t picked up that damn sword…!

_“You’ll die as you lived: a pathetic, lonely _monster_.”_

_“I-I don’t want to die…” Catra sobbed, barely getting the words out. “Please, Adora…please…!”_

_“It’s too late, Catra. You made me this.”_

_With the last vestiges of her rapidly fading strength, Catra unsheathed her claws and aimed to sink them into her attacker. As she lunged, the white and gold armored silhouette faded away. _

_Catra stumbled and fell to her knees. She hugged herself tight, feeling the warmth of her blood-soaked clothes against her arms, and squeezed her eyes shut._

_“I hate you…” she choked out. “I hate you so fucking much…you just had to go play hero with your shiny new toy!” She crumpled forward, forehead pressed against the ground. “So why’d you do it?! Huh? Why did you leave me?!” A futile fist pounded on hard metal. “Why the fuck did you leave me here all alone…?”_

Catra bolted up, eyes darting around the room, back drenched in a cold sweat. She patted along her stomach to feel for an imaginary wound she knew wasn’t there, but she felt the phantom stabbing sensation nonetheless. As she confirmed that she did not in fact have a gaping hole in her midsection, she focused on slowing her breath.

In for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, out for 5 seconds…

A dream. It was just a dream.

_How long was I out?_

She glanced at the clock. 4:48 PM. That would be…only about a half hour.

_You’ve got to be kidding me…_

With a sigh, she flopped on her back once more. Her stomach growled at her, begging to be fed. Unsurprising. She hadn’t left her room at all that day except for a singular bathroom trip, and it seemed as though her body finally decided enough was enough.

Rising onto achy, lethargic muscles, Catra staggered her way out to the kitchen and began searching through the cupboards for something to eat. Lucky her, they were well-stocked with grab-and-go type snacks, something Adora had noticed worked well for ensuring Catra ate regularly. Catra frowned as she took a granola bar and unwrapped it.

As she took a bite, she allowed her mind to wander. Arguably one of her worse decisions that day. But a necessary one. She needed to remember everything if she was ever going to move on.

…If that was what she was even trying to do?

_Catra couldn’t get it out of her head._

_That look…_

_Betrayal._

_Pure and simple._

_Those eyes that once held such warmth, such compassion, such tender emotion…_

_Adora had destroyed that in a single moment._

_She’d never leave to join those damned _princesses_. What was Adora on? She’d known them for less than half a day, and somehow they meant more than Catra ever did…_

_Catra sat on the ragged remains of their – no, _her_ – old bunk, gripping tight onto the pillow. The childhood doodles that once brought her great joy were now only a bitter reminder. A reminder of the person she cared for most in the world, and how she got tossed aside like a broken plaything._

_This place was barely a home, and it lost any chance it had at being that ever again after she left. She took all the warmth with her, leaving Catra in the freezing cold._

_She didn’t even bother trying not to think about Adora; it was no use._

_Even worse, some pathetic part of her almost wanted to run away after her. But her pride kept her from following that line of thought any further._

_What was Adora doing…?_

_Right now, where was she? Gallivanting around in that damned tiara, playing hero? Maybe she’d even replaced Catra with that sparkly princess._

_As a friend, or…otherwise._

_Ugh, it would be so much easier to just hate her if she wasn’t clinging onto these stupid feelings. She wanted to throw them all away. Fuck empathy. Fuck kindness. Fuck love, or whatever the hell she felt for that traitor._

_She never wanted to see that sword ever again. But she knew that wouldn’t happen. The two of them stood on opposite sides now._

_Enemies._

_And Catra thought, maybe, Adora deserved this. Deserved it for abandoning her, for giving her empty promise after empty promise._

_Adora was always good at saying things that made Catra feel better. She had a way of getting right to what Catra wanted to hear._

_Even if she didn’t mean it._

“I’ll protect you, Catra. I promise. I’ll look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we’re together.”

_Lies. All of it. _

_They were pretty lies. Comforting lies._

_But lies all the same._

_And Catra decided she was _done_ listening to liars._

Catra tossed the wrapper in the trash, her stomach now appeased. But she felt empty all the same.

_I really do just get abandoned again and again, don’t I?_

She let out a soft, mirthless laugh. She didn’t know what kind of punishment she was enduring, or what she did to deserve it time and time again, but she was _tired_.

She shook her head. Dwelling on it wasn’t going to help her figure this out.

Catra made to go back to her room, but stopped short as something on the kitchen table caught her eye.

_My sketchbook…_

Despite her gut feeling practically screaming at her that it was a bad idea right now, she found herself stepping closer and taking the well-worn book in her hands. Biting her lip, she flipped it open.

A young Adora’s smiling face greeted her, sitting cross-legged, that one strand of hair that never quite fit in the ponytail askew as always. Catra ran her fingers over the sketch.

_Adora…_

_She met Adora alone._

_Once._

_She wasn’t sure what compelled her into the Whispering Woods that evening. She justified it as spying while the Woods were still too damaged to be a threat._

_But she knew that wasn’t really the case._

_She crept through the brush, keeping a low profile on the off-chance that any of the Bright Moon soldiers strayed close enough to catch a glimpse of her._

_Her ears twitched as she heard a rustling in the grass nearby._

_Carefully, she crawled her way closer. A familiar head of blonde hair came into her vision._

_“I’m pathetic…”_

_Catra couldn’t help a laugh at that._

Yeah, you are,_ she thought._

_Adora drew herself up to her feet. “Catra?”_

No use pretending.

_Catra slid out from the brush. “Hey, Adora.”_

_Why did her voice sound so…pathetic?_

_“What are you doing here?”_

_Catra made to meet her eyes, but…couldn’t. She looked away._

_“Does it matter?”_

_Not like she had a good answer, anyway._

_“If you’re showing yourself, then yes. Give me a reason to not suspect you.”_

_That got Catra’s fire lit again. “Listen to yourself. The mighty She-Ra doesn’t take risks, is that it?”_

_“You tried to destroy Bright Moon! I have a_ right_ to be skeptical.”_

_“Oh, right, my _sincerest_ apologies. That what you want? Me to come groveling on hands and knees, begging for forgiveness?”_

_“Would you stop twisting everything up? Just tell me why you’re here, Catra.”_

_Catra took pause at that, realizing that she didn’t have a real answer._

_“…I don’t know.”_

_“You don’t know?”_

_“What, did you not hear me the first time?” Catra finally met her gaze; those eyes were just a little too soft, a little too tender. “I don’t know. I just wanted to.”_

_“I…I don’t understand. You wanted to come to the Woods…just because?”_

_“Didn’t say that.”_

_“Are you even capable of giving me a real answer?”_

I don’t know, Adora. Are you?

_“…Why did you do it, Adora?”_

_“Do what?”_

_Of course she didn’t know. “You chose a group of total strangers. Over me. Over…”_

_She couldn’t get the last word out. She knew Adora understood though._

_“Catra, that’s not how it was.”_

_“Sure is how it looked.” Would her voice stop shaking? “You really did take the first chance you got to leave.”_

_“I never wanted to.” Was Adora…starting to cry? “I told you. I wanted you to leave _with_ me.”_

_“But you didn’t think about what I wanted.”_

_“Then what _do_ you want?”_

_Catra’s eyes widened. She didn’t have an answer. No, she just didn’t want to admit the real answer._

I wanted you to let me go with you that night. I wanted us to leave together. For the two of us. Not for the Rebellion. I wanted to run away and spend all our time together. I still do.

_“What I want…” was all she managed to say._

_Next thing she knew, Adora’s fingers were interlaced with her own. The feeling of Adora’s palm against hers was comforting, like a little piece of home that she’d been missing ever since she left._

_And Catra hated it. She hated that she missed her. She didn’t want to._

_Catra looked down at their hands. “…Adora.”_

_“…Yeah?”_

_“Let go.”_

_“I-I don’t…Catra, I-”_

_Catra bit back tears that threatened to spill over. “Let. Go.”_

_Adora only gripped tighter. “Don’t do this. Please. Come _with _me, Catra. _Please_.”_

_Catra gritted her teeth and shoved Adora away, sprinting off into the sea of trees. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her, fighting back the emotions that wanted so desperately to cripple her._

_Why had she been so close to saying yes? To running right back to Adora again?_

_This was all Adora’s fault._

_Her fault for making her so _weak_._

When Catra came back to reality, she was greeted by the sight of piles of ripped paper. The sketchbook lay on the table in shambles, pages torn from the binding and shredded up, tossed about the room in disarray.

Catra looked down to her own hands, clenching tattered pages in her fists.

_Did I…did I do this?_

She felt tears spring to her eyes. What in the hell was she holding on to? What the _fuck_ made her do this? She didn’t know.

What she did know was she was terrified of whatever monster hid itself inside of her mind.

_Only one feeling stuck with Catra after she pulled that switch._

_Rage._

_The pure hatred she held in her heart for Adora and everything Adora stood for. The true intent she had to destroy everything and everyone, the world be damned. Her own life was nothing more than a means to an end, to make Adora pay for everything she’d put her through._

_It was all Adora’s fault._

_“No it’s not!”_

_Of course it was! She was the one who left, the one who found that fucking sword in the first place!_

_“You made your choice. Now live with it!”_

_The last thing Catra remembered was the impact of Adora’s fist against her face._

_Then everything was gone._

“I…destroyed the world…” The words clung in Catra’s throat, thick and painful. Unfurling her balled fists and letting the crumpled sheets tumble from her hands to the floor, she wrapped her arms around herself to quell the rising panic she felt. “Who the hell am I…? What the _fuck_ am I?”

That rage still burned somewhere in the pit of her stomach, and it was _horrifying. _Catra never wanted this, then or now. She never wanted to be this creature of _hate_.

Catra took hold of what remained of her mangled sketchbook and ran her thumbs along the torn and ripped cover. Graphite-etched bits of paper peaked their way out. Fragments of the girl who caused all this.

No, that was wrong. It wasn’t her fault. It never was.

The Catra in her memories screamed at her.

_Of course it was! It’s always been Adora’s fault! If not her, then Shadow Weaver! If not her, then Hordak! Everyone has always been against me, and I’m supposed to believe that it’s somehow _my_ fault?!_

“I had a choice…” Catra thought out loud. “I could have made a different one. But…I didn’t.”

These ruined pages were reminders of Catra’s weakness, her inability to move on.

_Vulnerable,_ she thought. _I’m still so…vulnerable._

A strange feeling washed over her, unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

Whatever it was, it certainly gnawed on her insides in a dreadful way. Sickening and twisted, tying her stomach and lungs in knots around each other, tightening until the pressure was too much to bear.

Guilt.

For the first time, Catra was feeling what she knew she deserved.

_…I don’t want this._

Thumbing through the sketchbook revealed a few pages in the back, still untarnished.

It would do.

Catra clung to the book, as though it might try and escape her at any moment, and made her way to the door.

The setting sun reflected itself in the lake’s surface, stagnant and calm, as the crows flying up above cawed softly. The familiarity of the scene brought Catra the smallest bit of comfort as she sat down on the perimeter.

How long had it been since she’d come here? 4…5 years?

She remembered coming here with Scorpia. To talk, to swim, to just mess around. But she came by herself sometimes, too. To clear her head.

Most often by drawing.

Catra flipped the sketchbook open to the undamaged pages and slowly began to draw. She let everything else fade away, just focusing on the paper.

“Wildcat?”

Catra jumped and whipped her head around. “Scorpia? What the hell?”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Scorpia took a seat beside her. “What are you doing here? You haven’t wanted to come down in years.”

“What the hell are _you_ doing here?”

Scorpia pointed at the sunset. “I come here a lot just to watch.”

Catra shook her head. “That’s so you.”

“You didn’t tell me. Why are you here?” She glanced at the sketch. “You’re drawing Adora…did something happen?”

“Kind of. I mean, yes, but…I…I have a lot on my mind.”

“Like?”

“It’s a long story.” Catra closed her eyes. “I…remember. Everything. And it’s a lot to process. Adora is…I don’t know. She ran away last night, and I don’t even think I can blame her. I’d run away from the me I remembered, too.”

Scorpia’s arm was warm around her shoulders. “Catra…”

“I was a monster. And I still _feel_ it, Scorpia.” She gripped her pencil a little tighter. “I’ve still got this part of me that believes the same things. And I almost want to _listen_ to it.”

“Listen, Wildcat.” Scorpia gave her arm a gentle squeeze. “I won’t say I understand, because I don’t know everything you’re talking about. But you know what I do know? That you’re one of the smartest, best people I know. You’re everything to me. I love you no matter what.”

“How can you say that? I…I _destroyed_ the world. I knew what would happen, and I still did it. I chose for us all to die, just for some fucking revenge fantasy.”

Realization dawned in Scorpia’s eyes. “You…oh…the portal…”

Catra squeezed her eyes shut. “You see? Don’t sit here and lie to me. I know that there’s no way anyone could stand to look at me after that. Don’t pretend like you have this unconditional affection for me, because I _know_ that’s not true.”

“No.” Scorpia merely pulled her closer. “No, Catra. You messed up. You _really_ messed up. But look – did we die?”

“That’s not the _point-_”

“Answer me. Are we dead?”

“…No. But-”

“Do you feel bad?”

“…Like the guilt’s eating me alive. But Scorpia-”

“Would you ever do it again?”

“_God_ no. Fuck no. If I could go back, I’d…”

Scorpia rested her head on top of Catra’s. “You’re a good person, Wildcat. That’s who you are, deep down. You made bad choices. But you’re capable of change. You _have_ changed. You’re not that person anymore.”

“She’s still here though. In my head.”

“Are you listening to her?”

“…I get your point.”

“And that’s why I meant what I said. I love you, Catra, no matter what. You’re my friend.”

Catra felt the tears finally spill over. “Scorpia…”

“It’s okay. I’m here. Let it out.”

Catra gripped onto Scorpia’s shirt, burying her face there and sobbing unabashedly into her friend’s chest. Scorpia just held her, safe and warm, no judgment.

She didn’t deserve Scorpia. She _never_ deserved someone as wonderful as Scorpia.

“I think you’ll have a lot to make up for,” Scorpia started. “I think a lot of people are gonna be really, _really_ angry. But I’m gonna be here with you. Okay?”

“…Thanks, Scorpia.” Slowly, Catra pulled away and turned her eyes back on her half-complete drawing, the penciled Adora staring at her with kind eyes. “…Do you think she’ll ever not hate me?”

“I don’t know if she ever really did.”

“That’s just wishful thinking.”

“I mean it.” There was a strange emotion in Scorpia’s voice. “I really don’t think she ever stopped caring about you. I think…she’s always seen the good in you. She and I are the same in that way.”

Something sprung to the forefront of Catra’s mind.

“Hey, Scorpia? Do you…still wish we stayed? In the Crimson Waste?”

Scorpia averted her gaze. “Maybe. I think we could’ve been happy there. But…I think we can be happy here too. In a different way. In a better way.”

“Better, huh?”

“I think so, anyway.”

“…I really don’t deserve you.”

“You don’t have to _deserve_ me. I’d choose to care about you a million times over, Wildcat.”

“You’re dumb, then.”

“No. I just see all the good things you can’t see in yourself.”

Catra weakly nudged her with her elbow. “Since when did you get so sagely?”

Scorpia laughed softly. “I’m not.”

“…You’re right though. I can change.” Catra looked out at the almost entirely set sun. “I won’t be that person again.”

Scorpia beamed. “I’m here with you every step of the way.”

“Thanks, Scorpia. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“We’ve got this. Together. I love you, Wildcat.”

“…Yeah. Same here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we'll get to hear from Entrapta again, Glimmer and Bow go to Adora's house, and Adora gets to visit Mara.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think!
> 
> Feel free to come say hi on tumblr @akari-hope or on Twitter @_AkariHope_


	17. Home is Where the Trauma Gets Called "Good Parenting".

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora meets Mara. Glimmer and Bow meet Adora's mother. Scorpia and Catra pay Entrapta a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. OKAY. How about season 4????? I'm still crying.
> 
> Also, I did not expect to leave for almost 2 weeks without an update, but man did personal stuff get in the way. But I'm back!

Adora glanced over the edifice, as though trying to unravel whatever secrets may lay within. 

She wasn’t sure what she’d expected or wanted, but this was neither.

No matter how hard she looked…it was just a house. Quaint, but utterly ordinary. A normal house, with a normal roof, normal walls, normal windows, a normal door.

Was this really it? Was she really going to just be having an awkward first meeting over tea or something?

Razz gave her a gentle push on the back and Adora stumbled forward, giving a hesitant look over her shoulder. Razz simply smiled.

“Go on, dearie! Don’t be shy.”

_ Yeah, only meeting the former She-Ra who apparently doesn’t remember a single thing,  _ Adora thought. _Just trying to ask her for life advice about how to handle my interdimensional conflict with my maybe-best-friend-maybe-more that I have undefined feelings for. No big deal. Totally casual._

Taking in a sharp breath through her nose, Adora gave the door a knock and stepped back. A soft call of “coming!” sounded off. A moment later, the door swung open to reveal one of the most beautiful women Adora had ever seen.

She had the poise and looks of a noble, but the air she gave off was anything but. She radiated the gentlest feeling. The way her eyes naturally sparkled and the kind disposition of her smile…it was like looking at an idealized version of herself. All the things Adora wished she was, this woman seemed to be.

“Razz!” she greeted. Her eyes turned to Adora. “And you brought a friend!”

Adora tried her best not to stare. “Um, hi! I’m Adora.”

“Adora? Razz, isn’t that what you used to call me?”

_ What? _

Adora looked over at Razz, who merely pushed up her glasses.

“Ah, dearie, you know it can be hard for me to switch. You two are so alike, after all.”

“So she was actually real all this time?” Mara shook her head with a laugh. “And here I thought you were part of that fairytale! Anyway, come on in! Make yourself at home, Adora.”

_ Fairytale? _

Adora stepped inside, Razz following close behind.

The first thing that hit Adora was just how _soothing_ Mara’s house felt. It had an energy that Adora couldn’t quite describe, but felt almost like home.

The living room was painted a soft blue, with accents of pink and purple adorning the pillows, light fixtures, and knickknacks scattered throughout in charming variety – a snow globe from some place Adora hadn’t heard of, a few little deer figurines, pictures of Mara and another woman who looked oddly familiar. A peculiarly large number of crystals stood out to Adora. Most she didn’t know the names of (save for the geodes that were…amethyst?), but somehow she figured Mara knew every little thing about them.

_ This really reminds me of something…  _ Adora thought.

Mara shut the door behind them. “So, Adora, how do you know Razz?”

“Oh, um…”

_ A good lie, come on! _

“She was the She-Ra after you, Mara, dearie.”

Adora gave Razz an incredulous look that screamed, _WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_

Much to her surprise, Mara laughed. “So you tell that story to everyone, do you?”

“Um…story?” Adora asked.

Mara nodded as she took a seat on the couch, and gestured for Adora to do the same. Adora sat hesitantly, while Razz took perch on the coffee table.

“Razz’s little fairytale is something else, isn’t it? She made up that whole world and all those fantastic adventures! If only something like that were real. Life would be so _interesting_, don’t you think?”

Adora blinked. “Erm…yes? But uh-”

“I mean just imagine! Magic stones, mythical creatures, giant monsters. _Princesses_. Ones with extraordinary powers. That sounds incredible.”

“That’s kind of…_scary_ too, right? Like bad things could happen at any time? Life-changing things?”

“Like that’s different from now?” Mara smiled.

“Well…when you put it that way…”

“Ah, but we can talk about that later. Tell me about yourself, Adora.”

_ Tell you  _ what_? I was not prepared for small talk!_

Adora gave an awkward grin. “Well. I’m a student, and, uh, a regular at Razz’s.”

“Ah, so that’s how you know each other. Did Razz _insist_ on bringing you over to meet ‘her darling Mara’?” Mara chuckled. “That’s how Hope and I met.”

_ Hope? _

Adora glanced over to the pictures of Mara and the other woman once more. The oddly familiar face smiled so tenderly beside Mara. They seemed happy.

Was that Hope?

Razz nudged Mara’s knee with her own. “But aren’t you glad I brought her, dearie?”

“Mm. That I am.”

“Are you and Hope dating?” Adora asked.

Mara held up her left hand in answer, showing off a simple gold band around her ring finger.

Adora’s eyes widened. “Oh! Wow, congratulations.”

“Thank you. If you stick around long enough, you might be here when she gets home from work.”

Oh no, Adora did _not_ want this to turn into even more of a meet-and-greet.

“Actually,” she started, “if it’s okay, I came here to talk to you.”

Mara tilted her head slightly. “Razz didn’t drag you?”

“No, I actually asked. I wanted to meet you. You’re…you’re gonna think I’m crazy.” Adora turned her gaze upward to the ceiling. “But, well…I’ve been having some…problems, I guess.”

Razz gave Mara a look.

“Mara, perhaps you could help dear Adora? She’s been struggling with her girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” Mara smiled softly. “You wanted relationship advice?”

“That’s- what I mean- she’s _not_ my girlfriend.”

_ It’s more complicated than that, Razz! And this isn’t even about that! _

“Sure, dearie.”

“Tell me what’s going on, Adora. Sometimes an outside perspective can really help clear things up. That’s what Razz taught me.”

Adora frowned. “That is _not_ what this is about.”

Mara stared at Adora’s face for a long moment, as if trying to find something there. Slowly, a satisfied smirk slipped onto her face.

“I get it now.”

“Get _what_?” Adora was seriously getting tired of all the cryptic phrasing.

“You’re just like me when I was your age. Charming, kind. But you overthink a lot, don’t you? You always question yourself, and never let yourself just act based on your own judgment.”

_ That’s…not true… _

“I understand that,” Mara continued. “I do. I never had the best parents growing up, and I know I had to unlearn a lot of things…but sometimes you have to let other people in to help you out with that. I get the feeling that maybe you’re pushing away the help you need.”

“I’m not pushing anyone away…”

“You’re not very good at listening to yourself then.”

Adora’s eyes narrowed a little.

What did Mara think she knew? She’d known Adora for a grand total of, what, ten or fifteen minutes? How did she think she was able to delve into her thoughts?

…Oh. Was this what she meant by pushing others away?

“How does one go about doing that?” Adora asked. “Listening to themselves, I mean.”

Mara gave a knowing smile. “You have to be willing to hear yourself.”

“Willing?”

“Mhm. I used to be too scared to hear my own thoughts, too. You have to open yourself up to it.”

Adora flashed back to last night (this morning?), and what Razz told her about listening to her heart. She hadn’t liked the answer it gave her, she remembered that much.

_ Okay…maybe she has a point… _

She looked in Mara’s eyes fully.

“So, um. Can I ask you something, Mara? Theoretically?”

Mara merely nodded for her to continue.

“Well…this girl. I’ve known her for…I guess like my whole life. We’re best friends. I really care about her more than I care about myself. But…she’s done some really horrible things. Terrible things. And I don’t know how to feel about it. It could’ve seriously hurt people. It _didn’t_, but…it hurts to think about. I don’t know what to do.”

Mara closed her eyes. “Hm. Do you think she knows?”

“I hope so. I really do. I don’t…I don’t want to be without her. I wish it had never happened. I just want things to be the way the used to.”

“…Oh, I see. You’re in love with her.”

Adora’s eyes widened. “I’m not…in…”

“Uh-uh, no point in arguing. I know about these things. And you know what I say? I say you need to talk to her and air your grievances. That’s how love works.”

Adora shook her head. Even if it _was_, how was she supposed to sit and logically talk things out with Catra?

_ Hey, you destroyed the universe and I’m honestly still upset about it? _

Yeah, no.

Besides, would Catra even listen? What if she remembered too? Did she hate Adora again?

“You’re overthinking again, dearie.” Razz’s voice was soft. “Mara really is wise, you know. Give it some thought.”

“…Okay.”

_ I don’t know what good that will do…but okay. _

** _ _ **

** _ _ **

Glimmer wasn’t sure what she was expecting from Adora’s mom, but it certainly wasn’t the raven-haired woman who looked more suited to play an off-brand Morticia from The Addams Family than mother to the sweetest girl she’d ever met.

Bow sat beside her on the loveseat in the front room. It was starker than Glimmer remembered, the red and white contrasts just a little too rough on the eyes for her liking. Adora’s mother – Beatrix, she’d introduced herself as – sat in an armchair across from them.

“So nice to finally meet some of Adora’s friends,” she started. “She never tells me about any of you. So, tell me. Glimmer, was it? How do you know my daughter?”

“Well, we actually used to live in the same neighborhood. But, uh, I guess we never met, did we?” Glimmer offered an awkward smile. “Maybe you know my parents? Angella and Micah Mallari?”

Something seemed to register in her expression, but her face stayed neutral. “Ah, yes, the Mallaris. I do seem to recall them. Nice folks.”

That…rubbed Glimmer the wrong way.

“But, erm, is Adora home?”

“No, as a matter of fact. She’s been gone for quite some time now. I’ve been worried sick. I don’t suppose you know where she’s gotten off to?”

_ She’s been gone? _

Bow glanced at Glimmer with mild concern. She knew they were thinking the same thing: _what the hell?_

“We were hoping you knew.” Bow rubbed the back of his head. “We haven’t heard from her in a few days now.”

“So she’s abandoned you both too?”

Glimmer laughed to mask the sickening feeling pooling in her stomach.

What was this lady on about? Why had Adora been gone? Why hadn’t she _told_ anyone?

This was _wrong._

“Ah, forgive me. Perhaps those were harsh words. Adora has always been…a special case, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“What do you mean?” Glimmer asked.

“So bright, so astute. Full of potential. But lately, it seems she’s been squandering it. And worse, she never talks to me anymore. About anything. School, work, friends. I truly thought I raised her better than that.”

_ Yeah, okay, I’m starting to get the idea that there’s a  _ reason_ she doesn’t tell you anything!_

“Um, Adora’s really amazing, if you ask me,” Bow jumped in. “She’s one of the best friends I could ask for. Her, Glimmer, and me – we’re pretty much inseparable.”

Beatrix gave a smooth raise of her brow. “You seem rather separated right now.”

Glimmer felt that feeling grow more intense.

“But, no matter. Surely, between the three of us and my people, we’ll have her home in no time.”

Glimmer latched onto part of that. “Your ‘people’?”

“Ah, yes. I normally have one my workers keep an eye on her. He’s lost track since she left, but I bet you two know some things that might help him track her down.” Beatrix smiled, but it felt cold. “Don’t you, now?”

“Erm…yeah, probably?” Glimmer brought a hand to her mouth and coughed lightly. “Oh, I’m so sorry, but could I bother you for some water?”

Beatrix merely gestured to the kitchen. Glimmer gave a smile and stood up, sparing a look for Bow.

“Hey, Bow? Are you thirsty too?”

“Oh, I’m alright, Glim.”

“Weren’t you saying how _thirsty_ the walk made you?”

“Was I?”

_ Oh come on! _

Glimmer grabbed his hand and pulled him up to his feet. “Yes! You were!”

She dragged him into the kitchen, into the corner and away from Beatrix’s gaze. Or at least she hoped.

“Okay, what the _hell_ is up with that woman?” Glimmer whispered. “That’s Adora’s _mother_? What the _hell_?”

“She’s crazy weird…where do you think Adora’s been staying?”

“I have a couple guesses, but I am _not_ talking about it where she might be able to hear.” Glimmer sighed. “You were right, Bow. We shouldn’t have come here. Let’s just…figure out an excuse to leave and find her on our own.”

“Agreed.”

“Well, I don’t think you two are going anywhere right about now.”

The two whipped their heads around to see Beatrix standing in the doorway.

_ When did she move?! Is she like a ghost or something?! _

“Now, you’re going to tell me where Adora is.”

Glimmer gulped. “I already said we don’t know-”

“Don’t think you can lie to me. I’m no fool. You’ll stay here until you tell me. I’m sure your parents will understand a little sleepover.”

Bow’s eyes widened. “You’re- are you threatening to hold us _hostage_?”

That’s when it clicked in Glimmer’s head: the hair, the language, that _woman_.

_ Shadow Weaver… _

“Fine.” Glimmer lifted her chin in faux indignation, mustering what confidence she could. “We’ll stay here, but we really don’t know anything.”

Beatrix gave her a knowing look. “Be a dear and send Adora a nice message for me?”

_ Yeah, I’ll send her a message alright. _

_ _

_ _

_ _

Catra drummed her fingers against her arms as she leaned against the wall, anxiously waiting for Entrapta to finish tinkering with…well, whatever it was she was messing with. Scorpia sat in the computer chair. Every now and then she took a break from humming to herself to spare Catra a reassuring smile.

_ Yeah, like everything’s gonna go fine… _

She knew she’d have to tell Entrapta. And apologize…

The phantom sensation of using the stun baton sent a creeping sensation down Catra’s spine. God, what was _wrong_ with her?

…Well, many things. So very many things.

Not the time to think about all that though.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out Adora’s phone. In her rush to leave last night, Adora left just about everything behind. Yeah, Catra had done some snooping through it. Maybe not the best for integrity’s sake, but she couldn’t help herself.

She opened up the notes app again, idly scrolling through to occupy her thoughts. It was kind of cute to see the things Adora felt the need to write down: friends’ favorite colors, a little list of “Catra observations” as she called it.

The odd one was an untitled memo with cryptic wording.

_ Snack foods – one a day _

_ Frozen foods – avoid touching _

_ Fruit/vegetables – fine _

_ Takeout – throw out in outside garbage _

_ Shampoo/conditioner – once a month _

_ Toothpaste – every 2 months _

_ Everything else – budget _

_ _

Catra frowned as she read through it, until it clicked.

_ Fuck… _ she thought. _Are these notes for what Shadow Weaver allowed?_

Of course. Of _course_ Adora got this kind of treatment. Catra should’ve realized sooner. She knew exactly what kind of abusive bullshit Shadow Weaver was capable of.

_ So without me to take it out on, you turned the praise  _ and_ punishment on Adora, huh? I hope you fucking choke._

“Aha!”

The sound of Entrapta’s energetic voice made Catra jump. She quickly shoved the phone back in her pocket.

“Finished?”

“Yes!” Entrapta gestured proudly to…something. “Isn’t it great?”

“Uh, yeah. Looks pretty great. Listen, Entrapta, I need to-”

“_Ah_, that reminds me! There was something I was supposed to talk to you about! What was it…?”

“Can it wait? This is importa-”

“Something about Etheria? I think?” Entrapta scratched her head. “Hm, but what about it?”

“Entrapta, can you _listen_ to me?”

Entrapta tapped her fist into the palm of her hand. “Oh! The portal!”

Catra’s face went blank.

_ What? _

“Yes, so I have some new theories about the whole portal situation! So, after the universe collapsed, theoretically we should have-”

“Um, Trapta?” Scorpia interrupted. “As much as we want to hear about that, aren’t you, ah, glossing over something?”

“Hm? What’s that?”

“Well, Wildcat…she…”

“I sent you to Beast Island.” Catra couldn’t quite look at her face. “I sent you to _die_.”

“Ohhhhhh, that?” Entrapta jumped up to sit on the desk and started fiddling with her hair. “Right, I guess we need to discuss that.”

Catra felt her throat contract, words getting caught and tangled up with the air that felt far too thick, far too heavy.

“You _guess_? Entrapta, I…I fucked _everything_ up. How are you being so calm?”

“Well…I suppose because we’re okay?” She gave a surprisingly delicate smile. “Yes, you destroyed the universe. But we ended up in this one, safe and sound.”

Catra shook her head. “You’re…you’re _insane_. You should _hate_ me. You should never want to speak to me again.”

_ I hardly want to look at myself in the mirror… _

“Is it really so strange?”

“_Yes_.”

Catra finally looked up to glare, to tell her how incredibly idiotic she was, how she should be screaming and yelling at her, but stopped short upon seeing Entrapta’s face. Shining in her eyes was a deep sorrow, one that would never make its way to the rest of her face. It sent a pang of guilt through Catra’s chest.

“I know…I know I should be mad at you. I should be angry, or scared. I shouldn’t want to stay your friend. But…I’m not very good at this whole ‘friends’ thing. And even though you did something that’s objectively really, _really_ bad…is it so wrong that I still want to forgive you?”

_ I don’t deserve this. _

“Entrapta…” Catra cleared her throat. “You’re way better at the ‘friends’ thing than most people I know. _Way_ better than me. But you shouldn’t be forgiving me so easy.”

“I mean, if that’s what you want.”

“What I-? No, Entrapta, it’s what _you_ should want.”

Entrapta tilted her head to the side. “Seems like _you _want that though. Am I reading that wrong?”

_ It’s not what I want…is it? _

“Catra? Are you maybe scared of receiving honest love and affection?”

Catra’s eyes widened. “…Scared.”

“Am I wrong?”

Of course she was. Scared of being loved? What kind of absolute bullshit? How was that scary? What kind of weak-ass person would ever be afraid of _love_?

…Maybe someone who hadn’t been able to say the word out loud in a serious context for years.

Okay, maybe Entrapta was onto something.

“Wildcat?”

Catra glanced over to where Scorpia sat, mostly silent up until now. Scorpia’s face was kind.

“You know, I think Entrapta’s right. Maybe you can let yourself catch a break on this one?”

_ I don’t deserve that. _

“Can I tell you about my theory now?”

Entrapta looked too excited to turn down. With a sigh and a wave of her hand, Catra bid her to go on.

“Yes! Alright, so the universe collapsing! I theorized back then that sort of event would totally just cause existence to disappear. Etheria and Despondos, possibly even the universe beyond that. But _obviously _we didn’t disappear. Which lead to me rethinking everything I understood about theoretical physics, because _who _would’ve ever thought about this kind of stuff so intensively before? Of course the existing material isn’t great.

“So! I thought if we were somehow pulled through to this universe, who’s to say ours was the only one? The portal had a _massive_ amount of energy, after all. Its effects were probably felt through a fair bit of space and time.”

Scorpia blinked. “Soooo what you’re saying is…what?”

“There was more than one universe collapse?” Catra guessed. “But what does that mean?”

“That’s the part I’m not sure about. But it _does_ explain the discrepancies. Why some of us remember things differently.”

“Uh…we do?” Scorpia frowned. “I’m pretty sure most of it matches up.”

“Oh right, I forgot I never told you about what Bow and I were working on.”

“Ah, yep, you definitely did not.”

As Entrapta launched into another essay, Catra couldn’t help but be distracted by Adora’s phone buzzing in her pocket. Caving into her curiosity, she pulled it out and opened up the texts, shoulders tensing as she read over them.

“…Hey, Scorpia, Entrapta. We’ve got a problem.”

“Huh? What’s up, Wildcat?”

Catra turned the screen around to show them.

** _ Glimmer:  _ ** _ hey adora? idk where u r, but ur mom is looking for you. i remember her now. pls stay safe **(6:22 PM)** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Catra decides to take matters into her own hands!
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! Feel free to hmu on tumblr @akari-hope or Twitter @_AkariHope_


	18. Sometimes You Have to Be the Bigger Person to Get Closure. Sometimes You Have to Just Go Apeshit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra confronts Shadow Weaver. Glimmer and Catra have a much needed talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to my more regular updates! Feels good!
> 
> Be warned that this chapter DOES contain mentions of spoilers for season 4. Just in case you haven't managed to watch it through yet.

“_Fuck_. This is not good. This is _not_ good.”

“Wildcat, are you-”

“_No_, Scorpia, I am _not_ okay!”

It was as though the adrenaline Catra felt surging through her stifled her muscles and took its toll on her poor sensory processing facilities.

Her eyes darted around the room, registering nothing. The previously unobtrusive scent of cleaning solution that permeated the room made her feel sick. She curled her hands into fists, compensating for the sudden cold that overtook them.

“How do you even know there’s anything wrong?” Scorpia’s voice was calm and reassuring. Too bad it wasn’t working. “I mean, what’s so bad about Adora’s house?”

“That’s right, you don’t know. I’m the only person who _knows_.”

Just like before, huddled in the closet of Adora’s room, the memories rushed in. The sensation of being restrained, paralyzed by that horrible magic still resonated a little too clearly in her body. Her arms and legs still felt the pressure, the dull pulse running through her muscles – an unwelcome current.

God, she needed to get _out_ of there. Whatever the fuck was between her and Glimmer didn’t matter: they were with Shadow Weaver, and Catra needed to do something. Anything.

If she could just get her legs to move…!

She begged her body to listen to the signals she so desperately tried to send it.

_ Move!  _ she screamed at herself. _It’s time to fucking _go_!_

Entrapta hopped off the desk and leaned in close to Catra’s face, studying. “This has something to do with your memories, doesn’t it?”

Catra leaned away a bit for some much-needed breathing room. “Duh. I don’t have time to go into it.”

“Well you sound like you’re about to cry. Shortness of breath, dilated pupils, muscle tension – you’re experiencing some sort of trauma response. It seems rather reckless to let you just leave. You should sit!”

“Entrapta, there is no _time_!”

Catra’s body finally seemed to kick into gear. She pushed Entrapta away by her shoulders and made for the door. Scorpia was quick to block her path.

“Catra, please, slow down and talk to us. What is the problem?”

“Look, Adora’s mother is _Shadow Weaver_.”

Scorpia let out an audible gasp. “_What_?”

“Yeah, which is why I have to get the fuck over there _now_. If there’s any chance she could get her hands on Adora again, I’ve got to-”

“Catra, we can come with you, you know.” Entrapta grinned. “It’ll be safer with three of us.”

“No!”

“Wildcat, wha- I-I don’t understand.”

Catra gave Scorpia a pointed stare. “You two…you need to figure out where Adora is. Make sure she’s okay.”

“Adora? What? Why?”

“How are we supposed to do that anyway?” Entrapta tilted her head. “It’s not like we can just track her.”

“Figure it out. Someone has to have seen her. Probably-” Catra cut herself off as something registered in her mind, the pieces slotting together and sparking recognition. “Razz. Ask Razz.”

“Razz? From the diner you two always go to?”

“Yeah. She always knows about weird shit, she’s our best bet. Now I have to _go-_”

“Slow down!” Scorpia grabbed onto Catra’s shoulders, gentle but firm. “You’re not making any sense, Wildcat.”

Catra growled in frustration. “Look, I _know_! I fucking know! This whole situation is fucked up, and I’m to blame. I’m always screwing up, I’m always fucking _everything_ up. But this is the one time I think I can do something right. I don’t know what Shadow Weaver will do, but I’m not going to give her the chance to pull any of her manipulative bullshit again. So _please_. Listen to me. For once, just _trust_ me.”

Scorpia and Entrapta shared a look filled with unspoken worry. Catra’s eyes narrowed, waiting for the inevitable judgment. To her surprise, Scorpia slowly dropped her arms and gave a small nod, stepping aside.

“…I trust you, Wildcat.”

Catra’s eyes softened. “…You do?”

“I do.” Scorpia smiled. “We’re in this together. Right?”

The smallest of smiles graced her face. “…Right.”

“Here.” Entrapta fished in her overalls for a moment before pulling out a set of keys. “You can take my car.”

Catra hesitated only for a moment before taking the keys in her hand. “…Thanks.”

She turned to leave once more, but stopped short, hand hovering just above the doorknob. Without giving herself time to second guess, she pulled the two of them into a hug, clinging to them for dear life. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt two sets of arms wrap themselves around her and a gentle pat on her back.

Catra’s voice was barely above a whisper as she said, “You guys are the best.”

She felt Scorpia hold her just a bit tighter. She knew Scorpia understood what she really wanted to say. The words that she couldn’t quite bring herself to say.

Catra pulled away shortly and gave a small wave, rushing out of the house.

_ Hang on, Sparkles. _

** _ _ **

** _ _ **

Glimmer put her phone back in her pocket. She hoped that wherever Adora was, she wouldn’t try any dumb heroics. A vain hope, but she held onto it either way.

“Thank you, my dear.” Shadow Weaver’s voice was saccharine smooth, just like she remembered.

_ Ugh, what a creep… _

“What do you even think you’re going to get accomplished?” Glimmer crossed her arms, staring Shadow down from across the kitchen. “We can sit here for days, but we don’t know anything.”

Shadow Weaver gave a sickening smile. “You’re a poor liar.”

_ What a freak! _

Even without the mask, without the dark magic, she still had the air of intimidation Glimmer remembered. For just a moment, she felt the phantom pain of her magic being drained, siphoned by Shadow Weaver.

“So what’re you even going to do? I can walk out the door whenever I want.”

“Rather adorable. But I’m afraid that’s not the case. After all, you’re key suspects in my daughter’s disappearance.”

Bow’s eyes widened. “_What_?!”

“Sounds like fair grounds for a citizen’s arrest. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Bow couldn’t keep himself contained. “That’s not how this works! What is your _malfunction_, lady?!”

“Oh, but it certainly does.”

Even if she was right, as it stood, Glimmer and Bow were trapped in the kitchen. The only way out Glimmer knew of was past the doorway in which Shadow Weaver stood. She looked between the two of them with smug satisfaction, as though she could tell exactly what they were thinking.

God, what Glimmer would’ve given to clock her right then and there…

Hell, she might’ve if she wasn’t worried about _actually_ getting in trouble.

“So, where is my daughter?”

“For the last time, we don’t know!” Glimmer threw up her hands in agitation. “So would you _please_ just give it up?”

Shadow Weaver’s expression was unamused. They stood for a long moment there in that silence.

“I swear we don’t know,” Bow tried again. “It’s literally just a hunch we have! But, hey, look! If you let us go, we’ll help you look for her! Promise.”

_ Bow, shut up! _

“I’m afraid that won’t be good enough for me.” She took a few slow strides toward them, silent but not lacking in the slightest for intimidation. “I’ll ask once more: where is Adora?”

Glimmer’s eyes fixated on the now vacant doorway. This was it…

She gripped Bow’s hand and pulled him along, dashing past Shadow Weaver and back into the entryway. She’d almost made it to the front door by the time someone knocked.

** _ Glimmer:  _ ** _ hey adora? idk where u r, but ur mom is looking for you. i remember her now. pls stay safe **(6:22 PM)** _

The text taunted Catra as she stepped up onto the threshold of that godforsaken house. She knew she needed to make sure everything was fine. She wasn’t sure how she was going to handle it. Seeing that woman again…

She brushed that aside. She could hear the faint sound of speaking from behind the doors. A few voices, but indistinguishable.

_ Do something, you coward. _

Steeling her nerves, she knocked.

…

…No response. The voices had faded into silence.

She tried again, louder.

_ I know you’re in there, you fuckwad. _

“Adora?”

_ Sparkles… _

She tried turning the handle, relieved when she found it to be unlocked but reluctant as she pushed the door open. The entryway was just as uncomfortable as she remembered, but with a new oddity: Glimmer and Bow standing hand-in-hand with each other, staring at the door with wide eyes.

“What the…why are you here?” Glimmer sounded almost panicked.

Not like Catra could blame her.

“For you idiots.” She glanced around. “Look, c’mon, let’s get you the fuck out of here while we can, before she-”

“You...”

Catra’s shoulders tensed. She knew that voice. She’d recognize it anywhere.

A silhouette of red flitted into the corner of her vision, slipping into the room from the kitchen doorway. Typical of her, hiding in the shadows, lurking.

“Look at me, Catra.”

_ How does she know my name?! _

Slowly, she turned her head and her gaze fell into Beatrix’s.

Those eyes…Catra could never forget.

They made her skin crawl and sent a dreadful creep down her spine. The one time she’d seen her eyes as they were, no mask to obscure them, was a memory she once would’ve rather forgotten. A memory of a time she was weak, fragile. _Vulnerable._

“So it _was_ you.” A sickening smile crept onto Beatrix’s – no, Shadow Weaver’s – face. “I should have known. You were the only person who could ever make my dear Adora act so foolishly.”

_ “Her” Adora? How disgusting can one woman be? _

People were just property to her, weren’t they? Tools to be used as a means to an end, a way to better herself and herself alone.

Revolting.

That woman was _revolting._

Something else about those words stood out to her though.

_ Wait, does she…? _

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play coy.”

“You ‘should have known’ it was me? We’ve never met.”

Shadow Weaver smiled. “You know that’s not true though. Don’t you?”

“You remembered, didn’t you?” Catra’s eyes narrowed, the pieces forming a clear picture in her head. “You knew. This whole time.”

“Perhaps so. Now, where is she?”

Catra shook her head and laughed mirthlessly. “Oh, of course. Of _fucking_ course. You knew…and you used all your bullshit to try and manipulate her _again_.” A dangerous smirk slipped onto her face. “Like hell I’m gonna tell you where she is.”

“Then I suggest you abscond the premises, before I have you arrested for trespassing. Unless you want something to happen to dear Adora’s friends here.”

The fear Catra felt before melted into rage, greeting her like an old accomplice. She took a step closer and raised a hand in a carefree gesture.

“Go ahead! I’m sure the authorities would be interested to know about your little hostage situation here.”

“As though they’d listen to a mere child.”

Catra glanced over at where Glimmer and Bow watched on. Poor Bow looked mortified – eyes wide and confused. Glimmer though…something was different there. Something stronger willed than she’d ever seen from her. She swore she could almost hear what that look was trying to say: _do it._

Oh, she would.

“So, Shadow Weaver,” Catra started. “What do you say I take dear Arrow and Glitter here and we do ourselves the favor of never brightening your doorway ever again? Or, if that’s too much for your dear little heart to bear, I could always just give you a taste of your own medicine. Legal threats seem to be your thing, yeah? Wouldn’t it be fun to discuss how you physically assaulted your own daughter?”

She walked even closer, within arm’s reach of Shadow Weaver. “Ah, but you know, with all that manipulation and those petty threats, I’d be no better than you! And _god_, what a sorry existence that would be.” Catra grinned. “I think I have a _much_ better solution.”

Before anyone could speak, Catra slammed her fist into her jaw and gave a sharp roundhouse kick to her ribs, sending Shadow Weaver sprawling to the floor. Only giving herself a second to revel in her satisfaction, she quickly turned tail and ran, grabbing Glimmer’s free hand and pulling them outside and over to the car.

It took them a brief second to register before scrambling inside. Catra slid in the driver’s seat, stuck the key in the ignition, and revved the engine. She peeled away from the curb and down the street, eager to get as far away from that house and that woman as humanly possible.

_ Oh my god…I  _ did_ that…I actually did that!_

A strange mix of shock, horror, and pure delight worked its way through Catra’s veins, filling her with a nauseating but oh-so-satisfying sensation.

As they got a fair distance away, Bow spoke up from the back.

“What in the _hell_ just happened?! What was that?! _Any_ of that?!”

“How…” Glimmer’s voice was oddly steady. “How did you know we were there?”

“Adora left her phone at my place.”

“So she _has_ been staying with you…why?”

“It’s a long story, Shimmer.”

“Still doing that, huh?”

“Yep.”

“Is anyone going to tell me why that woman was so insane?!” Bow pleaded.

Catra let out a brief chuckle. “I’ll give you the honor, Sparkles. I’ll drop you both off at home. You’d better not pull any more stupid stunts.”

“Like you’re one to talk, Catra.”

“Fair enough.”

Catra would be lying if she said she hadn’t tuned most of Glimmer’s explanation out. She honestly didn’t need another recap of “Abusive Bitch Diaries”.

She dropped a very disgruntled and tired Bow at his place before setting off for Glimmer’s home. Without him, the air in the car felt uncomfortably stagnant, terribly quiet.

“…Hey, Catra.”

Catra glanced in the rearview mirror, briefly meeting Glimmer’s eyes. “Yeah?”

“When we get to my place…I want you to come inside.”

Her shoulders stiffened. “…Why?”

“Just. Please.”

“…If you give me gas money.”

“What?!”

Catra tapped the fuel gauge. “It’s almost out. I’m broke.”

“Ugh. _Fine_. You’re so unbelievable.”

“Part of my charm.”

Catra parked along the curb outside the house and got out, locking the door after Glimmer followed suit and staring up at the structure.

The house looked just like she remembered. Whether that was good or bad, she couldn’t quite decide. She followed Glimmer inside with only mild hesitance.

“Glimmer?” As soon as they entered, a voice Catra recognized as her mother’s called out from the other room.

“Yeah, it’s me!”

Angella’s voice grew closer as she entered the room. “I’m glad you’re home, I was just talking to your father about…” She trailed off upon seeing Glimmer’s company. “Is that…Catra?”

Catra offered a small wave and a nod. “It’s been a while, Mrs. Mallari.”

Angella’s face slowly morphed into a soft, albeit confused smile. “Quite a while indeed. It’s…a pleasure to see you again.”

“Pleasure’s mine.”

Glimmer smiled, taught and a bit forced. “We’ll be in my room, okay mom?”

“Alright. Can I get you girls anything? Something to eat? Drink?”

“We’re fine, mom, really.”

“Uh, thanks though.” Catra scratched the back of her head. “For the offer.”

“Of course. Do let me know if you change your minds.”

Glimmer waved her off with a “yeah, yeah,” and grabbed onto Catra’s wrist, pulling her into her bedroom. A strange feeling grabbed hold of her as Catra stared at her hand. Something she hadn’t much acknowledged, had actively pushed down for the better part of 10 years, but was now creeping its way to the forefront of her mind.

She was thankful when Glimmer let go and sat on her bed, facing her. Catra stood awkwardly in the center of the room, arms crossed over her chest.

The room hadn’t changed much since the one time she’d seen it. The pinks and purples, sparkles and glitter that she’d never grown out of still coated the room. There were even still some old dolls on the dresser, with stickers slapped messily on the sides.

Guess some things never really changed.

Glimmer patted the spot beside her on the bed. “You can sit, you know.”

“No thanks, Sparkles.”

Glimmer huffed. “Suit yourself I guess…”

_ I don’t have time for this. _

“Why did you bring me here?”

Glimmer looked in her eyes. The intensity there was…maybe a little too much for Catra’s comfort right now.

“We need to talk. About a lot of things.”

_ Why now? _

“Fine.”

A moment of silence fell over them – Glimmer stared expectantly at her as Catra stared reluctantly back.

“So?” Catra asked.

“Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“There was no reason for you to go over there. So why did you?”

Catra looked away. “For Adora.”

“What?”

“You’re not stupid. Once you realized Adora wasn’t there, you knew she was staying with me. She would’ve found some way to get that out of you, and then it really would’ve been bad.”

“She probably knows now anyway.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t have you two on her leash anymore.”

Glimmer drew a leg up, hugging it to her chest. “I guess so. You seemed to be having a little too much fun with that whole situation, though.”

“Like you didn’t want to see her get decked.”

“Fair point.”

Catra shifted her weight and uncrossed an arm to scratch at her cheek. “Is that it?”

_ Please let that be it. _

Glimmer shook her head. “No.”

“What the hell else do you want from me?”

“Look, I don’t really want to either. But we…we need to talk about _that_.”

Catra clenched her jaw. “About what?”

“You know, Catra.”

She did.

She didn’t want to.

This was _not_ what she needed. Today had been insane enough. Hell, she was _still_ a bit hyped up on adrenaline from the feeling of knocking Shadow Weaver to the floor. She didn’t need yet another memory-induced panic.

“Look, I…” Glimmer grimaced a bit. “I know we have a lot of _stuff_ between us. But Adora…she really cares about you. And I care about her. So we need to move on. Somehow. From all of this. When we were in Etheria, and…when we were kids.”

Catra squeezed her eyes shut.

No.

She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to talk about it.

_ Besides,  _ she thought, _you’re the one who didn’t want to move on in the first place. Why the hell do you suddenly get to be the bigger person?_

“I…I messed up.”

Catra slowly opened her eyes and turned her gaze timidly onto Glimmer, questioning if she really heard her right.

“I messed up,” Glimmer repeated. “More than once.”

“You…what?”

She sighed. “At the zoo. You didn’t even do anything, but I was being an ass.”

_ Oh…that’s what she means… _

Catra waved her off. “It’s fine. Whatever.”

“No, it’s not. Look, I’ve been trying to be better about taking responsibility for my actions. I’m not great at it. I’m…really bad, if I’m being honest. But I need to _try_. And I know for a fact I could’ve handled at least that situation better.”

“Guess that makes two of us…”

“Like you could’ve handled that whole portal situation better?”

Catra winced. “You remembered that too…”

“Yeah.”

Catra stumbled over her words, trying to find a way to articulate the mess in her brain.

_ I was stupid. I fucked up. I’m sorry. _

Glimmer simply held up a hand, a gentle silencing gesture. “I don’t forgive you.”

_ Not like I expected it. _

“But,” she continued. “I…I’m willing to forget. Pretend it never happened.”

“…Why?”

Glimmer patted the bed beside her once again. Persistence was always one of her better qualities.

Catra gave in and took a seat beside her, refusing to meet her gaze.

“Look, Catra. Do you remember what happened after that?”

Catra glanced at her. “What do you mean?”

“After the portal.”

“We…we all died. That’s how we ended up here.”

Glimmer gave her a hard look, as though trying to probe her innermost thoughts. “…Right.”

Catra raised an eyebrow. “What about it?”

“We…we ended up safe. It all worked out. Besides, I…I think…I put you through enough in this life to make up for the things you put us through in that one.”

“Dunno about that, Glitter…”

“Well I do. Trust me.”

“Okay…”

“…I have one more question.” Catra stayed quiet, letting her speak. “Back then. In middle school. When you said…that you loved me.”

There was that word again.

Every time someone said it, Catra swore she died a little bit inside. For over a decade now, the mere idea of it was enough to give her anxiety.

Guess she did have trauma in this world too…

“What about it?” she finally managed.

“Did you…mean it?”

_ I told you I did, you moron. _

Catra nodded slowly. “Yeah. I did.”

“All that time?”

“Yeah.”

“…Did you ever stop?”

She shook her head.

_ No. Never. _

“And I really never believed you…I’m so sorry, Catra.”

She finally looked at Glimmer head on. “You don’t have to-”

“I do.” Glimmer sighed and held out her hand in offering. Only once Catra tentatively took hold of it did she continue speaking. “You did a lot of messed up things. A _lot_. And I’m not letting you off the hook for those. But that? You didn’t deserve it. We didn’t know. We were kids. And I was cruel.”

Something warm stirred inside Catra’s chest, a full kind of feeling filling her. Almost like a…balloon.

“Thanks, Sparkles.”

“…Okay, I lied. One last question.”

Catra laughed a tiny bit. “Okay?”

“Do you still love me?”

“…In a way.”

Glimmer got the hint of a smile on her face. “But not romantically. That’s Adora now.”

“Heh. Maybe so.”

It was odd: this feeling she had, sitting beside her first crush, her first real love. She couldn’t help but wonder – if there were other universes, maybe there was one where her heart never got broken. One where she and Glimmer never stopped being friends. One where they got to be even more.

It was…a nice thought. One she could’ve spent a little too much time on.

But she knew she had at least one more thing to do.

She stood and gently pulled her hand away from Glimmer’s. “I have to go now.”

“Oh, here.” Glimmer reached behind her pillow and handed Catra a twenty. “For gas. A promise is a promise.”

“Ha. Thanks.”

As Catra headed out, Glimmer called out.

“Hey. Maybe we can try to be friends again?”

“…Yeah. I’d like that, Glimmer.”

As Catra closed the door behind her, Glimmer’s eyes followed suit. The memories she once thought she remembered so entirely, so fully, painted a clearer picture in her mind.

Clearly not everyone remembered everything. Or maybe there was more than one version of the truth? Either way, she was sure: Catra didn’t know.

About the portal closing. About Glimmer becoming queen. About her nearly destroying the world. About being trapped on Horde Prime’s ship together.

…Maybe it was better that way though.

Catra didn’t need that extra stress. Not right now.

And…Glimmer wasn’t quite ready to share.

Adora sat in the usual booth, staring down at her mug. She abandoned her usual hot chocolate today for a mocha, at Razz’s suggestion.

She was grateful for it – it was smooth going down, and she could definitely benefit from the pick-me-up of caffeine.

But nevertheless, the empty diner felt even more empty without her usual dining partner.

_ Catra… _

Part of her wished she’d come bursting through the door. Part of her wanted to just hold her tight, forget anything bad had ever happened. Part of her wanted to deny her feelings outright and never speak to Catra again.

The only thing the entirety of her brain could agree on was wanting it to shut the hell up.

She sighed and held her mug a little tighter. The warmth of the ceramic did a surprising amount of good to soothe her, even a tiny amount.

“Are you hungry, Adora, dearie?”

“I’m good, Razz. Thanks.”

Ah…Adora wished she hadn’t forgotten her phone. She could really do with a distraction.

The quiet sound of the door opening caught her attention. She glanced up idly, only to freeze up.

Scorpia and Entrapta stared at her from the doorway with wide eyes before Entrapta broke into a big grin.

“Adora! We found you! Wow, that was _much_ easier than I thought it would be! Catra’s gonna be so happy!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be focusing on a separate project for a bit, so the next chapter might take a little longer than this one.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! Come say hi over on tumblr @akari-hope or Twitter @_AkariHope_


	19. Admitting You Were Wrong is Hard, But Believing in Your Right to Happiness is Even Harder.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mermista has an issue. Adora and Catra talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo I did NOT intend to disappear for almost two months. Lots of work/personal life/general writer's block shit happened. But I'm back!

“Jeoff. Something’s been brought to my attention.”

Mermista sat at her desk, a stack of documents littering what free surface space there was.

“What is it?”

“So. They’ve been going through the financial reports again.” Mermista glanced over at Jeoff. “Something’s off. There’s a few _thousand_ dollars missing from this month’s net alone. Not to mention from the past few months’ as well…”

Jeoff drew his brows together and scratched his chin. “And the accountants _just_ noticed this?”

“This is the first time they’ve mentioned it. They’re still tracing it back to see how long this has been happening.”

“So…what do we do?”

Mermista groaned and leaned back in her chair. “How should I know? It’s not like I’ve dealt with this before. I mean it’s obvious it’s someone in the company.”

Jeoff frowned as he read over the reports. “Who would do this?”

“I guess…look up what to do when someone is embezzling funds.”

A crisp knock from the ajar office door caused Mermista to turn around. A familiar face greeted her – impish features, a devious smirk, and perfectly styled hair flowing down their shoulders, a binder tucked beneath their arm. Their main accountant.

“Pardon the intrusion, darling. Thought it best I was here in person for this.”

Mermista gave them a nod, half-approval, half-gratitude. “DT. Glad to see you right now.”

“I’d bet.” DT strutted in and seated themselves atop the desk. “So I gave everything a thorough look. This has been happening for a long time. As in ‘the past two years’ sort of long time.”

“And you _just noticed_?” Mermista’s eyes narrowed.

“I know my stunning good looks would have you thinking otherwise, but I truly can’t do _everything _on my own. It was hidden unusually well. Like whoever’s been doing this has done it many times before.”

Jeoff crossed his arms. “What are you implying?”

DT twirled a strand of hair around their finger. “I’m _telling_ you that this is almost certainly bigger than just us. This might be a multi-company affair.”

“Fuck,” Mermista grumbled under her breath. She cleared her throat and looked up at them. “How the hell do we find who’s responsible?”

They smiled, one that she was _very_ familiar with, and should’ve seen coming. After all, DT only showed up in person for one of three reasons: for a party, for drama, or for a chance to prove their prowess.

“My dear Mermista, of _course_ I’ve already figured it out. Even the best actors slip up every now and then. And our guilty party is _no_ master.”

Adora stared at the two girls in the diner doorway. A mix of confusion, fear, and joy surged simultaneously in her chest at the sight. She couldn’t decide if this was better or worse than Catra showing up.

_ Wait…did she say Catra’s going to be happy? _

Entrapta grinned and plopped herself down in the booth seat across from her. “Spot on of Catra! Of course she knew where you’d be.”

Worse. Certainly. Definitively.

“I d-don’t understand,” Adora said as Scorpia slid into the same side as Entrapta. “What are you two doing here?”

“Looking for you!” Entrapta tilted her head to the side. “I thought that was pretty obvious?”

“No, I meant. _Why_?”

Scorpia gave a soft smile. “Wildcat asked us to.”

Adora felt a strange emotion grip her chest. Tight, chilling, but also…oddly warm.

She figured Catra would’ve been looking for her. It’s not like she couldn’t realize that running away in the middle of the night would have been concerning or something. She knew that, and she would’ve expected Catra to come after her.

But…

“Why did you two come?” Adora asked. “Why didn’t she come herself?”

“Oh, well she went to your house!” Entrapta smiled.

Adora’s blood ran cold. “_What_?”

Scorpia must have seen the panic in Adora’s eyes, because she placed a gentle hand atop hers. “Don’t worry, she’s okay. I’ll do my best to explain, okay?”

“How do you _know_ she’s okay?”

Scorpia grabbed her phone with her free hand, sliding it onto the table so Adora could see. A text conversation with Catra shone on the screen, the ones from today filling Adora with an immediate sense of relief.

** _ Catra:  _ ** _ got those two. they’re fine and home **(7:32 PM)** _

** _ Scorpia:  _ ** _ And you’re fine too, right? **(7:32 PM)** _

** _ Catra:  _ ** _ yeah. i’m fine too. you find Adora? **(7:33 PM)** _

** _ Scorpia:  _ ** _ Almost to Razz’s. I’ll let you know **(7:33 PM)** _

** _ Catra:  _ ** _ thanks Scorpia **(7:33 PM)** _

** _ _ **

“Okay, she’s alright. But what _happened_, Scorpia?”

“So, Glimmer texted you earlier.”

_ Glim… _

Adora must’ve worried them sick. Not responding after the zoo incident, ignoring them all through this…

She was kind of the worst, wasn’t she? Being so selfish and making everyone worry about her, especially when there were much bigger issues.

Adora’s eyes flicked to the window as a few drops of water plopped themselves onto the glass, quickly multiplying into a few dozen, then a few hundred. Like someone opened some sort of heavenly flood gate, the rain poured down onto the darkened night streets without warning or mercy.

Well. At least the weather matched her mood.

She looked back to Scorpia. “What was it about?”

“Catra wouldn’t really say…all I know is she was at your house for some reason, and Catra was freaking out because your mom is-” Scorpia glanced around, as though searching for something. She lowered her voice before continuing, “Because she’s Shadow Weaver.”

Adora grimaced at the not-so-welcome reminder, peering down at her mug once more. She truly did not want to think about any of her memories from Etheria or her present life, and _certainly_ not any of that vile woman. If last night’s revelations weren’t enough to prove that the effects of her “parenting” weren’t still on full throttle, well, Adora wasn’t sure if anything else ever would be.

_ “You were nothing before I took you in, Adora. And you will be nothing without me.” _

She’d pushed back those words easily enough in the moment.

_ “You have no power over me anymore.” _

…That was a lie though, wasn’t it?

_ “I think I’m finally okay.” _

If it was the truth, then why did the mere thought of Shadow Weaver make her heart beat a little harder, make her hands quiver, make her eyes dart around like prey on the lookout for its predator? Why did she feel unsafe at the very mention of her? Why was she instantly transported back to that scared little girl who just learned the importance of “following rules…or else”?

“Adora?” Adora’s eyes lifted to see Entrapta’s uncharacteristically concerned face. “This is rather atypical behavior for you. Are you okay?”

_ No,  _ her brain screamed at her. _No. I am not okay. I am _not _okay. I need to get out of here. Get out. Run. RUN._

But her body stayed frozen stiff.

“I’m…I’m fine…” Scorpia and Entrapta looked thoroughly unconvinced. Adora managed to clear her throat and add, “Or…I will be. In a sec.”

_ Lying again. _

What was it with Adora and lying so much that she couldn’t even be honest with herself? Even when she _knew_ that’s what she was doing?

“So, uh. You guys know about that?” She attempted to shift the subject. “You remember her from back then?”

“Vividly.” Scorpia’s brows furrowed. “Not that I’d like to…I remember how she treated Wildcat.”

_ Right…Catra always had it worse. What the hell am I doing, thinking I have the right to be upset over all of this? Catra’s  _ always _been taking the brunt of it. I’m just a whiner. Complainer. Weak._

Adora saw the door swing open from the corner of her eye. Scorpia and Entrapta immediately perked up, a big grin spreading across Entrapta’s face, Scorpia excitedly waving over the newcomer.

She couldn’t see who it was who entered, but…Adora had a good guess.

Glancing over briefly, her eyes caught on another pair: mismatched, beautiful, terrible – the only thing Adora ever wanted to see, yet the last thing she wanted to see right now.

As she brushed the soaked hood of her jacket off, a look of relief flooded Catra’s eyes, her lips caught somewhere between a smile and a sigh.

She seemed happy…

Mostly.

But the discoloration beneath her eyes told a different story; she’d been agonizing about this.

_ And it’s your fault that she has,  _ some sick voice in the back of Adora’s head said. _Look at her. Run ragged. All because of you. You realize all you do is cause people problems? Shadow Weaver was right. She always has been. Glimmer, Bow, Catra. All of them would be better without you in the picture!_

This was _not_ the headspace Adora wanted to be in for this. Caught somewhere in the middle state between normal and full-blown panic? Not exactly the best look.

“You’re here…” Catra’s voice was breathless, barely there over the hum of the diner’s lights and kitchen. “You’re _here_.”

Oh…Adora didn’t know that a voice alone could _feel_ like coming home. Two little words and she really was ready to run into Catra’s arms, bury her face in her shoulder, hold her tight, forget all the fears and boundaries between them, forget any wrongdoing.

Almost.

But part of her still held that back, was still mad at Catra. Or perhaps not mad, but certainly unwilling to trust.

And that part wasn’t exactly being helped by the torrent of memories still bearing down on her poor, overwhelmed brain.

Adora offered a hesitant, half-hearted wave, voice coming out surprisingly relaxed as she said, “Hey, Catra.”

She took a few steps closer, and as she came into better view, Adora could see the way Catra’s knuckles were just a little busted up, just ever so slightly scabbing over on a spot or two, a little red, the beginnings of what seemed like bruising making itself apparent along the small stretch of skin.

Adora reached out instinctively, stopping herself short of actually making contact.

“What _happened_ Catra?”

Catra chuckled. “C’mon, this isn’t a big deal. Just a little scratched up. I’m good.”

“You punched someone?”

“Maybe.”

Adora’s eyes narrowed. “Do _not_ keep secrets from me. Who?”

“Fine, it was Shadow Weaver, okay?”

“_What_?”

Scorpia suddenly cleared her throat and let out an awkward laugh. “Hey, Entrapta, I have to use the restroom. Come with me?”

“Huh? I don’t have to go.”

Scorpia stood and pulled Entrapta out of the booth. Giving Adora and Catra a little acknowledging bow of the head, she ushered Entrapta into the bathroom, despite the confused protests.

…Which left Adora alone there.

With Catra.

So many thoughts raced through Adora’s mind. Things to say, to ask.

_ Why did you do it? What are we supposed to do now? How do we move on from this? _

She opted for none of them. They didn’t matter. Not yet, anyway.

“What happened, Catra? Scorpia started explaining a little, but why were Glimmer and Bow at my house? And why did you go too?”

Catra scratched the back of her head. “Kind of weird to explain.”

“Well _try_.”

With a sigh, she sat in the vacant booth seat across from her, the one Scorpia and Entrapta had just been occupying.

“They were looking for you too, I guess. I mean, you did kind of…disappear. So, Sparkles texted you when they were over there, about remembering Shadow Weaver. And I mean, that’s _obviously_ only a bad situation, trapped in a house with her. So I swooped in to save the day, okay? That’s it.”

“Oh no.” Adora pointed a finger at her. “You are _not_ glossing over this. What did you _do_? I want the full story.”

Catra gave her a glance over, as if trying to figure something out. “Adora, I feel like we have more important things to talk-”

“Shadow Weaver. Why did you punch her?”

Adora…couldn’t have explained why. But she _needed_ answers. She needed to know what caused this, what would’ve incited Catra to go that far.

“Uh, why _wouldn’t _I punch her?”

“Maybe because you can’t just go around doing that for no reason!” Adora began to feel that panicked energy turn into anger. “Catra, she could charge you for assault or something. You _realize_ this is a problem, don’t you?”

Catra let out a little “tch” sound and looked away. “Are you seriously gonna start with me on that?”

“Are you seriously going to avoid the question? Because I can just leave right now if that’s what we’re going to do.”

“Adora, I swear to _god_ if you start defending that bitch-”

“_Defend _her?! Are you insane?! Besides, I can’t ‘start’ to do anything if you don’t tell me anything!” Adora shook her head. “Whatever. I’m not ready to talk to you anyway.”

She made to stand up, stopped by Catra’s tight grip on her wrist.

“Adora…I…I’m sorry, okay? Just sit back down. Please. I’ll explain. Just…don’t go.”

_ “Please don’t leave me…” _

Adora tensed at the words that coursed through her brain.

Catra…she’d said that as she ran away…hadn’t she?

And once again, the guilt came rushing back in. All the things Adora could have said, could have done, all the “what ifs” left abandoned along with the friend she threw away.

It was a cruel reminder that she wasn’t blameless in all of this.

Maybe she was even guiltier than she wanted to believe.

_ Shadow Weaver was right,  _ her mind smugly repeated. _You really just cause all your own problems. None of this would’ve happened if not for you. Even Catra knew when she opened that portal. Truly, everything would be better if it weren’t for _you.

Catra’s hold loosened briefly before squeezing a bit, thumb gently rubbing itself over the inner side of Adora’s wrist.

“Hey…Adora?”

She may as well have tried to stop the rain for the amount of good she did – the tears fell anyway.

Adora clenched her eyes and teeth shut, choking back a sob that threatened to spill out. She didn’t deserve to be crying, let alone _sobbing_ right now, like she really thought that her problems – her stupid, insignificant problems – were even remotely worth this amount of dramatics.

In an instant, a pair of warm arms were around her, one hand on her back, the other ushering her head into a comforting shoulder.

“Shh, shh. It’s okay,” Catra tried her best to comfort her. She gently scratched her nails against Adora’s back, a gesture she knew always soothed her, even in her worst times. “You’re okay. I’m here.”

Adora gripped onto her jacket, ignoring the wet, cold feeling against her palms. It didn’t matter – the only thing that did was the gentle feeling of Catra’s hand on her back and head, her arms around her, and the familiar sensation of her hair tickling her nose.

She clung onto her, sobbing into her shoulder. Normally, she might’ve cared about looking like such a wreck in public. But right now, it didn’t matter.

“It’s okay,” Catra repeated. “You’re okay.”

Adora raised her head to look at her, tears coating her face. “C-Catra, I-”

“Shh.” Catra moved her hands to Adora’s cheeks, wiping away the freshest of tears with her thumbs. “You don’t need to say anything right now. Just nod or shake your head. Okay?”

Adora bit her lip to hold back another cry, nodding slowly.

“Are you physically okay? Any chest pain? Dizzy?”

She shook her head. Maybe a little jittery, but she’d chalk that up to the caffeine and overstimulation.

“Okay, good.” Catra paused a moment. “Do you want me to leave?”

God, no. Adora didn’t know what she wanted, but now that Catra was _here_, right in front of her…no way.

Another shake.

Catra’s face brightened considerably before falling flat again. “Do you want to talk about…you know?”

Adora did know. But…

“If we didn’t do it here?” Catra added.

The smallest of smiles slipped onto Adora’s face despite the still falling tears. Catra really did always understand better than she let on…no matter what, Catra always seemed to know Adora better than she knew herself.

And she was grateful for it.

She nodded.

Catra let out a sigh and rested her forehead against Adora’s, looking directly into her eyes. One hand moved from her cheek to her hair gently.

“…I was worried you’d say no.”

She brought her hands up to rest on top of Catra’s own gently, in a gesture she hoped said what she needed it to.

_ I could never really say no to you. _

“Is it okay if I take you to my place?” Catra asked. “So we’re in private?”

“…Yeah,” Adora managed. “Yeah.”

Catra carefully pulled away and shrugged out of her jacket. She rested it on Adora’s shoulders and gently tugged the hood up over her head, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Entrapta, can you hear me?”

Entrapta poked her head out of the bathroom door with a smile. “Hi! Yes! I was definitely not listening that entire time!”

Catra rolled her eyes. “Mind if I borrow your car a bit longer? Need to get Adora home.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine! We’ll Uber or something.”

Catra nodded in thanks and ushered Adora outside into the car, quickly clambering into the driver’s side herself. She turned the key in the ignition and cranked the heat up.

Adora idly pulled the jacket tighter around her shoulders, noting how it smelled so very much like its owner. Focused on that, the tears slowly began to quell, and her breathing started to steady itself once again.

Despite everything, Catra really was the person who made her feel the most at ease.

As they started driving, Catra spoke again.

“Thanks, Adora.”

“Huh?”

“For…you know. Hearing me out. You didn’t have to.”

“…We’re best friends. Of course I would.”

Catra gave a half smile, but a certain sadness stayed in her eyes. “Even after everything I did?”

“I’d care about you no matter what.”

“You…really mean that?”

Adora shyly held out a hand. Catra took it without a second thought.

“Always.” Adora squeezed gently. “Always.”

Back inside Catra’s apartment, Adora sat herself on the couch and slid the jacket off, while Catra ran to the bathroom to towel off her dampened hair.

“So,” she called out. “We, uh. Need to talk about the whole portal thing, don’t we?”

Adora fiddled with the hood. “Yeah, we do.”

“You remember everything, I’m guessing.”

“…Yeah. But, uh. Let’s start with the punching Shadow Weaver thing. You still haven’t told me.”

“Oh, right.” Catra walked back in, hair fluffy from its drying. “So. Shimmer and Bow were at your house, right? And she was threatening to accuse them. Something about being responsible for your ‘disappearance’. So I showed up, I punched her, I grabbed those two morons, and we got out of there.”

“God.” Adora pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. “So now she’s going to be _furious_ is what I’m hearing.”

“Hey, hey. Don’t get all worked up again.” Catra sat beside her and took Adora’s hands in her own. “It’s gonna be alright. Yes, this is fucked. Yeah, it’s a shit ton to deal with. But we’re going to figure this out.”

“‘We’ will?”

Catra met her gaze, unfaltering. “Yeah. Even if you decide you don’t want to see me after this, I’d still help you deal with this. I got you into this mess, and I _will_ get you out. I promise.”

“Catra…” Adora closed her eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Huh? What does that even mean?” Catra laughed awkwardly. “You’re not the one who destroyed the world…”

“No, but…it’s what I _didn’t_ do.”

Adora sighed and pulled her hands away.

How was she supposed to accept an apology when she had so much wrong on her end, too? How was she supposed to act like she wasn’t at least partially to blame for all of this?

“Adora…listen, if this is about what happened back in the Horde, you were _not_ the problem. I didn’t know how to deal with stuff back then. Hell, neither of us did. But it wasn’t you. It was fucking Shadow Weaver.”

“I could’ve done more to protect you, though.”

Catra gripped Adora’s chin and made her look at her again. “_Never_ say that. It was not your job to protect me. We were kids, and we were stuck with an abusive, horrible bitch. Neither of us were ever to blame for that.”

Adora stared at her, a little surprised. “…You really have grown, haven’t you?”

Catra smiled a bit. “I’d like to think I wouldn’t pull a ‘kill everyone’ lever again.”

“You wouldn’t.” Adora was quick to agree. “I know you wouldn’t. You’re not that hateful person anymore. You’re you. The _real_ Catra.”

_ My Catra. _

“You’re all…you guys forgive way too easily.”

“You’ve earned it.” Adora rested a hand on her knee. “Your actions speak for themselves. Besides, I…I don’t want to be mad at you. I don’t have it in me.”

Catra got a bit of a playful glint in her eyes. “Aww. I can’t believe you like me.”

Adora laughed, genuinely. “I know, embarrassing.”

“…I missed that,” Catra said softly.

“Hm? My laugh?”

She nodded. Adora could swear she could see the faintest hint of pink in her cheeks.

“So…where do we go from here?”

Catra glanced down at her lap, eyes lingering on Adora’s hand still resting on her knee. “I’m not sure.”

“We’re kind of terrible at this ‘talking about our feelings’ thing, aren’t we?”

“Always have been.” Catra chuckled. “We might’ve changed, but I guess some things stay the same.”

Adora thought back to her conversations with Razz and Mara.

_ Listen to my heart… _

“Hey, Catra.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been, uh. Thinking. A lot. About what happened. About myself. About…us.”

“Us?”

“Do you remember that day you stole the skiff keys just for an excuse to play tag with me? I was acting weird, and you wanted to cheer me up. But I got mad at you.”

“I don’t think I’m following.”

“Remember how I pulled you into the storage closet afterward? I said I wanted to tell you something.”

“Oh…right. And you were worried I’d get mad at you.”

Adora bit the inside of her cheek and made a little “mhm” in acknowledgment. “I was afraid to do anything. And when I remembered, all that fear came rushing back. But I got some pretty good advice today. To listen to myself. To what I really want. And now…”

“And now?”

“Now…” She leaned over and rested her forehead against Catra’s. “I think I wanna give it another shot.”

Catra’s eyes darted to Adora’s lips, then back up to her eyes. “Oh?”

Without answering, Adora finally, _finally_ closed the distance between them, pressing a soft kiss to Catra’s lips.

Catra sighed into it, eagerly finding Adora’s hand in her own, her arm around her waist, Adora’s finding their place in her hair just as excitedly, because at _last_ she was getting to have what was always tempted to her, what she always wanted _so badly_ – she finally got to hold Catra close, feel her breath on her lips as they separated for the briefest moment, only to come falling back into each other for another kiss.

Lips still close enough to brush against each other as they spoke, Catra chuckled.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that?”

Adora smiled. “Probably about as long as I’ve wanted to.”

Catra pressed one more gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth. “Still the same old Adora.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“Well, I fell for you, didn’t I?”

“Heh. True.”

It didn’t solve everything. Adora knew that. They still had so much to deal with. So much between them, so much outside of them. This wouldn’t magically fix all of that.

But…that was a problem for future Catra and Adora.

Right now, they had each other. And that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm not gonna disappear for two months again lol.
> 
> Feel free to come say hi on tumblr @akari-hope or Twitter @_AkariHope_


	20. Some People Take "All The World's A Stage" A Bit Too Literally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra talk a bit. DT pays Beatrix a visit. Adora and Glimmer see each other again.

_ Warm… _

A smile slipped onto Adora’s face as she shifted her weight, nuzzling herself more into that warmth, feeling the soft brush of cotton against her cheek. Her hair, loose from its typical ponytail, threatened to spill over in front of her eyes, but stayed neatly behind her ear. She could’ve lay there and burrow herself into the pillows and blankets, simply drift in and out of consciousness in sweet content throughout the day…

Well, she seriously considered it – at least until her “pillow” started moving.

Adora’s eyes opened to find her face not pressed into a soft pillow like she believed, but a chest. More specifically, Catra’s.

_ Last night… _

That’s right. They’d met again. And Adora went almost completely nonverbal. And then–

Oh god.

The kiss.

They’d kissed…

They’d _kissed._

What the _hell_ had possessed Adora to think that was a good idea?

Well, she knew. She knew exactly what it was, actually. Someone can only pine for so long after all.

With the state she was in last night, she couldn’t really blame herself for it. And…she’d be lying if she said she regretted it.

But it _did_ complicate things.

A lot.

She felt a small surge of panic wash in as Catra grunted and yawned.

_ Shit! What am I supposed to say? What if she’s weird? What if– _

“Hey, Adora.” Catra’s voice came out half tired, half playful.

Part of Adora wanted to just play along and pretend all was well. No worries, no cares, no more boundaries. After all, kiss and make up, right?

But, uh. No. That wasn’t going to work. Bad acting abilities aside (honestly just a complete inability), she knew that would only cause more problems.

They did _not_ need that.

“Earth to Adora? You _are_ awake, right?”

Adora offered a little smile. “Ah, yeah. G’morning.”

Catra immediately drew away a bit to look at her face. “Everything okay?”

“Ah…you could tell?”

“Duh.”

Of course. Catra knew her best, after all.

“Talk to me, Adora. What’s up?”

Adora bit the inside of her cheek. “Last night. I know we said some things, but…do you feel like somehow it doesn’t really make everything okay?”

Catra laughed a little out of awkwardness, refusing to meet Adora’s eyes.

Did she look almost scared?

“Ah…guess it doesn’t…” She swallowed hard. “You’re not, er. Mad. At me. Right?”

“No! No. Oh, god, that was really bad, wasn’t it?” Adora placed a hand on her cheek. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. No, I’m not mad. We’re…not okay, but ‘okay’.”

Catra let out a deep sigh of relief. “Oh thank god. I thought you finally decided to hate me…”

“No way. Don’t have it in me for that.”

“I think you’re right though. About it being…unfinished, I guess.”

“Yeah?”

“I think that’s fair though. Given–” Catra gestured vaguely between them. “Everything.”

There really was no better way to put it, was there?

One night of honesty and understanding – no matter how wonderful – wasn’t enough to erase the years in the Horde, the way they yearned for years while hoping for the day they could simply _be_, the way finding the sword severed the ties between them, the way it left everything between them unfinished.

Incomplete.

There wasn’t any perfect cathartic release between them. And somehow, Adora thought, there probably would never be.

But she supposed that was reality.

“I think we just have to take it one step at a time.” Adora frowned. “As much as I don’t want to.”

“Same. Just want it to be okay. _Actually_ okay.”

Adora looked into her eyes. “I guess we should just act normal for now, then. As friends, I mean.”

Catra bristled a bit at that. “Do you regret kissing me?”

“What? No! No.”

“So why just friends?”

“Well…” Adora searched for the right words. “Adding a new dynamic would just…make things harder, right?”

“I’d hardly call it a new dynamic.”

“Catra, we’ve never done anything like this before.”

Catra placed her hand over Adora’s, still on her cheek. “Don’t do this. Don’t start overthinking everything and putting up a wall again. It’s…it’s taking a lot out of me to be this open. Please don’t shut me out.”

Adora blinked. “I’m not…”

“Adora. Come on.”

“I…_maybe_, but I’m just trying to be cautious.”

“But I’m not something you need to be cautious _of_.” Catra shifted to run her other hand through Adora’s loose hair. “Look, I understand not wanting to put a label on whatever we are right now. Hell, I don’t want to. That’s a fuck ton to deal with. But I don’t think we can just go back to acting like we did before. That’s not _healthy_.”

Adora couldn’t help the small smile that slipped out. “You sound like one of Bow’s dads.”

“George, I know. Good guy.”

“You know him?”

“He was my counsellor.” Catra paused before adding, “But he did a lot more for me than most counsellors would, I think. He’s a good man.”

“So _he’s_ the one that helped you with Glimmer.” Adora paled. “Glimmer…”

“Woah, Adora, slow down. She’s okay. She’s not mad at you.”

“I need to see her. Like, now. I need to apologize.”

“For…?”

“Ignoring her. Getting mad. Just. _Everything._”

Catra pressed her palms gently against Adora’s temples. Soft, warm, soothing. Adora would be lying if she said they didn’t make her feel just a smidge better.

“_Adora_. Settle down. Deep breath.”

For once, Adora listened without argument, taking in a deep breath through her nose, and letting it out through her mouth.

Huh. Maybe breathing exercises _did_ work.

“I agree you should go see Glitter,” Catra started. “But you don’t have anything to apologize for, okay? She knows what went down, she’ll just be happy to see you’re okay.”

“Okay. Okay. Maybe you’re right.”

“I _am_ right. Now, c’mon. We’ll take our time. You’ll shower, eat, and then I’ll drive you over. Works out, I’ll return Entrapta’s car while we’re at it.”

“…Thanks, Catra.” Adora smiled. “But I think I’ll actually walk. Not too far. Besides, I…”

“Want the exercise. Helps you think, right?”

“You really do know me.”

Catra’s lips tilted up. “Well. Knowing someone your entire life will do that.”

“You have a point.” Adora propped herself up, slowly sitting up. “I’m gonna go hop in the shower if that’s okay.”

“Course. I’ll make breakfast.”

“You? Cook?”

“Hey, I _can_. I just don’t like it.”

“I guess I’ll believe it when I see it.” Adora tried for a hint of playfulness. “I won’t be long.”

With that, she pushed herself out of bed and trudged her way to the bathroom.

Catra looked on after her, only getting up as she heard the shower turn on. As she made her way into the kitchen and started on a simple breakfast of eggs and toast, she let her mind wander and think about…well, everything.

It was a shit ton, after all.

To believe that Adora forgave her. To believe that she even remotely deserved it. The guilt was taking a way bigger toll on her than she wanted to admit. Scorpia shut it down enough so it was manageable, but…Catra still felt a little bundle of it burrowing deeper and deeper in her chest.

It made her think.

A lot.

Too much.

About things like if Adora _really_ forgave her, or just…wanted to pretend like the past didn’t happen for comfort’s sake.

Adora was honest to a fault though, Catra reminded herself. She couldn’t lie to save her life. Not to Catra, anyway.

Besides, Adora felt guilty too, for abandoning her.

Catra winced a bit. It still felt like a really harsh word for it. But it was accurate.

But Catra forgave her. And she would a thousand times again, in a heartbeat.

So...she supposed she could believe that Adora would forgive her.

Maybe they were more okay than they thought?

And of course, Catra’s mind wandered its way to the other events of last night…

Shadow Weaver, and everything that would come of that. Part of her vainly hoped it would all disappear. But she knew they’d have to figure it out eventually.

Key word – eventually.

And…

The kiss.

Catra knew kissing Adora would feel like a dream, and sure she was already hopped up on so many other emotions, but…_wow_. She honestly felt like she could live for years off of that alone.

A kiss didn’t solve their problems, but god it certainly helped in Catra’s opinion. It felt like some barrier that had been held up between them finally dissolved. They felt just a little bit closer, a little more open than they had before.

Maybe it was stupid to hype up something so small.

But maybe Catra didn’t mind being a little stupid for Adora.

“Hey, that actually smells nice.” Adora’s voice rang out from behind her. “So you _can_ cook.”

“Ha, very funny.”

Catra gently scraped the eggs onto plates beside the toast and turned around, setting them on the table. Adora seated herself as she ran a brush through her hair.

Ah…she was so pretty with her hair down.

Catra sat across from her. “Hope it tastes alright.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great.”

They ate in relative silence, save for Catra asking briefly how the food was. Adora said it was good, and for once she was inclined to agree. Certainly not chef quality, but satisfying nonetheless.

“So…” Adora said as she took her last bite. “I’m gonna go see Glimmer. And you’re gonna return Entrapta’s car.”

“That’s the plan. You’ll be okay walking by yourself?”

“Yeah, it’ll be fine.” She quickly secured her hair up in her ponytail. “I’ll have my phone on me, so.”

“You’ll call if anything comes up?”

“Yep.”

Catra nodded. “Alright. Then be safe.”

Adora smiled and nodded as she stood up and walked over to the door.

Adora paused in the doorway for a moment, then turned back, leaned over and quickly kissed her, hand on her cheek. As she pulled away, Catra gave her a confused smile to hide her inner delight.

“Not that I’m complaining, Adora, but what was that for?”

_ Didn’t think you’d want to do that again so soon. _

“A promise.”

“Promise?”

“That…we’re going to figure this out. That nothing is gonna come between us again.” Adora looked in her eyes. “We stick together, no matter what. Promise me, Catra.”

Catra rested her hand atop Adora’s. “We’re going to figure this out. Nothing is gonna come between us again. We stick together, no matter what. I promise.”

Adora beamed and pressed another kiss to her lips before leaving for real, calling out an “I’ll be back as soon as I can” as she dashed out the door.

Catra closed her eyes and savored the feeling.

_ I promise, Adora. This time, we’ll do it right. _

Hm. Less impressive than they would’ve hoped.

Where was the style? The flavor? The _ambience?_

Dull. Tragic.

But DT supposed they weren’t there to critique architecture, no matter how desperately they knew just a few little edits could turn this place into something _stunning._

They knocked, two sharp raps on the door. They didn’t have to wait long to see a rather disgruntled Beatrix appear on the other side of the threshold, a prominent bruise plastered across her cheek and a brace wrapped around her ribcage area.

DT couldn’t help the little grin that came across their lips. “_Ouch_, darling. Nasty bit of work you got done there. Must be an exciting story.”

Beatrix eyed them up and down contemplatively, a grimace of distaste plain as day on her face, but otherwise remained silent.

“Oh come now, don’t give me the silent treatment. I want to hear the tale. Or at least be greeted like a proper guest.” DT winked. “Usually you invite people inside to talk. Especially when they’re technically your contemporary.”

Once again, Beatrix merely stared on.

“I know I’m stunning, dear, but didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s rude to stare?”

“You work for the Salineas,” she finally said. A statement of fact.

_ Oh? So you won’t even acknowledge it? You truly  _ do_ love to lurk in the shadows._

“Ah, you _do _recognize me. I’m almost flattered.” Without asking, they waltzed their way in, sitting on the sofa with a flip of their hair as a flourish. “I must say, your _interior_ design sense is far superior to whatever’s happening outside.”

“And did Mermista send you here to critique my home?”

DT laughed. “Simply _hilarious_.”

“Spit it out then. I haven’t all day to waste on your frivolous banter.”

“Ooh, ‘frivolous’. Good word.” Their grin quickly turned wicked. “But no need to pretend, darling. You know as well as I do why I’m here.”

Beatrix’s eyes narrowed. “And why would that be?”

DT pulled a folder out from under their arm and waved it lazily in the air before tossing it onto the coffee table.

“Tell me, do these look familiar to you?”

Raising a brow, Beatrix picked up the folder and flipped through it. She scoffed and quickly disposed of it on the table once more.

“This is simply a list of company names. What’s the meaning of this?”

“Ah, I’d look again if I were you.”

“Spare me the dramatics.”

DT scoffed, their mouth twisting into a pout. “No wonder you’re a terrible actor. No appreciation for the art of things. Fine, if you insist, we’ll keep it simple.” The smirk reappeared as if it had never left. “Those, my dear, are all the companies you’ve been advising. They’re also all companies that have had odd discrepancies in their books.”

Beatrix gave a warning look. “I fail to see your point.”

_ Cute _ , DT thought.

“My point is I know it was you. And so do all of the chief financial officers and CEOs of said companies. And they’re filing a court case against you right now.”

“If you think that scares me, you clearly don’t know the first thing about me. Besides, my lawyer is the best in the city.”

“Interestingly, he’s already incredibly busy looking over a folder I gave him.”

Beatrix clenched her hands into fists. “And that folder would contain?”

“Well, my dear. Evidence that you’ve been hiring someone to stalk your daughter, of course.”

Now _that_ bit got an interesting reaction out of Beatrix. Her already ghostly skin paled even further, and her eyes bulged in an almost cartoonish manner.

“You’d risk outing yourself on such light charges? You’re a fool.”

“Whatever do you mean, darling?” DT winked. “I’ve only just learned of this information. Oh, and of course I’ve made a point to include that lovely little bit about you abusing your daughter as well. Poor girl will need _years_ of therapy to recover from this. Oh, and if you _somehow_ weasel your way out of all this, don’t worry – we’re helping her file a restraining order against you.”

Beatrix went from shocked to livid. “You’re a devil in human disguise. What kind of person-”

“Ah-ah.” DT held up a hand to silence her. “I don’t plan to sit here and be told off by a lowlife like you.”

“If _I’m_ a lowlife, then what on earth are you?”

With a smile, they stood and headed for the door. “A lowlife with _taste_.” They paused to turn around and blow a kiss over their shoulder. “Be seeing you in court, darling. Maybe you’ll give me a better show there. Break a leg.”

Adora rang the doorbell once.

…

…

Okay, twice.

…

…

Three times?

…

…

She sighed and pulled out her phone, dialing Glimmer’s number.

“_Adora_?” Glimmer’s voice picked up on the other end before a single ring could finish.

“Glim…” Adora smiled softly. “It’s really good to hear your voice.”

“Oh my gosh, Adora! I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“Yeah, I’m good. Hey, are you home? I’m outside, and I was hoping-”

Before Adora could finish her sentence, the door swung open and a pair of arms flung themselves around her shoulders, clinging tightly and practically hanging off of her.

“Adora!”

She couldn’t help but laugh as she hugged her back. “You’re not mad at me?”

“No way. How the heck could I be mad at you? If anything, _I _should be apologizing.” Glimmer pulled away enough to look up at her, eyes brimming with excitement. “You’re okay, right? Like, _really_ okay? What happened to you? Catra said you ran away? Did you two meet up? Did you _make_ up?”

“_Woah_, Glimmer. Easy. Can I come inside first?”

“Oh. Right.”

Glimmer swiftly ushered her inside. Her parents must not have been home from the looks of it. The crumpled blanket on the couch, half-eaten bowl of popcorn and Glim’s favorite can of peach tea on the table, and some trashy reality show that she loved to hate-watch paused on the TV pretty much screamed that Glimmer had been camped out in the living room.

She plopped down on the couch and patted the spot beside her, signaling for Adora to join her, which she obediently did.

“Okay. So,” Adora started. “Let me try and answer everything. Yes, I’m okay. Like _really_ okay.”

“Physically _and_ emotionally?”

Adora smiled. “Yes.”

Relief flooded Glimmer’s expression. “So what happened after you ran away? I know you remembered Catra opening the portal…”

“Ah, yeah…you know that old diner owner? Razz?”

“The kooky old lady from Etheria?”

“Yep. Ran into her. She let me stay the night. Gave me some really good advice.”

“That’s…nice. I think.”

Adora laughed a little. “Very. It helped me feel better.”

“Then good!” Glimmer looked a little more hesitant as she asked, “So did you meet up with Catra?”

Slowly, Adora nodded. “Yeah.”

“And…how did that go?”

“Ah. Mixed I guess? I started crying and almost couldn’t talk.” Adora shook her head. “Almost ridiculous, honestly.”

“It’s _not_ ridiculous.”

_ Easy for you to say. _

Adora had felt like a walking, breathing train wreck in process. If that wasn’t ridiculous, she didn’t know what was.

Although…Catra didn’t seem to think it was either.

“Anyway,” Adora continued, “we went back to her place and talked, and worked things out. We’re not _totally_ normal. I mean, I don’t think any of us are. But we’re okay.”

Glimmer gave her a hard look. “That’s all that happened? Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad, but…that’s it?”

“…We may have kissed.”

“_What_?!” Glimmer grabbed her shoulders and shook with surprising force. “You did?! For real?! Oh my _gosh_, this is so amazing! Was it great? Was it everything you’d always hoped for?”

Adora felt her face grow hot. “Glimmer…”

“Okay, I _know_ this isn’t the point of this, but this is _huge_.”

“Only to you.”

“To _everyone_, but sure, whatever.” She gave Adora a big grin. “So are you two, like, dating now?”

“I- what? No, Glimmer, that’s- we’re not doing that right now!”

“Ugh, _fine_. You’re right. Not the focus.”

Adora felt her shoulders relax. She didn’t need to think about all the details of…whatever the hell she and Catra were.

“So, uh. _We’re_ cool, right?” Adora asked.

“More than cool. I’m so sorry I ever treated you like that. You..._neither_ of you deserved that. I was a big jerk.”

“Hey, we all were stupid.”

“Yeah…I suppose.” Glimmer fiddled with the hem of the blanket. “Hey, uh. Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“You wouldn’t happen to remember anything from…_after_ the portal. Would you?”

_ After? _

“You mean like growing up here and all that?”

“No, no. Like…do you remember _surviving_? Like, closing the portal? Making it back to Etheria?”

Adora blinked.

What the hell was Glimmer talking about? If that had happened, how the hell would they have ended up here?

“Do _you_ remember that, Glim?”

Glimmer looked pensive. “…Yeah. I do.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure it out. I think…I’m the only one. Catra only remembers as much as you, I think. And Bow remembers even less.”

Adora paused to take it in.

_ So…there’s a world where I didn’t fail? _

That sounded maybe a little too good to be true.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“Glim, I’m not about to write off _anything_.” Adora smiled a tad. “That’d just be stupid at this point. I believe I knew a talking alicorn on an alien planet, I don’t think you having more memories is that crazy.”

“_Alicorn_. Okay, horse girl.”

“Hey! It’s the proper term.”

“_Okay, horse girl_,” Glimmer teased again.

Adora shook her head. “Okay, but…seriously. What happened? When I succeeded.”

“Things got…a lot worse.” Glimmer rubbed the back of her head. “Catra went even crazier, if you can believe it. I became queen, and set off a superweapon built into the planet that I thought I had under control, but I _so_ did not. Horde Prime held me and Catra hostage…”

Adora had to take a moment to unpack all of that.

To imagine Catra spiraling even further…no, she didn’t want to entertain the thought. That was too much for her to bear, picturing Catra hurting so terribly, _so horribly_, feeling so alone, isolated, betrayed…

And a superweapon built into the planet. So what Adora was hearing was she was almost _thankful_ she failed to close the portal. How would she have been able to stop something like that?

But, wait…

“Did you say you became queen? No offense, but why would Angella have given up the throne to you?”

Glimmer closed her eyes. “Not like the dead have much of a say in things.”

_ Oh… _

“She…how?”

“In the portal. Stayed behind so you could survive.” Glimmer hugged her knees. “I…wasn’t too happy with you about it.”

“I don’t even know if I could blame you…”

“You could and should. I did and said things I horribly regret. Things I can’t take back. She made her choice, but I didn’t want to live with it.”

“I…I’m so sorry…”

Glimmer offered a weak smile. “I’m just grateful she’s here now.”

Adora bit her cheek. “Do you think she knows?”

“Not at all. Dad doesn’t remember anything either. And I’m kind of glad about that.” She turned her gaze toward Adora. “And glad you and Catra made up. You were right about her all along, you know…she’s good at her core. And you believed in her. Just like you believed in the good in me.”

“I never expected to hear you say that so directly…”

“Me either. But…I guess having a heart-to-heart between people who almost destroyed the world helps you put things into perspective. She and I aren’t so different.”

Adora wrapped her up in a warm hug. “I’m really proud of you, Glimmer.”

She could hear Glim stifle a sniffle with a little laugh. “Mind if we just zone out for a while and watch TV? I just wanna pretend everything’s normal for a bit.”

“Of course. I’d like that a lot.”

Glimmer wiped at her nose and un-paused the program she had been watching before Adora came in. Some dating show that she loved to laugh at because of how petty all the contestants were. It wasn’t Adora’s thing at all, but something about watching it while cuddled up with Glim…well, it was nice. Felt like old times again.

They blew through a few episodes, idly chatting over it, letting the hours tick by leisurely, small stupor only broken by the buzz of Adora’s phone in her pocket. She pulled it out to see a text from Catra.

** _ _ **

** _ Catra:  _ ** _ hey, Adora. i’ve got AWESOME news when you get home. no rush. text me if you need anything **(3:22 PM)** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised I wouldn't disappear for two months!
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! Come say hi on tumblr @akari-hope or Twitter @_AkariHope_


	21. Emotional or Dimensional Stability: The Pros and Cons of Being Alive Versus Feeling Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra gets an unexpected visitor. Entrapta, Scorpia, and Catra have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I return!! I swear I'm not trying to have like a month between updates lmao.

It was damn near impossible for Catra to keep still.

She knew she should’ve left a _while_ ago to return Entrapta’s car. But something kept her rooted firmly at home, waiting for some kind of signal that it was time to go.

The living room had been turned into her own personal pacing zone. Coffee cup in hand (her third of the day), she took the occasional sip as she trailed back and forth. It wasn’t like her, usually, to be this restless over nothing. This was something she’d expect more out of Adora.

_Heh. She’s rubbing off on me even more. Adora…_

She knew Adora was okay. She was with Glimmer. She’d call if anything went wrong. Surely she would. _Surely_.

…So why the _fuck_ was Catra so goddamn tense?

Abandonment issues creeping in to give her a grand time, she supposed. Regardless, she was incapable of just relaxing while waiting for Adora to get home.

_Home. That’s right. This is her home now…_our_ home. Together…_

The thought was enough to put a smile on her face, easing her nerves if only for a second. She paused in her pacing, gripping the mug in both hands and tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling.

_Maybe I should call Scorpia. Check in. Relax. Or take a shower. I probably smell…at least freshen up. _She suddenly felt hyperaware of the pajama bottoms clinging to her legs. _…And maybe put on real clothes. And actually go give Entrapta her fucking car._

She tossed back the rest of her coffee in one gulp and set the cup on the table. She’d deal with it later, whatever. She started towards the bathroom, stopping as she heard a knock at the door.

_Who the hell…?_

Fluffing her hair in a haphazard attempt to disguise her bedhead, Catra made her way over and cracked open the door.

An unfamiliar smirk greeted her. “Hello there. Would this be a Miss Catra Pedrosa’s residence?”

“…Who’s asking?”

“Ah, apologies, darling.” The stranger held out their hand in offering. “The name’s DT. I’m under the employment of the Salineas family. Surely you’re familiar.”

_Salineas…that Mermista girl. From the Halloween party._

“Yes, but why are you here?”

“Adora Grayskull is living here, is she not? I had some important information to relay to her.” DT paused, clearly expecting Catra to open up. When she made no move to do so, they cocked an eyebrow. “Let me come in, would you? This will take a bit of time, and it’s somewhat of a private matter.”

Catra didn’t know why, but she really didn’t have the best feeling about this stranger. She didn’t recognize them, which meant they weren’t from Etheria. Or at least probably not. And yet…

She couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d seen them somewhere before. That she knew they were bad news.

But it was most likely her paranoia talking.

Slowly, she moved back and gestured for them to come inside. “Come on in, I guess.”

DT smiled and strutted in. “Cozy little place you have here. I must say, this is somehow _far_ superior to my other house call today. At least you know what you’re about.”

Catra cleared her throat. “So, DT. What’s this about?”

“No pleasantries for you either, hm? Figures.”

_What…are they talking about?_

“Well, no matter.” Their expression sobered only a tad. “I’m sure you’re familiar with Miss Grayskull’s mother?”

Catra winced at the mention of Shadow Weaver. “Yes…”

DT laughed. “Oh dear, she’s done a number on you too, of course. Horrid woman, isn’t she?”

“Huh?” Catra blinked. “Sorry, don’t think I heard you right…”

They gave her a wicked grin. “You most certainly did, kitten.”

“_Kitten_?”

“Oh, you’re _so_ much more entertaining than her. Don’t worry, you’ll hear no praise for that one from me.”

Catra felt a scowl work its way onto her face. “If you came here just to talk about that bitch, you can head right back out that door you came from.”

“_Ouch_. You’re so cruel, kitten.” They tilted their head to the side. “Though I suppose that’s standard fare for you, isn’t it?”

She did _not_ like this DT person. What was their deal? Acting like they knew her? And _well_, for that matter.

It was…unnerving.

“But, we’re not here to catch up, are we?” DT continued. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to waste your time _too_ much.” They winked. “Only enough for a proper show.”

“Start talking already. This better be worth my time.”

“About Mrs. Beatrix Grayskull. I’m here to inform you that the Salineas family along with a few others are taking legal action against her.”

Catra’s eyes widened.

She…couldn’t have heard that right.

Legal action? How? For what? What does that even mean? How much did DT know about what happened between Shadow Weaver and her?

“Easy, kitten.” They offered a softer smile, more genuine. “We’ll answer all your questions, don’t worry. One thing at a time though.”

“What kind of legal action?”

“We’re pressing full charges. The level she’s at, she’s looking at massive fines, and _very_ likely some jail time. Could be a few months, but could be _years_.”

_Jail…_

Catra didn’t exactly trust the legal system to deliver on all of that. But the idea of Shadow Weaver getting what she deserved was _undeniably_ exciting.

“Okay. Does Adora need to do anything?”

“Unless she wants to help her mother find a defense attorney? No.” DT laughed. “And I quite doubt she’d want to do that.”

Catra gave them a hard look. “So you know.”

“Most certainly. I know all about poor Miss Grayskull’s history. Poor darling. Which, actually, brings me to my other point.”

DT handed Catra the folder tucked beneath their arm. She opened it hesitantly, pausing as she read over the forms inside.

“…Is this a restraining order?”

“Forms for a temporary one, yes. She doesn’t have to fill it out, certainly, but I presume you’d both like some legal protection from that woman if at all possible.” DT tapped the folder gently. “And don’t worry about it not being approved. I’m going to be helping her file it. After that we can start the process for filing a permanent one. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Catra glanced back to them, studying their face. “Tell me. Why are you doing all this?”

“What an excellent question.” DT smoothed back their hair. “Consider it repayment.”

“For…?”

They looked into Catra’s eyes, their playful demeanor dropping for the first time. “Let’s just say it’s something that happened a lifetime ago.”

_Are they…from Etheria?_

“Who are you, DT?”

As quickly as it left, the sly smile was back. “A friend, simply giving you what you _really_ want.”

_What I really want…?_

“It’s nice though,” they continued. “This time, I get to help you _and_ still win. Lord knows you need it, too. You’ve been a bit of a mess lately, I’m sure.”

_“Ouch. It’s worse than I thought. You’re a mess.”_

Catra flinched as the words coursed through her mind.

She _knew_ DT. She was positive now. But she just couldn’t remember _how_.

“Anyway, I’d best be off. So much to prepare.”

“Wait!” Catra’s voice came out with an odd tinge of desperation. “You…you didn’t really answer me.”

DT smiled and stepped close enough to gently poke the tip of her nose. “Don’t worry, kitten. You’ll see me again.”

And that’s when it hit her.

“Double Trouble…”

Their eyes lit up. “Aww, you _do_ remember me? No hard feelings, I hope.”

How was Catra even supposed to _begin_ to unpack whatever they had between them? She’d like to think they were friends, but…

More importantly, how did she even remember this?

“Anyway, I really do have to get going. My number is in the folder, darling. Have Adora call me. And of course, let’s catch up sometime.”

Without waiting for a response, they were out the door, leaving Catra alone with her thoughts once more.

They were overwhelming. Excitement was definitely up there: to tell Adora the good news, that everything really _was_ going to be okay. But also fear about what it all meant, whether or not it would all work out. And confusion, about DT…

Catra paused a moment to draw in a deep breath, letting it out slow.

One thing at a time.

First, tell Adora.

Maybe the whole story was a little hard through text though…and calling might be bad. She didn’t want to interrupt her time with Glimmer.

_Just let her know that you _have_ news._

Catra grabbed her phone and texted Adora.

** _Catra: _ ** _hey, Adora. i’ve got AWESOME news when you get home. no rush. text me if you need anything** (3:22 PM)**_

** **

A smile slipped onto her face as she typed “home”. Yeah…home. This was _their_ home now.

She put DT’s number in her phone while she was at it, and sent them a quick message.

** _Catra: _ ** _it’s Catra. you owe me coffee **(3:24 PM)**_

** _DT: _ ** _Of course darling. My treat **(3:24 PM)**_

** **

Maybe she’d ask Entrapta about these memories…speaking of…

With all that squared away, Catra finally got her act together and got ready to head over to Entrapta’s.

“Entrapta?”

“What’s up?” Entrapta didn’t look away from her monitor. “Question for me?”

Scorpia glanced over Entrapta’s shoulder, a futile attempt to make sense of…whatever she was looking at. “Just. Do you think Wildcat and Adora are okay?”

“I presume we would’ve heard otherwise if they weren’t.”

“You’re right. Definitely…but–”

“You’re worried precisely because we haven’t heard, right?”

Scorpia blinked. “Wow you’re good.”

Entrapta flashed her a grin. “I know how you two work at this point. Don’t worry, she’s fine. You can always text her though.”

“True, true…”

Not worrying was easier said than done, of course. But Scorpia’s trust in Entrapta’s wisdom outweighed the insecurities she felt.

“So. What _are_ you working on?”

“Documenting.”

Scorpia nodded. “Ah, yes…documenting what?”

“Data. This whole situation needs much, much more studying…”

Ah, of course. Entrapta would be fascinated with something like this for months, maybe even years. Scorpia couldn’t blame her either. Not every day you ran into something out of a sci-fi novel.

Well, not on Earth, anyway.

Thinking back to Etheria was odd for sure. Scorpia wondered idly if it felt as fresh to everyone else as it did to her. Though, given Catra’s situation, maybe it was better if it felt more distant.

_Catra…_

She really wanted to call her. Check in, make sure everything was okay. With her and Adora both. Even if they weren’t always the closest, Scorpia figured that she and Adora shared one very important bond – the need to make sure Catra was happy and safe.

But what if she’d be interrupting something? Imagine, Catra and Adora having a long, _long_ overdue heart-to-heart, only for Scorpia to barge in through a dumb phone call, probably with Catra’s ringer blasting out whatever song she was obsessed with at the moment.

No, Scorpia checked herself, that wasn’t likely. Catra almost always had her ringer on vibrate after all. But was that incessant buzzing noise any better than a blaring song?

“Scorpia?”

She was drawn from her thoughts by Entrapta’s voice. “Yeah?”

“Just call Catra if you’re so worried.”

Scorpia gave a smile. “It’s okay, really. I trust Wildcat. She’ll tell me if something’s wrong.”

“Good reasoning! Strong evidence to support that claim, too.”

Scorpia settled back against the wall. She knew that was Entrapta’s own way of saying “that’s a good decision and I’m proud of you”. It was one of the many things about her that made Scorpia appreciate having her for a friend.

“Ah, you know, you never did finish,” Scorpia said. “About the whole portal deal. Dimensions collapsing together.”

“Oh! Do you want to hear?” Entrapta finally looked away from the monitor to give Scorpia a look, eyes shining.

“Yeah! Something about us remembering differently, right?”

“Right! That’s the theory anyway. Bow’s been a big help there. He hardly remembers anything about Etheria compared to the rest of us.” Entrapta ran a hand pensively through her hair. “But you know, it’d be even more helpful to talk to someone who remembers _more_. If there are any…”

“More?”

Entrapta nodded. “Yeah! If there are people who remember less, surely there’s people who remember more. Events after the portal. The effect would’ve rippled out through time in both directions, I believe.”

“Oh. Woah. Like, _woah_.” Scorpia smiled. “That sounds right. I think.”

Entrapta laughed. “It’s okay, you don’t have to pretend to understand. Still, wouldn’t that be _fascinating_? I’d love to know if my theory is right…”

“Maybe one of us does. Or will? Like, in the future, you know.”

“I can dream.” She stood from her desk and stretched her arms up high over her head, letting out a little grunt. “Just having the opportunity to study spacetime interference in _any_ kind of concrete way is _incredible_.”

A soft chime and ping on Entrapta’s monitor caught her attention. She checked the notification, opening a video feed to show Catra standing outside the front door.

Scorpia felt a surge of relief flood her chest. “Wildcat…”

“Catra! Hi!”

“Hey, Entrapta.” Catra held up a set of keys and jangled them a bit. “Brought your car.”

“Perfect! Come in, it’s unlocked.” Entrapta cut the video and turned to smile at Scorpia. “What’d I tell you? She’s just fine.”

Scorpia laughed. “You were right.”

The door to the office pushed open and Catra stepped inside, looking disgruntled. She gave Scorpia a nod of acknowledgment and handed the keys to Entrapta.

“You know, one of these days I _am_ going to break that fucking Roomba. I don’t even know how many times I’ve tripped over that bitch.”

“First off, she’s _not_ a Roomba, that’s a _brand_, and I made her myself.”

“Whatever, it’s a Roomba.”

Entrapta held up two fingers to emphasize her point. “_Second_, she’s not ‘it’, she’s Emily. You know that.”

“I can’t decide if new Emily or old Emily is worse.” Catra shook her head. “I’m going with the new one.”

Scorpia couldn’t help but smile at the normalcy of it all. “Everything go okay, Wildcat?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“…Well?”

Catra looked away and scratched the back of her head. “It went, uh. Really well. Adora’s fine. We’re okay.”

“Tell me what happened, Wildcat!”

“_Ugh_,” Catra groaned. Scorpia swore she saw a hint of a blush on her face. “Why do you wanna know so bad?”

Scorpia bit back a grin. “Something _good_ happened, didn’t it?”

Catra leaned back against the wall and stared down at her feet. Her hair fell across her face, and she bounced one foot rapidly. Scorpia recognized that stance, though she’d only seen it a select few times before.

Catra was _shy_.

But about what?

“…kissed…”

Her voice was faint, but Scorpia heard her loud and clear. She gasped and grabbed Catra’s shoulders, shaking her gently.

“You did?! Oh my god, it really went _that_ well? Oh my _god_, Wildcat!”

Catra shrugged her off, refusing to meet her eyes. “I told you, okay? That’s enough.”

“That is _absolutely_ not enough.” Entrapta plopped down on the floor, cross-legged, and looked up at Catra with eager eyes. “I have _so_ many questions. What lead up to that? What does that mean for you two?”

“Both of you…”

Scorpia patted her shoulder gently. “You don’t have to…but we would like to know.”

“Please?” Entrapta asked.

“Fine, but _personal space_, Scorpia.” After Scorpia let go and took a good two steps away, Catra cleared her throat and spoke again. “So, uh. Last night, after we left. I took Adora back to my place. We talked a bit…about everything. Then she did _that_.”

Scorpia couldn’t contain the squeal that came out of her. “I wasn’t expecting it to go so well so soon!”

Entrapta nodded. “So, you two are in a romantic partnership now, yes?”

“Not exactly…”

“Wait what?” Scorpia’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Catra glanced up. “I mean we didn’t define it or anything.”

“Oh…” The disappointment in Scorpia’s voice was palpable.

“Anyway,” Catra quickly shifted the subject. “Entrapta. Something I wanted to ask you while I’m here.”

“Yes?”

“This whole memory thing. Is it possible for us to remember…things from _after_ the portal?”

In the blink of an eye, Entrapta shot up to her feet and leaned in so close to Catra that their noses touched. “ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU REMEMBER?!”

“Fuck, _indoor_ voice! I’m right the fuck here!”

“Oh, yes, sorry.” Entrapta stepped back and started bouncing. “But you remember? Honestly? Tell me about it!”

Catra told her about fading into the portal, and suddenly coming back to Adora closing it, Double Trouble, the Heart of Etheria…

_Wildcat…you really remember all that?_

“This is incredible!” Entrapta hopped back onto her computer. “So the effect _did_ ripple out both ways. And there was a portal that got opened afterwards? Perhaps that would’ve affected it as well…_fascinating_.”

Catra shifted her weight. “So…what do I do about it?”

“You’ve already confirmed my theory, which is all I could ask!”

“I meant, like. Dealing with this.”

Scorpia could hear the unspoken question.

_“How do I live with myself knowing how much worse I got?”_

“You know, Wildcat.” Scorpia smiled at her. “You didn’t tell us what happened after the portal opened.”

“Oh. Uh. Glitter and I ended up working together…and…”

“And?”

Catra looked away again. “Adora and I were together again. Everything was okay.”

Scorpia put a hand atop her head gently and ruffled her hair. “See? I know you’re a good person.”

“Scorpia…”

“She’s right,” Entrapta chimed in. “And Adora knows it too. That’s why she forgave you, then and now.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Catra shook her head and headed for the door. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll update you. Thanks, guys.”

Scorpia didn’t try and stop her. She knew, Catra would speak her mind once she was ready.

Not a moment later, Scorpia got a single text.

** _Catra: _ ** _<3 **(4:58 PM)**_

** **

She smiled.

_Oh Wildcat…I love you too._

“Man, I forget how early the sun starts setting this time of year…” Glimmer glanced out the window. “You probably wanna head home soon, right?”

Adora smiled. “Hey, I don’t have to. Want me to stay the night?”

“With not even a toothbrush?”

“You…make a good point.”

Glimmer laughed softly. “Besides, you should be with Catra right now.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Adora gave her a tight hug. “I’ll text you, okay?”

“Yeah. We’ll make plans soon. Movie night with Bow and Catra?”

“Heh. I’d like that.” Adora stood up, checked to make sure she had everything, and turned to head out. “See you Glimmer.”

“…Hey, Adora?”

“Hm?”

Glimmer gave a warm, genuine smile – the brightest Adora had seen in a long time. “I hope you two are happy together.”

Adora felt her eyes prickle just a little. “Love you, Glim.”

“Love you too, Adora.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think! Come say hi over on tumblr @akari-hope or on Twitter @_AkariHope_


	22. If Things Like Destiny Exist, Then I Firmly Believe That You Are Mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora goes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, I return from the dead with a double feature update. This should not have taken this long, but uh. Who was expecting quarantine? That on top of moving and a HUGE case of writer's block/anxiety really got me here. So, sorry it took so long, but here it is!

The last rays of dusk fell as Adora made her way home. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked, a shiver working its way through her body.

_Should’ve remembered a jacket…c’mon, Adora, it’s _November_, you know better._

She sighed, willing her mind to focus anywhere but on the chill she felt; idle curiosity took up the mantle. Adora was admittedly very curious what this “awesome news” Catra had was.

_Maybe Shadow Weaver suddenly became an upstanding citizen, _she thought. That got a giggle out of her. _She called and apologized for everything she’s ever done, and now she’s even going to bring us fresh flowers every week as a token of her kindness. _And_ pay for therapy! An outstanding woman._

Adora shook her head and laughed again, a little less vibrant. “In a perfect world, maybe.”

She was curious though. Catra didn’t get excited about just anything. Trying her best to keep her expectations low, Adora was still looking forward to whatever it was.

She punched in the gate code and jogged up the stairs, grateful for the quick burst of heat. She paused before the door, feeling a buzz in her pocket. Fishing out her phone, she smiled as she saw the messages that greeted her: a group text with Bow and Glimmer.

And…Catra?

** _Bow: _ ** _Adora!! You should’ve told me you were seeing Glim!! You’d better make it up 2 me!! **(5:49 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _relax bow. movie night all 4 of us. it’ll b good **(5:49 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _For real? Yes! **(5:50 PM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _excuse me? movie night? **(5:50 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _yep and ur not getting out of it **(5:51 PM)**_

** _Bow: _ ** _Aww Best Friend Squad bonding time!! **(5:52 PM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _Adora? hello? what is this? **(5:52 PM)**_

** **

Adora laughed to herself. Seeing the three of them interact and be okay…it was a _good_ change.

** _Adora: _ ** _It’ll be fun, Catra. **(5:53 PM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _you’re lucky i like you **(5:53 PM)**_

** _Adora: _ ** _<3 **(5:53 PM)**_

** _Catra: _ ** _<3 **(5:54 PM)**_

** _Glimmer: _ ** _ew get a room **(5:54 PM)**_

** **

Adora stifled a snort and pushed the door open, stepping through the threshold of the apartment. A quick glance around the entryway revealed no immediate signs of anyone else present. She closed the door and called out.

“Catra?”

“Hey, Adora.” The familiar voice came from the kitchen, soon accompanied by Catra’s face poking into the living room with a small smile. “Welcome home.”

Adora felt a small surge of warmth swell up in her chest at that. Her lips tilted up.

“Good to be home.”

Catra made a beckoning motion before ducking back into the kitchen. “C’mere, would you?”

Adora rounded the corner to see Catra seated at the small table, cup of coffee in hand. On the table was another mug of what appeared to be hot chocolate with mini marshmallows, and a folder.

“You didn’t have to make me a drink, you know.”

“Don’t be stupid. I know how much you like it.” Catra offered a slight smirk. “Besides. It’s like at Razz’s, right?”

“Mm, true.” Adora slid into the seat across from her and took a sip from her mug. “Except I think she makes hers with real chocolate, and this tastes like Swiss Miss.”

“As if you don’t like it just the same.”

Adora chuckled. “Okay, you got me there.”

“Course. I know you.”

“You do.” Adora stared at her for a moment before clearing her throat. “So. Folder? What’s up with that?”

“Hey, c’mon. Tell me how things went with Sparkles.”

“Will you ever not call her that?”

“Mm. Maybe.”

“Oh?”

Catra shrugged and took a swig of her coffee. “I can change, you know.”

_You already have. So much._

“Well,” Adora started, “it was good.”

Catra stared at her for a long moment. Silent.

Painfully silent.

“Um. Catra?”

“Is that it?”

Adora blinked. “What do you want me to say?”

“_Tell_ me about it, dummy. I want to hear about your time. I mean, it went well, right? Hell, you organized a movie night.” Catra leaned back in her seat. “So, tell me about it.”

“We talked about everything. She was really happy to see me safe.” Adora smiled thinking about it. “She wasn’t mad at all. Huge relief. She…” She couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “She freaked out when I told her we kissed.”

Catra smirked. “So you talked about that, eh?”

“Shut _up_.”

Catra laughed and motioned for her to continue.

Letting out a little huff, Adora did so. “So, _yes,_ she had a moment over that. But after that, we talked about something wild.”

“Oh?”

“It’s a lot to unpack. But she remembers things from _after_ the portal. Like, a world where it got closed.”

Catra opened her mouth as though to speak. She closed it. Then, after a moment, opened it once more.

“Looks like Glitter and I have something in common.”

“…I’m sorry, what?”

“I remember it too.” Catra glanced away. “So. Yeah, I know how bad I got.”

“Hey,” Adora leaned over so she was in Catra’s line of sight, “if what Glim said was true, you’d also know how _good_ you got too.”

“Does that make the bad any better?”

“Catra…”

Catra let out a long sigh. “I know, I know. ‘You’ve already redeemed yourself, we’d never have been able to do it without you,’ blah blah blah.”

_It’s true, though._

“I’m glad we’re on the same page then,” Adora affirmed with a smile.

Catra gave a noncommittal grunt. “Anything else fun happen while you were there?”

“Watched a dumb reality show.”

“Ew.”

“They’re kind of fun in a bad way.”

“Okay, _that_ I will give you.”

Adora got a playful glint in her eye. “We can watch shitty reality TV whenever you want, you know.”

Catra faked a gag. “Only if we make fun of it the _entire_ time.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Catra merely smiled and downed the rest of her cup. Adora followed suit, setting her mug off to the side.

“What about you? How was it at Entrapta’s?”

“Fine.”

“Uh, _no_, tell me about it, you dork.”

“Tch. She interrogated me about my memories and almost blew my eardrums out. Typical excited Entrapta.”

Adora laughed quietly. “That sounds _exactly_ like her.”

“My ears are still ringing.” She paused a second. “Oh, and Scorpia was there. They were…oddly reassuring.”

“I’m glad you have them.”

“…Me too.”

Adora smiled brightly, but decided it best not to comment. She could tease Catra more at a later time. For now, acknowledging feelings at all was good enough.

“So. About that folder?”

“Right, yeah.” Catra leaned over the table and tapped it with a finger. “Good friend of mine dropped this by. They work for that girl Mermista.”

“…Okay?”

“Just stick with me. Turns out, Shadow Weaver? They’ve got something big on her.” Catra paused to give Adora a big grin. “And they’re pressing _full charges_.”

_What?_

Adora’s eyes widened. “I couldn’t have heard you right.”

“You did. That bitch is finally facing the goddamn consequences of her actions.”

Adora stayed quiet and stared at her drink, letting that sink in.

Somehow, out of everything she’d experienced, this was the hardest thing to believe. This was…real. Not just a dream, not some fantasy. This was actually happening.

“Wait, that doesn’t explain the folder though.” She tilted her head. “What’s that have to do with it?”

“Well, that friend? They dropped by to tell me the news, and _also_ gave me this.” Catra’s face softened. “There’s paperwork for a restraining order in there. They’re gonna help you file one against her.”

It was a good 5 seconds before Adora’s body responded. She drew in a breath and blinked slowly. Once, twice. She flipped open the folder to see for herself, feeling a strange sensation at seeing the aforementioned paperwork indeed sitting inside.

“Hey, Adora? Everything okay?”

“It…feels like it’s too good. Like it’s all gonna go wrong and disappear.” Adora met Catra’s eyes once more. “The folder, Bow and Glimmer, you. Like I’m gonna wake up and realize this is all some crazy fever dream. I’ll be back home with my mom and I’ll never have met any of you. I won’t have memories of Etheria. It’ll all just be something I dreamed up. And I’ll just be a sad girl with a sad life, hoping that one day she isn’t so sad anymore.”

Like so many times before, Catra’s hands were in hers instantly, warm and comforting.

“Adora–”

“I know, I’m being dramatic again.”

“Adora.”

“You don’t need to tell me, okay? I know I’m being dumb, and–”

“_Adora_.” Catra’s voice was concerned, yes. But Adora couldn’t ignore the hint of humor to it. “It’s okay. I don’t think you’re dumb.”

“No?”

“Nope.” Catra squeezed her hands gently. “Wanna know what I _do_ think?”

She frowned. “Okay…”

“I think,” Catra started, letting out a sigh, “that you’re doing that thing again. The one where you think you don’t deserve good things?”

“That is…not…”

“Yes it is, don’t even _try_.”

Adora huffed and looked away. Like it or not, she knew Catra was right. She was almost _looking_ for excuses to be unhappy. Between this, her freak out in the morning, the meltdown last night…

“Wanna know what I think?”

Adora bit her cheek. “You’d probably tell me even if I say no.”

“But you _do_ want to know.”

“_Maybe_.”

Catra chuckled. “I _think_ we’ve earned this. If I think about it like that, for all of us, it makes it easier to accept.”

_For all of us._

“We’ve all done things we regret. Terrible things, for some of us.” She paused for a moment, shaking her head as though trying to dismiss unwanted thoughts, and continuing. “_But_. We’ve been miserable enough. We’ve got a fresh start. And that’s okay. I think it’s okay for us to be happy.” Slowly, she brought a hand to Adora’s cheek, and turned her face so their eyes met. “It’s alright for us to be happy _together_.”

Adora gave her a half smile. “Sap.”

Catra snorted and poked her forehead with her free hand. “Way to ruin the moment, nerd.”

Adora just laughed quietly. Catra dropped her hands.

“Feeling better?”

“More or less.” Adora’s gaze shifted to the folder once more. “So…restraining order.”

“I know. Feels like a lot, doesn’t it?”

“Yes and no.”

Catra held up her hand. “Hold on, let me guess. Not that much considering everything that bitch has ever done to us, but a lot considering that we’re not in Etheria and it’s so official?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Fuck yeah.” Catra smirked. “I know you.”

Adora shook her head. “Really?”

“Mhm.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And so are you. That’s why we’re stuck together.”

“_Anyway_. Please thank your friend for me. They went to a lot of trouble for me, and I appreciate it.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Adora stood and searched around the kitchen for a pen. For once, Catra’s affinity for clutter came in handy: there was one laying in plain sight on the counter. She picked it up and plopped back down on her chair, beginning the process of filling out the form. Catra took the opportunity to brew herself a fresh pot of coffee.

And for a moment, everything somehow felt completely serene.

Utterly normal.

The sound of pen on paper, of the coffee maker, the dim glow of moonlight just beginning to poke its way in through the windows.

It was like something out of a quaint daydream.

Catra fixed up her who-knew-how-many-at-that-point cup of coffee and settled herself across from Adora once more. She took a long drink before setting it down with a _clunk_.

“So, Adora.” Catra cleared her throat. “About that ‘together’ bit, actually.”

“Hm?” Adora glanced up from the form and raised a brow. “What about it?”

“Well. We should talk about it.”

“Why?”

Adora wasn’t sure where she was coming from. After all, didn’t they have a whole talk just that morning? They would never let anything come between them again, they’d stick together no matter what, and this time they’d do it _right_. They’d see to it, it was a promise they’d keep.

Done deal, right? That’s what “together” meant.

Catra scratched along the back of her hand idly, face concentrated as though searching for the correct words. Finally, eventually, she found them.

“We never exactly…_defined_ it.”

_…Oh._

Right.

Adora freaked out before they could really talk about it.

“I meant what I said, though,” Catra clarified. “About not putting a label on it. I don’t want that right now.”

“Good,” Adora sighed in relief. “Neither do I.”

“But…”

“But?”

“I do want to define it. Like,” Catra paused, running a hand through her hair to smooth it down, “we can agree we’re not just friends anymore, right?”

Adora nodded.

“And we don’t _want_ to be just friends…right?”

Adora smiled a little and nodded again. Catra’s face lit up, an easy smile sliding onto her face to match Adora’s.

“What, did you think I’d say no?”

“I mean, I still don’t totally believe you forgiving me. Is it that surprising?”

“Well, I did a lot of awful things too. You forgave me, didn’t you?”

Catra sat up a straight, suddenly dead serious. “Yes. In a heartbeat. A thousand times over. I mean it.”

Adora laughed and poked Catra’s forehead. “There’s your answer then.”

“I, uh.” Catra stared at Adora’s hand for a long moment, before returning to meet her eyes. “I guess so.”

“News flash, I _actually_ like you, I _actually_ forgive you.”

Catra relaxed, lips upturning once more. “We’ll work on that believing each other thing.”

“Together,” Adora agreed. “We’ll work on it together.”

As Adora withdrew her hand, Catra quickly caught it in her own. She squeezed gently before interlacing their fingers together. Adora glanced between their hands and Catra’s face with a smile.

“So. Is that our working definition?” Catra asked. “Together? We’re together?”

Adora hummed in satisfaction at that. She brought their hands to her lips and pressed a light kiss to the back of Catra’s hand.

“I like that.”


	23. Epilogue: All's Well That Ends Well, And I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way, My Dear.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes on.

“…I hated it.”

“What? You were smiling the whole time.”

“I _hated_ it.”

“How can you hate…wait, Catra, are you _crying_?”

Catra growled and shoved Adora’s shoulder weakly. “Shut _up_.”

Adora just smiled and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. “Aw, Catra…”

“Hey, no shame, Catra.” Glimmer nudged her with her elbow. “You’re not the only one who’s crying.”

Bow finally let out a noise halfway between a squeal and a sob, furiously rubbing at his eyes.

“They’re so in _love_!” he cried. “They are in _love_! Sophie and Howl are in _love_!”

Catra stifled a sniffle. “…It was cute.”

“We could watch another if you guys wanted.” Glimmer stood from the couch and stretched. “I’ve got pretty much every Ghibli movie on DVD. Or something else. Doesn’t have to be one of those.”

“Wait, we should watch Nightmare Before Christmas!”

“Uh, Adora? It’s November.”

“First off,” Adora held up a finger, “it’s November _30th._ Second, that is both a Halloween _and_ a Christmas movie, so watching it in November is perfectly acceptable.”

Catra snorted. “Dork.”

“What, you don’t think so?”

“No, I agree.” Catra smirked at her. “You’re still a dork.”

“Hey!” Adora laughed and shifted so she had Catra in a headlock, her free hand mussing her hair. “I’m a dork that you _like_!”

Catra let out that high pitched giggle of hers, shoving against her. “Let _go_!”

“Not until you admit you like me!”

Glimmer gazed at them like an exhausted mother. “Must you?”

Catra and Adora stopped in their tracks, turning their heads to look at Glimmer, before replying in tandem.

“Yes.”

Bow smiled. “C’mon, Glim. You gotta admit they’re kind of cute.”

“They’re obnoxious.”

Catra slipped out of Adora’s hold and stood, slinging an arm over Glimmer’s shoulders. “Aw, love you too, Sparkles.”

Glimmer couldn’t keep the smile from her face. “Yeah, yeah. Help me pick out a movie already.”

With Catra and Glimmer turning their attention on the shelves lined with DVDs, Bow sidled closer to Adora on the couch to whisper to her.

“I’m really glad those two are getting along now.”

Adora watched them bicker over the options with soft eyes. “Me too.”

“Never thought we’d see the day.”

“Heh, you can _definitely_ say that again.”

Bow nudged her gently. “I’m _also_ really glad you and Catra are getting along. You two seem really happy together.”

A dreamy smile overcame her features. “Yeah…”

“Can I ask – are you two actually dating, or like what’s up there?”

Adora took pause at that.

They didn’t really feel the need for labels like that. Whether because they didn’t need them, or because what lay between them was so much more than any singular word could describe, they simply hadn’t put a label on themselves.

“I guess you could say we are,” she finally answered. “We’re together. That’s what matters to me.”

Bow grinned and gave her a tight hug. “That’s _so_ you guys. I love that.”

Adora hugged him back with a smile. “I do too.”

“Hey, what do we think of watching _Up_?” Glimmer called over.

Bow released Adora and looked at Glimmer in shock. “I was _just_ crying! You _want_ to torture me!”

Glimmer waved him off. “Relax, Bow, we’re all gonna cry.”

“Wait, why?” Catra looked between them. “Why are we all gonna cry?”

“No reason.” Glimmer grinned. “Don’t worry about it.”

“_Why are we all gonna cry_?”

Adora pat the spot beside her on the couch. “C’mon, let’s watch it.”

Catra gave all of them a skeptical look before tentatively taking her seat beside Adora once more.

“I swear to god if you picked a sad movie…”

Glimmer, Bow, and Adora shared a knowing look before focusing back on the screen. Glimmer pressed play, and plopped back down.

“It’s fine, Catra. Don’t worry about it.”

Catra would later chew them all out for that, but also add it to her list of favorite movies.

“I kid you not, darling, it was ridiculous.” DT crossed their legs and twirled a strand of hair around their finger. “I mean, can you _imagine_ turning me down for that? The role of a _shapeshifter_. I got turned down for the role of a _shapeshifter_, kitten. I’ve never been more offended in my life.”

Catra burst out laughing. “Oh my _god_.”

“Irony is a cruel mistress. But, c’est la vie, I suppose.” They grinned. “After all, if that happened, who knows if I’d have gotten to meet you again?”

“So you _are_ happy about it, huh?”

“Of course.”

Catra took a sip of her drink with a hum. “I’m a little surprised about that, not gonna lie.”

“You do know I care about you, don’t you?”

“You do remember you stabbed me in the back, don’t you?”

“Fair, fair. _But_, darling, I am making it up to you, am I not?”

“You are.” Catra met their eyes. “And I appreciate it. Not just for me, but for Adora too.”

“Of course. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.” Their grin softened. “Though I suppose more than that now, hm?”

Catra smiled softly. “…Yeah.”

“Took you both long enough. I could tell just from that party, all that _tension_ between the two of you. Do you know how much self-restraint I had to use to not scream out ‘just kiss already’?”

Catra rolled her eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Thank you, it’s a specialty of mine.” DT paused and glanced around the diner. “Say, is it always this empty here?”

“Pretty much, yeah. Dunno how Razz keeps it open, honestly.”

“Maybe because you’re here 5 times a week.”

Just as Catra was about to say something, the soft jingling of the door opening caught her attention. She looked over to see a familiar blonde walking in, smiling and walking over to their usual booth. Catra smiled at the warmth that spread throughout her chest at the sight.

“Hey, Catra.” Adora looked at DT. “Oh, and you must be DT, right? It’s nice to meet you.”

DT smiled and gave a wave of their fingers. “The pleasure’s _all_ mine, darling. Glad you could join us.”

Adora slid into the booth beside Catra. “Thank you again for helping us with all of this.”

“Of course, of course. Everything’s going swimmingly, too.”

“Thank god…”

Catra held her hand beneath the table. “Were you worried?”

“Kind of.” Adora glanced at her. “Well…yeah. A lot.”

“That certainly sounds like you, darling.” DT gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s quite alright, though. You don’t have to worry about a thing as long as I’m helping you.”

“I still don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

“No need.” DT winked. “This is my favor for our kitten.”

Adora smiled. “Kitten, huh?”

Catra flushed and avoided looking at either of them. “Shut it…”

“It’s okay.” Adora leaned into her gently. “You’ll always be Catra to me.”

Catra felt her face go even hotter at that, but didn’t protest.

Feeling seen, she decided, was a very good thing.

“Hey, Adora,” Catra called as she got home from work, shrugging off her jacket. “You home yet?”

“Hey! Yeah, I’m in the kitchen!”

Catra raised an eyebrow, walking over. “And why exactly are you–?”

She cut off as she saw Adora sitting at the table. A mug rest in front of her, and in front of Catra’s chair, and in the center was a messy-looking thing in a pie tin. A messy-looking thing that smelled absolutely wonderful.

“Did you make that?” Catra asked, pointing at it. “Like, by yourself? From scratch?”

“…Are you happy about it?”

Catra simply held her arms out. “Come here.”

Adora stood and walked over, only to be pulled in close. Catra held her tight, one arm around her waist, one around her shoulders. Adora smiled and returned the embrace, closing her eyes and resting her head against hers.

“Of _course_ I’m happy about it,” Catra spoke softly. “I love it.”

Adora gently ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m glad. I know maybe it’s cheesy to celebrate month anniversaries, but…”

“It is _not_.” Catra pulled away enough to look up at her. “I love it. I love that you took the time to do this.”

Adora’s eyes practically sparkled. “Really?”

“_Yes_, really.” Catra chuckled. She moved her arm from around her shoulders, bringing her hand up to Adora’s cheek. “It’s so much like you. How could I not love that?”

Adora leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss. No matter how many times they did, how long, how much, how intense, how soft, Catra believed she’d never get tired of kissing Adora.

She pulled away to press a little kiss to the tip of Adora’s nose.

“Thank you, Adora.”

“You don’t need to thank me.”

“I do. Not just for the pie. For being as sweet as you are. And kind, and thoughtful, and wonderful, and amazing. For…being here. With me. When you could be anywhere else in the world.”

Adora closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against Catra’s. “Thank you, too. For staying with me.”

What Catra did next surprised even herself. She felt the words come out without even thinking, and before she could even fully register what she was saying.

“I love you.”

In the moment of silence that followed, Catra’s wide eyes met Adora’s equally bewildered gaze. They stared at each other for a long moment, as though moving or saying anything else would break the spell.

Finally, though, Adora spoke.

“I love you, too.”

The smiles that spread across their faces were the most wonderful sight either of them had ever seen.

Catra felt like within those words was another promise. A better one. A stronger one.

A vow.

To stay together. No matter what.

Adora finally moved, pressing another kiss to Catra’s forehead. “I wouldn’t want to love anyone else.”

Catra closed her eyes at the feeling. “Neither would I.”

And in that moment, standing in their small kitchen in the evening glow, woven together, Catra knew there wasn’t a single place she’d rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this story. <3 As always, please let me know what you think, and feel free to visit me on tumblr @akari-hope or on Twitter @_AkariHope_


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